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Remembering Rock
Part 3: Chapter 11: Ann and Chapter 12: Intermission

Part 3: Chapter 11: Ann and Chapter 12: Intermission

Inside the little house Ann looked around. She could see everything from the door. So small, so neat, she felt as if she were in the safest place imaginable.

“Cozy,” she murmured.

“Yes, it has everything I need,” Guardian replied. “Please sit down.”

Ann sat at the kitchen table. Guardian poured a glass of some kind of juice or drink and placed it in front of Ann.

“This will help you relax,” she said.

“What is it?”

“It’s just a cold chamomile tea. Chamomile-flavored iced tea.”

They sat awhile in silence as Ann sipped the tea. Then Guardian spoke.

“You found your memories disturbing.”

“Yes. I had put the experience out of my mind. Now it’s almost as if it happened only yesterday.” Tears once more welled in her eyes.

Guardian patted her hand. “Don’t despair. They will soon return to distant memories. First, you must tell them to me.”

Ann breathed deeply. “Yes, I must.” She paused for another breath and then began. As she spoke, her tears ran freely, but she did not falter.

“Now,” said Guardian, when Ann had finished, “close your eyes for the final memory.”

Ann closed her eyes.

“What!?” Ted jumped to his feet. “You’re pregnant? How could you be so stupid? And why do you think it’s mine, anyway? If you did it with me, you probably did it with everybody. I’m not taking the blame for this.”

“How can you say that?” Ann cried. “I’ve never been with anyone but you. You know that. I didn’t have time. I was always with you. What are we going to do?”

“We? There’s no ‘we’ in this. I used protection every time, so it couldn’t have been me. Do you hear me? It couldn’t have been me.”

“But it broke, remember? More than once—”

“Shut up! It wasn’t me, so get that out of your head. I’m not bailing you out of this mess. You got yourself in it; you can get yourself out. I’m outta here.”

Ann started to cry again. Between sobs she spoke of her final memory.

“Oh, Guardian, how could he just leave me like that? I was so afraid to tell my parents. I put it off as long as I could. My father said very little. My mother was so furious. She was mainly worried about what people would think. She made me go away to have the baby, and I had to give it up for adoption. I was so young, I wouldn’t have known what to do with a baby, anyway. Things were never the same after that. Any time I ever made a mistake or my mother got mad at me, she would always bring up my terrible indiscretion. She never let me forget it.”

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“What have you learned from your experience?”

“What do you mean?”

There is a saying; ‘Whatever ill one doth endure, the seeds of hope envelop; And even when the heart’s not pure, a profit will develop.’”

Ann frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“It means, no matter what happens, no matter how bad it seems nor even if one or more people involved are less than perfect, good can and will come of it somehow. Think about what kind of person you were as a teenager and how you think your life might have turned out if you never had this experience.”

Ann thought. “Ah, I think I see what you mean. I hadn’t thought about what I would do with my life at all. I figured I would get married, have some kids, and live happily ever after. I was so naive.” She shuddered. “I might have married Ted. That would have been such a mistake. He really didn’t care about anyone but himself. It would have been a miserable life. He was so controlling. I don’t know if I would ever have gotten enough courage to leave him. Thank goodness, that didn’t happen.

“So that part’s good, but I have no life, really. Just my work, which I do enjoy, but it isn’t enough.”

“What do you want?”

“I would like a family. And the feeling that I’m doing something important. I’m an actor, which seems kind of frivolous, even though it is hard work.”

“You’re still young. It isn’t too late to have a family.”

“I’m afraid to get close to anyone. Whenever I start spending time with a man, as soon as we start getting serious, I break it off. I get too nervous. I’m so afraid of being hurt again.”

“What do you think might help?”

Ann laughed. “It’s funny. I already feel less burdened somehow. I’ve denied my feelings for ten years. I was afraid I couldn’t take it if I faced what happened. Well, now I’ve faced it, and I’m still here. I didn’t fall into pieces.” She laughed again. “I’m stronger than I thought. In fact, I feel kind of powerful. It feels good.” She sobered. “But my fear of men isn’t just going to go away by itself.”

“You’re very wise.” Guardian winked.

Ann smiled. “I’m going to find a good therapist. And I think I’ll find out what happened to my baby. I need to know she’s okay.”

They left the cabin and Guardian accompanied Ann to the edge of the grove. As they walked, they talked. Ann told her about Thomas and how he had surprised her with his proposal.

“What’s really unusual,” Ann said, “is that, even after his proposal, I didn’t break it off with him. I must have known this was coming. He’s been very, very patient and hasn’t pushed me at all. I’ll have to tell him about my breakthrough. It’s only fair after how supportive he’s been of me. Our relationship has been totally platonic, although I know that isn’t what he wants. And he offered to help me find a therapist. Maybe I’ll take him up on that.”

At the north edge of the clearing, she turned to Guardian. "I'm sorry. I've just been blabbering. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“There is no need.”

“Well, thank you, thank you, thank you, anyway. I feel as if I’ve been asleep for years and have finally woken up. In fact, I feel like I’ve been dead and I’m finally alive. It’s amazing.”

“Never forget how you feel right now. Don’t lose again what you have found.”

“I won’t; I promise.”

PART 3: CHAPTER 12: INTERMISSION

Guardian sat in the clearing facing Remembering Rock. Her eyes were closed as she spoke with the Purities.

“Well done, my children. Another soul has learned to harvest the gain that lies in every tragic event. Her transformation has generated a burst of power for the coming battle. Rest well. Your next task will come soon.”