Standing on the hill I could see all the merchants coming in and out of the city to my left, like ants they all moved in one line, steadily making their way out or into the city, even as the sun was starting to set. To my right there was nothing but an open field for ages on end. In the distance I could see some forests start where the fields end.

In front of me was the city. I couldn’t quite look over the city wall into the city, but I got a good grasp of how big the city was and I saw the castle, my home - whether I liked it or not - peak far over the city walls. Almost all my life happened in those walls. To be more specific in that castle, yet looking at it from the outside like this I got a conflicting feeling. I hardly felt like I belonged there, like it’s not really my home, even though I knew it so well that I could sneak by the guards like it’s natural.

Behind me was an endless road, leading to all the places in this world. I could see forests, a river, mountains in the far off distance and roads leading to all of those places. I didn’t feel like I belonged in the world in front of me, but I didn’t feel like I belonged in those mountains either. This place seemed perfect. I could view all the places from here, go back or forward, follow the road to unforeseen places or make my way back to the castle. Standing here, alone on the hill, felt oddly liberating.

If only I could stay like this forever…. I thought to myself as I sat down in the grass to watch the late afternoon sun begin to set. If I stayed here and got lost in thought it would be night in no time and I’d get scolded when I get back to the castle. Perhaps they’d even throw me into house arrest? I wondered, yet I couldn’t get myself to move. Lost in thought I stayed on this hill for what felt like a small lifetime.

____________________________________________________________________________

When I finally moved it was dark.The moon wasn’t at its peak yet, but it was dark enough that I would get into trouble if someone in the castle noticed, which they probably had by then.

Panicked, I started hurrying back to the city walls. It was a lot easier to get by the merchants unnoticed this time around, but the guards were still up. I did however feel that they got sleepy and weren’t really all that focused anymore, their minds dominated by the desire to go home - it was probably close to a shift change for them. That made it a whole lot easier to get by them unnoticed and so I found myself in the square beyond the gate. Most of the lights were out, the only illumination coming from the cracks and windows of houses, the moonlight barely illuminating enough to see where I step. I could hear slight shuffling from all sides, but didn’t see a thing. The sound of drunken adults came from a nearby alley and I flinched. I was afraid of them seeing me. Suddenly something behind me moved and I jumped around, heart pounding in my chest. When I turned around there was no one, no human at least, but a quiet meow came from a few feet away. So it was just a cat? Calm down.

I tried telling myself to calm down, but the noises startled me every time and I paid close attention to my surroundings, sharpening my senses to their limit. Suddenly the feelings of people washed over me as I concentrated, some tired, some irritated, others angry, one was concerned over someone else, another was about ready to start a fight. The flash of feelings made me flinch once more, unable to process all the emotions I was feeling.

Calm down Alex, these people aren’t angry at you. They don’t even know you are here, you have nothing to do with them. I tried to calm myself down, filtering out the many different impressions I got from concentrating my power. I didn’t know being alone at night would be so scary.

“Alex?” Suddenly I heard someone shout my name in the dark. It was a masculine voice. I flinched, thinking someone would attack me. I was after all a prince and enough people would have reason to target me. But to my surprise, the person that came into view was someone I knew, someone I met today as a matter of fact, Sam and Tim’s father, the blacksmith. I believe his name was Gert?

Why is he here? Why is he searching for me? Or is he even searching for me, surely there is another Alex. Do I run away? Do I talk to him?

While my mind was racing from thought to thought he approached me. The time I could’ve ran away was over, so I braced for what could’ve happened, but instead I only felt relief, from him, not me.

“Alex. Here you are. I was worried about you staying out so late. You are still a child, you shouldn’t be out alone in the big city at night.” He scolded me.

I was so surprised I didn’t even know what to say. All my worry and anxiety was blown away and all I felt was his relief, while my mind drew a blank.

“Uhh, um yeah.” I managed to get out.

He looked down at me with his lantern illuminating our surroundings lightly and seemed to get something from my expression.

“No need to worry Alex, I won’t do anything bad. I won’t tell your family either, just promise you won’t do it again. A wealthy kid like you is quick to become a target for abduction.”

“Okay. I am sorry, I won’t do it again.” I said while looking down.

“Alright, now then let’s get you home.” He spoke with a soft tone and started walking down the street. I followed suit and simply walked behind, saying nothing. I didn’t know what to say. I was thankful, truthfully. But I was also confused why he would go out of his way to get me, I was just some rich kid that hung out with his sons. Someone who probably looked down on him at home, someone who’s family would no doubt not approve of my friendship with his family. As we walked through the night the many fear inducing impressions from before got replaced by thoughts about Gert. I could tell that he was genuinely relieved to see me safe, with some small hint of worry still mixed in upon deeper inspection. It was something I barely ever experienced at home; honesty, care for one another, genuineness. And the one who directed these emotions at me wasn’t my own father, nor my siblings. It was someone I barely even knew. My curiosity finally won over my anxiety.

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“Why did you go out of your way to get me?” I asked.

“Why you ask? Well, my sons were worried about you and told me that you were still out. I know how dangerous this city can be at night, so I couldn’t sleep well, knowing you are still out there. I guess I was just worried. Nothing more.”

“But why would you care about me? I am not your son. To you I must be looking like an arrogant brat.”

“I never once got that impression from you, Alex. To me you are just my sons’ friend. A good hearted, albeit confused child. And as a father, no even more simple than that, as an adult, I see myself responsible for making sure nothing bad happens and you all grow up healthy. Even more so if you are my children’s friend.” He wasn’t lying. It was hard to believe, but he was genuinely just concerned. I probed his head a bit more, trying to see if there was some sort of ulterior motive, but all I could find were pictures of his family. I felll silent. For a short while all that I heard was the flickering of the lantern light and the steps we took through the night. Then Gert looked over to me.

“May I ask you a question now?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you want to leave the city so bad? Was there anything specific you wanted to see?”

Mhhh, Why did I want to leave so bad? I hadn’t really fully understood it myself, but something about this city just felt suffocating. Like I didn’t belong here, like I had to get away from here. Was it the city itself? No, that wasn’t it. It was about something more intangible. I felt like I had no place here. I didn’t fit into my family, I wasn’t made for the life I was born into; Wasn’t made for the family I was born into. If only I could’ve been born as Gert’s son. I wonder how life would have been different. I opened my mouth, talking slowly.

“I… I just wanted to get away.”

“Away from what? From this city?”

“No. Away from my family. Away from the expectations they placed on me, away from that life. I just don’t belong there. This life is just not what I am.”

“And what are you?”

“I am…” I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I was. All I ever wanted was to get away from my family, away from their expectations. But that wasn’t who I was. All that told me was that I wasn’t fit for royalty. Then what was I fit for? I didn’t know. It was like a lump stuck in my throat. A discomfort I just couldn’t seem to shake off. What am I? Who am I?

Gert must have noticed that I was at a loss, as he interrupted my thoughts.

“Listen, Alex." He said. “Here is what I believe: I don’t think you are defined by what your family expects of you, or by your birthplace or even aptitudes. I believe a person is defined by their actions and by their beliefs. By what they want to achieve, how they go about doing that and whether they have the tenacity to pull through with that. Of course, that could be the same as your families’ expectations or could be the complete opposite. What matters isn’t what others think of you, or even whether others agree with you. I wanted to become a blacksmith and a good father just like my dad was, while my brother became a soldier to protect people. We both went our separate ways and our dad wasn’t exactly happy about my brother’s decision, but in the end we both became who we want to be, we both are happy, not because of the praise we receive from others, but because of the things we built for ourselves. Or so I believe.” He paused. “ The last question I will impart you with: What is it you want to build for yourself, Alex?”

He took a deep breath.

“With that I have to bid you a good night, as I am not allowed any further than this.” He finished his speech.

I was so captivated by what he said I hadn’t even noticed, but we weren’t walking back to his house. What stood in front of me was the castle gate, two sleepy soldiers emerging to get a good look at the situation. My head snapped to Gert.

“You knew? Knew that I was a prince? All this time?” I was shocked.

“Of course I do. Maybe not everyone knows all the faces of every royal, but I saw your face in public often enough to make the connection.” He laughed. “Now go on home, before your family assumes I kidnapped you and has me executed.”

“How?! How can you treat me like that knowing I am a royal. Without ulterior motives, without trying to get anything, without fear? Don’t you know how arrogant the royals are? Some would have you executed for speaking to me like that!” I was surprised to say the least. How could he have that honest, caring attitude towards me knowing I am a royal? I never would have guessed it from his emotions.

“You wouldn’t do that, you are a good hearted kid. And remember what I said, you aren’t defined by your family, Alex. So why should I treat you any differently? To me you are simply my sons’ friend for the time being. Should you ever decide what you want to become that might change and then my attitude towards you might change as well. Now then, good night Alex.” He waved at me and turned around, walking back into the dark city as the knights approached my side. Leaving me standing here, stupefied. The Knights asked me this and that question, where I was, who that man was, whether they should apprehend him and so on. I answered their questions half-heartedly while they led me back to the castle, mind occupied by the conversation I just had.

What do I want to build for myself? That last question kept echoing in my head as the guards gave me over to a butler, who led me to a bath. Tomorrow I would for sure be chewed out by my teacher, maybe even be placed into house arrest by my family. But somehow I couldn’t find it in me to be worried about tomorrow. When I finally went to bed that night I found it hard to sleep, my thoughts restless with that one question.

What did I want to do?