I paced up and down the deck of the airship, willing the Imperial Palace to come closer, as it steadily grew in my vision. I knew we were moving quickly, that the journey didn’t take long, but it didn’t feel like it.
“Is everything alright, my lady?” San Hashar asked, raising an eyebrow. She was lounging against the railing, barely glancing outside.
I stopped. “Of course, I’m just a bit antsy.”
San Hashar was coming along to the palace to confer with our military leadership. After that, we’d probably head out again in force, to deal with another pocket of the insurgents. Cleanup at the last area still wasn’t finished, but there should be no major surprises.
I still wasn’t sure what I’d do with clan Tener, whose leadership was almost entirely killed or captured due to Aston’s actions. I was considering basically giving the clan and its lands to him, if Kiyanu agreed. Though given how he seemed to dislike it, I wasn’t sure if that would be welcome, not to mention that his place was at my side and it would be a lot of work. The same question had to be answered for a few minor clans, as well. But I was more preoccupied with coming back and finally seeing my friends and partners again.
At last, we passed over Thousand Lights City, and approached the palace. My skin tingled as we crossed the newly strengthened wards. The palace was cast in shadow by the mountains to the west, the evening sun not reaching here. From above, it looked almost back to normal, most of the damage repaired. There were a few spots that still showed signs of the fight, though, and the vegetation appeared noticeably lighter than before. It was still a hive of activity, with cultivators crawling all over the terraces and courtyards.
The airship slowed, and I had to stop myself from fidgeting as it started to set down on one of the rooftops. Aston and a few other guards took up position, and he shot me a reassuring smile. Then, finally, the area was clear, and I jumped down onto the ground.
A group of people were waiting for me, but my gaze stuck to Tenira. She looked as good as ever, although I could read a bit of nervousness in the tightness around her eyes. I strode forward, nodding at Gen and the others, but walking straight towards her.
For a moment, we were silent. Then Tenira smiled and stepped forward to hug me. I exhaled, returned the hug with feeling, and felt something unclench within me.
After a minute, we broke the hug, and I glanced at the officials. “Would you please give me some time to deal with personal matters? Unless there’s anything urgent?”
“There isn’t, Your Highness,” Gen replied. “Welcome back, and congratulations on your victory. If you choose to, I’d be glad to see you at the strategy meeting tomorrow at noon.” He glanced at the others. “You won’t be bothered until then.”
With that, most of the people departed. San Hashar gave me a short bow and strode off with a few of the officers. Aston and most of the guards stayed, but they retreated to give us some space.
I smiled at my friend. “I’m really glad to see you again, Tenira.”
She returned my smile. “And I, you, Nari.” Then her expression darkened and she put a hand on my arm. “I’m really sorry about your Mother, and everything that happened. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
I nodded, my throat clenching again for a moment. “Thanks. Let’s go inside.”
We entered the building, and I took a moment to make sure we were alone except for the guards, before I returned my attention to Tenira. I took a deep breath. “Listen, I wanted to apologize for that day on the ship. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured in any way. I’m sorry.”
She frowned. “That’s not … I’m the one who should be sorry, Nari. I shouldn’t have left like that, and kept you at a distance. It wasn’t your fault.”
I smiled softly at her, shaking my head. “I made a mistake. You clearly felt threatened on some level. I should have been more careful. I even suspected that there was something …” I paused for a moment. “Whatever trauma, issue, or dislike you might have, you don’t need to tell me. But I’m trying to be more aware, and I want you to know that I still care about you deeply, whatever else is going on. Nothing needs to change between us.”
She blushed, looking down for a moment before she met my gaze again. “Thank you, Nari. It means a lot to hear that. We should definitely talk, but perhaps now isn’t the time or place.”
I smiled ruefully. “Of course, sorry. You’re right.”
We walked the next few meters in silence. As the corridor we were in crossed another, Tenira paused. “Well, it’s good to have you back. I should check on something in the lab. And I won’t keep you from the others any longer.”
I cocked my head. “Something up?”
She shrugged. “I saw Yarani and Kajare talking. Seems like they want to celebrate your reunion.” She rolled her eyes for a second before schooling her expression again.
Now that she mentioned it, I could sense them. They must not have taken my recent breakthrough into account, but I could tell they were waiting in my rooms.
Tenira gave a small wave and walked off. I looked after her for a moment, before turning and striding towards my suite. My pulse was quickening again, but for a different reason.
They’d never teamed up like this before, not that I would complain. Though when I opened the door and saw Yarani and Kajare, I just felt happy to be with them again. It had been too long.
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Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
A few hours later, I shifted my weight a little, staring upwards at the ceiling of my room and listening to my partners’ breathing, Yarani to my left and Kajare to my right. I had trouble falling asleep, and had stopped trying. I didn’t really want to start dreaming.
I suspected my lovers were trying to help me deal with the loss and the stress. For a while, they’d succeeded, distracting me completely from Mother’s absence and all the problems I had to deal with. But now, in the silent darkness of my room, they were back. My emotions seemed raw, vulnerable, now that I wasn’t trying to suppress and compartmentalize them.
Sighing softly, I slipped out of bed, careful to move lightly and not disturb them. Yarani had only fallen asleep a short while ago, and I didn’t want to wake her. She turned a little, and I held my breath, but she kept sleeping.
I paused and took a moment to just drink in the sight of her nestled into my bed, dark curls sprawled over the pillow. Kajare was turned so I only saw his back and the back of his neck, his chest rumbling with the softest of snores. I’d really missed them. Especially Yarani, if I was honest. I liked Kajare, but we were still more or less at the ‘friends with benefits’ stage. Although I had a feeling that could grow into more, given time.
Their presence and support made me feel a little better. I could feel it grounding me in an almost physical way. But I was still alone in my mind, and the restlessness wasn’t so easily defeated. My thoughts were speeding along at full tilt again, images of Mother’s ascension and dead soldiers surfacing every once in a while. I shook my head and padded over to where I’d put my clothing, dressing quickly. Then I crept to the door, opened it silently, and left the room. I knew I needed to distract myself, and there were still a few things I should do.
The guards in the corridor bowed to me but didn’t stir from their positions otherwise. I nodded at them, then started walking slowly. As I reached the door to Al’s quarters, I stopped and focused on my senses. Everything was quiet. I opened his door, careful to keep it silent, and took a peek. After a moment, I spotted him through the open door to the balcony, cultivating under the night sky. I closed the door again, making sure I hadn’t disturbed his cultivation. He should be asleep, but at least meditating like this was constructive and serene.
I kept walking, my steps slowing as I hesitated, unsure where I wanted to go. I spread my senses a little, watching the life in the palace. Kariva and Elia would be with Carston, most likely, but I didn’t feel the urge to go there right now. Kiyanu was awake and seemed to be working, in the study he’d taken over not too far from here. Aston was in position on the roof of this building, the calmness of his aura suggesting that he might be meditating, though I knew he’d stay watchful.
Finally, I came to a stop at the next door. The two guards assigned to it straightened up, but didn’t speak. I opened the door and stepped into the room, my eyes piercing the darkness effortlessly.
Xiaodan lay in her bed, but she wasn’t asleep. Instead, a spark of light would flicker from her fingers occasionally. When she noticed my entrance, she stopped, sitting up with a start. Her face scrunched up, and I felt her reaching out with her qi senses. “Big Sister Nari?” she whispered.
I conjured a small ball of light and stuck it to the ceiling, bright enough to illuminate the room dimly, but not enough to blind her. “Yes, Little An,” I answered softly, stepping further into the room. “Can’t sleep?”
My little sister scooted to the side, and I sat on the bed beside her, putting an arm around her. After a moment, she buried her face against my shoulder, and I started stroking her back with soothing motions.
For a while, we just sat there like that. A few light shudders passed through her, and she was breathing too quickly and erratically, though I could tell that she wasn’t quite crying.
After a moment, she drew back a little. In soft English, she said, “I miss Mom.”
“Me too, little one. Me too.”
“I wish she was here.” She sniffed. “Is she really gone?”
“Yes, but she isn’t dead. We’re going to see her again.”
She sighed, her head hanging a little more. “But that feels like it’s so far away.”
I didn’t have a good answer to that, so I just sat there, hugging her and providing silent support.
“Everything’s so different right now,” An finally continued. “People are upset, and I’m not allowed to go out like before. Some of the guards have changed. At least my tutors are still here.” She sat up a little straighter. “Well, and there’s Yating. That’s good.”
I smiled a little. “He’s taking care of you? You like him?”
“I don’t need taking care of,” she declared with a little pout. “But yeah, he’s been around a lot, and I like him. He’s been teaching me new games and talking about stuff.” There was a little smile on her face now. “Yating’s cool. Can he still be around like that when things are over?”
I blinked, then nodded. “Of course. He’ll be there for you for however long you want.” I ruffled her hair, pausing for a moment and pushing past my hesitation. “And you can call him ‘dad’, if you want.”
Her eyes widened a little, crinkling up with a smile. I read her look as ‘I get to have a dad?’.
That sent a stab of guilt through me. I tried to suppress it, but I had to force the smile on my face to stay. After all, I suspected the main reason Mother didn’t acknowledge her children’s fathers was my parentage. She’d tried to hide it and make people think Carston was my father as well. And making things official for only the two younger ones would have only made people wonder about my situation more. Like this, it was just how Mother did things.
“That’s great!” my little sister exclaimed. Her expression quickly fell once more, though. “And what about Al?” She chewed her lip. “He’s been angry.”
I suppressed a sigh. “Really? He hasn’t been mean to you, has he?”
“No, of course not! Big Brother wouldn’t do that. I know he’s not angry at me, just …” she trailed off and shrugged. “Maybe he needs a dad, too?”
I winced. It was a little unsettling how well my little sister saw through some things, while at the same time she was still a child, who didn’t really grasp some matters.
“I’m afraid it’s not that easy, An. It’s a good thought, though.” I ruffled her hair. “Don’t worry about your brother. He’s got stuff to deal with, like we all do, but he’ll come around.”
“Okay, Big Sister.” She cuddled back into me.
I smiled and just held her for a bit, enjoying her presence. Still, I could tell that despite her emotions, she was getting sleepy. She blinked a lot and I could sense some of the tension draining out of her. So I carefully guided her back into bed and pulled up the covers.
“Go to sleep now, Little An,” I said. “I’ll stay with you for a bit, okay?”
She nodded, then yawned.
Following an impulse, I started humming a gentle melody, a lullaby I vaguely remembered from Earth. My little sister seemed to like it. She cuddled deeper into the covers, and I listened as her breathing grew more even and deeper.
I stayed there for a while, even after I was sure that An had fallen asleep. Finally, I stood up, looking down at her for a moment longer. “I love you, little sister,” I said, then turned and quietly left the room.
I closed the door behind me, then exhaled and glanced around the corridor. I could sense that it was still night, a few hours after midnight, and life in the palace was as subdued as it ever got. Feeling a little calmer but still not very sleepy, I started walking. I made my way down the stairs and through the building, absently nodding at the few people I encountered. Then I crossed the courtyard and entered another building.
I hesitated at the door to the corridor leading to the shrine. For a moment, I considered going into it. Then I shook my head and turned, retracing my steps.
Outside, I jumped to a balcony, then flashed to a staircase, and made my way up until I reached the roof. I assumed a cultivating position and glanced up at the moon, half full tonight, before I closed my eyes and started cultivating. Rijoko’s presence had been almost absent the last few hours, but I could now feel it a little more clearly. I didn’t mind.