Lingerie

The city murmured beneath them, a never-ending hum of life and neon, while Bones and Teagan stood together on the rooftop garden. The soft glow of hanging lanterns flickered over the green ivy creeping up the trellises, casting playful shadows across the space. Teagan, with her fiery red hair spilling down in waves, stood out in the night like a vivid dream. Her gothic black dress clung perfectly to her curves, the lace edges giving her that mix of elegance and edge that only she could pull off. A silver pendant rested between the generous rise of her chest, and the black lipstick and heavy eyeliner only made her piercing green eyes more intense in the soft glow. Her pale skin, almost ghostly in the dim light, added to the allure that made her look every bit the part of a queen of the underworld. She smirked at Bones knowingly, the kind of smile that hinted at a mix of affection and a bit of playful danger.

Bones, on the other hand, was a stark contrast, wearing his well-loved, faded hoodie over his usual priest shirt. The hoodie, worn at the edges, was frayed at the cuffs, and the fabric sagged slightly as if it had been through just as much as he had. His face was rugged, framed by a scraggly beard that had seen better days, the kind that came from not caring enough to trim it perfectly. His hood was pulled halfway up, though strands of his messy hair poked out around the edges. The priest shirt underneath—its fabric soft and worn from years of wear—was one of the few comforts he allowed himself. His eyes, dark and slightly shadowed, carried the weight of years of battles and burdens, but there was always that flicker of warmth when he looked at her. His hand, calloused and steady, was laced with hers, the cool metal of her rings grounding him in the moment. For a fleeting second, the city felt quiet—peaceful, even—but Bones knew better than to trust the calm.

The night stretched on with a calm that felt almost foreign to Bones. Up here, away from the chaos of the city streets, it almost felt like they were in a different world. They walked slowly, the sound of their footsteps barely a whisper on the stone path that wound through the rooftop garden. Teagan laughed softly at something Bones had said, her voice low and smooth, like the kind of laugh you could lose yourself in. She squeezed his hand, pulling him gently toward a small fountain nestled among the greenery. The water trickled down over smooth stones, casting ripples that reflected the lantern light in delicate, shimmering patterns. Bones let out a contented sigh, rubbing his thumb along her palm as he watched the fountain for a moment, appreciating the quiet. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a night like this—just him and her, with nothing more pressing than deciding where to go next. The air smelled faintly of the city’s food trucks below—grilled meat, something spicy, the hint of cinnamon from a nearby bakery—and it all felt like the city itself was giving them permission to enjoy the night. Teagan leaned into him, her hair brushing against his hoodie, and for a moment, he let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, they could have one night where the world didn’t come knocking.

Bones froze mid-step, his brow tightening as the unmistakable sound of “Jesus Take the Wheel” rang out in the quiet night air. He blinked, completely caught off guard, his mind racing. He had left his phone back at the RV, under a bridge, tucked away in a drawer beneath a pile of socks. There was no way this was coming from his phone. The country melody persisted, loud and clear, cutting through the rooftop’s peaceful atmosphere like some kind of cosmic joke. Bones’ eye twitched, his jaw tightening as he patted down his hoodie, searching for a phone that wasn’t there. Next to him, Teagan shot him a sidelong glance, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of her black-painted lips. “I thought you left your phone back in the RV?” she teased, her green eyes glittering with amusement.

“Weren’t we going for a hotdog?” Bones barely heard her, his focus now on the familiar weight of his pocket Bible. His fingers brushed against the worn leather cover, and he pulled it out slowly, the glow from the pages faint but unmistakable. His scraggly beard twitched as he flipped the Bible open, revealing the glowing text within, the soft melody of Carrie Underwood continuing to pour out. “What the hell…” he muttered under his breath, realizing with a heavy sigh that his Bible had somehow become the source of this divine interruption.

Bones stared down at the glowing pages, his irritation bubbling just beneath the surface. The country melody continued to hum along, and he could feel Teagan’s eyes on him, that familiar smirk still playing on her lips. “Well, are you going to answer it?” she asked, crossing her arms and leaning against a nearby planter, clearly enjoying the show. Bones let out a long, defeated sigh, adjusting the red ribbon bookmark that dangled from the spine like some ancient antenna. He held the Bible up to his ear as if it were a phone, the glowing pages flickering slightly as the connection was made. “You really had to pick now, huh?” he muttered, his voice low but tinged with a resigned irritation. There was a brief crackle of silence before the familiar voice came through, smooth and calm. “Hello, Bones. You busy?” The voice of Yeshua cut through the line, casual as ever. Bones’ scraggly beard twitched again, and he shot a quick glance at Teagan, who raised an eyebrow in amusement. “I was about to get a hotdog, but apparently, that’s off the table now. What’s going on?” he said, already bracing for whatever divine nonsense was about to derail his night.

As Yeshua’s voice drifted through the glowing pages, calm and unbothered, Bones dug into his pocket with his free hand, fishing out his penjammin. He brought the vape to his lips, taking a long, slow drag in an attempt to settle his nerves. The faint smell of blueberry vapor swirled into the night air, the soft glow from the Bible still illuminating his face. Teagan, watching him with one eyebrow raised, stifled a laugh, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the planter, clearly entertained by the whole scene. “Vampires, Bones,” Yeshua’s voice crackled through the Bible, as if they were discussing nothing more serious than the weather. “They’re feeding again in Midtown, and I need you to handle it before things get out of hand.” Bones exhaled a thick cloud of vapor, his scraggly beard twitching as he lowered the Bible from his ear for a moment, glancing over at Teagan. “Of course, vampires,” he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. He took another pull from his penjammin, the soothing burn in his throat doing little to ease the annoyance bubbling up inside him. “Can’t they find someone else to bother?” he grumbled, lifting the Bible back to his ear reluctantly, but Yeshua’s response was calm and unchanging. “Afraid not, habibi. This one’s yours.”

Bones took one last drag from his penjammin, holding the vapor in his lungs as if it could somehow keep him grounded in this moment just a little longer. But when he exhaled, the cloud dissipated into the cool night air, along with any hope he had of continuing their evening in peace. He lowered the Bible from his ear, his shoulders sagging slightly as the weight of the situation settled on him. “So much for that hotdog,” he muttered, tossing a glance over at Teagan. She uncrossed her arms and pushed herself away from the planter, her green eyes soft with understanding, though the smirk hadn’t fully left her lips. “Go on,” she said, waving a hand toward him. “You know you can’t leave those fanged assholes to their own devices.” There was no anger in her voice, just a knowing tone that reminded him how well she understood this life they led. Bones stuffed the penjammin back into his hoodie pocket, his hand lingering there for a moment as if debating whether to take another hit, but he knew there was no delaying this. “I’ll make it quick,” he promised, though they both knew how hollow that sounded. He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to her lips, her red hair brushing against his scruffy cheek. “Hold down the fort, yeah? I’ll be back before you know it.” Teagan gave him a playful shove. “Just don’t get eaten. I’ve got plans for you later.” Bones chuckled, though the tension in his eyes never fully faded. With a resigned sigh, he tucked the Bible under his arm and turned toward the city streets below, already preparing himself for whatever chaos awaited.

Bones descended from the rooftop, the peaceful atmosphere replaced by the gritty energy of the city streets. The distant sound of honking horns, the murmur of voices, and the smell of street food hit him all at once as he reached the sidewalk. His 1980s Mercedes Diesel was parked just ahead, its dented frame blending into the shadows between the streetlights. But what really caught his eye was the figure standing next to the cab a few feet away, the bold lettering of “Fishers of Men Cab Service” barely visible under the dim glow of a flickering neon sign. Yeshua stood beside the cab, one hand casually holding a hash blunt, the other stuffed into the pocket of his beige designer suit. The smell of hash lingered in the air, and the soft glow of the blunt’s cherry flickered in the dark. Only his Jesus sandals were visible beneath the hem of his trousers, bathed in the golden light from a nearby streetlamp. He took a slow drag, exhaling a cloud of smoke that hung in the cool air, completely unbothered by the world around him. Teagan walked up to him, her red hair catching the light as she glanced back at Bones with a grin. “Make it quick, yeah?” she teased, her green eyes sparkling. Yeshua gave her a nod of acknowledgment, his glasses slightly askew as he watched the traffic pass by. Bones sighed, shaking his head as he approached his Mercedes, his scraggly beard twitching in annoyance. “Yeah, yeah. Try not to burn down the cab,” Bones muttered under his breath as he unlocked the door, sliding into the driver’s seat with a creak. Yeshua gave a small, lazy wave before taking another pull from the blunt, the faint scent of hash mingling with the street fumes as he leaned back against the cab. With a resigned sigh, Bones started the engine, the rumble of the old diesel filling the quiet as he steeled himself for what was coming.

Bones clenched the steering wheel a little tighter as the old Mercedes Diesel growled its way through the streets of New York. He’d been to the city a handful of times—enough to recognize the chaos—but not enough to navigate it without getting turned around. Tonight, it felt like the streets had it out for him, every turn leading him deeper into a mess of blinking neon signs, screeching cabs, and the endless honking of impatient drivers. “You’ve got to be kidding me...” he muttered, jaw tightening as he squinted at another street sign that looked like it should’ve taken him to Midtown, but instead spat him out into a tangle of side streets and alleyways.

The city buzzed around him, alive and relentless, as he dodged a delivery truck that had decided to stop dead in the middle of the road. He took a sharp right, the car’s engine protesting as it bounced over a pothole. The streets blurred together—corner bodegas, flashing billboards, and the occasional shout from pedestrians who seemed just as lost in their own worlds. Teagan’s voice echoed in his head, “Make it quick, yeah?” but at this rate, he’d be lucky to make it anywhere. “I swear this place is a maze...” he grumbled, the scraggly beard on his chin twitching with every wrong turn.

He stole a glance at the Bible resting on the passenger seat, the faint glow still emanating from its pages. It seemed almost amused, pulsing with that divine energy. Bones groaned and took another random left, trying to ignore the fact that he was going in circles. “I’m not asking for directions,” he muttered to the book, though the thought of calling Yeshua briefly crossed his mind. But he wasn’t that desperate. Not yet.

Bones finally gave in with a groan, his patience worn thin by the endless wrong turns and dead ends. “Alright, alright. You win,” he muttered, pulling over to the side of the road beneath a flickering streetlight. The city's noise seemed to press in on him, but in that moment, he didn’t care. Grabbing the glowing Bible from the passenger seat, he flipped it open, fully prepared to call Yeshua and swallow his pride. But as the pages spread out, something unexpected caught his eye. There, scrawled across several of the thin pages, was a hand-drawn map, complete with a little “you are here” arrow pointing to his exact location. A thin red line stretched across the map, winding through streets that sprawled across multiple pages, even though the Bible wasn’t very big. His scraggly beard twitched as he stared down at it, eyebrows raised in disbelief. “Of course,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes like he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. The line was clear, the path obvious, like someone had drawn it just for him. He glanced out at the chaotic city streets around him, then back at the Bible. “You couldn’t have shown me this twenty minutes ago?” he grumbled, but a small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth despite himself.

Bones followed the line on the map, navigating through New York’s tangled streets with the worn Bible propped open on the passenger seat, glowing faintly in the dim light of the dashboard. The red line twisted and turned through the city, leading him deeper into a part of town he would’ve preferred to avoid. The streetlights here flickered, and the once-bustling sidewalks were now replaced by shadowy figures and trash-strewn alleys. As he approached his destination, the faint hum of the Mercedes Diesel was drowned out by the sounds of the night—catcalls, distant shouts, and the occasional honk from a passing car. His eyes narrowed as he pulled up to the corner marked on the map.

It was hard to miss. To his left, a flickering neon sign buzzed above an old, rundown adult superstore, its windows grimy and plastered with faded posters from an era long forgotten. The store’s sign, once bold and suggestive, had lost most of its letters, now reading something like “XXXd lt SUPERto_e.” Next to it, a group of working girls clustered on the corner, at least thirty of them, dressed in everything from fishnets and leather to glittery heels and neon skirts, making no effort to hide their trade. Their voices drifted through the air—some laughing, others negotiating with passing cars, while a few eyed Bones’ old Mercedes with suspicion and curiosity. He glanced at the Bible again, the red line ending directly at the entrance of the seedy shop, and felt his scraggly beard twitch with discomfort. “Of course,” he muttered, leaning back in his seat and taking a moment to soak in the absurdity of the situation. “Why wouldn’t it be here?”

Bones stared at the flickering neon sign of the adult superstore, his jaw tightening as the uneasy feeling crept over him. He flipped open the Bible, adjusting the red ribbon bookmark with a sigh before holding it up to his ear. The faint glow from the pages reflected in his tired eyes as Yeshua’s calm voice filtered through. “You’re at the spot, right?” Bones glanced out at the dilapidated store and the crowd of working girls on the corner before rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’m here. Looks like a bad trip back to the ‘80s. You sure this is the place?”

Yeshua took his time responding, and Bones could almost hear him exhaling from the hash blunt he knew Yeshua had been smoking. “It’s the place. There are five inside—not rookies, but nothing you can’t handle.” Bones shifted in his seat, already annoyed, but it was what Yeshua said next that made his breath catch. “One more thing, Bones... you know one of them.” Bones felt his chest tighten, his hand gripping the steering wheel as he waited. “Jerry,” Yeshua finally said, his voice steady. “The one you sent away. He’s back.”

Bones blinked, his mind stalling for a second as the name sank in. “Jerry?” His voice was flat, almost disbelieving. Jerry was an idiot—a vampire who could barely tie his shoes, let alone cause real trouble. Bones had personally staked him and sent him away, thinking that was the last he’d ever have to deal with the guy. “How the hell did Jerry get out? He’s a moron!” Bones could feel the frustration bubbling up inside him, a mix of disbelief and irritation. He ran a hand through his messy hair, his scraggly beard twitching as he shook his head. “I sent him away for a reason, Yeshua. The guy’s more of a danger to himself than anyone else.” There was a brief silence on the other end before Yeshua’s calm voice cut through again. “Yeah, well, apparently even idiots find a way back sometimes.”

Bones leaned back in his seat, staring at the glowing Bible in his lap, trying to make sense of how Jerry—of all vampires—managed to get out. It didn’t sit right, and the frustration gnawed at him. He had dealt with stronger, smarter vampires, but Jerry? Jerry was the kind of guy who’d probably stake himself by accident. “Unbelievable,” Bones muttered under his breath, rubbing a hand over his face.

As much as he wanted to argue, to find some way to justify ignoring this mess, he knew it wasn’t an option. Yeshua never called unless it was necessary. He glanced out at the grimy storefront again, feeling the weight of the task settle over him. With a resigned sigh, he slipped the pocket Bible into his left back pocket, where it fit snugly against his jeans. The old thing had been with him through countless fights—it held his spells, his charms, everything he needed to deal with whatever was waiting inside. “Alright,” he muttered, pulling open the car door and stepping out, “let’s go deal with Jerry.” He straightened his hoodie, steeling himself as he walked toward the flickering neon sign and into the heart of the mess.

Bones moved quickly across the street, his steps quiet and deliberate, the sounds of the city fading behind him as he reached the side of the adult superstore. The neon sign above flickered weakly, casting a sickly glow on the cracked pavement. He wasn’t going through the front—too obvious. His eyes scanned the building until he found what he was looking for: a rusted, battered emergency exit tucked away in the shadows, its latch hanging loose from years of neglect. The door was barely hanging on its hinges, already half-open, and

Bones slipped through without a sound. Inside, the air was thick with the smell of dust and stale air, the shelves stacked with faded boxes and forgotten relics of the store’s glory days. He reached back to pat the pocket Bible in his jeans for reassurance, while his other hand hovered near the Swiss army knife in his hoodie pocket. His fingers brushed the familiar wood of the pencil tucked behind his ear, ready for the charms and spells he might need. The place was dead quiet, except for the faint hum of fluorescent lights overhead, and Bones could feel the weight of whatever was lurking in the back. “Alright, Jerry... where are you?” he muttered under his breath as he moved deeper into the store, his eyes sharp, senses on high alert.

The further Bones ventured into the store, the darker and more oppressive the atmosphere became. Rows of forgotten shelves stretched out before him, cluttered with dust-covered relics of a bygone era—feathered boas, worn leather masks, and broken neon signs that no longer blinked their promises of fantasy. The hum of the flickering overhead lights buzzed in the background, creating a constant, low-level static that gnawed at his nerves. He moved cautiously between the aisles, his footsteps barely audible over the creaking floorboards. Something wasn’t right—the air felt heavier, like it was soaked in old, forgotten sins.

Bones’ hand drifted to the Swiss army knife in his hoodie pocket as he reached the back of the store. His eyes flicked to the shadows that seemed to shift along the walls, his instincts sharp as ever. He knew they were here. The vampires. He couldn’t see them yet, but he could feel them—slinking just out of sight, watching him, waiting. The silence was unnerving, but it didn’t rattle him. He’d been in places like this before, though it never got any easier. As he brushed a hand over the pocket Bible in his back pocket, ready to draw a spell if needed, he muttered to himself, “C’mon, Jerry. I know you’re here somewhere…”

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

As Bones crept deeper into the store, a faint, sickening sound reached his ears—wet, hungry slurps mixed with the occasional muffled groan. His heart quickened, the noise unmistakable. They were feeding. He moved silently toward the back corner, slipping between the shelves as the sound grew louder, more desperate. The faint smell of copper hit him next, hanging heavy in the musty air, confirming what he already knew. His fingers brushed the handle of his Swiss army knife, but he didn’t pull it yet. Not until he saw them.

Finally, he rounded the last shelf, and there they were. Five vampires, hunched over a body sprawled across the dirty tile floor, their faces buried in the flesh of their victim. Blood dripped from their mouths, pooling beneath them in a dark, sticky mess. The victim—a priest by the look of his tattered robes—lay still, his face pale and lifeless, his throat torn open in jagged, vicious bites. Father Jeffery Drumpf. Bones’ eyes narrowed. He knew the name, had heard whispers about the man, but seeing his corpse like this, drained dry, left him with a bitter taste in his mouth. “Figures,” he muttered under his breath, the grip on his pocket Bible tightening. This wasn’t going to be easy, but it never was.

Bones stood still for a moment, eyes fixed on Father Jeffery Drumpf’s lifeless body, his thoughts swirling. He’d heard about Drumpf before—whispers in dark corners, accusations that never seemed to stick. The kind of priest who wore his collar like a badge of untouchability, even as rumors swirled about his real activities behind closed doors. Predator. Manipulator. Bones had heard it all. The stories had been passed around for years—former altar boys, the missing funds from the church coffers, the way he used his power to keep everyone quiet. He wasn’t surprised to find Drumpf here, in a place like this. The vampires might’ve been the ones to kill him, but Bones couldn’t shake the thought that the priest’s death was almost poetic. “You finally got what was coming, huh?” Bones muttered, the corner of his mouth twitching in disgust. There were plenty of prayers in this world, but not all of them deserved to be answered.

Bones didn’t waste any time. The vampires were too focused on their meal to notice him, giving him just enough time to set up. He crouched low, scanning the shelves for anything that could be useful. His eyes landed on a collection of adult toys—glass, silicone, battery-operated, ridiculous in any other context, but to him, they were just tools. He reached for a particularly sturdy glass toy, weighing it in his hand before pulling out his pencil. With quick, practiced movements, he sketched a series of runes onto the toy’s surface, the marks glowing faintly as they took hold. “This’ll do,” he muttered, his scraggly beard twitching in amusement as the glass hummed with magical energy. He placed the enchanted toy down carefully, ready to use it as a makeshift stake when the time came.

He moved on, laying charms in the aisles, crafting traps from what little he had. His fingers worked quickly, drawing fire runes and symbols of sunlight on the floor with the tip of his pencil. Each stroke glowed briefly before fading into the background, waiting to be triggered. Then, with one last charm to go, Bones decided on something a bit more elaborate. He scrawled the familiar symbols for a vine trap along the floor, meant to tangle up any vampires that stepped on it. But as he finished the last mark, he felt the magic twist—his hand slipped ever so slightly, and the symbols flared too brightly.

Before he could correct it, a thick, coiling vine sprang from the floor, but instead of wrapping itself around the ground like it was supposed to, it shot upward, snaking along the ceiling beams before dropping down in a haphazard spiral. The vine swayed lazily above, completely missing the intended effect. Bones cursed under his breath, eyeing the rogue vine as it dangled from the ceiling like some ridiculous, enchanted decoration. “Perfect,” he muttered, “just what I needed.”

Bones barely suppressed a groan as Jerry stumbled into view, his ridiculous outfit a fitting match for his personality. Jerry, the vampire idiot, was dressed in a shredded mesh crop top, revealing his bony, pale chest, while his legs were stuffed into acid-wash jeans so tight they looked painted on. A pair of torn fishnets peeked out from under the denim, and his feet wobbled in mismatched platform heels. His eyes, yellowed and glazed over, blinked slowly as if the gears in his brain had to work overtime to process what was happening. Glitter from his smeared eyeshadow caught the light, giving him an almost cartoonish appearance.

Bones’ mind was already racing. Jerry was stupid, slow, and predictable—the kind of vampire who relied more on brute force than actual skill. The idiot barely knew how to stay on his feet. Perfect target for a fire charm, Bones thought. He’d set one near the entrance, and all it would take was Jerry lumbering a few steps too far, and the charm would do the rest. The glass toy, enchanted earlier, hummed in his hand, and Bones made a mental note: Jerry’s going down first. Quick and clean. “Jerry,” Bones said with a sigh, gripping the toy tighter. “You always make this too easy.”

Bones didn’t waste time. While Jerry blinked dumbly in his direction, still trying to piece together what was happening, Bones moved in, fast and silent. In a swift motion, he yanked the enchanted glass toy from his pocket and slammed it into Jerry’s chest, the makeshift stake driving deep with a sickening crunch. Jerry’s eyes went wide, his mouth hanging open in shock, but before he could react, Bones pulled out a paper charm—one of his trusty, low-mana spells—and slapped it against Jerry’s side. The charm flared briefly, its rune glowing as it locked Jerry in place, paralyzing him long enough for Bones to grab his collar and hurl him toward the entrance. Jerry’s limp body sailed through the air, crashing into the floor near the threshold, directly over the hidden fire charm Bones had set earlier. The charm activated instantly, a burst of magical fire erupting beneath him, flames licking up around Jerry’s body. Bones watched as Jerry’s form twitched in the blaze, his last pathetic attempt at a scream cut short by the enchanted flames. “One down,” Bones muttered, already shifting his focus to the rest of the room.

As Jerry's body crumpled and burned in the corner, the other vampires snapped to attention, their eyes locking onto Bones with a sudden, feral intensity. These weren’t like Jerry. Stronger, faster, and far more dangerous—they moved with an unnatural speed, their faces twisting in hunger and rage. One of them, a towering figure with muscles bulging beneath a leather vest, let out a low growl, his fangs glinting under the flickering light. Bones barely had time to react before the vampire lunged, closing the distance between them in the blink of an eye.

Bones swung out of the way, but the vampire was too quick. A massive hand slammed into his side, sending him flying backward. He crashed into a shelf, the impact knocking the air out of his lungs as a row of dusty old products rained down on him. “Dammit,” Bones muttered, wincing as he struggled to his feet. These weren’t the kind of vampires he could take down with a quick stake and a charm. These were the ones that could toss him around like a rag doll, and they weren’t going to give him any more time to prepare. His fingers instinctively reached for the pocket Bible, the familiar weight giving him some reassurance, but he knew this fight was about to get brutal.

Bones sprinted through the aisles of the adult superstore, his worn-out duct-taped Vans squeaking against the grimy tile as the vampires closed in behind him. The store’s cluttered shelves blurred into a whirlwind of neon feathers, leather whips, and cheap masks, turning the place into a twisted maze of obstacles. He ducked under a chain of hanging fuzzy handcuffs, barely dodging a stack of precariously balanced boxes, and slid around the corner just as one of the vampires lunged at him, claws slicing through the air where his head had been.

His heart pounded as he weaved between racks of forgotten adult costumes and props, the vampires' snarls growing louder with every misstep. But even with all the dodging and scrambling, Bones wasn’t fast enough. One of the vampires—a wiry figure in torn fishnets and a shredded latex corset—leapt out from a nearby aisle, fangs bared and just inches from his throat. Bones, in a moment of pure desperation, grabbed the first thing within reach—a massive, 18-inch thick black rubber toy—and jammed it straight into the vampire’s mouth.

The vampire’s eyes bulged in confusion as it chomped down on the oversized toy, its fangs useless against the thick rubber. Bones stumbled back, watching as the creature gagged and clawed at the ridiculous weapon. “Yeah, chew on that,” he muttered, stumbling away, barely managing to stay on his feet as he crashed into a nearby shelf. The vampire, momentarily stunned, wobbled backward, giving Bones just enough time to regain his balance and put some distance between them.

As the vampire thrashed, gagging on the oversized rubber toy still lodged in its mouth, Bones spotted his opening. His fingers flew to the pencil tucked behind his ear, pulling it out with a practiced flick. With the vampire distracted, he scrawled a quick sunlight rune onto the base of the toy, the lines glowing faintly as the magic took hold. “Let’s see how you like this,” Bones muttered, slapping the charm hard against the vampire’s back, where it stuck like a brand.

The effect was immediate. A blinding light began to pulse from the toy, radiating from deep within the vampire’s throat. The creature’s eyes widened in shock, pure panic replacing its usual predatory hunger. The glow intensified, its throat now a beacon of scorching sunlight that poured from between its clenched teeth. Smoke curled from its mouth, the vampire's skin starting to sizzle and peel under the intensity of the light. Bones stepped back, watching as the vampire stumbled, its hands clawing uselessly at the charm. “That’s what I call a bright idea,” Bones quipped under his breath, his scraggly beard twitching with grim satisfaction as the vampire’s body began to burn from the inside out.

Bones didn’t stick around to watch the vampire turn to ash. As the light from the charm flared behind him, he bolted, his duct-taped Vans squeaking against the slick floor as he darted between shelves. The remaining three vampires were faster, stronger—and they weren’t distracted anymore. He could hear them closing in, their heavy footsteps pounding against the tile, growls echoing through the aisles. Bones skidded around a corner, narrowly avoiding a clawed hand that swiped at his shoulder, the vampire’s nails scraping the metal shelving behind him.

His breath was ragged, heart pounding as he pushed himself harder, jumping over piles of forgotten stock and ducking under sagging racks of faded costumes. Every turn seemed to get tighter, the aisles closing in, and no matter how fast he ran, the vampires were always right there, snapping at his heels. He risked a glance over his shoulder—just enough to see one of them, a tall, muscular figure in a leather trench coat, practically leaping after him. Bones cursed under his breath and rounded another corner, but this time, his luck ran out.

The aisle ahead was blocked—boxes and debris piled too high to scale. Before he could double back, one of the vampires slammed into him from the side, knocking him off his feet. He hit the ground hard, the wind rushing out of him as the vampire loomed over him, its fangs bared, eyes blazing with hunger. Bones grimaced, his back against the cold tile as the creature’s claws reached out, ready to tear into him.

Bones’ mind raced as the vampire loomed over him, fangs glistening with hunger. There was no time to reach for a stake, no time to draw a rune—he needed to act fast. His hand fumbled along the floor until his fingers wrapped around something cold and heavy—another oversized rubber toy, discarded near the base of a display shelf. Desperation turned to an idea, and before the vampire could lunge, Bones swung the toy up with all his strength, smacking the creature right across the forehead.

The impact was solid, the thick rubber making a satisfying thud as it connected with the vampire’s skull. For a brief moment, the vampire froze, its eyes wide with confusion and shock. A deep, red mark—almost a perfect imprint of the toy’s head—blossomed across the vampire’s forehead. Bones couldn’t help the grin that crept onto his face, even as he scrambled back to his feet. “Mushroom stamped,” he muttered under his breath, a mix of disbelief and grim humor in his voice.

The vampire snarled in rage, but the mark wasn’t going away—it glowed faintly, a side effect of the enchantments Bones had scribbled into the store earlier. The creature clawed at its own face, trying to wipe away the humiliation, but the mark was permanent now—a bright, glowing brand of magical failure.

With the vampire still disoriented from the mushroom stamp, Bones knew he had only seconds to act. As the creature lunged at him in fury, Bones didn’t pull back—he stepped forward, using the vampire’s momentum against it. Gripping the rubber toy firmly in both hands, he angled it just right, and as the vampire’s chest slammed into him, the force drove the toy deep into its chest. The thick rubber slid in like a makeshift stake, the enchantments flaring as it pierced through the vampire’s flesh.

The vampire’s eyes widened in shock, its body convulsing as the toy lodged itself firmly in place, buzzing faintly. Bones stumbled back, watching as the creature’s hands instinctively reached for the absurd weapon now buried in its chest, its claws scraping uselessly against the enchanted toy. The vampire staggered, its strength fading fast, the mushroom stamp on its forehead glowing even brighter as the magic did its work.

“Told you to stay down,” Bones muttered, wiping a hand across his face as he watched the vampire crumple to the ground, the vibrating toy still buzzing in its chest like a twisted final insult. Three down—but there were still more to deal with.

Bones barely had time to catch his breath before the next vampire stepped into view—a towering black vampire, his massive frame straining against the leather vest that barely covered his chest. And, because nothing in this place could make sense, he was also wearing assless chaps, his muscular legs visible beneath the strange ensemble. The big vampire’s lips curled into a predatory grin, revealing a set of gleaming fangs as he cracked his knuckles, ready for the next round. Bones swallowed hard, already feeling the ache from being tossed around earlier. This one wasn’t like Jerry or the others. He was bigger, stronger, and angrier.

But just as the vampire took a step forward, something unexpected happened. A low rustling sound echoed from above, and Bones’ eyes flicked upward. There, coiling its way down from the rafters, was Snakey—the enchanted vine trap that had gone rogue earlier. The vine slithered through the air, its thick, green tendrils moving like a snake, and for the first time in this ridiculous night, Bones felt a flicker of hope. “Well, hello, Snakey,” he muttered, watching as the vine began to circle the vampire, unseen for now. The big vampire was too focused on Bones, unaware of the creeping vine above.

As the massive vampire in assless chaps stalked toward Bones, completely unaware of the danger slithering down from above, Snakey made its move. The vine coiled tighter, its emerald green tendrils silently wrapping around the vampire’s broad shoulders and chest. Then, with a sudden, precise strike, the plug end of Snakey shot forward, aimed directly for the vampire’s exposed backside.

The effect was immediate—and priceless. The vampire froze mid-step, his predatory grin vanishing as his eyes bulged in shock. His entire body tensed as the plug end of Snakey found its target, the smooth metal lodging itself with a humiliatingly firm thud. Bones couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face, even as he watched the towering vampire stagger forward, his muscles locking up in disbelief.

The big vampire’s lips twitched, his face contorting into the kind of expression Bones had only seen once before—on someone who realized far too late what had just happened to them. “Didn’t see that coming, huh?” Bones quipped, barely suppressing a laugh as the vampire struggled to process the sudden, unexpected invasion. Snakey coiled tighter, its grip secure, holding the vampire in place with a comical sense of finality.

With the hulking vampire still locked in place, frozen by the embarrassment of Snakey’s sudden and unexpected strike, Bones reached into his back pocket and pulled out his pocket Bible. He flipped it open to a blank page, yanking out his trusty pencil from behind his ear. In a few quick, precise strokes, he sketched out the shape of a sunlight charm, his hand steady despite the chaos around him. The rune glowed faintly on the paper, but it needed a little something extra to really kick it into gear.

“Let’s get this over with,” Bones muttered, and without a second thought, he spat on the page, his saliva hitting the charm with a hiss. The moment the charm made contact with the moisture, it flared to life, glowing brighter than before. Bones tore the page from the Bible and slapped it onto the vampire’s nose ring, where it hung like a grotesque, glowing ornament.

The vampire’s eyes widened in panic, his body trembling as the charm activated fully. Light poured from the rune, flooding the creature’s insides with searing sunlight. Bones stepped back, watching as the vampire’s skin began to crack, the magic burning him from the inside out. A strangled growl escaped the vampire’s lips before his body collapsed into a pile of smoldering ash.

Snakey, uncoiling from the remains of its victim, slithered down to the floor and curled up at Bones’ feet, flicking its tail like a curious pet. “Good job, Snakey,” Bones muttered, patting the vine with a smirk. The enchanted vine, now loyal and eerily silent, began to follow him as Bones moved forward, ready for whatever came next.

Bones crept through the aisles, his senses heightened as he scanned the shadows for the last vampire. The store was eerily quiet now, save for the soft slither of Snakey at his side. Ahead, the last vampire—a lean, wiry figure dressed in shredded leather pants and a half-torn jacket—was stalking through the store, his movements deliberate as he searched for Bones. The vampire’s nostrils flared as he sniffed the air, his eyes darting left and right, fangs bared in anticipation of fresh blood.

Bones watched from behind a shelf, assessing the situation. The vampire was stronger, faster—and on high alert. He’d need more than brute force to deal with this one. His eyes flicked to a nearby display of baby oil bottles, the label faded but unmistakable. A grin spread across Bones’ face. “Perfect,” he muttered, grabbing a couple of bottles.

Quietly, he twisted the caps off and poured the slick liquid onto the floor in the vampire’s path, creating a wide, shimmering puddle of oil between them. Bones stepped back, watching as the vampire unknowingly approached the trap. “Let’s see how well you handle this, slick,” he whispered under his breath, waiting for the inevitable.

Bones crouched behind the shelf, watching as the vampire inched closer to the slick pool of baby oil glistening on the floor. The creature’s movements were careful, almost predatory, but he hadn’t noticed the trap yet. Bones grinned to himself, feeling the weight of the pocket Bible still snug in his back pocket. This was going to be fun.

With a quick glance to make sure Snakey was coiled safely beside him, Bones brought his fingers to his lips and let out a sharp, piercing whistle. The sound echoed through the dusty aisles, cutting through the eerie silence of the store. The vampire’s head snapped up, his glowing eyes locking onto the source of the noise. His lips curled back in a snarl, fangs gleaming as he spotted Bones crouched near the back.

“Come and get me,” Bones muttered, his grin widening as the vampire surged forward, charging right into the trap.

As the vampire charged, moving with blinding speed, Bones waited until the last possible second. Just as the vampire’s boots hit the slick pool of baby oil, Bones shifted to the side, effortlessly dodging out of the way. The vampire’s momentum carried him straight into the trap—his feet flew out from under him, and he let out a guttural snarl as he lost control, arms flailing wildly.

Bones watched with a smirk as the vampire skidded across the floor, slamming headfirst into an old, dust-covered Puff Daddy display that had been propped up near the back of the store. The life-sized cardboard cutout of the rapper from a long-forgotten album release toppled over with the vampire, collapsing in a heap of cardboard, oil, and leather.

The vampire struggled to stand, his legs slipping beneath him as the oil coated his hands and clothes, his snarl turning into a frustrated growl. “Nice moves,” Bones quipped, taking a few casual steps forward as the vampire continued to flail on the floor, completely at the mercy of the slick mess.

The vampire snarled in frustration, his hands clawing at the slick floor as he desperately tried to stand. Each time he got one foot under him, the other would slip out, sending him crashing back down into the pool of baby oil with a wet, undignified thud. His growls grew louder, more enraged with every failed attempt, his fangs bared in fury.

Bones stood a few feet away, arms crossed, watching the vampire’s struggle with a mixture of amusement and caution. The creature’s face twisted in anger, its eyes blazing with hatred as it flailed in the oil, only managing to smear the slick liquid further across the floor. “Not looking so tough now, huh?” Bones muttered, his grin widening as the vampire let out another furious roar, its hands scrabbling at the floor, but finding no traction. The more it struggled, the worse it got, and the vampire’s pride seemed to sink with every graceless fall.

Each slip only made it angrier, but that didn’t make it any more dangerous. Not in this state. “Yeah, keep fighting it. That’s really working for you,” Bones taunted, glancing at the collapsed Puff Daddy display behind the vampire, the entire scene bordering on absurd.

Bones had seen enough. As the vampire continued to flail in the pool of baby oil, its rage boiling over with each failed attempt to stand, Bones reached down and grabbed the last weapon he needed—a hefty, steel vibrator from one of the nearby shelves. It felt solid in his hand, the cool metal gleaming under the dim light of the store. With a quick flick of his wrist, he scrawled a fire rune on its side using his trusty pencil, the rune glowing faintly as the magic surged through the toy.

“Alright, let’s wrap this up,” Bones muttered. He took aim, his eyes narrowing as the vampire finally managed to get one leg under him, the snarl on its face deepening as it struggled for balance. Before the creature could react, Bones hurled the steel vibrator across the aisle with a sharp, precise throw. The enchanted toy flew through the air, a gleaming projectile of pure magic.

The vibrator hit its mark with a solid thunk, driving straight into the vampire’s chest. The moment it made contact, the fire rune activated, bursting into flames upon impact. The vampire let out a screeching howl as the flames erupted from the steel toy, spreading rapidly across its body. The creature flailed one last time, engulfed in fire as the enchanted flames devoured it from the inside out. Within moments, the vampire collapsed in a smoldering heap, the oily floor hissing beneath the intense heat.

Bones let out a slow breath, dusting his hands off as he watched the final vampire burn. “Not a bad throw, if I say so myself,” he muttered, stepping over the mess of ash and burnt leather, his scraggly beard twitching in satisfaction.

Bones stepped over the remains of the last vampire, brushing off a bit of ash from his worn hoodie as he walked toward the exit. The soft hum of the dying fire behind him mixed with the faint sizzling of burnt leather and plastic. Beside him, Snakey slithered along the floor, still following like a loyal pet, its tail flicking casually as if it hadn’t just helped take down three vampires in a nightmarish adult superstore.

The air was thick with smoke, and the neon lights from outside flickered faintly through the dusty windows as Bones approached the door. He didn’t look back—there was no need. His job was done, and the smoldering wreckage behind him told the whole story. As he pushed the door open, stepping back into the cool night air, a faint crackle echoed from inside. Something was catching fire. The baby oil, the debris, or maybe even the old shelves—all of it had started to ignite from the vampire's fiery end.

Without missing a beat, Bones walked out onto the sidewalk, the soft rumble of the city around him. Snakey slithered along next to him, but even the enchanted vine was starting to smoke at the edges, small tendrils of fire licking up its length. Bones glanced down at the vine, raising an eyebrow. “Looks like we’re both on fire tonight, huh?” he muttered, smirking as he continued down the street, the glowing embers of the store slowly growing behind him.

Bones made his way down the street, the chaos of the night already fading behind him. The old Mercedes Diesel sat waiting for him, parked just where he’d left it, still as battered and reliable as ever. He opened the door with a creak and slid into the driver’s seat, letting out a long sigh as the familiar worn leather welcomed him. The engine rumbled to life with a low growl as Bones settled in, the night air cool and quiet around him.

Before he could pull away, Snakey slithered up from the sidewalk, its charred edges still faintly glowing from the fires inside the store. Without hesitation, the enchanted vine coiled itself up and slid smoothly into the passenger seat, curling into a small pile as if it had always belonged there. Bones glanced over, shaking his head with a smirk. “Guess you’re coming with me, huh?” he muttered, giving the vine a quick pat before gripping the steering wheel.

With a low hum, the Mercedes pulled away from the curb, Bones driving off into the city, the glow of the neon signs slowly disappearing in the rearview mirror. He didn’t have a clear destination in mind, but one thing was certain—tonight, he was heading back to the RV, where maybe, just maybe, the rest of the night would be a little quieter. The streetlights flickered as he drove into the night, Snakey curled up beside him, and the chaos of the day slowly fading into the background.