Looking at the shut armored plate that in this place was called a door, Robert mentally tried to go through the dialogue, or better to say, an interrogation that just occurred. And after a minute of pondering, he had to admit that nothing would change the same outcome, no matter how he tried. Considering his experience of redoing the events and multiple interactions with Sarah, Rob was quite sure in his evaluation. Even if he skipped his act on the verge of sexual harassment, there would be no other ending. Robert would still be branded as a villain as he simply couldn’t avoid being asked about his past, identity, or cases of killing. Deeply exhaling, Rob returned to his bed. Sitting down and closing his eyes, Robert tried to think about his potential course of action that could get him out of this mess.
His attempt to use a training session to fight his hidden fear of being put in the cage forever that he masked as boredom failed miserably. Not only did his control over the obsidian steel barely show any progress, but the thoughts about the whole situation appeared much stronger than he anticipated, crawling inside like persistent worms. Constantly emerging from his mind, they always created scary images of a potential future where he would be shoved into a locked space for eternity.
The stressful experience in the Tower together with a restricted by the System's ability to communicate with others already turned Robert into a gloomy war veteran who couldn’t find his place in a peaceful society. Their interest, views on life, and problems looked like something completely foreign to Rob as if others were just aliens, disguised as humans. Or, more likely, he was that alien. The following stay as a part of the museum exhibition only made it worse. And then in an attempt to escape from that prison, he turned himself into a living metal that barely felt anything. Moreover, the loop with its possibility to restart made any feeling of guilt simply vanish as nothing was set in stone at all until the time chain was torn, ready to return back as if nothing ever happened.
Therefore, Robert killed and tortured to do what he always did – to survive no matter the price or obstacles. The long road of beating all unfavorable odds just to live another day raised the value of his life to such an extent in his eyes that Rob simply wasn’t ready to stop. Not after so many painful events, losses, and blood. In the end, it turned him into a detached living predator with a human shape, focused on his own survival. No restraint, no guilt, no stoppers. Even his own body followed the example, becoming a block of a metal that adjusted to the surrounding’s temperature, but failed to give him feedback from the outside – be it pain, cold, or even a sense of human warmth from an ordinary touch.
But is it worth living like that, abandoning everything for the sake of not living but existing?
Robert was so absorbed in finding the way out that even his interactions with Sarah made him behave like a perverted maniac in an attempt to crack her cold mask. At this point, after so many loops, Rob knew that she was his main obstacle to escaping this time prison. Clever, responsible, not willing to risk, ready to use any means to stop the threat – she was the one, who in most cases ordered the destruction of the machine, putting him back on square one. Her death always paralyzed the other agents, but the problem was that Robert couldn’t avoid the clash with Demonologist, who was too close at that point in time. Therefore, seeing that underneath the ruthless and confident image, there was just a girl, he did his best to find a weakness before striking it with all his might and using the result in his favor.
But again, do I want to do it? To turn into an immoral creature that only thinks about itself? Remember, Robert, that at the beginning of your second chance, you wished to experience a normal life. Yes, reality smacked your face hard quite a few times, throwing away these thoughts and breaking something in your head, but it doesn’t mean you need to behave like a mindless animal. At some point, you wanted to enjoy the small things – like a fucking hamburger that you dreamed about for so long! Where is it gone? Vanished because of the fear of losing your awful life? You are pathetic, Robert! And to act like a sex-craving moron… you wanted to meet a girl to have proper relationships, but not to turn into a disgusting parody of a pick-up master…
Reminding his behavior, Robert wanted to facepalm. The solitude and bloody stream of multiple loops wasn’t helping him at all with the mental toll, putting him dangerously near to the break under pressure. Moreover, he was indeed somewhat attracted by Sarah. It wasn’t about the look, but more about her attitude, her character, her willingness to act. The senior agent of CSA was a typical example of a strong woman… and with that she resembled him, Beth, creating a pretty image based more on his nostalgia and not Sarah herself.
Those relationships with Elizabeth were doomed from the beginning, but if he wasn’t so prideful and didn’t go to sign on the mission, he was sure they could last longer. However, their abrupt end because of his own harsh decision was on his conscience, and despite getting over it, the memories of her still lingered in his mind, reminding him about the most “normal” period of his life after death in the bunker. Of course, there was a training camp with multiple friends he made – William, Paul, Lawrence, and others, but it only added another mental scar after realizing how everything went astray at some point. Robert went astray.
Mentally sighing, Rob tried to think about what person he wanted to be, what things he wanted to achieve, and what goal he wanted to set. Maybe he didn’t have all the answers right now, but Robert was sure that he couldn’t proceed with the same attitude. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be long until he would turn into the complete monster… or villain how he was viewed here. In truth, Rob was indeed one, considering what he had done during his life. Using the “end justifies the means” motto, Robert had put his life on the top priority, disregarding everything else. However, despite acknowledging it, Rob knew that there would be a long way before he could fix himself back. Still, knowing a problem was the first step toward it. So, Robert once again returned to his bed and those emerging thoughts that were attacking his mind during his stay.
It didn’t take long for him to admit that couldn’t live any peaceful or “normal” life at this point. Rob’s mind and body craved for the action. They both desired a challenge that threatened his existence, no matter how he wanted it to be false. His road always made him push further, not to give up, to continue the motion despite the odds… and now he simply couldn’t abandon such attitude on a whim. It was deeply engraved in him, becoming a part of his character. Maybe even the main part at this point, as he had nothing else, except the desire to live.
Yep, I am a battle maniac… A fighter from tip to toe, who feels like a locked horse in a stall if there is even a slight pause between the races. An adrenaline junkie, who complains about problems and obstacles, but in truth can’t exist without overcoming them…
However, that didn’t mean he wanted to be a mass murderer. For most of his life, Robert was a soldier, following the goals or, precisely speaking, the commands that were presented to him by others. He had no ambition to desire a higher position, nor did he want the power just for the sake of power. It was just a convenient way to solve some troubles he had to face, nothing else. He never had any grandeur idea, the goal of his life, or anything similar to turn it into a desired thing to aim for. Rob was just a mere tool that did its best to achieve other’s dreams… or to save itself from dying, when there were none on the horizon.
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
And again, despite all my might and frame, I became a small man… a villain with rivers of blood on his hands… Ready to abandon unknown people if there was a chance for me to die. Like I did in the Tower, leaving everything behind without a moment of hesitation, while perfectly knowing that despite the efforts of the System, I could help millions to survive the ordeal… Me, who immediately jumped into action to try to save children in a burning village… who sacrificed himself to give William a chance to change his world… who jumped from the dirigible, so others could escape… When was the moment that made me focus solely on my survival, disregarding everything and everyone else? In the Tower? Or earlier? Doesn’t matter in the end.
Maybe this is the time to change it? To become a better man who sets other’s well-being higher than his own… Captain always told that you, Tadpole, were a protector… So this idea about being a hero may sound stupid, even naïve, but I think it’s a proper job for the tool – to be an instrument in other’s hands. It will give me a purpose to live – something more than just to survive. Otherwise, Rob, your true part of being a real Flop would be always chasing you… It seems it’s about time to understand what my old Captain was speaking about, proving his point on a personal example when he refused to leave you behind, perfectly knowing the outcome of such a decision. The whole squad did it…
For several minutes Robert’s thoughts wandered around, not stopping on anything specific. Old memories, faces of friends, his teenage dreams – everything emerged chaotically just to be replaced with another piece a few seconds later. These three forced days of just lying and doing almost nothing gave him enough time to reflect on his past actions. On himself. After getting into the spaceship, filled with demons, Rob had no real break just to sit and ponder. The Tower with fights on a timer, the need to adapt to the new realm with unfriendly citizens in Fantasy City and following terrifying imprisonment when he tried to keep his mind from falling into madness, this time loop – something always loomed over him, pushing his attention toward the survival instead of halting and thinking over the whole situation.
Heh, it appears that prison can indeed rehabilitate…
Still, despite this idea that currently occupied his mind, Robert didn’t know where to start. He was in prison and treated as a dangerous villain. Any attempts to break out once again would only confirm this point, returning him to the state of being a bloodthirsty murderer. The time loop wasn’t going to disappear for at least two more months. No one would believe in his magical rehabilitation after one session of self-reflection. Moreover, there was another problem with his appearance.
The interrogation of the scientist quite clearly explained to him that any permanent physical change after interacting with omicron particles was a sign that the person couldn’t fully handle the empowerment. In most cases it resulted in a twisted mentality, turning the newbie super into a villain with a lack of control over his emotions. Often it would lead to hallucinations and mental disorder, which unfortunately resulted in violence, given the fact that the newly acquired powers made those pitiful souls hard to stop from hurting anyone. After so many years with the supers around, the society and CSA treated any deviation as a bad thing by default. Only transformative abilities were lucky to avoid such a biased attitude.
In other words, just to be treated better and not like a potential villain, the change of my appearance is a must… Well, don’t think a random plastic surgeon can help me, yeah. Then I need to control my own strength and desire to ease my road by just killing anyone on my way… Prison is also a problem. Do they release the supers because of good behavior? Seems I will find out personally… And thank you, Sarah – somehow your questioning was a waking call. That, and the correct decision to stop being a stubborn bull, who tries to make a hole in a stone wall with headbutts, and finally surrender as not everyone battle can be won.
Nodding to himself, Robert opened his eyes, observing his room once again. Nothing had really changed, but it felt different. Brighter. Fresher. The thought caused a light smile, which Rob didn’t try to stop. Glancing on his body, he raised his feet before finding the nearest tiny dot that was looking at him from the corner.
“Okay, guys, I want to ask for a few pairs of underpants. You had enough time to watch at my hairless ass – time for modesty… And I would like to train a bit. I will start hitting the force shield so as not to damage the walls. I bet there is another layer underneath, but I don’t want to cause any trouble. I need to stress that it isn’t an attempt to escape. Be warned if you want, but I won’t leave the place for long… I will give you ten minutes to tell the higher-ups about it before I start… And yeah, if you want more time, just tell me. I can wait.”
Grinning in the end, Robert made a few quick swings, piercing the air in front of him with huge fists. His long session of fights in the time loop resulted in a better understanding of his new metal body, but he never tried to lower his strength, making his hits non-lethal. On the contrary, Rob made sure that even a random slap would break an agent at once, effectively sending him to hospital for months at a bare minimum, if not outright killing on the spot. And now he needed to do the opposite.
Not getting any response from the guards, Robert silently proceeded with strikes against the force shield, causing a flickering wave at the places of impact. It appeared that to hit fast but with a weaker strength was a tremendous task for his deeply engraved instincts. Moreover, there was no indicator that his seem-to-be gentle punch wouldn’t just shatter the skull instead of knocking unconscious, granting concussion but saving a life. Therefore, Rob focused on the feeling of control over his body. Absorbed in the training, he soon completely lost track of time.
At some point, his legs and elbows joined his fists, as Rob was mimicking the fight with an imaginary opponent. He still tried to control the output of each strike, concentrating on the motions. Robert had no teacher, except his old memories from William’s lessons, but with his experience in death battles and absolute sensation of a conjured body, he was making progress. Constantly adjusting the position of his body parts, he tried to maximize the force if needed, which in return helped him to understand how to lower it by will. Obviously, the flat surface of the wall wasn’t the best target, and even worse opponent without the ability to strike back, but Robert was still happy with what he had.
Earlier he rarely bothered with any martial arts training as there was no need for them, nor did he have time to learn properly. He was often much stronger or much weaker than his enemies, and only occasionally somewhere in between. His ability to conjure a weapon on the fly gave him the possibility to adjust to the opponent’s tactics, relying on it instead of kicks or punches. Advanced ranged weapons questioned the need to know how to make a proper high kick, while Energy Blast had completely wiped it out from necessity. However, this time loop together with acquiring a metallic body brought him into a particular situation, where in most cases he indeed had to know how to make a punch. Considering his newly formed wish to be a better man, a non-lethal version of it.
Having a clear goal, Robert dived into training without a second thought. His strategy of “baby steps” on the road to achieve it helped him to ease the toll of being imprisoned. It even felt like his version of punishment that he took willingly after all his deeds. Unfortunately, the guards might have had a different opinion as it took them days to finally bring Rob a piece of clothing.
“You weren’t in a hurry,” Robert pointed after stepping back to the opposite side of the wall when the group of armed guards approached his cell. Worried serious looks together with raised modified bulky rifles didn’t make Rob feel threatened. On the contrary, he was relieved to see that there was possible communication between him and CSA. Watching how one of the agents opened a previously hidden box on the wall and put folded cloth inside, Robert smiled. In the next moment, the hatch was closed only to open its identical brother in a different spot right inside his cell. Surprisingly, it was on the same wall, completely invisible before.
Getting an approved nod, Rob slowly approached the box and took the underpants out, noting the force shield that made a small hole for this transporting mechanism. Turning around without spending too much time on the potential vulnerability in the defense, Robert faced the group of agents who were eyeing him with caution. In full body armor, in helmets with night vision devices, they looked like a spec-ops elite team.
“Thank you, guys. With you around, I now know that you’ve got my back… or, precisely speaking, balls. I really appreciate it.”