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Ridiculous Humans!
Dreaming of…Meetings, Meetings, and MORE Meetings…

Dreaming of…Meetings, Meetings, and MORE Meetings…

The first thing Commander Hui thought was, 'Oh.'

Next he thought, 'Oh no.'

Finally he thought, 'Oh NO.'

Aloud he said, "AHHHHHH!!!"

Diplomat Aow, seated at a station near the bridge's exit said, "Well, we can at least contact Tysm now."

"No but, well, we're only the flagship! Flagships are only supposed to look pretty and have some important personnel on board, unlike the other specialized ships in the fleet that are full of important people! What if we need to fight the humans?! We're dead! This isn’t a combat ship! Ahhhhhh!"

Chief Diplomat Wwydpls stared at her panicking commander. "Why don't we contact Tysm first?"

"Yes yes, let's do that," Commander Hui agreed. "Wha, call Tysm please."

"K~" It put the call up on the giant window. It could also be used as a screen.

Bridge of Tysm

The crew was still lazing around—pushing chairs around, playing video games, reading—when the OSD fleet arrived. They were in a bird formation; a giant V with the flagship in front. It was the size of three quarters of Earth and was a giant, silver, metal teardrop. A giant one-way window was pasted in the front. Normally, ships besides scout and patrol ships wouldn't have windows, but as the interference field blocks cameras, windows were required so the crew could actually see the planet. So, this OSD fleet had to carve some windows into the ships.

A bit later, a communication request from the flagship popped up. Commander Osn accepted, assuming it was about the field's newest expansion.

Ttyl's bridge was displayed. For some reason, Everyone including the commander were standing in the back. Only a demon—assumed to be the navigation AI’s avatar—was actually seated in front of the command console.

Commander Osn realized he wasn't in front of his console either. After repositioning himself, he greeted, "Hello Ttyl. I am Commander Osn.

"I’m the navigation AI, Wha,” Wha introduced itself.

Commander Osn did a double take. Isn’t Wha a million year old AI?! Wait, actually, going on an expedition to meet intelligent life is something it would do. He quickly shrugged the shock off. He did have to try to be professional after all. “This is about the interference field, correct?"

Commander Hui, realizing that he hadn't moved after entering the bridge began walking towards tele console. Meanwhile, Wha answered Commander Osn's query. “Yup. Now that the field has become a force field for some reason, so only Ttyland Tysm can reach Earth."

"What do you suggest we do? The patrol ship isn't equipped for such a mission and flagships only serve as a decoration with the fleet’s commanding AI onboard."

Wha shrugged. "Let's just go down anyway."

"…Is that wise?" Commander Osn's question represented the thoughts of the eight-person crew, even the AI. Wha was a powerful AI, but if the humans created the field, only Wha wouldn't be enough. Maybe the flagship could flee if needed as it had the newest engines and carried some weapons, but Tysm definitely wouldn't be able to escape.

Wha reassured them. "Don't worry, other than me two other million year old AI are on board."

Just that sentence alone was enough to dispel the crew's worries. But it also shocked them immensely! How many million year old AI are just laying around?! Not many! At least, ones that actually have their sanity and/or aren't severely depressed. That type of million year old AI were currently residing in a mental asylum.

Commander Osn suddenly didn't think the idea was so bad. He was going to see three million year old AI—no, he was going to seriously investigate the humans. Mhm.

Unlike Commander Osn, Special Officer Hysn didn't let this rare opportunity sway him from wanting to stay put. The humans could be dangerous! And besides, meeting intelligent life is always a hassle. Even worse, seeing who was on the bridge there was probably no Special Officer on Ttyl! Meaning he would have to do work!

"I object!" Special Officer Hysn declared.

"Too bad," Wha rejected ruthlessly.

"Noooo!" Special Officer Hysn collapsed on his knees. Wha understood his stance.

Wha was also lazy…

Anyway, the two ships made plans on how to handle Earth. They would ship out the next day.

———————————————

The next day, Special Officer Hysn pretended to sleep in. He wanted to actually sleep in, but his internal clock trained through years of his parents' "torture" denied him. Meanwhile, Commander Osn actually slept in. As did the logistics officers.

And so, when Ttyl contacted the patrol ship at the agreed-upon time, only the engineer who got up to look at the various technologies running the ship and the AIs answered.

Bridge of Ttyl

Wha now knew why the meeting was set up for the morning. The crew of Tysm was too lazy to do work and pretended to be asleep. Some of them were probably asleep. Unfortunately for them, it had to postpone the meeting. Commander Hui and some of the diplomats were asleep. Most of them were actually sleeping.

In any case, Wha was too lazy to wake them up. Ui was traumatized from yesterday and moped in a corner of its room, while doing maintenance stuff. The freeloader AIs we’re doing who knows what. Well, Wha knew what but it didn’t care.

Since the meeting will now be sometime around noon, Wha decided to compile information on the humans. It has access to their satellites now, so the humans’ communication systems and information networks were open for all to see.

Wha had finished the translator. Translators were of course important because how could you negotiate and investigate humans if you don’t even know what their saying?

Anyway, Wha put the information on humans into a nice, neat report. There seemed to be some sort of bizarre disaster on Earth right now. It was so bizarre, in fact, that if humans who actually are a dawn civilization met aliens right now, they wouldn’t even flinch.

Earth, the US’s White House the Day Before, January 1st, 2022 4:00 am

The President’s Bedroom

President Howard was asleep. Of course he is, it’s 4:00 in the morning!

He was having a nice dream. A weird inter-dimensional being made out of particles told him it teleported all the other countries besides his into other dimensions. It also said it was a field around Earth that accidentally expanded when teleporting the countries. Then it said it would upgrade once a year permanently and once a month temporarily. President Howard was confused and asked it to explain.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang and the world started shaking! His night-shift secretary appeared, yelling, “-President! Mr. President wake up!”

The inter-dimensional being told him it would talk later and disappeared, leaving President Howard on his bed.

Secretary Beatrice was relieved the president finally woke up. But President Howard was still half in dreamland. “Wha’s happening?” he asked blearily.

“There’s some sort of field around Earth that we somehow didn’t notice until it expanded! And now all the other countries are gone! An emergency meeting was called, come with me quick!” Secretary Beatrice hurriedly beckoned President Howard to follow.

“What a realistic dream. I even have to go to meetings,” President Howard mumbled. “Then again, an inter-dimensional being doesn’t seem so realistic to me.” He shuffled after the secretary, still in his pajamas.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

The Meeting Room

The entire cabinet was here. The Executive Offive wasn’t here, probably not needed for the meeting and would get orders after the meeting. (A/N: I don’t exactly know what they do, but they mostly execute decisions, right?) With the President, that made for seventeen people. Secretary Beatrice exited the room as this wasn't a meeting she participate in.

President Howard sat down. Everyone waited for him to speak, a fact he realized very belatedly. Why do I have to say something? Come on dream, give me aliens or something. Meetings are boring.

The “dream” did not comply. Whatever. It’s not like I actually have to be serious. “Ahem. So I guess all the other countries are gone?”

Everyone looked a bit speechless at the president’s casual tone, but then again, he was in his pajamas. Secretary of State Oswald started, “Yes. There hasn’t been much reaction from our population so far as most are still asleep, thankfully. Those who are awake are mostly in denial, chalking it up to night-time hallucinations or thinking they may be in a dream. This is the perfect time to make a decision on how to handle the disappearance.”

Secretary of Defense Tristan added, “We also need to know why or how they disappeared. They disappeared so suddenly and quietly. It may be some new technology.”

Secretary of State Oswald disagreed. “If it was new technology, it certainly didnt come from us. If it was created by another country, why would they make their own country disappear?”

“Maybe it malfunctioned?” Vice President Peter suggested.

“Oh that’s an easy answer,” President Howard cutted in. “An inter-dimensional being decided to magic away all the other countries. It said something about aliens and that it was a field around Earth that upgrades or something.”

Everyone in the room stared at him. Has he gone insane?

Secretary of Health and Human Services Rita tentatively asked, “And how would you know this?”

“It told me.” President Howard watched as everyone continued staring with an incredulous face. He assumed they didn’t believe him, so to convince them he yelled, “Hey, particle being! Tell them I’m right!”

Oh, he has gone insane, the whole cabinet thought.

They were all proved wrong when everyone abruptly fell asleep like they were shot with a tranquilizer. They all popped into President Howard’s purple void dream world.

The inter-dimensional being made out of yellow and purple particles swirled in front of them. “Hello.”

“AHHHHHHH!”

“Hello!” President Howard waved while casting a puzzled look at his cabinet.

“It seems that your fellow humans are so happy to see me they screamed.”

“Huh? No, I think they’re scared…but then again, you're an inter-dimensional being, so what do I know?”

He introduced his cabinet to the particle being. “This is Secretary of Agriculture Katya, Secretary of Commerce Dimitri, Secretary of Defense-wait, what are you doing?”

The distinguished, professional, elevated members of the cabinet were trying to run away. But this was a void, so they just looked like they were running on a treadmill underwater with all their flips. “Howard! What is that thing and where are we?!” Secretary of Education screamed while performing a backflip. President Howard gave him a thumbs up and a 10/10.

“It’s an inter-dimensional being. I told you, remember?” He chuckled at the cabinets’ comedic attempts to run away, arms flailing and legs kicking like a fish out of water. Man, I wish this dream would never end…

He turned back to the being. “Oh yeah, what was that about upgrades? And why did you teleport all the other countries away?”

The particle being spun like that Pokémon with a long tail and alien-like appearance. “Teehehe, so basically, five minutes ago…”

The Interference Field, Five Minutes Ago

Particulate was a field surrounding Earth. It had settled here many years ago, when humans first started making civilizations. It thought, what if I hid these humans, with their strange trains of thought, from the rest of this universe? And so, this universe became its new play space.

It decided that, when aliens discover Earth and undoubtedly recognize it, it would start doing “upgrades.” The temporary ones each month would expire after one month and a new upgrade would take its place. Once a year, it would permanently upgrade itself.

Anyway, it spotted a patrol ship nearby. It was originally going to pass by without noticing Earth, but since it was the first day of the year for the humans, it was the perfect time for them to meet aliens. It made Earth a little more visible and the patrol ship veered towards Earth.

Now, for the upgrades. Let’s see…wait, should all these humans really be let into the universe? There’s multiple nations on the planet, very rare even for developing planets. Some of the human countries are completely different from the others. They might be a bit dangerous. For example, the consequences of advanced technology falling into the wrong hands. The ship belonged to a nation called United We Are, who are extremely lazy and would most likely just dump a bunch of advanced technology onto the planet. Who knows what insane governments would do with that technology…

So, the inter-dimensional being decided to teleport all the other countries besides one into other dimensions! Maybe it’d bring them back one day.

So which country will stay in this universe? Maybe the one closest to United We Are. United We Are is a really peaceful nation, so a country close to that should be similar. Let’s see, the efhrs are lazy, very loose, and think every sentient in the universe are equal. Hm, freedom and equality-loving, loose with weapon distribution, lazy…aha! The nation called the US! They even have the track record of being neutral in both of Earth’s world wars! So now to teleport the other countries…there! Eh, why is the field expanding?

Well, since it accidentally expanded with the permanent upgrade, this is considered permanent too. Now for the temporary upgrade. The humans don’t really need anything right now, so expanding to the edge of the solar system should be fine. Ooh, if the being waited for the fleet the patrol ship just called to arrive it could get more aliens into the field. And, when a month is over, the ships can just go to the edge of the field and exit the field! Perfect!

Eh, but it’s rather inconvenient for the aliens to come back. Maybe a temporary trial of the force field function would be good. Then other nations could come and make contact. How about three months? Good. Now, time to explain to the leader of the US!

In President Howard’s Dreamland, Present Time

“Cool.,” was President Howard’s only response. This dream is super detailed! I wish it was real.

“So enjoy your first alien contact! They should be making contact soon. Don’t worry, they come in peace!”

President Howard nodded excitedly. I get to simulate first contact with lazy, freedom-loving aliens? This is the best dream ever!

The being swirled as the humans were transported back to their bodies.

President Howard woke up happy.

Some of the cabinet members just sat there in disbelief, with their heads on the table. Secretary of the Treasury Mark whipped his head up from the table. He looked towards President Howard for answers. “What was that?!”

President Howard was befuddled as to why this question kept being asked. “I told you, it’s an inter-dimensional being. Now let’s talk about aliens!”

Everyone had to rapidly accept that what was happening was real…except President Howard, who thought this was a dream. SoS Oswald reluctantly lifted his head up first. “Fine…aliens are real, and they’re about to visit us. All the other countries are gone, stopping our imports and exports. Not to mention the factories making our stuff…Hey, isn’t this all in my jurisdiction?! Even the aliens?! Really?!”

The rest of the cabinet raised their heads just to give sympathic looks to SoS Oswald. He slammed his head back down on the table.

SoD Tristan had a thought. “What about all of our stuff in other countries? Citizens, infrastructure, satellites, are they gone too?”

The meeting moved to the satellite operations room. Everyone crowded around the monitors, not wanting to waste time asking the operators to send them the images.

After a while, they confirmed some things:

First, everything that was considered US property, satellites, military bases, businesses, and others stayed on Earth.

Second, non-US citizens living or vacationing in the US remained as well.

Lastly, all US citizens outside the country apparently were also on Earth. The hotels and apartments they were in disappeared, but they didn’t go with them.

Secretary of Homeland Security Patrick groaned. “Now we have to rescue everyone. They’re just standing out in the wild! Some of them probably died when the hotel they were in was teleported and they fell! A major logistics headache…”

Everyone except the president banged their heads down onto the nearest monitor. This would be a long morning…

Once Again in the Meeting Room, 6:00 pm

President Howard sat down again. Huh, this dream is pretty long. Wait, don’t tell me…

The first thing the president brought up on the agenda was: pinch me.

VP Peter vented his pent-up stress by slapping President Howard in the face.

“Ow!” President Howard exclaimed, holding his cheek. “What’d you do that for?!”

VP Peter shrugged. “You asked for it.”

“Fair.” Though I just asked for a pinch. Then he realized, “So…this wasn’t a dream. Huh. Should’ve known when I went back to dream world.”

“…You thought this was a dream?” Secretary of Veterans Affairs David asked weakly.

President Howard nodded. “Yup! But since it’s not a dream, that means aliens are real! And the other countries really did disappear!” Everyone waited for him to panic.

Unfortunately, President Howard was elected partly because of how accepting and adaptive he was. Maybe a bit overly so. “Yeah!!! The lazy aliens are real! And I don’t have to worry about the technology falling into the wrong hands because the only hands around are ours!” SoVA David was speechless.

SoHS Patrick cleared his throat. “Ahem. Now that the president’s apparent misunderstanding has been cleared, we can move on to the real agenda. First off, most civilians stranded around the world have been rescued and are being relocated to the nearest structure that can support them. We still need to save some of them and also recompense them for any lost belongings. Additionally, we must give a burial for those that died.” He handed President Howard a packet of their plans. He quickly read them over and approved them.

SoS Oswald reported as well. “The plans for dealing with the aliens has been drafted. Take a look at them.” He conjured a stack of papers and slid it towards the president. President Howard read them over multiple times and scribbled a bunch of notes onto it. Normally he would just read it once, give some comments, and say whether he liked it or not. But since he was an alien fanatic he added another ten pages worth of notes.

Meanwhile, the vice president read over the announcement submitted by public affairs. It would tell the by-now-awake and confused American people what exactly happened and what will happen. The temporary announcement they made before was not enough to placate the citizens. They were to go live on prime time TV at 8:00.

VP Peter added some comments and waited for the president to finish reading. As did all the other departments on their policies they wanted to propose.

One hour later, President Howard still hadn't finished his initial comments. After writing notes down, he was then going to discuss them in the meeting…

VP Peter nudged President Howard. Finally, he looked up. “Do you need anything?”

“Um, yes. We're going live in an hour and you need to look over this announcement. The departments have documents they want to go over, but I suspect we won’t get to any of them in this meeting. So we need to have another meeting after the announcement to finalize everything so we can tell the public about some important decisions, such as how we will deal with no imports or exports, how we will fix the econmy, what to do with those who’s family members have suddenly gone missing, etc.”

President Howard groaned. “We're not getting any sleep tonight, are we?”

Heads were shaken all around the room. Well, at least the discussion about aliens will be fun. The economy, not so much. But that’s pretty important, so I have to take it seriously…

President Howard begrudgingly put his current documents aside and read over the plan for the announcement. He made some comments and a discussion ensued. By 8:00, everyone was ready to go live.

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