(Vlad POV)

Now it is morning and I am walking towards the douche band (adventurers’ guild). From there I will take a quest and fiddle around. I gotta earn some more or I’ll end up broke as shit.

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Huh? The gate looks like it’s some kind of smug high class brothels gate. Though I never visited brothels, I only read about ‘em. I enter.

WHAT THE FUCK!? Why the heck is there a joker in the reception desk!?

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I stand in the line to join the douche band.

“Why so serious?” He asks me after looking at my face. “Let me tell you joke.” The joker receptionist with green hair with lipstick on his face tells me.

“Go on.” I tell him.

“Once upon time there was a cat, he was a bat. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FUNNY ISN’T IT!????? LAUGH WITH ME!!!”

“Hahaha..hahahahahahahaha.” After that I fill my form and walk away. THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH THE JOKER!?

I go to the request board see the available request. Catch a thief, Find 50 pelts of saber toothed wolf, this has a good amount of reward. I can sleep a whole month in inns with this amount of money!! Hell yeah! I think no more and take this request. I should go to the mountain range to hunt the wolves.

I depart.

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It’s been two hours before I started walking and I am still walking. Ah, many of the douche band members are going in a carriage. Is that the green haired joker from the reception? Yes, yes it is.

WHY THE FUCK DO I SEE THIS JOKER SO OFTEN!? He inspects me and smiles creepily. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Why does smile at me that way? I AM NOT A RAINBRO! (BTW rainbow = gay, The gay people = Rainbro, no offense)

I try to forget and start to run.

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Finally after 30 more damn minutes I reached the mountain. I know what you all ask, I didn’t take carriages cause they’re pricey as hell. And I am broke as shit right now.

Anyways I start searching for Saber Toothed Wolves, the name is too long. I’ll call them rat wolves from now.

Eh? Let alone Rat Wolves why aren’t there any animals around here?

“COME OUT YOU RAT BITCHES!” Nothing happened. But it was worth trying.

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COME ON!!! Where the heck are the rat wolves!? Oh! There is one there. I run to the wolf and go with a straight slash with my sword and it dodges. It starts running. Are you serious? I quickly start running. Damn! It’s too fast. I pick a stone and throw at it. It stumbles but continues running. But it slows down a notch. I got an idea! I start climbing up a tree. And stalk it from above. I take a vine I jump to another tree screaming , “AAaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAh!” like a jungle guy.

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After swinging and climbing for many times the wolf finally stopped.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!! ISN’T IT WHAT YOU CALL THE WHOLE POPULATION OF WOLVES!!

There is a single man between the wolves. I get it! He is the jungle guy! The wolf lord! Or The Jungle Wolf Man!!!! Enough of this!

What is wrong with this guy? He is wearing monkey skin on his body, and skunk skin bottom. And his helmet is a gorilla mask. It looks like the skunk is biting on his dick or more likely sucking it.

I shout at him, “AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I AM A WOOOOOOLF!” Like a wolf. He ignores me.

“AAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaahh!!” I scream like a man who knows the jungle. This time he looks around searching for my voice.

“(What The Fuck)” I whisper slowly. I throw a vine, but he doesn’t pick it up. WHAT THE HELL!? Vine is coming out from his wrist. He came on the tree with just that.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

“HOW DID YOU DO THAT!? ARE YOU SPIDERMAN!?” I shout.

“No, I no spiderman. Me JUNGLE MAN! AAAAaaaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAH!”

The fuck?

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After much pain and perseverance I was able to take 50 pelts from the jungle man. I start to return home.

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Why is there a pack over there? I go a little closer and see a few people fighting. There is blonde handsome guy fighting there.

I see him fight. No wolf is passing through him. Guess he’s really strong or the wolves are really weak.

Well I got no business now that I got my pelts, I shall leave first. But first I need to take a piss.

I go to the nearby bush and start pissing.

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I look at my right side and I freeze. HOW DID HE GET HERE!?( THE JOKER IS BACK!)

“I think we will be enemies in the next life, my friend.” The joker tells me putting hand on my shoulder. Yes. He was taking a piss right beside me.

“Perhaps we will be.” I say that agreeing with him and run off. Am I suffering from the JOKE curse!?

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I enter the douche band and hand over the pelts to the manager who seems to be normal enough. After doing the first request I can be an official douche. I collect my money from the counter and head to the tavern.

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I enter the tavern which goes by the name of “Cows hat”. A

sedu-waitress greets me. I go in and order the special menu which has Boar Stew and Salad. I start eating.

A bald guy comes in and is coming over here.

“Who do ya think ya are, ey! It’s mah table! Scram!” The arrogant dick head is still screaming.

I get up and punch him in the face without saying anything. *THUD* he falls down. Hehehehe. Got what you deserve you bitch.

No one seems surprised though. Guess it happens quite often  in the tavern. After that I finish eating and I start to head to the hotel.

“Huh?” I hear weird sounds and take a peek in a narrow place. Isn’t the elf girl!? She is currently doing it with the bald guy and seems to enjoy it. THE HELL!? I thought I was heading to her route in romance.

With little shock I go home. I wash up and go to sleep.

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Today is the day I laze around. I should go to a good view spot. There is a flower valley close by. I’ll go there I guess.

I reached the valley. I am shocked by the scene I see there. The elf girl, more specifically her corpse. I am not much shocked. Cause I saw her doing the deed with a bald arrogant guy. Anyways Someone stabbed her many times and disposed her in here.

I take her corpse and bury it. Oh I need to take a piss.

Without thinking anymore I start pissing. After it I notice something.

What. The. Fuck. I just pissed somewhere I shouldn’t! I ask for forgiveness to the ladies grave.

I got to investigate this murder. Guess the first thing I’ll do tomorrow is interrogate the bald guy.

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This is Author. Thanks for the people who read my work and please leave a comment on how I may improve my story and writing style. This time I've added a little comedy and you can hate me for the twist. XD