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Remembering Rock
Part 4: Chapter 16: Celia

Part 4: Chapter 16: Celia

Inside Guardian’s cabin, Celia took a deep breath.

“Smells fresh, like outdoors,” she said.

Guardian smiled. “Please, sit.” She indicated a chair at the kitchen table.

She took a pitcher from the refrigerator and a glass from the cupboard.

“This will help you relax.” She poured the glass full and placed it in front of Celia.

Celia lifted the glass and took a drink.

“Cold chamomile tea?” she said, surprised.

“Yes.” Guardian looked pleased. “Do you like it?”

“I like hot chamomile tea. This is kind of unusual, but I think I do, yes.”

“Tell me about Bryan,” Guardian said. “He was your second choice, wasn’t he?”

Celia’s eyes widened. “Oh, my…I don’t want to think about that. He was a good man, and we had a wonderful life together.” Her lips closed to a thin line, and her face clouded over.

“It’s okay. You can think about it now. It’s safe here.”

Celia’s eyes closed and her face softened. “I met him in college. I was majoring in elementary education and he was majoring in mathematics. Also education, high school level. We were going to change the world, of course, with our wonderful rapport with young people. The real world of teaching was a little disappointing, but we believed we did make a difference in the lives of our students. We were going to teach another ten years and then retire. We were going to travel, see the world. We always lived simply and saved our money.

“And your daughter?”

“Our daughter is dead.” Her lips clamped together.

Guardian was silent a moment.

“Close your eyes,” she said.

Celia was excited. First day of college. First time away from home for more than a night or two. She had wanted to be a teacher for as long as she could remember. Finally, she was starting her training for her career. The door to her first classroom was in front of her. It stood open. She walked in. At first, she was self-conscious. Several students already sat in desks around the room. She saw a seat by itself near the front and decided to sit there. Moments later a young man with dark skin sat down right across from her. She sucked in her breath nervously, but nothing happened. No racing heart. No panic attack. She smiled with relief.

“Hi,” she said. “I’m Celia.”

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He smiled back. “I’m Jack.”

The vision skipped forward in time. She was on a skiing date with Jack. Skiing felt like flying, and she wanted to fly. She felt so good when she was with Jack.

When they were tired from skiing, they sat in the lodge drinking hot chocolate.

“You know,” Jack said. “We really don’t have to wait until we’re out of college to get married. It would be good to be settled into our blissfully wedded life,” he stopped and grinned, “before we start teaching.”

Celia felt the familiar, uncomfortable knot start to form at the pit of her stomach.

“I don’t know, Jack.”

“Have you talked to your parents yet?”

She was silent.

“They still don’t know about me at all, do they?” He frowned.

The panic attack hit, full force.

“Celia, it’s okay.”

Celia opened her eyes. Guardian was standing next to her, one hand on Celia’s shoulder and the other holding Celia’s hand.

Celia started crying. Then she bawled, and then she screamed with fury. At last she grew silent, drained.

“Jack made me talk to my parents. I didn’t know that’s where we were going when I got in the car. I thought we were going to have a day out. He didn’t tell me until we were on the way. I couldn’t very well get out of the car while it was moving, so I was stuck. Of course, my mother was livid. She lambasted Jack and me up one side and down the other. She told us we would never see each other again or there would be serious consequences. I have no idea what they might have been; maybe she didn’t either. Who knows? My dad didn’t say much, just sat there looking grim.

“Jack felt terrible, of course. He said bad things about my parents. If he hadn’t done that, maybe I would have agreed to elope, like he wanted. That episode ruined my relationship with Jack, so my mother turned out to be right. We did stop seeing each other.

“It’s true, I never felt the same way about Bryan as I did Jack, but Bryan was a wonderful man, and I did love him.”

“Now tell me about your daughter.”

Celia started crying again. “Tess met a wonderful boy and wanted to marry him, but he was Native American. I tried to explain to her, like my mother explained to me, that Will was very nice but it was a mistake to mix races. I didn’t get angry, like my mother did, and I thought I remained calm and reasonable. Tess got frustrated and said she would marry him no matter what I said. And she did. It didn’t bother Bryan at all, but I felt so betrayed. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t get to marry mine, but she got hers.” Celia stopped, shocked. “Did you hear what I just said? I never allowed myself to think about it at all. And now I know why. I didn’t want anyone else to have what I wanted and couldn’t have. I didn’t want to admit my selfishness. I am so ashamed. I was so angry with Tess, I never spoke to her again. I know Bryan spoke to her and about her, but if someone ever mentioned her in my presence, I would just snap, “She’s dead.”

The cabin was silent for several minutes. Celia’s mind whirled with epiphany.

“I can’t believe I’ve been so blind,” she said at last. “I was refusing to think about any of this, because deep down I knew I would find out I was wrong. I couldn’t face that.”

There was silence again for a few seconds.

“This was very hard for me, but it was so necessary. I just hope it isn’t too late to reconcile with Tess. Thank you, Guardian, from the bottom of my heart.” She hesitated. “Do I thank the rock, too?”

Guardian laughed and the somber mood lifted. “I will pass on your gratitude,” she said.

They left the cabin and Celia walked toward the north side of the grove. She turned and waved once just before stepping into the trees.