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Desperation

Desperation

Our Butlers had joined this ‘noble gathering’ of children as they bring in post-dinner snacks. When thinking about social class in this world, it’s confusing to put together from a third person perspective. It was necessary for royalty to have their own personal aids, however, Dukes and positions below had the option of having one. You wouldn’t see a capable aristocrat with a personal aid, however, many of their children have one just because it’s much easier to raise a child this way when your job is to help govern an entire country.

Random perceiving thoughts filtered in and out of my mind as I try to find something to rub away the awkwardness I feel from Daniels silently gloomy presence. With the snacks brought in, I stuffed away my already full stomach so I wouldn’t be called into conservation that was prominent between my two brothers and Cana.

I, Layla, and Daniel listened as Avery speaks in a polite manner, but his words were anything but polite, “Miss Cana, may I ask about your advance in the academy? I’ve heard you’ve only placed fifth in your class. How much does that match up to Brothers overall first ranking among the entire schools' populace?”

Again, the Academy is brought up. It was beginning to peeve me out a bit.

Cana gave him a closed-eyed smile, no doubt hiding the contempt hidden within them. “Very well, Prince Avery. I must remind you that my ranking in the Academy means little of my personality anyway. Prince Elias,” In her change of attention, her voice grew noticeably lighter, taking on a sweet and adoring tone, “How do you view a person's ranking on their own person?”

Elias looked up from his staring of the biscuits placed in front of him to glance at her. His lips were thinner and his folded fingers were tight against each other. I knew for a fact he wanted to be left alone. Sadly, he was the crown prince and the Dukes and their children were guests of the king, it was his due responsibility of keeping them company especially in this private occasion. Suddenly, I felt irrational guilt as this event was put into place because of my milestone of reaching the age of nine. It was too extra but nothing could be done about tradition if they were so faithfully followed.

I was silently thankful to Hail as he moved into Elias’s view. It allowed Elias some peace of mind that his butler was there enduring the event with him. Though, that’s just my thought. Hail moved to fix the positioning of the teacup so the handle was facing the way of Elias’s dominant hand.

“Rankings are statistics,” Elias started, and for a second his and my eyes met. “Sometimes they matter and sometimes not at all. Eli is smart, perhaps a genius, yet he’d be allowed to have no ranking. If he did, he’d most likely make first in his class.”

My eyes widened at such praise and my mouth opened to respond but I was left speechless. Such high praise came as such a surprise from someone and at a time so unexpected. All eyes once again fell on to me but I took no notice until Elias nodded to me with a smile, that I realized his words were for comfort. He must think I was saddened at the prospect of being unable to attend Alistair Academy.

I blinked out of my stupor and found Avery narrowing his eyes at me in jealousy. It made me chuckle in amusement.

“Thank you, brother. Your words mean a lot to me.” I say sincerely. It really did, as his words were proof of his care as an older brother that I could relate to and suddenly, there it was; Hair so black and eyes so blue with chubby cheeks looking similar to how I used to.

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My brothers' image stood in front of me for just a passing moment, but it was enough to rotten my mood. I stand from my seat and turn to Louise who stood perched by my side, “I will take a short leave, please excuse me.” No one would object to my leaving anyway.

I rushed to the nearest restroom and didn’t even say anything as I locked the door behind me and left Louise on the other side, now no doubt worried about my strange behavior. I took in deep breaths and did my best to keep the bile from rising up my throat.

More than anything, thinking of the brother I no longer have was the hardest of them all. Thinking of Daniel, it hurt, but I had questions, wonders, that it became so common to think of him, becoming easier to deal with his memory. But Athen, my baby brother, I could never. I had short images because of the vague semblance Izzy had with him, but Izzy herself was a great distraction. Even If I was the one to have died, I lost him the same.

There was a knock on the door. “My Prince?” Louise called.

“What is it?” I winced at the crack in my voice.

As ever, Louise picks it up and pauses for a second in thought. “Sir Daniel is here to talk to you, my prince.”

It was my turn to pause in thought. “One moment.” I walk over to the sink and spray out cold water from the faucet to splash on my face before drying it with a towel always left on the handle on the adjacent wall before going back out.

Louise stands in front of the doorway with furrowed brows but steps aside to let me see Daniel at the end of the hall. I walk in a calm pace towards him, stopping just three feet away.

“Sir Daniel,” I nod to him and he nods back. Louise followed behind me but he let himself keep a respectable distance, easy to watch over but not overhear. The only reason he would listen in is if father made it a point to be more than necessarily protective.

“So,” Daniel started. His tone was as the first time I had met him. “It’s been months since we met formally.”

“Yes,” I answer a bit confused. “I remember it well.”

“You do?” He sounded disbelieving, “Then why haven’t you contacted me?”

“Contacted?”

“Yes,” his voice went deeper and more aggressive but his expression remained the same, “You gave your word to inform me of Felix Carter.”

“Wait,” His words were so confusing I gave up on formal speech as well. “Are you saying you were in a bad mood because I… didn’t contact you about this?”

His lips twitched downward. “The only reason I agreed to come to this event is that I wanted to talk to you. I don’t even care what others would think of me seeking you out privately like this, that’s how much patience I've lost.”

Despite being told of his anger, the reason behind it left me amused to no end. No doubt, this Daniel was nothing like my Daniel - if not for those few things I noticed. In the back of my mind, I wondered if I was just putting on an impression of my Daniel onto him.

I couldn’t help it, laughter rose up from within me because of his childishness and my own desperation, surprising Daniel. His irritation from my laughter just made it worse. “Why are you laughing?”

I shook my head and my hand instinctively reached out. Maybe it was his childish irrationality that made me want to baby him by patting his head, but reason or no, I still reached out and my hand rested on his head. The next second, my own head burned with a piercing pain bad enough to make my vision blur and my knees giving way to thud against the floor harshly, adding to the pain.

“Wha-“

I was vaguely aware of Louise catching me and Daniel falling down as he clutched his head in pain with me.