Amon stood in the doorway of the hut, looking skyward at the great dome of stars.
Too many stars to count, despite the best efforts of Cassadan scholars. They had mapped out the movements of the constellations, though, studying how they shifted across the seasons, pondering why the Five would construct such a strange puzzle of dancing lights.
When he looked up and pondered the mystery for himself, it stilled the chaos of his mind, at least for a few moments. He no longer wondered how much longer until dawn when he looked up. It even made him forget the post-Casting nausea, or least pushed it to the background.
Scribe Serano had taught him all about the stars. He’d studied many subjects with the tutor in his mother’s manor, before his father spirited him back to Illia. Mathematics, history, literature, but his favorite lessons had always involved Scribe Serano waking him in the darkness so that they could watch the sky on warm summer nights. Mother had even joined them a few times.
The constellations were different here, but he could see the trace of what he thought was Lopis the Hunter, spear poised above his head for the killing blow, ready to strike down the Great Boar.
Knowledge for knowledge’s sake. That was the motto of the Cassadan scribes, the Priests of Malus. Their purpose was to investigate and meditate on the mysteries of the world. As a boy, he would have gladly chosen that life. What could be better than spending his days investigating and exploring the endlessly fascinating world around him? Father had never liked the idea, but even he’d been begrudgingly agreed that understanding letters and mathematics were worthwhile pursuits, provided they were balanced out with the decidedly more Illian arts of martial prowess and tactics. Otherwise, a boy was liable to be too soft.
And his father Kadoc had always worried about him being too soft.
What would you say now, father?
He directed his question at the stars, as if they could somehow answer, but he already knew what he’d say. His father would have told him to go to Odrin and do as Amara suggested. Plead for a spot on one of his ships.
He would have been right, too. At the first hint of pre-dawn light, Amon planned to walk to Odrin’s longhouse, hope to find him at the breakfast table if he was well enough, and ask for an audience.
But the fear in him was a terrible thing. It rushed back to him, the stars forgotten. He wanted to run away with Lucia and Amara. Anything but go to Odrin. Death waited for him down that path. He felt it in his bowels. He would never get back to Cassada, not without being found out. When that happened, they would probably torture and kill him.
The nausea gripped him again, clenching around his empty stomach.
Soft footsteps on the dirt caught his ear. A darkened form approached.
Something in Amon’s chest jolted, followed by the absolutely certainty that whoever it was had come to kill him. Aile’s mages had found him. He wouldn’t be able to run far with his leg still swollen and aching. He took one step and felt it almost buckle under him.
The form resolved into Lucia. The night darkened most of her features, but he knew her by her walk alone. “I knew you would still be awake.”
Seeing her seemed to release all the tension in him at once, until he remembered that this would probably be the last time they ever saw each other. “Hard to sleep after a day and a night like that. You, on the other hand, you could always sleep through anything. What are you doing up?”
Lucia posted herself next to him. “Well, let’s see, I’m about to leave Beckhead and runaway forever. And I had no choice about it. Maybe that had something to do with it.”
Heat rushed to Amon’s face, a scalding shame that had been hitting him on a recurring basis since he’d come out of his Casting stupor. “And it’s my fault. If I hadn’t Casted, the mage wouldn’t have seen me, wouldn’t have learned who you are, wouldn’t have –”
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She punched him on the arm, surprisingly hard. “Stop it. If I hear you talk like that again, I’m going to kill you myself. You were always such a whiner.”
Amon rubbed at his arm, exaggerating the pain, but she actually had landed one right on top of one of his many nasty bruises. Still, he felt a smile spread across his face. He could always count on her for that. “I had enough of a beating yesterday, you know!”
“Besides,” she said, “It’s not really your fault. Amara said they probably would have found you eventually. She keeps talking about how powerful you are. I think you scared her with whatever you did.”
“So you’re both really leaving, then. I can’t believe it. Yesterday morning everything was normal.”
"Amara says we leave at first light.” Her voice seemed to catch on something. “I came to tell you have to come with us.”
"At this distance, even in the dark, he could see her eyes beginning to swim with tears. “Huh? I can’t do that. You know I can’t.”
"Lucia reached out, put a warm hand on his wrist. “I’m scared, Amon. I’ve never been so scared, not since they ripped me out of my home and took me here.” She paused again, swallowed. “But as scared as I am, I also realized I don’t want to be anywhere without you. That’s what I’ve been thinking about all night. I don’t want to leave Beckhead, but mostly I don’t want to leave you.”
Amon found his mouth had gone strangely dry. “I don’t understand.”
“You asked me a year ago to be with you.”
The memories and emotions came flooding back. He’d spend weeks – months, probably – working up to it, though the feelings had been years in the making. He’d confessed his love to her, asked her to marry him. It had been late at night, a scene not unlike this one. She’d sat cross-legged on the other end of the cot in the dark, held his hand, and told him they were more like siblings. The pain and humiliation had been excruciating. He’d hardly been able to look her in the eye for a long time after that, but eventually their relationship had settled back to its normal pattern. Not that he’d ever been able to fully let it go.
“Don’t you still want me?” she asked, a slightly desperate note entering her voice. “Because I want you.”
Yes. Of course he did. After his old life had been shattered and he’d realized it would never go back together, it was the one and only thing he’d wanted.
Did she really want it, though, or had the fear made her say it?
“Amara said you can come with us if you want,” she said, voice barely a whisper now. “We just need to find a way to suppress your magic. Amara can make medicines for that. There’s a community out there, Amon. She told me about it. We can live and be safe. We can be together.”
“Maybe Amara could suppress my magic for a time, but what happens when she runs out of the herbs she needs? What happens if I get even stronger, if I keep Casting in my sleep? I don’t think the mages will stop looking.”
“If these mages really exist, they’ll be going to Cassada with the rest of them.”
“We both heard Odrin say they’ll be leaving plenty of warriors and resources behind.”
A silence followed. They both knew he was right on that score.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen to you if you go. I can’t handle it, Amon. I don’t know why Amara thinks it’s a good idea. It doesn’t make any sense. You have to come with us.”
He would have given everything to hear those words a day ago. Was he really fighting against being with her? Gods help him, but he wanted to say yes so bad it hurt. Worse than the beating, worse than her rejection a year earlier.
And yet a deeper part of him knew it was wrong. It would be the worst mistake of his life. Maybe they’d be together for a time. Be happy and free together. As intoxicating as that would be, it would end. Maybe death waited for him at the end of the road into Beckhead, but it also waited out there in the hills where Lucia and Amara were headed. At least it would be if he went with them.
He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. It was like cutting off his own hand, but that was the truth of it. He felt the tears starting to burn at the back of his eyes.
“If I come with you, they’ll track me down. They’ll kill you. Amara. Everyone. I can’t let that happen. Lucia, I love you. Nothing’s changed since a year ago. But I can’t go with you. You know I can’t.”
Lucia’s hand dropped away.
And a moment later, her hands shot up again, grabbed him around the neck, and pulled him into a kiss he hadn’t been expecting the slightest.
It was like he was absorbed into the stars again, all forgotten in a pure and timelessness moment.
But it did end, and all Lucia could say after that was, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Dawn seemed to come quickly, then. The stars faded as the faintest trace of light began to peek through the trees. Somewhere a cough. The whole village would wake soon and both Lucia and Amon needed to be gone before it was fully awake and alive.
They waited as long as they could before he said his goodbye to Amara. They let go of each other and went their separate ways.
Amon hobbled at first, but found the more he walked, the more stiffness went out of his leg. He hoped it would hold. It would have to get him all the way to Odrin’s longhouse, and from there all the way to Cassada.