"Patrick?" Sir William finished his beer and set it down. "Bring out the goods."

Patrick stood. Without preamble or special effect, he was encased in armor. His was a deep blue that vaguely reminded me of the ocean. A makeshift harness had been strapped to his armor, holding three naked swords in place on his back. The Blue Knight carefully removed the harness, extricated the swords, and placed them on one of the beds.

"Three swords of the Bequest," said Patrick. "Able to turn the most ordinary man into a force to be reckoned with." He held a hand out towards the weapons and sketched a half bow. His armor disappeared, returning Patrick to his regular clothes. "Behold the power of magic bullshit."

Mike frowned in confusion. "How come your afro isn't smooshed?"

It was a good question. The Blue Knight's hairdo wasn't huge, but it was bigger than the helmet had been. Not only was the man's hair not smooshed, it looked more immaculate than it had before he summoned his armor. "I already told you," Patrick said with a shrug. "Magic bullshit."

"We've got all three," William addressed the Lady. "That's the good news." He grimaced. "The bad news is there weren't any Bequested aside from Jasper. If we want more knights, we'll have to do it the hard way."

"What's the hard way?" I asked.

"We gotta convince some fool to stab himself in the heart," Patrick supplied. He picked up one of the swords. "The sword'll judge him. If he's worthy, he becomes a knight."

"And if he's not?" I had a pretty good guess, but I wanted to hear him say it.

"Then he just stabbed himself in the heart." Patrick grimaced and dropped the weapon back onto the bed. "You're either worthy or you're dead."

Mike frowned. "What does worthy mean?"

"It's not as vague as you think," William assured us. "The sword's looking for courage, mostly. If you're a man who's willing to fight, you should be fine."

"Provided that you've killed at least one person in a real fight," Patrick added. "Anyone without a body count gets rejected."

"Huh." I looked at both of them, but it didn't look like they had anything to add. "That's it?" Patrick shrugged. "That's stupid."

William scowled, but Patrick snorted a laugh. "Yeah," the Blue Knight agreed. "No checking for honor, or loyalty, or any of that jive. The swords just want killers. That's why the enemy's got so many of 'em."

"That's dumb as hell," Mike chimed in.

"Well it's not like we made the bloody things," William chided. "We've got to work with what we have."

"And what we have," Lady cut in, "Are two knights, and three swords of the Bequest."

"What about that one?" Mike pointed at the sword we'd brought from Missoula. It was leaning against the wall next to Lady.

"That's mine," said William. "The Sword of the Green Knight's Bequest. I gave it to Jasper so he could be the new Green Knight without stabbing himself if I got killed. It still holds a piece of my power, but we won't be getting any new knights out of it."

"Ok." I scratched my head. "So now we just need three idiots willing to stab themselves."

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Sir William raised an eyebrow. "I think we found two of them already."

I shook my head. "We're not killers."

"You've killed two vampires between you," Lady pointed out.

"Do vampires count?" I was dubious.

Lady frowned. "I don't know."

"And I'm not willing to take that chance," I told her. "I'm not a fighter."

"Don't sell yourself short, man." Mike had picked up of the swords. He hefted it a couple of times. "You could be dangerous if you wanted."

"I don't want to be dangerous," I told him. "I want to go home and pretend none of this ever happened."

"Bit of a pussy, aren't you?" Sir William folded his arms in disapproval.

"Fuck you," Mike jumped to my defense.

The Green Knight snarled. "What did you say to me?"

"I said the Lady's gonna have to recruit another knight." Mike dropped the sword on the bed and glowered at him. "If you insult my friend again."

"Enough." The Lady in Sweatpants got between them. "Kevin has faced terrible dangers on my behalf. He lost his home and his friends, and he fought vampires with no magic to aid him." She stepped towards me and put a hand on my shoulder. "You've done enough. You are no recreant."

"Thanks." God damn, she was beautiful. I felt awkward with her touching me. William (I decided he no longer rated a Sir) was still glaring at Mike. I backed up a step, out of Lady's reach. I tried for diplomacy. "I'll still help. I just... I don't think I'm ready for knighthood."

William stepped past Lady, crowding into Mike's personal space. "This isn't over, boy," he growled. "We'll be having words, you and I."

Under normal circumstances, Mike might have returned the threat and left it at that. The last few days had not been normal. Micheal Bertrand Cross had been through everything I had. He was tired and grieving and stressed, and his already short temper was badly frayed. I knew what would happen the second William made the threat, but I wasn't stupid enough to get in the way.

Mike met the Green Knight's glare for a moment. Then he let his fists do the talking. A right cross slammed into William's nose with a meaty crunch. Mike bent at the knees, crouching slightly to throw a second cross into the man's solar plexus. William had just registered the blows and started to step back and raise his hands when a left hook slammed into his jaw. A right hook followed, spinning him down to the floor. The whole exchange took all of two seconds.

William stirred weakly, then green armor wrapped around his form. He started to climb to his feet, but Mike stomped onto his back and pushed him down. He pumped a round into his shotgun, and placed the barrel against the back of William's helm. "Stay down," he warned.

"You think you can hurt me with that?" William scoffed.

"Try me."

Patrick armored up, sea blue platemail coalescing as he walked up to Mike. He kept his hands off his weapons. I noted with mild interest that his sword was a rapier. "I know Will's acting the fool, but I can't let you shoot him."

"That's up to Willy," Mike growled. "Isn't it?"

"You already whupped his ass," Patrick argued. "And we can't afford to be firing guns off in the hotel." He gently placed hand on the top of Mike's shotgun. "It wouldn't kill him, anyway."

Mike eyed the Blue Knight, finger tight against the trigger. He let out a breath and nodded, taking his foot off William. He stepped away and leaned the shotgun against one of the beds.

The Green Knight climbed to his feet. "You should have let him shoot me." I could hear the snarl in his voice as he reached for his sword. "At least he could have dealt some damage before I took my satisfaction."

Lady spoke up. She only said one word, a command. "Patrick."

I didn't see the Blue Knight move. Before Lady finished saying his name, Patrick had the tip of his rapier pressed against the Green Knight's throat. "If you want satisfaction, I'll be the one to give it to you."

William wisely slid his sword back into it's sheath. "He struck me."

"You deserved it," the Blue Knight countered.

"William," Lady's voice cracked like a whip. "Is this the way a Knight behaves? We are guests here. These men are our hosts. You have both threatened and insulted them."

"He struck me," William repeated. He turned his steel shrouded glare on her, but the look she gave was far fiercer. He wilted a little.

"You were fairly bested," Lady spat. "And you tried to use the power of the Bequest to strike down an unarmed man. One who personally saved my life."

"I think what the Lady is trying to say," Patrick drawled, "is stop being an asshole."

"Put the armor away," the Lady In Sweats commanded. "And sit down."

"But, my Lady-" Willy protested.

"Do it."

William swore, and the armor disappeared. He plopped his sullen ass down on the closest bed, glowering at nothing. Mike was still eyeing him, hand hovering near the shotgun.

We all stayed there in awkward silence for a minute. The silence was broken by a knock at the door. "Oh good." I perked up. "Pizza's here."