When my innerself turned into nothing and time seemed to stopped there like for ever making me stay in the same red spot of failure, something changed.

Yeah after two years of emptiness i found something was growing inside me. Or was it always there.

'Was i always that fond of writting!'

Yeah i was, i just never realized it before.

For the first time i started to line my thoughts into paper with a pen. With every word i wrote felt like putting one stone off me and throwing that stone into the dark pit in my heart to get the hopes come up so i could reach it.

Surprisingly it worked. I started to write down my wishes, dreams, regrets, apologies into poems, songs, stories and then one day into novels.

My imagination started to run wild and so vivid that i could hardly separate reality from fantasy. For the first time i was enjoying being all by myself.

After the sudden pop-up of this desire, a wish found its way into my heart. And who knows when but soon the wish evolved into a dream.

Wish is a mindful feeling of peoples fantasy and dream is an ambitious call of peoples life.

Anyone can have a wish but not everyone can afford a dream.

And among them few can hang on to the dream and few are hanging on for the dream.

I was the second one. I decided to hang in there for a bit more for the dream.

'Let's not give up yet. Lets try once more and let's not wait for someone else's help to come. Let's help myself by myself'

I learned many things and discovered how vast the writer colony is. How many ways are out there to make my first step toward my newfound dream.

I kept on walking even though it felt like impossible, i made my mind to not to give up.

I kept reminding myself of the relieve when i'll get what im aiming for.

But in actual What kept pushing me wasn’t the motivation of success but the fear of failure.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

I started to live in my dreams in the world i made with the characters i wrote. In hope that one day i would find these people in my real life.

In hope that one day maybe everything would change for better.

There i was perfect. Every and each flaw of mine was beautiful and i was apriciated for who i was. I've got friends in that world whom i could trust and rely on. I achieved a lot there.

Then one day in real world a love of my life would come and fill all the emptiness in my heart to fulfil me. And i'll live with him happily for ever after.

But alas!. those are just imaginations in my head. In reality i was still alone, lonely. I still didn’t have any friend nor did i achieved anything at all. And most of all i was still a failure in everyone's eye including my parents.

To make this dream come true i had to leave the house. I had nowhere to go if i was to moving out, so i decided to fly overseas to study further. In this way i could start living by my own and didn't have to worry about my family or marriage.

I tried so hard and passed the ielts with a good mark even though i never really liked studying. I was preparing for entrance exam of diffrent collages because i was planning to apply for need based scholarship as i wasn’t very good at study nor my family could afford to send me to another country to study.

So i studied day and night even though i felt like giving up every now and then. The pressure made me feel like the gravity collapsed on me. Not only my body but the mind was getting sick too but i had to leave this household in order to fulfill my dream. And just when i thought i can do it

my parents took the matter in their hand and decided to get me married off with someone. They arranged diffrent meetings with diffrent proposals. Once again it broke my heart. I knew i was gonna become a burden pretty soon but this came too soon.

Out of the fear of getting kicked out with just anyone, i started to look for jobs. But there weren’t many jobs for collage students in my area. After searching for couple of months while fearing the time was running out i finally found a small job. But the problem was that the job was paying too little that didn’t even cover the cost of my three meals.

I realized i still can't quit just because it isn’t a proper job. I started to keep doing it even though i never really liked it.

But at the end time or was it my luck that ran out.

After all those meeting they decided on a 35 years old man for me. I didn’t have any say in that. He was shorter than me half head bald. But what mattered that he was rich,,right?

All i could do is pray and in my prayers tears were the explanation of my pain. My surrounding turned into black from blue but i realized i stayed the same as before, numb.

No words came out of mouth. Even though i wanted to scream.

But the forgiveness they showed me after what i did was also immense. So I stood there and saw them hammering on my hard work and destroying my dream like it's nothing.

'Nothing - yeah i remember that's what i am'

'Nothing - that's what i should've stayed right?'

'Why did i even thought of being something. I shouldn’t have tried so hard and make things more difficult for myself and my family. I can never change. im repaying for my sins'.

And after two months i moved out of my old cage to a new cage.