Chapter 14 — Thrillseeking

  There were birds chirping. It was the sign of something strange. I never left my windows open at night—bugs and I were not friends, and the sounds of nature just didn't equate to normal for me. I enjoyed the world, but not in my bedroom. I was used to the city noise. That morning, in the half-awake state where I just didn't want to open my eyes yet, snug and warm in the place my body had found in the blankets, there was an incessant birdsong through the open windows.

  Something moved near me, and it all made sense again. We'd left my balcony door open last night.

  I twisted around as gently as I could, and to my relief, she didn't budge. Rana lay on her side, hands up against her chest as if holding onto an invisible pillow. I was right, her hair was beautiful in the morning sun, but any such thoughts disappeared as I noticed her expression. Rana's mouth was tight, her eyes occasionally twitching. She looked nervous and scared, even fast asleep. I had no doubt she was in the midst of a vivid dream—but whether it was a nightmare, I couldn't say.

  I'd been there. My dreams the first few nights were such a mixed bag. The nightmares were obvious, but sometimes sleep brought the happiest moments, where I could believe the world hadn't changed at all. It felt like months went by as I slept, like my brain was trying to keep me in my own world and away from the painful terrifying one outside. Subconscious self-deception, a misguided imagination burying me in fantasies of normalcy. There was no escape though. Every day, I'd wake up in the same empty apartment, with nobody there to greet me until the social workers and police and reporters and busybodies came back to bang on my front door.

  Rana wouldn't deal with the same things. She had me. I wasn't moving an inch until she woke up. She wouldn't be alone.

  In the meantime, it gave me space to think some more. Now that I was finally able to sleep myself—and I'd slept better than I had in a long, looooooooong time—my mind could process things properly. I'd been going a bit crazy over the last few weeks, no doubt. In the two months since I joined the League, I'd had fifteen duels. On average, one every four days. From what I could piece together, most people only dueled every couple weeks, if that. Rana had only dueled once since the first one I witnessed against Bradly.

  When I asked her about it, Rana said it was fear holding her back. She'd had penalties, of course, and knew exactly what they meant. Ten wins under her belt, but a couple losses as well. Her penalty involved a break-in to a company downtown, modifying some documents to cause a chain reaction of firings and promotions. She didn't say who, and I didn't ask, but that alone was enough. What if she'd gotten caught?

  Worse, what if Rana had died? That was her biggest fear, disappearing forever inside a duel. We all knew how dangerous Grounds could be. I'd nearly fallen off a flying castle, been thrown from a ship into the maw of a kraken, gotten shot by machine guns, crushed by skyscraper rubble… the list went on and on. Those were just the escapes. My shoulder still twinged with pain every once in a while from the wood beam that had driven straight through it, and I was pretty sure it would scar. Rana had a fading burn that might never fully disappear.

  We were kids jumping headfirst into warzones.

  My wish stood above it all. I knew I was willing to keep throwing myself into danger, because I felt like I had nothing to lose. My life was a wreck after my parents were taken, and it hadn't ever really flipped back to positive again. The best I could say was that it became liveable once Lloyd moved us across town, but… nobody would really miss me too much if I'd died in there. The few that would… they'd understand.

  She'd miss you.

  I winced as my eyes drifted across Rana's face again, still fast asleep and twitching around a bit. Should my attitude change now? Now that Rana and I were… a thing? Whatever we were. I needed to figure it out. I loved her, and waking up next to her had given me a sense of belonging and warmth like nothing I'd ever felt, but did that change the trajectory of my life? Would I give up my parents for the sake of my new life with my girlfriend?

  Neither were guarantees. Neither were necessarily exclusive either. Too many conflicting, overlapping options. I had something to lose now, and it was complicating everything. Worse, it made me hate myself for being bothered by it complicating things. It was a self-fulfilling loop of doubt and confusion.

  Rana's eyes fluttered open. Her pupils immediately found my own.

  "Hi," I whispered.

  She smiled. How could I not want to wake up to that every single morning for the rest of my life?

  "What time is it?" she asked.

  My turn to smile. "No idea."

  Rana's eyes twinkled. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

  "Are you kidding?"

  She giggled. "I'm such a bad influence."

  I would have loved to stay in that moment, enjoy a cheerful morning Rana in a warm bed with nothing to do, but there was so much ahead of us. Reylon was still missing, both were still in the news, and… well, we couldn't avoid school forever. Nor the League. Rana needed to know the truth now, before something else happened.

  She leaned in and kissed me. Her arm draped over my shoulder, and mine quickly found its way around her waist.

  "I love you," I whispered, and she smiled.

  "I love you too."

  "I think Reylon might… might be dead," I said, my eyes falling away from her face. Despite that, I still caught her shocked expression. She didn't let go, but her arm stiffened.

  "...What do you mean?"

  "After the duel on Monday," I went on, voice never rising above a whisper as if it could somehow protect us from the danger everywhere, "after I won, Cynthia shot him."

  Rana's eyes widened. "That's impossible."

  I shook my head. "We have no idea what's possible anymore."

  "Tell me," she said softly, and her arm wrapped tighter around my shoulders.

  "I won the duel, and I was looking up at the waterfall with Check, then Cynthia… she turned her gun on him and fired. I didn't see—"

  "Oh Noël," said Rana, hugging me tight. "That's awful…"

  "He's been missing since, and then everything that happened…" I took a deep breath. "I think it's because he got three penalties. You know, without clearing them."

  Rana nodded slowly. "...That makes sense, in a horrible way. So the story about us—"

  "Is Reylon's wish, but like… corrupted or something. Inverted. He wanted your parents to be okay with you, so instead they found out in the worst way you could imagine."

  Her eyes sparkled, but with tears instead of joy this time. Rana's head buried itself into my shoulder.

  "And they probably got someone to do it for them, too…" I went on, speculating aloud. "Fake the story as their penalty. Easier when the accused is dead in another dimen—"

  "Please," whispered Rana, and I winced. Of course, this was her best friend, no matter how I felt about the guy. He was irreplaceable.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered back, and hugged her tight. "I'm so sorry, Rana."

  We stayed there for a long time, arm-in-arm, wrapped tight in my bedcovers and holding tight together against the frightening world outside, which seemed like it held even more ugly surprises lurking around every corner.

  ***

  Of course, we couldn't stay there forever. At Carolyn and Lloyd's advice from the night before, we were going to see the police in the afternoon. Neither of us were going to class, obviously. Our school didn't take the holiday off anymore, something about needing to make up missing days elsewhere in the year, so Kyla was stuck there. I texted her, partly to keep her in the loop of course, but also for a favor.

  Noël: hey. rana's okay. getting a lawyer to talk to the police today. won't be in class.

  Kyla: About time! I've been worried sick!

  Noël: worried sick? seriously?

  Kyla: Classics never go out of style.

  Noël: do me a favor?

  Noël: can you get rana's classwork and bring it to lloyd's?

  Kyla: Waitwaitwait. Does that mean…

  Noël:

  Kyla: Awww <3

  Kyla: You got it, grasshopper. I'll climb the mountain after school with your sacred papers.

  Noël: want me to send you a ride?

  Kyla: And diminish my vision quest? How dare you.

  Kyla: (yes please I am not in shape at all)

  "Kyla's a good friend," said Rana, leaning over my shoulder as I texted. We had indeed moved to the balcony, dangling our legs over the side like I always did… except now I had Rana leaning on me the whole time, and occasionally entwining her leg with mine. A massive improvement, if you ask me.

  "The best," I agreed.

  "Have you thought about her and the League?"

  I shook my head. "After what you just went through? Not to mention the times we almost died, and penalties, and… I don't want to throw Kyla into this."

  "Like I did to you," said Rana, tone dark and low.

  The emotions in her voice cut deep. I turned to look at her, eye to eye. "I forgive you," I said firmly. "I don't regret joining the League, and someday, you'll get to meet my parents because of it. I'm glad you did."

  We didn't talk much after that, just waited until food was ready and the attorney arrived. Lloyd had called up one of his firm's lawyers, a snappy-dressed guy with a Luther, Renalds and Portman business card practically glued to his hand. He'd be meeting with us over lunch to talk things through with Rana, before they went downtown to the police station handling the case.

  The legalese mostly went over my head, but the gist of it was: Rana was totally in the right, but in the short term it didn't matter. She could go after her parents for child abandonment, since she was technically kicked out before she turned eighteen. If the legal team felt like age wouldn't factor in, they could go for a failure to provide eviction notice, or still get back at her parents since Rana hadn't finished high school yet. Lots of pathways… none of which would make a damn bit of difference.

  Her parents had still rejected her. What good was forcing her way back into the house gonna do?

  After thirty minutes, with Rana quiet and trembling in her seat, it was obvious we weren't getting anywhere. The attorney was sympathetic, actually a pretty nice guy all around. He cut the explanation short, gave Rana a few minutes to recuperate, and called up the sheriff's office early. We drove down there, where I was forced to wait in the hall while Rana went in and gave her statement. She wanted to clear Reylon's name officially, and the attorney would make sure the press knew.

  First impressions are a killer though. I saw rumors start to crop up right away that Rana was covering it up because of her religion, for fear of retribution on herself or Reylon, and plenty of nastier things. The damage was done; Reylon's name was already dirt. Rana was either the manipulative instigator or the sympathetic victim, to everyone except her own family.

  She came out of the police interview looking a bit better, all things considered. Not great, to be clear, but… better. The police escorted us to Rana's home from there, to pick up her things for an extended stay at Lloyd's. I was expecting a confrontation, but Rana's parents simply disappeared for the entire time we were there. She went inside, packed up a full bag, and came out again without speaking a word.

  I waited outside—as much as I wanted to stay near her, Rana felt it wasn't right for me to go inside without one of her parents inviting me in. Waiting was hell for me. I was getting stuck in my own memories of returning to my home, packing up my things for what felt like the last time against my wishes, enduring the painful quiet of what had been a lively loving home.

  When Rana came out again with her stuff, a determined expression on her beautiful face, I pushed those thoughts away. This was going to be a good day, dammit. I'd make sure of it.

  "Home, then?" asked Carolyn, peering back through the window.

  I glanced sidelong to Rana. "You know, Kyla's about to get out for the day. Early release."

  She frowned. "...I don't think she likes me very much."

  "She thinks you don't like her," I laughed. "Let's go get her."

  A long-winding drive through the packed city streets brought us to the school. As we got near, Carolyn turned the security filters back on, blocking Rana and I from view. We looked like just any other car as we rolled up, plus a dead-silent electric engine, which let us sneak right up on top of the unsuspecting Kyla looking the other direction. As we got close, I rolled down the window and reached out to tap her on the head.

  "Watch out, sensei."

  Kyla whipped around so fast, I thought she might get whiplash. A stack of papers in her hand batted my arm away with stinging pain.

  "Geez. You hit hard."

  "Teach you not to sneak up on me, grasshopper." Kyla eyed the car warily. "Thought it was illegal to make cars that quiet."

  I popped the door wide to let her in. Kyla's smile was warm and genuine at the sight of me sitting in the middle with Rana peeking out from behind, practically attached to my shoulder. She clambered in and pulled the door shut behind us. Carolyn set off, and tactfully closed the window to the back seat a moment later.

  "Hi Kyla," said Rana hesitantly. "I'm sorr—"

  Kyla rolled her eyes. "You made my Noël the happiest girl this side of the Willamette, what do you got to apologize for?"

  "I…"

  "Picked you up a present," she went on, handing over the stack of papers. "You know your teachers actually seemed sad you were absent?" Kyla grinned. "Bet they pray every night before bed I get struck down with the flu."

  "Thank you," said Rana, flipping through her classwork. "I wish I could have…" She trailed off again, still a bit uncertain. I could tell she was still thinking about the police conversation she'd just endured. To my surprise, Kyla seemed to hit the same conclusion.

  "I heard the news. They're already saying Reylon's innocent," said Kyla, smiling again a bit. "People are still saying crap in the halls and online, but… progress, yeah?"

  I nodded. "Progress."

  "Now come on!" said Kyla, her exuberance somehow managing to pull both of us out of our funk. She gestured dramatically toward the front of the car and put on a loud voice. "Let us ride to the ends of the earth! Adventure awaits!"

  "Huh?" asked Rana. I raised my eyebrows.

  "We're going to the beach," said Kyla, grinning. "Duh."

  "But—"

  "It's almost sixty, it's sunny out, and it's November so there'll be no crowds. Perfect time for the beach." Kyla reached forward and knocked on the privacy door. Carolyn opened it, and once again Kyla's voice became oddly stiff and polite. "Excuse me, ma'am."

  "Yes?"

  "Could you take us to Manzanita, please?"

  We were at a red light. One turn would take us over the mountains to the beach, the other back to the mansion. Carolyn was watching me, waiting for an answer. I glanced at Rana.

  She shrugged. "I have all my stuff in the trunk… including my swimsuit."

  "Yours too," added Kyla, grinning at me.

  "It does?" I asked, now genuinely surprised.

  Carolyn smiled. "Your friend Kyla told me her plan. I packed it just in case."

  I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't keep the grin off my face. The beach it was.

  ***

  The beach was empty.

  All right, I'm lying, but it sure felt empty. The sun was on its way down, and there were a few other groups scattered wide, but I was pretty sure most people were up in Seaside. We had nearly the entire stretch to ourselves, and we made the most of it.

  Kyla and I changed in one of the public restrooms, Kyla borrowing one of my suits that Carolyn had helpfully included. We were pretty close in size, as long as Kyla dropped the length of the straps a bit. Rana, meanwhile, was changing inside the car with the privacy screens still up, and Carolyn was off getting us some snacks. I sat on a piece of driftwood, toes in the sand and enjoying the breeze as the waves lulled me into a sense of peace.

  "All right, say it," grumbled Kyla as she trudged out to join me. "I'm not runway material."

  I glanced back and raised my eyebrows. "...Wow," I said honestly.

  "That bad?"

  "That good." It wasn't an exaggeration—Kyla looked great in the suit, better than I ever had. I patted the spot next to me on the log. "We'll find you a cute guy in no time."

  Kyla sat down, grinning. She threw her arms around me in a tight hug. "Always wanted to have a beach fling. Used to come here all the time to get away."

  "How?"

  "There's a bus, silly," said Kyla, rolling her eyes. "Almost three hours, podcasts all the way here and back, totally worth it."

  "My parents brought me out to Seaside and Cannon a couple times," I said, leaning on her shoulder and watching a couple in the distance building a castle. "When my mom was out of a job for a bit. We didn't have time when they were both working."

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  "Enjoy it in their memory," said Kyla, squeezing me around the shoulders. "You, your best friend, and your hot girlfriend. Speaking of…"

  We glanced over our shoulders simultaneously, looking for Rana. On cue, the door popped open and Rana stepped out. Let it be said—she didn't need to show an inch of skin to be drop-dead beautiful to me, and she still didn't. A blue-patterned burkini covered her head-to-ankle, blowing a little in the wind as she joined us.

  The rest of the trip was a genuine treat for all of us. For three hours, we forgot where we'd come from, the pain of our home lives, and just enjoyed the warm sand. Kyla and I chased each other around, played some improvised games with a frisbee and a beach ball, even buried Rana at one point. Carolyn joined us later with a pitcher of lemonade and a meal she'd pulled together from the shops, setting out a whole picnic on the beach.

  As the sun dropped below the horizon, Rana and I stole away for a bit of alone time… which was mostly making out, if I'm being honest. Come on, I'm a teenage girl all alone with my girlfriend on the beach at sunset. Of course we made out. It didn't last, though, as a crackling fire brought us right back to Kyla and Carolyn. They'd broken out the s'mores.

  It was a perfect afternoon, after a miserable morning and a brutal week. We drove back late in the night, all three of us curled up together on the back seat fast asleep. When we got to the mansion, Carolyn gently shook us awake, asking what was next.

  Kyla elected to follow us in, which soon led to ice cream and movies in Lloyd's home theater. It was one of my favorite parts of the place—an enclosed room with no windows, a huge comfy sectional with tons of pillows and blankets, a massive TV, speakers embedded in the walls, the works. I didn't even like movies or TV that much, but when you wanted somewhere to just get away from the world for a bit? Couldn't do much better. For the three of us, cuddling together on the couch with ice cream and fun movies was exactly what the doctor ordered.

  The two of them fell asleep wrapped up with me and the pile of blankets. I would have followed suit, but there was an itch at the back of my mind. This day had been amazing, but… Kyla's words reminded me again that my parents weren't here to enjoy it. I needed to win again, and sooner rather than later. Cuddled up with my girlfriend and my best friend was great, but there was work to do.

  I pulled out my phone, careful to keep the bright light away from my friends, and started scrolling through the private boards again. My fake online persona had built up a reputation, and people were starting to challenge me to duels. No more need to push my way into every single battle. I could duel as early as tomorrow morning if I wanted, or another one on Sunday morning.

  What are you doing? Are you forgetting why Rana's here in the first place? You want to go back into that?

  My hands had already typed in the message to accept a Sunday morning challenge. Tomorrow was school, and I wasn't sure yet if we were going to go. My grades were already down. I needed to put some semblance of effort in if I was gonna pass. Dueling could wait… just a little bit.

  When we woke up the next morning, Kyla had disappeared. She'd gone home that night after I'd fallen asleep, Carolyn giving her a ride back sometime around midnight. Rana and I enjoyed a quiet breakfast together before setting out on my morning run. To my surprise, Rana joined me—and even more to my surprise, I actually enjoyed it. I figured the run would always be my time of solitude, but Rana and I could enjoy each other's company in silence.

  We didn't end up going to school Friday either. Rana started to bring up the idea, but she fell short again as the news blared the most recent update on her case—which was really just a quick blurb reminding everyone that Reylon was still missing. A cruel blow to us both, further solidifying that Reylon was probably gone for good.

  Instead, we went out again with Carolyn, this time to the zoo, the library, and a half-dozen other public places we'd talked about before. I felt like Rana was determined to make up for lost time, cramming dates she'd planned into a single afternoon. Not that I was complaining, but it was a bit of a whirlwind. When I finally asked her, she gave me a bittersweet look and a voice tinged with melancholy, the most complex combination of emotions I'd ever seen in someone's face.

  "I can't think of a better way to remember him than to spend a day with you," she said, and smiled.

  So it went through all of Friday and Saturday, as Rana and I became practically inseparable. Likewise, Carolyn never seemed happier, while Lloyd had the most enthusiasm I'd ever seen from him outside of a coding project. He joined us for a few meals, challenged us to a couple games in the theater room, and gave us all the space we could want otherwise. Lloyd and Rana got along much faster than I would have ever expected. I'd been resisting the idea for so long, but the mansion was actually starting to feel like a home.

  Except… at night, Rana still cried. In the spaces between our joy, she was still broken. We might be in the same bed, but I knew that she felt adrift and alone, and there was only so much I could do.

  It only reinforced my decision to duel. Sunday morning, while Rana was on the balcony praying, I stole away. She knew I was heading out, and likely the reason as well. I hadn't said why, and she hadn't asked. Rana knew me, knew what I still needed, what I couldn't live without. Her own dueling career had come to a crashing halt after the last few weeks, but I wasn't done yet.

  Another duel in the park, at one of the dead spots with chess tables. I was revved up, on edge, practically bouncing in the chair as I waited for my opponent. Usually, I got to these things late—deliberately so, I liked to scope out the person from a distance, gauge them before they saw me. This time, my opponent was late, and I was impatient. I wanted to see Check, hear the voice, hear my win.

  Finally, the girl showed up. She wore way too many layers even for November, breathing hard and sweating, with a manga sticking out of one coat pocket and a half-dozen pendants hanging around her neck. Her gaze could barely get within a few inches of my face. This girl was nervous as all get-out.

  "Sorry… it's my first, I was— I mean I don't— uhh, hi."

  I shrugged, putting on my persona and suppressing all my own impatient tics. Game time. "No worries. I'm really new at this stuff too." Not untrue, if you counted by time. By number of duels though… this girl didn't stand a chance.

  She pulled out Cynthia Warbeck as I laid Check down. A bit of a chill through my spine as I saw Cynthia again, remembering I still had Reylon's commitment in my bag. I'm not superstitious, but after everything I'd seen in the League, this still threw me for a bit of a loop. At least I knew her moveset well, and knew I could beat her even with a strong opponent.

  We went through the bans and selections with a halting momentum. I began to wonder if this girl was putting on her own show—nobody in this League could be this indecisive and nervous, right? How did she even build up the courage to submit her entry fee? I couldn't let my guard down. Dangerous grounds out, we struck to the Olympic Forest. No advantage for me, but it was (mostly) from the real world. Scariest thing we might run into was what, a wolf? Maybe a bear.

  As we transitioned, the girl's fear didn't lessen in the slightest. We landed deep in the woods, with only the tips of the castle in the distance giving any sign we weren't totally lost in nature. There was Check, throwing me her customary nod and smile before turning to her opponent. I glanced at Cynthia, ready for another duel with the gun-toting dancer.

  She glared right back at me. Not at Check, but straight at me. I'd never seen Check interact with my opponents, nor any opposing duelists give me a second glance. This was something else.

  Something about that glare…

  We began the duel. Check opened up with a few easy shots, knocking Cynthia back again and again. The girl was practically a library, she was so easy to read. I almost felt bad, but every few bouts, Cynthia shot another glare at me, each more vicious than the last one. It almost seemed familiar. I mean, I'd dueled Cynthia before and I recognized her, but… I'd dueled other repeats in the past, including a couple Livewire players and several Clawing Hunger mains. Nobody else held a grudge.

  ROUND ONE: CHECK.

  The second round was well on the way to victory. Cynthia looked bruised and beat up, but this wasn't anything near the battle to the death on the Rapids. Most duels didn't get that bloody. She didn't relent in her rage toward me, whatever the hell it was.

  Screw it. She wanted to break the norm? Fine by me. I stood up and walked toward Cynthia, to the other girl's shock. Right up into her face, only a few inches away. The glare never let up for a second.

  "What?" I asked, point blank. "What do you want? Got something to say?"

  Cynthia's glare kept up. Check watched the both of us warily, hand hovering above her pistol. I didn't expect anything to happen though. The duelists didn't ever hurt us directly, that was how it worked. They never spoke either, but… they did act on their own. Check more than most, but Rana had spoken about how Norad reacted to her, and Robin seemed to have a bond with Winston.

  "Is this normal?" squeaked the girl, drawing my eyes for a moment. She looked scared. I was thoroughly convinced at this point that this was, indeed, her first duel.

  "No," I replied. "I'm not normal, though. Don't worry about it too much." My eyes snapped back to Cynthia, and my voice dropped low. "Is this about Reylon?"

  Slowly, Cynthia inclined her head. Just a tiny amount, but enough.

  "He came after me. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I had no idea what was going to happen." I paused, my voice catching. "I never wanted to hurt her."

  The glare softened and faded away. For a moment, she almost looked… sympathetic?

  Without warning, Cynthia grabbed my arm and pulled me close. I stiffened, and I heard Check moving behind me. It wasn't a tight grip, I wasn't harmed, but the shock alone was enough to strike me dumb. The barest whisper brushed my ear, so faint I wouldn't have believed it was a real voice if I hadn't heard Check do the same thing.

  "She happy?"

  Cynthia let go and shoved me away. I stumbled backward, where Check's firm arms caught me before I fell over. I would have fallen over too. It might have been Cynthia's voice, might have been her grip and her face… but the words weren't hers. The glare, the reactions, everything belonged to someone else, someone I thought was dead.

  Processing as fast as I could, I got back to my feet. Looking Cynthia in the eye, I nodded and mouthed a yes.

  Her eyes softened and for the briefest moment she smiled. A second later, she was back to her usual position with Check. For all appearances, back to being a duelist again, as if nothing had happened. Check patted me on the shoulder as I took my seat again, facing off against the wide-eyed rookie who had zero clue what had just happened, or the earth-shattering secret I'd just uncovered.

  Reylon wasn't dead, but he sure wasn't alive either.

  ***

  I won the duel in short order, and to my relief, Check didn't ever lay into Cynthia like she had in the previous duel. We transitioned back to the real world without much fuss, though I would have wanted to stay around and talk to Check if I could. The possibilities were exploding in my head, and they terrified me. I needed answers, fast.

  The poor girl I dueled looked utterly lost. With some reluctance, I stuck around to explain the basics to her, as it sure seemed like whoever invited her hadn't bothered. I also gave her a heads up that she was going to be contacted about a penalty and the alternate path if she chose not to do it. No details about my own penalty of course, nor what she might expect. There were too many landmines I could step on there, between potentially incriminating myself or provoking a visit from the Enforcer.

  As soon as I felt like she could survive on her own, I was off. Not to the car yet, though I would have loved to sprint back to Rana and spill everything that I'd just found, hug her tight and voice all my fears. No, I needed to find out the most important answer, head off the question I knew would haunt Rana forever if I couldn't answer it.

  I found a space totally alone, pulled out my phone, and went straight to my contact list. The Moderator. My finger hovered over the text button, but… this time was different. I was committed, I was fighting in their League, I'd done their dirty work and kept their secrets. Time to cash in a bit.

  The call picked up after only two rings.

  "Noël, my dear!" said the Moderator, sounding a bit flustered. "I must confess I never expected you to phone. I'm terribly busy with preparations, but what can I do for you?"

  "I need to talk." I cleared my throat, as my heart had started beating a hundred times faster. "Right away."

  "Well, I suppose… yes, I can spare a few minutes. One moment."

  The phone call disconnected. I stared at it in disbelief, wondering if he was going to call me back, when a familiar sensation grabbed at my chest. The wind kicked back up, a transition like the one I'd just been through. I was being pulled into another dimension. As the kaleidoscope faded and I settled onto the dirt, I realized it wasn't just another dimension—I was exactly where I'd just been a few minutes ago. The Olympic Forest, standing at a chess table holding my commitment, with Check at my side and the sun peeking through the castle turrets in the distance.

  Across the table, the Moderator sat, snapping his phone shut just as I landed.

  "This seemed the most convenient place to meet," said the Moderator. "It's so much less effort when it's already nice and set up." He gestured to the chair in front of me. I took it, almost shaking as my nerves kicked up. A few seconds ago, I'd been brave enough to confront the man, but after the blatant reminder of his power, I found myself faltering.

  Check's hand found my shoulder again, reassuring me. She'd walked up to stand at my side, facing off against the man in the suit.

  The Moderator folded his hands over the table, the typical genial look stamped on his face. "Now, what can I do for you, my dear?"

  "I just dueled agains—" I cut off, realizing how silly it felt to try and explain. "You already know exactly what I just did."

  He smiled over his folded hands. "That I do, but it's rude to pry. I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

  "Way past that," I mumbled.

  "If I may…" said the Moderator gently, letting his hands fall to the table. "Your duel just concluded against a newcomer to our world, and against a duelist you so recently faced in a final match against one Reylon Young. Correct?"

  "...Yeah." I cleared my throat. "And I think… I'm pretty sure that Cynthia was Reylon. Or I mean, Reylon is now Cynthia."

  "Indeed," said the Moderator.

  I was struck dumb yet again. The guy had the ability to absolutely floor me with his nonchalant way of revealing game-changing secrets. My mind needed more time to process this than two syllables! What the hell was going on?

  "...Why?" I blurted, for lack of a better question.

  The Moderator sighed, a dark look crossing his expression. He seemed genuinely upset. "It's an inevitable consequence. A commitment is a bond of trust and strength. The aspirant—" he nodded to me "—and their duelist are inextricably linked. As you fight, you may find your bond strengthens, but… if that bond weakens, or heaven forbid if it breaks…" He trailed off, dabbing at his eye with a handkerchief.

  "They switch?"

  He frowned. "Switch is perhaps not quite the right term. A broken bond triggers the transposition. Reylon Young's tie with Cynthia Warbeck had shattered beyond repair, and he was transposed."

  I sat back, feeling overburdened and held up only by the chair beneath me, gravity crushing in from above. "Does that mean," I started, glancing at Check beside me, "they're all former players? Er, aspirants?"

  "Not all," said the Moderator simply, and with such finality that I knew I wouldn't get a definitive answer.

  "And is it… forever?" I asked.

  "Nothing is forever, my dear Noël," said the Moderator, with a sad smile. "If you wish to know whether Reylon might someday return to the world, only the Commissioner can say. They are the final arbiter of us all."

  With a bit of effort, he got to his feet. I matched him, though I wasn't quite sure why. It wasn't like we were going to fight, and there wasn't anywhere to go. I just felt defenseless, and standing up gave me some semblance of control. No matter what might happen, I still had control of my limbs, my body, myself… for now.

  "I'm so sorry, my dear, but I do need to run. There are so many exciting things on the horizon. The Commission never takes a break, unlike you and I." The Moderator tucked his handkerchief back into his pocket and fidgeted around for something else. As he did, almost absentmindedly, he added, "The Enforcer would not be pleased if you were to share any of this information, mind you. I'd certainly not wish to get on her bad side."

  Right for the spine with the chills. This guy knew how to throw an understated threat. I nodded, numb with shock, and he smiled.

  "A pleasure as always, Noël! Good luck in your upcoming duels."

   A gust of fog blew through, and the Moderator simply vanished within it, as if he'd never been there. To my surprise, I hadn't moved along with him. The Olympic Forest still enveloped me, arbor scent thick in the air and the faint sense of upcoming rain on the horizon. I'd never been this deep into a forest, and might have enjoyed it if not for the overwhelming sense of dread flooding my mind.

  I turned to Check. She stood casually, sword and pistol holstered, eyes unreadable. I wondered what she was thinking. If she was… oh god. What if she was? What if I'd been forcing someone to fight against their will, throwing them into vicious bloody combat over and over again?

  "You can understand me, right?" I asked. My voice was the only human sound for miles, as the crickets and birds filled the empty air with their songs. "You understood that whole conversation?"

  Check nodded.

  "Were you someone? Before… before you were her?"

  She didn't react. I wondered if that was because she'd always been this character and didn't understand the question, or because she was a former player and wasn't allowed to say. Reylon needed to get creative to reveal his own identity, speaking the bare minimum I'd recognize as his words. The Commission had shown how brutal it was willing to get, between penalties, wish inversions, transposition… all with the ultimate prize still on the line.

  "I'm fighting to save someone's life, right?" I asked aloud. Check didn't respond, and I didn't expect her to, but I needed to talk to someone. Kyla wasn't allowed to know, and Rana brought too many complications. Check was my partner in all this… my involuntary partner I'd chosen on a whim. "That's worth doing, isn't it?"

  Check leaned back against the nearest tree, watching me carefully. The wind blew through her hair and ruffled her long jacket, while trees and leaves brushed about all around us.

  "This is all insane," I cried out. I spun around, looking all through the empty forest, an alternate world of our own. "I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt anybody. I'm not violent, I'm not a killer. I just want my parents back."

  Her eyes kept watching me, a flicker of light on her headgear showing targeting sensors refocusing on a bird that had just flown behind me. I watched it reflected on the tiny screen, barely able to read the words backward. Range to target, charge meter for her pistol, thermal readings, radiation readings, barometer, ultraviolet, magnetics—the works. Technology that didn't exist, not in that specific form anyway.

  "I enjoyed it, all right?" My eyes fell to the ground. A spider crawled away as I spotted it, burying itself in the underbrush. "The duels, the secret life. I still do. I love winning."

  Check glanced around the forest briefly, and I followed her gaze. She was right. This too was something I loved. A couple beach trips out of the city were nothing compared to the dueling grounds. I'd spent my whole life in Portland. Now, in just two months, I'd been to fantastic worlds, flown through the sky, seen deep space. I'd fought in front of huge crowds cheering me on, survived life-or-death encounters by the skin of my teeth. An adventure for the ages.

  "Am I supposed to give up?" I asked quietly. I walked toward Check, reached out, took her hand and held it. She held back in turn, which was a reaction I guess. Not one that told me anything, but at least I knew she was aware I existed. "Would you want me to quit, if it meant you wouldn't get hurt anymore?"

  No response, of course. Check held my hand, and I felt a connection with her, but it didn't tell me anything. I could read my opponents cover to cover, but not my duelist. Not the person most important to me in my fight. She was a blank, a void where I might be imagining feelings that weren't really there.

  "It can't be for nothing," I said finally. I squeezed Check's hand, and I swear she squeezed it back. "Reylon, Rana, my parents, all this. It can't. I can't stop. Not yet."

  Check didn't react, but I didn't need her to. I'd made up my mind. Yeah, I enjoyed the fight, but this was about more than just my own thrills. Conor and Saoirse, Mom and Dad, they were waiting for me to win it all and bring them home. Check had my back, I knew that without a doubt.

  I wrapped my arms around her. Check's katana bumped against my leg as I moved. Her jacket felt warm and supple, bending easily despite the texture. I wanted her to know I had her back too.

  "If you were someone," I whispered, just loud enough for her to hear, "if you're trapped here… I'd save you if I could. I want you to know that. I can't change my wish, but… I'm here for you any way I can be."

  Slowly, Check's arms lifted, and wrapped around me in turn. I almost laughed aloud at the absurdity of this scene. An orphan girl from Portland in a simple denim jacket and a lithe heavily-armed duster-clad cyber-warrior born in a future alternate dimension Seattle who shouldn't possibly exist, standing in a rainforest in Washington and hugging as if the world might collapse around them.

  I broke away, forcing a smile on my face—and finding it a lot easier than I expected. Check smiled in turn, and I felt like everything might be okay. Turning back to the table, I reached down and picked up her card. As I did, the world began to fade away, but not before I got the last word in.

  "Thank you."

  ***

  Kyla had shown up at Lloyd's by the time I got back. She was there to join us for another day of relaxing, hanging out and bonding. She'd warmed up to Rana fast, to my relief. I had worried they might not get along. If my best friend didn't like my girlfriend… that could only spell trouble.

  They weren't exactly gelling—Kyla's sardonic humor and penchant not to take things seriously didn't mesh well with Rana. If they were hanging out alone, I had no doubt one of them would likely piss the other off before too long. With me as a bridge though, everything worked out okay. Even better, it didn't take much effort from me, which was great as my mind was nowhere near home.

  Every few minutes, I thought about what the Moderator told me, my conversation with Check, Reylon's eyes glaring at me from behind Cynthia's face. I wanted desperately to tell Rana, but of course I couldn't. No better way to ruin a nice day than to have the Enforcer come crashing in to kill us all. Or whatever she'd do.

  I wished I could just stop thinking about it for a while. Of course, at some point Kyla inevitably brought out her favorite game, the cards filled the table, and we dueled. Rana and I even played each other a few times, making very sure that Rana used the Norad from Kyla's collection rather than her commitment.

  To my surprise, Kyla managed to beat Rana with relative ease. I knew she wasn't unbeatable, but Rana was still better than most people I'd dueled myself, and beat me as often as not. Kyla had a bead on her that I couldn't manage, and had gotten far better at the game than when I first met her. She was a sharp reminder that I wasn't the only one who could improve.

  When Kyla disappeared into the kitchen, hunting for what she proclaimed 'the perfect mid-tragedy afternoon beverage', Rana took the opportunity to talk to me in private.

  "How did your duel go?" she asked, voice low.

  "Another Cynthia player. Total newbie," I murmured. "I told her about penalties and everything. Wish I could've avoided her entirely."

  Rana squeezed my hand, her head coming to rest on my shoulder. "You couldn't have known."

  "Another win down," I sighed. I enjoyed it in the moment, but right now the victory felt hollow and empty. I doubted it even did me any good toward my wish.

  "You'll get there," said Rana firmly. "I know it."

  "I know, I just—"

  My thoughts were cut off as a buzzing sound seemed to come from every direction. It took us a moment to realize it was our phones, vibrating at the exact same moment, and definitely louder than what I'd set my notifications to. We glanced at each other, Rana looking as nervous as I felt.

  Gingerly, I reached out and unlocked my phone, picking it up so we could both read it. I had no doubt hers held the same message.

  The Moderator: I am pleased to announce the latest Tournament! As always, submit your entry by responding to this message. You have until November the twenty-sixth to decide. A bracket will be released on the thirtieth, with matches beginning on the first of December. Good luck, and may you all find what you seek at the bell's last toll, when the duel is complete.

  Rana checked her phone to be safe, and sure enough, it was identical. We glanced at each other. For what felt like the twentieth time that day, my brain was reeling. A tournament? The hell did that mean?

  "Another tournament…" murmured Rana.

  Oh thank god, she was familiar with it. "What does that mean?"

  Rana looked a bit nervous, but also very excited. As soon as she spoke, I understood why. Once again, the Moderator had changed everything.

  "It's a bracket of matches, like you'd expect. Enter and you'll get time to prepare against your opponents and know what you're going into, and there's no penalties for losing games… I think. I'm not sure, I didn't enter the last one. The people who enter these are the best. I've heard about a few of them before, but I was too scared to enter."

  Rana took a deep breath, looking me in the eyes. Her own were sparkling, as always.

  "And the day after the finals, the winner of the Tournament always had their wish come true."