For a while we just bask in the silence and the warm afterglow, but after a while our limbs get a little stiff and we finally start to move and get dressed. The vibrant air between us is so strange. Am I getting too comfortable with him? To dependent?

But of course he has to break the quiet, chilling this otherwise warm moment: “Mona, I’m sorry… We got a little carried away, but I think we should probably talk…”

I swallow. If he asks about my brother, I swear I’ll kick him out.

“Will you be my girlfriend… Again?”

I jolt surprised, relieved he didn’t ask what I thought he was going to but…nervous at the unexpectedness of his words. And it fills me with unease when I notice that his question is sending ripples of joy through me. Like I wanted to get back together again, like I wanted to try this overrated thing called a relationship. He’s clearly taking advantage of the comfortable moment just like he took advantage of my weakness and arousal the first time he asked me out. I don’t know if I should trust him. And yet…there’s a compulsion deep within me to try.

He seems to notice my hesitation.

“I wont ask you to tell me about your brother and I won’t ask you to love me… but…I hope some day you will.” His words have a sadness to them, and I try not to notice how it affects me. The pain that seems to transfer, crawling its way inside me. A pain I’ve been trying to ignore since we broke up.

“Aaron…”

“Yeah, sorry. I said I wouldn’t pressure you, yet here I am…sorry. Just forget I asked.”

I swallow, then I hear myself say:

“No, no. I…we can try again.”

His face instantly lights up in a broad smile and it washed away any doubts to my decision. He’s so beautiful when he smiles and I can feel heat stain my cheeks…but I need to make things clear to him. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.

“Just don’t expect things to be different…at least right away…”

His brows furrow a little. “What do you mean?”

“I-I… I can’t just flip a switch and change who I am just because you love me now…”

“I know, I didn’t ask you to.”

“But…! I still don’t know if I trust you, I don’t know how I feel about you and don’t know how to be in a committed and…loving relationship…” I’m surprised by my own honesty. What is it I’m trying to make him understand?

“I know, it’s okay…”

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His calm and stubborn acceptance makes unidentifiable emotions well up, stumbling over each other and making a mess of my thoughts.

“How is that okay?!” I spring up from the couch, for some reason agitated.

“I told you: I don’t need anything from you other than to be allowed to be by your side.” His voice is both calm and determined.

“But everyone wants something – needs something! People use each other, that’s just how they are! How can you really not expect anything from me?!”

“Is that really true? Does everyone use each other?”

“Of course! My parents wanted the perfect family to show off and me and my brother were just tools to paint that picture…” I don’t know why I’m telling him all this, but I can’t stop now that I’ve opened this door. “My friends just wanted to hang out with someone with money or have an excuse to meet with my brother, and my brother…” I shudder at the thought of him but I’m too occupied trying to convey my point to stop. “He wanted a doll, a plaything to torment!”

Aaron’s expression is serious and attentive as I explain, and he swallows when I mention my brother, but remains calm.

“What about Jen?” he asks.

“Jen…?” I don’t know how to answer. She betrayed my trust, not once but twice. I told her my story and she promised not to tell anyone, but she told some random law student and she told Aaron but lied about it. I forgave her for the first, but the second… She should have known how that would make me feel. I can’t forgive her…shouldn’t forgive her… Yet, she’s snuck her way into my heart…and it’s hard to convince myself that she had bad intentions…

“I guess…she might be the exception…” I sigh.

“Then couldn’t I be an exception too?”

I stare at down at him as he sits calmly on the couch, his hands folded in his lap and his gaze fastened on me. I study his face, his expression. There is nothing in his eyes that suggests that he is insincere, nothing that makes my instincts react with fear. There is only warmth and gentleness to it…love.

He extends his hand to me, the gesture an unspoken agreement or promise and I instinctually know that not taking it would cause great pain to him and to myself in turn. He’s already dug himself into my heart, hasn’t he?

I sigh…and take his hand.

Gently he pulls me down on the couch and into his embrace. It’s amazing how his arms always soothe me. The power he holds over me scares me. It might even scare me more than my brother. And yet, somewhere in my heart I want to trust him.

We sit there for a while, listening to each other’s heartbeat while I try to repress contrasting impulses: To get up and get away or just melt into his arms.

“Mona, I was wondering…is it safe enough for you to be here?” I tense up at the sudden change of subject. “Your brother knows where you live, and Jen told me that you’ve been staying there since last weekend… Maybe you should go back?”

I shake my head, “I don’t want to…I’m still angry with her…”

He rubs my arms a little comfortingly, sensing my anxiety.

“Yeah…but what do you do if he comes back?” I shiver at the thought. “I mean, I can stay here if you want? But I can’t really be here all the time, so when you’re alone… Besides, I’m not sure I’d be able to control myself if I saw him show up here…”

I glance up at him and though I can’t see his whole face, his jaw seems tense. It reminds me a little of his expression when we sat in the taxi on our way from the disastrous party…

“I guess but I’m just not ready to face her…”

“Do you want to come to my place then? You can stay as long as you need to, and I have a spare key you can use so you won’t be dependent on me.”

I furrow my brows for a moment. His apartment is slightly smaller than mine and we haven’t really spent an extended period of time together before. It might be weird… But on the other hand it sounds better than going back to Jen’s place which is even smaller and where I’d no chance of avoiding her, or worse: To stay here where my brother might show up unannounced at any moment.

“Uhm...okay. I guess we could try that…”