Nynyane was still in my arms. She stared in horror at the severed lower half of her longest serving Knight. I was staring as well, but it was in more of an Oh We Are So Fucked kind of way. A voice in the back of my head idly noted that I was not as devastated by the loss of the Green Knight as I had been when I thought the Lady was dead. Another, snarkier voice pointed out that William had been an asshole.

Buttchug, God of Hunger, lifted William's leaking bottom half over his oversized mouth. He let out a pleased moan as his maw opened wide, dropping the corpse in and crunching noisily. The sight shocked me back into action. I set Nynyane down on her feet. "The Bequest," I told her. "Go."

She blinked at me with wide eyes. I grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a gentle push in the direction of the rubble I'd pulled her out of. "Go!" The push was a little harder than I intended. She stumbled and almost fell. The Lady of the Lake spared one last look at the God chowing down on the man that had probably been her oldest friend. Then she shook herself, running towards the Swords I'd left in the ground.

"Mmm..." The Devourer licked his lips with a tongue that would make a frog puke. "Delicious." His oversized head and arm shrank back to their normal size. He twirled his spear with a vicious grin, sharp teeth gleaming in the torchlight. "Who is next?"

"You mother-" Mike started forward, his sword flaring with righteous fire. I clamped a hand on his shoulder. Buttchug had mopped the floor with him already, and that was when he had William and Patrick backing him up. The only reason he was alive the Green Knight's bullshit healing magic, and the Green Knight was dead. If Mike fought Buttchug now, he'd be dead in seconds. Patrick wouldn't fare any better.

That only left one choice. "He's mine." I stepped forward. Solais blazed to life.

The Red Knight turned to face me. Even with his visor down, I could sense his dubious expression. "Are you nuts?" Mike asked. "He'll kill you."

"He's mine," I repeated. I sounded a lot more sure than I felt. "Trust me. It's just like that first fight." I stared at my friend, willing him to understand. "On the bridge."

Mike stared for another moment. Then he got it. "Fuck." He stepped back, gesturing at the grinning immortal. "He's all yours. Give him hell."

Patrick still looked doubtful, but he stayed where he was. He still held his rapier in one hand and a Longsword of Bequest in the other, but he lowered them a little as I walked towards the Hungry God.

"So you intend to fight me by yourself?" Buttchug's smile was eager. He twirled his spear in one hand. "The last mortal that tried that was a White Knight, as well. Lancelot was a prodigy of the blade, a worthy opponent even for one such as I." He tsked. "But you're no Lancelot, are you?" He shook his head, still smiling. "I suspect you will provide little sport."

"I think you'll be surprised." I said it with all the bravado I could muster, but the truth is my heart felt like it was going to pound itself right out of my chest. My legs felt like rubber. It was all I could do not to shake. Buttchug was big. I'd known that. I'd seen him towering over the other Knights less than a minute ago. But there's a difference between noticing some is huge and noticing they're huge when you're about to fight them. Nearly nine feet of murderous God loomed in front of me, with spidery limbs and sharp teeth and a blood soaked spear. Was I really going to fight this guy? I must have been out of my fucking mind.

"You think so?" Buttchug shifted his feet, taking the spear in both hands. "Very well, little Knight. Surprise me."

Just a few more steps, and I'd be in range. I circled to the left, and the God shifted to keep me in sight. I moved slowly, deliberately. I did my best to show I wasn't afraid. Buttchug dropped his smile, settling into a stance and giving me his full attention. Shit. I liked it better when he was toying with everybody.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Just like the gods in the old stories, Buttchug's weakness was that he was cocky. Even being repeatedly shot in the face hadn't been enough to make him take us seriously. And why should he? He was a literal God. Stronger. More skilled. More powerful. He outclassed us in every way, and he couldn't fucking die. Killing us wasn't a matter of if, but when, and he'd had no reason to rush.

Now he was getting impatient. Or maybe he was just tired of being shot and stabbed. Either way, he was starting to take things more seriously. That was not good news.

I'd delayed as long as I could. If I didn't attack now, he would take the fight to me. I took one last breath. I raised my shining sword. I dashed forward, howling like a madman. Buttchug waited. Calm. Focused. Before I could get close enough to strike, he lunged.

He was fast, but not vampire fast. More like Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan. It was still much faster than I could react to. His reach was longer than I anticipated, and his spear plunged into my chest before I got anywhere near close enough to strike. I didn't stop. His spear pierced me a second and third time before I finally got close enough to swing my sword. Solais flared brighter as it arced down across the God's chest. Buttchug didn't bother to dodge. He'd already figured out it was an illusion.

The real me stayed invisible, still circling. I sent another illusion, this time from the right. Then another, and another. Buttchug dodged and stabbed, fighting dozens of me at a time. He never let a blade touch him before he'd hit the illusion wielding it. I crept closer and closer. I doubted my illusions would distract him for long, but they didn't have to. Just long enough.

Two more steps, and I'd be in range of his spear. Another four before he'd be in range of my sword. I tightened my grip on Solais. I'd only get one shot. I'd better make it count. I set my feet. I took a breath. Just as I started my rush, the Hungry God's eyes locked onto mine.

He could see me. He'd been able to see me the whole time. While my brain panicked, my body reversed its' lunge, scrambling backwards as fast as I could. It was almost fast enough. The tip of Buttchug's spear stabbed a mere half inch into my chest. It was a sudden sharp pain, burning through despite my adrenaline.

I slapped the next few stabs away as I desperately retreated. Solais flared each time it touched the God's mythic spear. To my immense disappointment, my sword did not damage the God's weapon. I was practically sprinting backwards, but Buttchug wouldn't let me get away. A pair of poor deflections cost me a gash in my hip and a hole in my left bicep. It had only been four seconds, and he'd hit me three times.

I dropped the invisibility. Instead I hit Buttchug with a blast of light and sound. An illusionary flashbang, right in his face. Unfortunately, the flashbang had flashbanged me, too. Even with my eyes closed, I fell on my ass with ringing in my ears. I kept just enough presence of mind to roll away, trying to blink the spots out of my eyes.

I looked up to find an annoyed Buttchug, pulling a rapier out of the back of his leg. Mike's shield bounced off the back of the immortal's head. The God spun, launching his spear at the Red Knight's head. Mike's flaming sword smacked it away, and the Devourer called it back to his hand just in time to knock the Blue Knight across the courtyard with it. His backswing knocked Drynwyn out of the Red Knight's hand.

Then there was a blur. The Hungry God's head fell from his shoulders.

The Lady of the Lake stumbled to a halt, a good twenty feet past the rest of us. Pink armor encased her body. In her hand she held Clarent, the sword of the Black Knight. The rest of us stared for a moment, then Mike gave a whoop. "Yeah, bitch!" He kicked the God's head like a soccer ball. "Pink Ranger for the win!"

Buttchug's headless body tried to stab the Red Knight. He missed. Nynyane blurred past again, cutting the God off at the knees. Mike lopped off the hand holding the magic spear.

"Insolent bitch!" Buttchug's head was now on the other end of the courtyard, but he had impressive volume for someone who wasn't connected to his lungs. "Do you really think this will stop me."

"Those wounded by Clarent will never heal," The Lady in Armor replied. She walked back to Buttchug's body and lopped off both his arms.

"Maybe you can't die," I called out as I got to my feet, "but we can still make you a cripple." I waved at Nynyane. "Looks like you got my note." I'd left an illusion next to the Pink Knights Request. It read: FORGET THE MACE. USE CLARENT AND DISMEMBER THAT ASSHOLE!

"It was unnecessary," she replied. "Excuse me a moment." Nynyane blurred into a run again, stumbling to a halt next to Buttchug's head. The God's outraged cursing cut off.

While the Lady in Pink was busy mutilating the head of a deity, I turned to Mike. "Did you say pink ranger?"

"Yeah." The Red Knight sheathed his sword. "Think about it. We fight monsters. We summon magic armor. We're differentiated by color..."

"Don't say it," I warned.

"Shit man," I could hear his grin. "We just saved the world. We're totally Power Rangers!"

I leveled Solais. "You take that back."