The game went through a few rounds with lazy talking. As far as Robert understood, the first member of the future squad was Mason. Coming a week ago, he waited for a few days before Alice joined him. The next day brought all others – both Olos brothers and dwarf. Therefore they had enough time to get to know each other. Nobody dived into each other’s past too deeply, but still, they picked some random facts.
Raphael shared the story of the landing operation, which ended badly and had taken the lives of his two brothers. During his speech, Leonardo only gazed silently, trying to hide the pain inside himself. Rob could clearly see the visible sign of self-blaming from the oldest brother because of his inability to save his family. Garold, the sniper, on the other hand, was just eager to shoot beast folks, which led him into the army on the first day of the invasion as a volunteer.
“They attacked us because of their own false claims. Of course, I needed to protect my country by killing those animals! It is a duty of each citizen.”
Mason was a military pilot even before the war started, not having a real choice. Robert, himself, told his made-up story about running from a circus and pretending to be another person, who had died during the bombing.
“The same shit. I played the role of the ideal wife and professor for so many years that had enough of this crap. Once my hubby died, I decided to change my whole life. Can’t say the conditions are much better, but at least it feels real and not fucking theatrical play, where everyone tries to act according to the script but not because they want it only for the sake of normality. Hated with all my guts!”
“That explains a lot about why you are here…,” Mason nodded and wanted to continue, but was interrupted by Alice.
“Do you think, shithead, that women can’t be good soldiers? Fuck no! You, stupid dick-carriers, are often too drunk to think properly. Do you know how many times I saw how few sentinels fucked up their guard duties because someone smuggled a few bottles and they thought they were safe? Do you? But I have never seen such behavior from any girl! Why? Because we are fucking responsible. We think. We can be more than just stupid nurses!”
By the end, Alice almost shouted. Raphael lowered his head as if feeling a pang of guilt, while his brother had a stony expression. Mason only sighed, while waiting for an outburst to end. However, the first one to speak was Robert.
“Don’t call nurses stupid. One of them had pulled out a fragment from my forehead, while others had put me back on my feet twice after different injuries. I don’t see how medical workers can be any worse than soldiers. On the contrary, you don’t need much to shoot, but you must know a lot to treat. There are many more wounded than dead after heavy shelling and only with their help they can live. It is indeed a more responsible task,” trying to suppress the sting in the heart from reminding himself about Beth, Rob spoke in the calmest tone he managed to produce.
“This long-existed custom that only man can be soldiers is already breaking with this war. We just don’t have enough people not to use anyone who can and more important wishes to help. You are such an example yourself, Alice,” added Mason.
“Maybe you are right… I am sorry… You just don’t know how it is hard to prove yourself as a capable soldier, while you are a woman… especially at my age,” she sighed, going silent. It didn’t last long as Garold started to talk.
“Hey, look at me. I am a head lower. I’ve seen several fatties who could barely walk for a few miles. Physical and mental endurance is the only necessity for a soldier right now… except shooting skills, of course. And that is not gender exclusive. Moreover, the instinct of self-preservation is not widespread among men. Once I saw the man who was so shy to poop near others that went outside the trench only to be met with shelling right at the moment when he relaxed… So, when he started running back with pants down, his shit was still coming from his ass, literally accelerated by explosions raging nearby.”
“Did he make it?”
“Partly yes. One of the fragments had cut his dick off, while a few pierced his arms and leg… So, when he fell into the trench, screaming from pain and begging for help, he was met with the same shy attitude from others. Nobody wanted to touch his dick… or what was left of it… to bandage it and stop the blood loss. In the end, the lieutenant had to give his direct order or else this dumbass would die,” somehow Garold’s words reversed the mood completely. Alice was the first to continue.
“I have a similar story when our engineer squad was tasked to blow up the bridge. We had set the explosive and were ready to light the fuse when someone noticed the absence of a soldier from the added company. That idiot went to pee, while smoking, choosing the bridge support as a toilet. And of course, he managed to drop his fucking cigarette right on the fuse. Panicking, the retard tried to stop the fire while pushing his dick back into the pants. Then he finally remembered what the task was and decided just to run away. Didn’t make it far before the shock wave and the heat threw his burned body directly to our position. The idiot was lucky to survive to explain how the fuck he managed almost kill himself.”
Noticing the looks that were focused on him, Rob quickly went through his memory, before starting to talk.
“I don’t have anything remotely stupid. The closest was the competition between soldiers in my squad who had bigger balls… or smaller brains – depending on how you look at it… to delay the throw of ignited grenade as long as possible. We just captured the enemy’s trench with quite a few boxes of ammunition. The sergeant had to intervene when the fragments had blinded the winner in one eye. Later the very same sergeant got drunk back on the base and decided to travel back to his hometown to meet his wife by throwing away the driver from the nearest truck and crashed directly into a row of soldiers, killing at least three of them. Yep, not funny.”
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“Ouch…”
“Damn,” Raphael agreed, before taking his turn, “The biggest idiot I’ve seen was Billy. The guy was so scared to be shot during the landing that begged others to shoot him in the leg so he could avoid the operation with proper reason. Everyone refused and that idiot decided to do it himself. He took a rifle, aimed at his foot, and shot. From the pain and after seeing his own blood, he immediately lost consciousness. Waking in the hospital, Billy thought that he finally achieved his goal, but our lieutenant had crashed his dreams, putting him on the boat with the task of cover-up fire, despite the wounded foot. Or, more precisely, because of it. Therefore, when the landing boat was hit and started to sink, Billy could barely swim with a single moving leg. You can predict the outcome.”
The conversation followed with several similar stories from their experience in war but soon turned into plans. By this point, only Mason, Garol, and Alice continued to talk. Olos brothers only mentioned the problem with the law, before going silent, while Rob just couldn’t even imagine anything specific. His mind was able to produce only scenes from the family movies, but that were fictional and completely unrealistic, even if without taking into account how situation. The breakup with Beth also didn’t help.
I want a normal life… but do I know what is normal? Can even lead it or it will be just a matter of time before I follow the example of Alice of escaping that theatrical fake life and returning to what I am accustomed to. And do I even need to think about it when I am not sure about my tomorrow? For now, Rob, follow the flow and enjoy the things that are available right now… It is hard to predict what will wait for me in the future.
The rest of the day went uneventful. The only unpleasant surprise appeared to be the awfully loud snoring of Garold, which was barely tolerable. It wasn’t a problem for Robert as with the decreased need for sleep he mostly used the latter as a way to calm down the nerves, and not to really rest. That was the reason why Rob often volunteered to guard at night, simultaneously getting the ability to train in conjuring steel without additional and unwanted questions. However, the full camp of soldiers couldn’t provide any privacy and was in no need of guarding, thus making his night quite boring. Not that Robert was complaining. Any sane soldier always loved a boring time… until they would howl at the moon because of the absence of any action and real meaningful deeds.
“Can’t sleep? Me too – that dwarf is like a punishment for our sins. Pure sound torture,” Rob heard someone’s voice from the back. Turning around and noticing Mason, he shook his head before answering.
“No, I rarely want to sleep, but if I do, such musical accompaniment will not be enough to disturb me after leaving in the fields. Nope, just looking at the night sky. Unfortunately, too many lights around to enjoy the scenery,” sighed Robert ruefully. After a long stay on the island, not only did he really enjoy the embrace of the night, but periodically wanted to be alone, far from other people, who often didn’t notice their own intrusive behavior.
“How do you do it? That trick with coin… It is constantly changing and disappears whenever you need a free palm,” asked the pilot instead, pointing at Rob’s hand. The latter had to redirect his attention to his own hands as such movement became almost a habit a while ago.
“Magic… It is why I was also called Ogre the Magician by my comrades-in-arms,” Rob smiled lightly, raising his palm and making the coin stay vertically for a moment before spinning it with a mental command. He heard this question way too often, answering with the same words every time.
“I can see the life in the circus couldn’t be simply forgotten, no matter how hard you try,” Mason commented, “Never tell the secret of the trick.”
“I guess you are right,” Rob nodded, inwardly changing “circus” to “army during the war”.
He knew he was mentally prepared for the war from his childhood in training centers. He rarely had any nightmares and even when he did, he could fall asleep a few minutes later. Any gruesome and terrible scene of dead or wounded soldiers was mostly likely already seen and had no effect on his state of mind. It became too common to even react. He got used to it. And that was the problem as Rob knew how hard was for a noticeable part of the soldiers to come back from the war to an ordinary life. He wished he was one of those who could easily adapt. However, it sounded exactly the same as everyone could die but not me. Another possible wishful thinking. Maybe he was already broken beyond any repair.
“Don’t sit for too long. The major might be not pleased if he sees you yawning during his briefing… Moreover, don’t be too deep in your thoughts – it will not help. As my father liked to repeat – the darkness can’t be absolute and permanent because then it will not be the true darkness. The same goes for light. So, just endure the hardships and either you will become strong enough to not feel any burden, or the road itself will end.”
Patting his shoulder, Mason stood up and went inside the tent. Rob still managed to catch his mumbling about “damn dwarf” before he was left alone. The memories started to flash before his eyes.
His time in the bunker with regular waves of aliens. The death and transfer to a new world. His wanders in an unknown forest before finding a burning village. Military camp and new friends. First convoy mission that almost ended badly. The shitty village, which became a grave for Monk and Wolf. The mass battle under a meteor rain spell. Another cursed village and later the town before the fateful mage’s tower. Second death and endless ocean. Bared island, lizards, and stupid amphibians, especially their king. Volcano and his battle against the monster. The truth about fake God, the vampire, and the realm of war. Beth and thousands of deaths all around him. The sudden break-up and new squad with possible suicide mission at the doorsteps.
I managed to live through this hell, despite how hard and dangerous it was. I don’t want to give up after my horrible experience. Maybe not for the sake of normal life as I am not sure I really know what it is, but for the future light I need to continue, so everything wasn’t futile. I have already grown in strength during my journey, but it is not enough. I need to get stronger to go further on my road and maybe at some point, I will know what I want from my life. Until then, I will simply push forward and forward… even if it makes me look like a stupid hamster in a wheel. Cardio training is never a bad thing.