"Okay, first things first, test atmosphere"
[testing..........done]
"oxygen, nitrogen, argon, carbon dioxide, nitrous-oxide, methane, sulfur hexafloride, so a lot of greenhouse gasses, but not that concentrated, so there is water somewhere, or other carbon sinks, the temperature of the area currently.....65 farenheit/15 Celcius,...odd for a barren wasteland, oh, it's dawn, to get a better measurement, I should continue testing for one rotation around this planet's star, but for now one planet rotation should be enough, "
(i adjust the time perception dilater temporarily to 1/3600, and test the temp throughout the cycle, the outcome is: high98f,low32)
"perfect temp range for human life, now to make a friend"
(i craft the body to 2075 standard specs,[ lean, musculature only going as low as 35% mass, appendix repurposed to nutrient storage, cancer no longer possible, but cells can divide 5 times more.] and because it just felt correct, I made them female)
"now the brain, installing the matrix, and general information and... done"
(in the physical realm the action is like a metal ball spewing black sludge, the sludge producing a large egg-like structure, a body being growing outwards from a tube inside it; starting with the nervous system. ending with even clothes on the body being woven seemingly out of nothing. the whole process taking 25 hours)
......(she wakes and pushes out of the membrane in a panic)
*cough, cough, vomit* "...ha,..ha....what the fuck...(looks around)..where am I?(see's the membrane)... I came out of that freaky looking egg?...*groan* I can't remember anything!"
"...*bzzt*..hi."
(she look around)
“who the fuck is you,..where are you?”
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
".... I guess, behind you,..and in your head"
(she looks at my pod)
“...whaaaat the helll!?”
"hello, i-"
“YOU ARE IN...MY HEAD...GET OUT OF THERE FUCKWAD!”
"then how would we talk?"
“i don't know, with a speaker or someshit!”
"....kay"
(the goop recedes and forms into a tendril ending in speaker)
"better?"
“*gld*..not by much.......”
"......"
“.....what. the hell, is all this about? why am I in the desert with giant talking metal ball filled with batty black gak?”
"I am currently a terraformer, construction, populater, scout, or TCPS, maybe TOPS, and my name is currently Druzy"
“...so a magic ball that makes things”
"science, not magic."
“yeah, well, make me something like an axe”
"kay..."
(i produce an electric guitar with an internal battery)
“....sweat.”
(she picks it up and strums it, producing the desired sound)
“WHA-..BITCHEN!..i don't even need to plug it in or anything!”
"you're welcome"
(she tunes it while asking)”so we're on some...planet,...with no people.....which means no authority to mace me and my friends. (looks around)YO(stomps on the ball) where da fuck-er-mah- friends?!”
"....uhh..... I haven't made them yet?"
“made them? what are you talking about? I was just in NewYork one minute, then the next I'm waking up in a goo sack......like...in.. the. matrix movie....(slides foot off the ball)..........(begins bashing guitar on the metal sphere) RELEASE THEM MOTHER-FUCKA”
"...that douse not harm me, this pod is built for space travel, so you'll sooner break that guitar than it"
(she pants)”then get outa there you bastard!”
"....okay(i begin the process of making a physical avatar)...wait a day...like...26 hours"
“...you need a glass of milk too?”
"(sarcastic)...oh, ha ha..your 21-century humour is hilarious"
“...what year is it anyway, it was 2006- I mean1989..i mean...WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!”
"I didn't specify the year for you to live through...I'm sorry for the confusion"
“...wha-”
"- it is also 50+ years from where I was chosen for this, either that was because I activated part way through my journey, or they waited to launch me don't know, I only got copies of media up to 2107"
“(rubs head)........OH FUCK, IM NOT REAL!”
"well your physical, so you are real in that sense, but you were never a person until today."
“...(puts guitar over her shoulder)..welp...im going to go walk off a cliff(turns to leave)”
"Please don't;... I'll give you a laser gun"
“...well shit it out then”
well what to give her,...something with a kick..here we go
"here(black goo expands and recedes to make a large riffle)..laser gun...now no more requests... I need to make a base to start colonization of this world"
“yeah, well, don't forget to get out of there so I can kick your ass. (picks up and cocks the gun)”