Two things I need to mention at the begining.

a) This is a cooperative work of me and a friend.

b) We are bothly from Central-East Europe, so you may expect some errors ;_;

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Prologue: After death experiences on the imaginary ballcony

My name is Leszek and you most likely just butchered the pronunciation of it, no matter. I’m a 20 years old student. You know the type - no idea what to do in life and just studying something not really relevant.

Anyway, right now I’m sitting in a chair on the balcony of my flat reading a book… And somehow there’s a black creature standing right beside me, his silhouette slowly shifting and changing into more or less humanlike shapes. Why am I so calm about it?

“That is probably because most of your emotions were depending upon glands and hormones of your body. And now, few seconds after your death, your consciousness is solely in charge.”

That black abomination just spoke? It doesn’t even have a mouth… or does it? Another question, did it just say that I died?

“If you are having trouble understanding your current situation may I suggest you to look over the railing?” Its tone was generally reminding me of a lawyer.

Technically looking away from that thing isn’t a smart decision but for some reason it made it sound like a really good idea. I stand up from the chair and lean over the rusty metal barrier only to see a body lying on the ground in pool of blood… My body.

I knew it was mine simply because I just remembered how it got there. I was actually sitting here reading a book when the balcony broke off and tipped, I fell on the railing which didn’t stand the impact and freed me to fall 15 meters to certain death. Certain but painful as I recall.

Sitting back in a chair, which became slightly uncomfortable, I look back at the creature. Something about it is different. It’s weird to say that as it was an ever changing collection of blackness in a roughly human shape. But the feeling I have just by looking at it is different from before.

“Well, damn. Now that’s what you call a traumatic memory.” I comment with a loud sigh. “Not like it matters anymore since that trauma was rather blunt. Wait, did I really just think it will be funny?”

It… smiles? It is only a feeling that I can’t describe, but something in that creature seems amused.

“It looks like atleast one religion was right and there is life after death… though I’m not sure which one hit the nail. ” I add.

“Pastafarians.” It promptly answers. And while I made a shocked expression it’s starting to laugh. “Aff, you actually believed that? Well, I’m not connected to any of Earth’s religions, if that’s what you’re asking about. While, in a way, you’re dead, you’re yet to discover if there is some sort of afterlife. But hey, what’s the worst that can happen, now that death is behind you. Even tax collectors can’t find you here.” It’s in a very good mood, flooding me in jokes like that.

With quite a bad timing though… I can’t really feel anything positive when some strange entity is making jokes about my untimely demise. But I have to agree, that those aren’t the worst jokes I heard in my life.

“So.., are you here to torment my spirit for some sins I no longer remember or something? Because you really look alike to a demon. And angels shouldn’t be shapeless blobs of black matter.” He smils wryly… or so I believe. It gives of a feeling of a gaping maw full of sharp pointy teeth.

“I’m neither demon nor angel.” It answers with a strange smile still glued to its face. “More like… a trespasser. Or a visitor. I’m currently looking through recently deceased part of the Earth’s population to find someone suitable to… mmm… let’s call it working for me.“ Atleast it didn’t say ‘under me’. It’s something.

“That’s the strangest job interview I’ve ever heard. Have Satan finally decided to stop pretending that all bureaucrats don’t belong to Hell’s legions with their mission being destruction of humanity? Will I be sorting mountains of contracts signed with blood?” It suddenly burst into laughter. And then, smiling in a slightly creepier way than before, it answers.

“While, as I said, I don’t belong to any of this world’s theological systems I must say that it was amusing on so many levels. Death to all bureaucrats!” It loudly exclaims while doing a grotesque salute. And then it shifted.

In a second its attitude changes completely. One moment it’s laughing from a good joke, and the next it feels completely serious… giving me a grim look.

Wait… is that a split personality? I never really meet someone with such problem, but I could imagine it looking exactly like that. I instantly decide to call them Jester and Lawyer. Those names fit so well anyway.

“First matter that must be resolved before we proceed to the main part of this meeting - I regret to inform you that I feel highly discontent about you using pronoun ‘It’ to describe me in your thoughts.“ Before I fully understand what that means, it switches back to Jester.

“No, seriously. What the fuck? I’m a man. A MAN! Maybe my body is highly unorthodox from your point of view, but it’s MANLY! Now beware of my MANLY TENTAC…” But before he can finish the sentence, there is another shift to the Lawyer. “Yes - I do read your thoughts. No - it is not possible for me to avoid doing it. We are currently residing in still mostly undamaged part of your brain. In here, from my perspective, your thoughts, and words you are saying, are equally real as myself or you for that matter.”

Shift back to Jester.

“I tried to avoid mentioning it because... well... I know it’s pretty shitty to talk with someone who can read your mind… sorry. “ He doesn’t really look sorry at all. More like ‘haha, his reaction was hilarious!’. Atleast he didn’t return to the topic of ‘MANLY TENTAC…’ for which I am most grateful - I do not want to know what he meant by that. Of course he is smiling wryly while I think that… “I’m afraid it’s about time for our business talk. So, how about visiting a fantasy world for me?” … what?

“As I just said - a fantasy world. I need someone to visit one for me and do a few… things... there.“ While I remain speechless, he switches to Lawyer.

“The matters I mentioned will be explained later after you decide whether or not you commit yourself to do it. Now I am afraid I can only provide you with the most basic informations. By choosing to accept this offer you also decide to be exempt from all forms of afterlife, if one is arranged, in this world. After completing our requests you will receive a great reward. Moreover, after you abandon this world all your friends and family members will receive necessary compensations so that you do not have to worry about their well-being.”

Shift to Jester.

“And there will be a… guess what? RPG-MECHANICS! You and all of your future companions will be capable of getting all sorts of cool stuff like stats, skills and all of that dungeons and dragons bullshit everyone is so crazy about! There will even be a, pause for dramatic effect... RESPAWN SYSTEM! Well, you won’t be able pull of getting your head chopped off three times a day, but you could come back to life three or four times with more “lives” gained after certain thresholds in your main quest! Damn, I’m so awesome I can’t believe it myself!” And now he’s laughing…

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

“By the main quest you mean princess rescuing or something?” Mustering enough strength to say it wasn’t easy. Or worth it.

“Nah, they aren’t worth saving. Most of them are either wicked or arrogant, or stupid, or obese, or…”

“Okay, stop! I understood.” But now I feel like I have to ask one more question. And like following some sort of script for a play… “Personal experience?”

“Man if you had ever met my ex... “ He says while making a truly terrified expression and bursts into nearly maniacal laughter. Before I knew I was joining him. If not the omnipresent feeling that I am in the same cage as a hungry tiger, I could even like the… Trespasser? Good temporary name.

“So, what exactly is that mission?” I finally ask him, after both of us stopped laughing. ”Am I going to fight some poor Demon Lord fella?”

“Quite the opposite actually.” Jester smiled. “ You’re gonna become this ‘poor Demon Lord’.”

And… he shifts. In something much worse than Lawyer. Something absolutely terrifying. He smiles again but this time in the most wicked way I’ve ever seen.

“I want famine, droughts, and horrible diseases to befell this land. I want ethnic, racial and species cleansings. I want war between countries, war so great that entire races are wiped out in the process. I want armies of brigands raping and killing, and stealing indiscriminately. I want corruption to taint the nobles and bureaucrats alike. I want just revolutions to turn into regimes even worse than the ones they overthrown. I want entire Earth’s history of bloodshed to take place within few years.”

Looking into his eyes I literally see oceans of fire and death. I stay like that with my mind blank. I have problems with comprehending the words I just heard. It takes me atleast half of minute to get back into right shape. I also decide to name his third personality Nazi. Fitting.

“And you expect ME to do it? A slightly obese bookworm who spends most of his free time either reading books or on the internet? What am I? A bastard son of Hitler and Stalin!?”.

And he shifts again, into his Jester mind. This time it takes me some time to actually recognize him, since my shock was serious.

“Listen.“ His expression is a mixture of grief, sadness, well controlled anger and hatred, but not directed at me. “That world is corrupted. Almostly beyond saving. You have a revolutionary spirit dwelling within you. The spirit that’ll be no longer chained by powerlessness if you decide to go there. I need is someone to shatter the current highly unjust and stagnant system which is plaguing that world like cancer. Only then it’ll get another chance.“

Tempting. He’s saying the right words to persuade me. But how can I really believe someone who can read my mind? And has possibly the worst Dissociative Identity Disorder in the history of at least two worlds? Not to mention that I suck in MMORPG’s and it looks like I’m supposed to play one solo, and with limited respawns.

“Ok, for a moment let’s assume that I agree. How am I going to get there? Are you going to toss my soul towards some pregnant female so I can get ‘reincarnated’? If so then please make sure I won’t turn into a girl. That would be…”

“...disturbing. Yes.” It’s his Lawyer mind once again. “I am going to use that ‘reincarnation’ method you mentioned though as there is no such system in that world the better words to describe that process would be ‘hostile takeover’. You are going to possess a body of a child still in it’s mother’s womb and within few years after birth his personality, and mind will be completely erased, and overwritten by yours.“

“That’s sick. Completely sick. It’s something I would expected from that Nazi-like personality of yours.“

“I would personally look into the most corrupted of great wealthy families to find you a suitable candidate for a host.“ He shrug his shoulders. “The child would most likely turn into another criminal. You could actually save some people this way.”

“And you expect me to accept that logic?” He rolled his eyes as I said that. I could sense that he’s simply annoyed with my resistance. “You think that ‘most likely’ is enough to kill a child? There is nothing that would justify something like that.”

“Then let it be your way - I can even find a child that is mentally impaired to the point that it will be most likely killed after birth. Is that acceptable?”

“Not really, it’s still a sick idea. So how about you make up some other method?”

He sighed.

“Technically there is another option for such transportation. But it is much worse and regrettably costly whilst it remains unsatisfyingly inefficient. I could try to use some of my powers in the other world and create you a new body from scratch. But that would mean starting as an infant in the middle of nowhere without parents, family or anyone to take care of you. Not mentioning the lack of someone to teach you about the world, any language to communicate with or even common sense, which counts as the most basic knowledge you would require. And the only result of that method would be a small morsel for local predators. Or four morsels if counting your respawns. Can you see now why the ‘possession method’ would be infinitely better?

“I would still prefer that other option.” Experiencing a visit in a fantasy world is ok, but doing it by killing some child… that isn’t worth compromising my morality. I am not a saint. I might be called a hypocrite - I had no problems with the possibility of killing God knows how many people but I couldn’t stand wiping out a mind of some unfortunate child. The difference is that I could justify killing people who are more or less evil but…

Stop! Damn, I had to face it. That WAS hypocritical! I can’t become a killer! I have wrong personality for that. All my attempts at justifying it just… fails. I simply aren’t a right person for that. I open my mouth to refuse his offer but at that very moment he shifts. It’s the Nazi.

“Too bad we are going to do this the hard way.“ He informs me with perfectly neutral expression on his face. “I can’t really let you limit your chances of succeeding in doing what you are supposed to do as it is simply too important to get compromised by something as frail and insignificant as human morality. RPG elements will fully launch after you will consume all remnants of your new body’s original personality, so you will need to wait until at least around your fifth birthday. And now - good luck to you.” He smiles wryly and jumps forward. Too fast for me to do anything. He reaches me… and there the only thing left around me is darkness.