“What you’ve experienced is called a Flash of Agony.”

Faust’s eyes grew wide. “You… you know what it is? Please, explain it to me!”

Trajan shook his head with a sad expression on his face.

“I never thought I would have to have this talk with a 15-year-old.” He seemed rueful.

Faust remained silent and waited for him to continue.

“Something… traumatic happened in your life, right? Something that caused your entire world to crumble…” he muttered and Faust was surprised to see the pain in the commander's eyes.

‘He understands me!’ Faust was surprised. He just nodded.

“Want to talk about it?” The older man offered.

“I… yes. Have you heard of the raid of Poplia Village?” Faust asked and earned an affirming grunt.

“Who hasn’t?” Trajan scoffed and his disdain for orcs became apparent. This made it easier for Faust to speak. He felt like he could trust this man. He was so glad there was finally someone who seemed to know what was wrong with him.

“I am from Poplia…” Faust muttered, and Trajan’s head jerked to look at the boy, his gaze intense.

“I was not home when it happened… when I wanted to approach the village, I witnessed my father getting hacked to death…” he faltered before gathering his courage again.

“Before they locked my mother and sister into our house and lit it on fire and…” his voice cracked, and he couldn’t continue. Trajan’s hand landed on Faust’s shoulder.

“Don’t force yourself.” He said quietly and sighed.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”

They stood next to each other in silence until Trajan spoke again.

“Ever since that day you see the pictures when you close your eyes and the scenes play again and again… every few days you have a nightmare about it… it got better when you were safe and far away from it all,” his voice too cracked.

Faust could sense that these weren’t just empty words. They sounded as if they had come from experience.

”…and now that the hunt is about to start it is getting more frequent again eventually leading up to this Flash…” Trajan concluded.

Faust was not sure what he should say. He just nodded before he asked:

“How do you know?”

Trajan looked at him and smiled sadly.

“In a battle several years ago I was knocked out and the Bloodhand Tribe took me as a sacrifice. There I was imprisoned and had to watch what they did to my comrades and civilians… what they do to humans… is worse than what any human could do to another. No torture method of our realm can describe what the orcs did…” He mumbled and his voice grew incredibly distant and cold.

“They tied a little girl up by her feet… took an old saw and… it went on for hours…” his voice faltered and he had to close his eyes briefly, taking a few heavy breaths. A tear ran down his face.

“I saw things no man should see. Just like you. Back then I was rescued by Baron Schenk’s force… that’s how I met him. Yet the state of the prisoners and the remains of the others… left a permanent mark on people like him. Good people. Schenk, Lucon… they all saw it. The orcs didn’t exactly try to hide their acts…”

Faust couldn’t believe what he heard. Trajan’s revelations shook him to his core.

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‘He is also suffering… He opened up to me… it feels good to talk about things… but the picture he painted…’ Faust had to grit his teeth as he thought about what the orcs had done to dozens of men and even an innocent village girl.

“With an old saw…” Faust repeated and clenched his fists. “We have to eradicate them from this world… for the good of all people…”

“Revenge might sound sweet. But it solved nothing for me.” Trajan shook his head with a sad expression.

“I’ve killed hundreds of orcs, yet nothing changed in me… and civilians still get taken as sacrifices… like your village. I couldn’t do anything about it.” He clenched his jaw and hit the palisades with his fist before relaxing.

“If I found out one thing, then it is, that revenge won’t make your condition better. Only time, good friends, and a good teacher can solve it.” Trajan explained.

“And you are still young, and you have good friends. You will find a good teacher. I'm certain you will be able to make it.” He sounded bitter but earnest.

“In fact, if you give in to revenge and hate, then you will descend further and further into it.” The commander reminded Faust.

“It’s so hard to accept that… revenge seems so enticing. I… I will try to follow your advice.” He gulped.

“Directly after the incident, one tends to flee from their own problems… I fled into the battlefield like a madman, raiding, skirmishing, and endangering myself further, leading to my promotions. Only after a few months did I realize that it was only a distraction from the problem and that I couldn’t run away from it.” He paused.

“Where did you flee to?” he asked Faust. He could feel that Faust’s thoughts raced.

“Is it a woman?” Trajan asked with a sad sigh. Faust thought.

‘If what he says is right… then it would explain so much about Flora and myself… this would mean… oh’ Faust found it hard to accept. His feelings were so intense, but the more he thought about it the more sense it made. Eventually, he nodded.

“Yeah. Another girl from the village. We are together as of now… but lately, it started to feel weird… I couldn’t put my finger on it… but now it kind of makes sense, though I didn’t want to acknowledge it at first…” he mumbled.

“Love is a complicated thing. Intense emotions might easily be mistaken for it. You were both traumatized and needed something to hold on to… attachment towards another person forms through emotional ups and downs experienced with that person.” Trajan explained.

Faust fell into thought.

“What you’re saying is, that we only fell in love, because we needed something to hold on to and that our love wasn’t genuine?” he felt weirdly detached from that thought.

“I don’t want to discredit your feelings. Only you know about them fully. But with what I told you should be able to evaluate your feelings. If you come to the conclusion that you have been using one another… then for your and her good, even if you still share strong emotions… you should let go, for the very nature of it is toxic.” Again, Faust felt like he spoke from experience.

“I have had that notion for some time myself… but I am too confused about my feelings. Everything is a bit much. Trajan…” Faust didn’t care to properly address his superior after what they had just talked about.

“… I thank you sincerely for all you did for me today. You opened my eyes. I don’t know where my path would have led me…” he was cut short.

“Kid. If I can help someone suffering from the same issue I have I can’t look away. You’re a good young man. You have so much potential. You will grow stronger, learn to love and wisdom will arrive with time.” He smiled.

Faust mustered a genuine smile.

“You are a good man.”

After a few seconds Faust then asked.

“How did you even find me up here?”

Trajan laughed briefly before explaining:

“Kid, I only heard a loud and desperate wail from the walls that led me to you.”

‘I screamed?’ Faust thought and was a bit embarrassed.

The commander waved off.

“It's normal, you have no control over it, don’t worry kid.”

Faust was relieved, but something bugged him.

“Trajan… does it make me weak? The Flashes of Agony… is that due to my mental weakness?”

The older man could sense the younger one’s anxiousness and smiled fatherly. Trajan was about 35 years old after all.

“Do I look mentally weak to you? Does Schenk? Or Lucon?” he asked.

Faust couldn’t suppress a relieved sigh.

“No. Not at all. Once again… thank you.”

“Don’t worry kid. We got to stick together. We are comrades after all. Even if I am a commander… we still have responsibility for each and every recruit. We are soldiers just like you. Just you see. One day you will be a leader yourself and understand. I'm certain.” He patted Faust’s back as he encouraged him.

“But now you should go to sleep. Tomorrow the hunt starts.” Trajan smiled.

“I can’t thank you often enough…” Faust bowed briefly which caused the commander to smirk.

“Don’t lose yourself tomorrow!” The veteran said with a smile before disappearing into the dark.

Faust stood on the palisades a bit longer. Then his eyes grew wide with a sudden realization.

‘The voices and picture shave stopped… for the first time in 2 days… silence…’ he sighed happily as he walked back to his tent.

His mind felt much more at ease and his respect for his commanders and Schenk had increased exponentially.

‘They have worked hard to be where they are.’

When he dropped into his bed his consciousness drifted away almost immediately and exhaustion took over.