The rest of the family had to hand it to Noelle: she was dealing with the giant reptile-man much better than they were. After Sal had lifted Noelle down, she'd calmly opened her eyes and...smiled? Why isn't Noelle shaking and screaming? David wondered. He had wet his pants when he saw the salaman. The turn of events confounded the rest of the family: Noelle, who was scared of animals like spiders and mice, was suddenly comfortable with a three hundred pound, seven foot tall reptile lifting her down and kissing her hand? As the reptile did so, Roseanne had let out a gasp and Hugh had covered his eyes. No way. David subtly held a hand over the stain in his pants.

"No, the pleasure's mine." Noelle replied cheerfully to the salaman as he rose from a kneel, her hand wet from the reptile kiss.

On his end, Sal was positively glowing. I really do like this one. The reptile surveyed the other isekai for good measure and spotted the fourth one. He had been in the back of the wagon until now, and Sal had been up front chatting with Georgie and Noelle. Oddly silent like the other two. Sal sized him up. He appeared to be a young man, although he was strangely lacking in muscle...and quivering with a pee stain on his pants. The reptile winced and tried to forget what he'd just seen.

Yes, instead of dwelling on that sight, Sal strode towards the guild entrance, specifically toward the seldom used greater doors: two towering but neglected doors of iron and wood in the middle of the building, designed for the larger species that couldn't fit through the standard-sized door off to the side. For some reason beyond Sal's comprehension, the guild society felt that being inclusive to the likes of demigiants was imperative–even though none lived in a hundred miles of Ifeldi–and so this enormous entrance, with lofty accommodating ceilings inside, had been built. Despite his size, massive by human standards, Sal didn't need to use the greater door–he fit through the ordinary one just fine–but right now he was trying to make an impression. It was the first time four legendary heroes would be entering an Adventurer's Guild, after all. So with the earsplitting shriek of ungreased hinges and a bulge of reptilian muscle, Sal pulled open the massive slab-doors thrice his height and five times his length, grinning. "Welcome to the Adventurer's Guild!"

Murmurs welled both inside and outside the guild, bystanders fixing to see what that awful squealing sound had been as much as to see who the greater doors were being opened for. An ogre? Some wondered. Maybe a dragon? Some of the children beggared strangers for piggyback rides, only to be let down and ask to be let down: humans using the gate!? But mom said I couldn't... A lot of the onlookers frowned on the action. How vain, one woman dismissed the proceedings with a sniff. Those gates weren't meant for show.

Sal was oblivious to the stares, looking at the rusty door hinges. Can't the guild at least be bothered to wax these? He was a bit peeved that the hinges had ruined their dramatic entrance.

Or perhaps it was not quite ruined. Noelle took the lead and strode right through the spread doors with perfect posture. She picked up the drama Sal had started and brought a little grandness of her own into their entrance, strong and regal as she surveyed the adventurers seated at their tables: a natural born hero. Adventurers started murmuring. What powers did this strange foreigner have? As for Noelle's three companions, the heroes-to-be...well, Georgie herded the inept trio through the gaping entrance eventually. Still, despite the odd ways of the heroes-to-be, Noelle's performance left the salaman satisfied and excited.

"These are big doors." Hugh nodded. "Well made, too."

"Ah, thank you dear. Come on now." Roseanne pulled her husband along, giving a few waves as she went. She abruptly stopped and wrinkled her nose. "It smells awful in there!"

Was that an elf? David kept looking behind him for another glimpse of the long-eared, model-material woman he'd seen. Georgie dragged him in.

A few laughs went up as Noelle, and then particularly when her parents followed by David and Georgie and Sal, entered, but overall the atmosphere was warm and boiling with conversation. The amusement and disdain many of the Malto-Ermans felt over humans using the greater door mingled with an intense curiosity inside the guild: the older patrons here knew Sal wasn't one to mess around cocksure, and any adventurer worth their salt knew looks could be deceiving: just because those three looked like wimps...

"Aaactually, I think what Sal meant was 'welcome to the third largest Adventurer's Guild in Ifeldi!'" The guild's receptionist called out to the group with a note of pride in her commanding voice, waving them down. She was a blonde, cheerful human with intelligent eyes and she gave a particularly warm smile to the four strangely dressed people ushered in by Sal and a vaguely familiar local farmer whose name she forgot. Always look your best for other nations! I'm representing both the guild and my country right now. "Not a lot for foreigners like you four, I expect, but we're a rather proud town and we do our best. How may I help?"

"Perhaps you could do better, hmm?" Roseanne grimaced in response at the casual, smelly tavern scene she saw. Sweeping a hand, Roseanne continued. "I know the restaurant inspectors would certainly hope so." That got some murmurs from the intently listening adventurers, able to get the jist even if they didn't know what a 'restaurant inspector' was. Blades shifted, staffs fingered.

Hugh, ever one to read a room, tried to pull Georgie aside to address the issue at hand. The farmer just looked at him as if he were stupid and the Alton patriarch sighed, settling for leaning in to whisper. Things were heating up, they had to talk before circumstances got worse. "Georgie, my friend. I thought you were taking us to a union. I realize we're new here, but...this is a restaurant, no? I appreciate you taking your time to accomodate us, but we'd like to get to this guild of yours...And I don't think this place is exactly up to sanitary code, either." Hugh eyed the tables people were eating.

The tables were filled with splinters, the bar was using steins which were shown to be potentially unsanitary, there was a general profusion of unclean surfaces and even if Hugh was being a little uptight on those three, the strange bird-like animals sealed the deal: he blinked as one of them jumped into the table and started eating out of a person's plate. The diner just rubbed the animal's head and the two ate out of the same plate until the bird-thing went to dine on somebody else's dish. That was...not hygienic. Hugh barely dared to think about the diseases that could be–and probably were being–communicated by those bird-animals. It was disgusting. His face wrinkled up.

In response to Hugh's question–which Hugh had almost forgotten, in shock from watching the bizarre animal-human meal-sharing–Georgie said he didn't know what a restaurant was. Big suprise. Hugh briefly explained the idea to the farmer while watching another bird-thing eat from someone's platter. It was grotesquely transfixing. When the farmer's understanding finally clicked–the Altons were getting better at explaining–he chortled and slapped Hugh on the shoulder.

The idea of a shop you went to specifically to eat a meal at was strangely amusing to the farmer. The way folk around Malto-Erma did it, you either ate at an inn 'cause you couldn't get home or you ate at home. Nothing can beat homecooking, everyone knew that. So a shop for eating was just...actually, Georgie figured 'restaurant' was probably just a fancy other-worldly way of saying 'bar.' He chuckled. "You love your drink, don't you Hugh? Well, it's no secret the Adventurer's Guild has got the best liquor in town!" The farmer laughed again and winked. "Alright, let's get a-going! This is the guild, you know." Somehow, that seemed to ease some of the tension Roseanne had created.

The farmer left Hugh to mull over the low the standards of hygiene as he hustled over to the receptionist and leaned over the counter conspiratorially. "Ms. Receptionist, these here folks are isekai," he whispered, sticking his thumb towards the Altons. Her eyes widened momentarily and then doubt clouded them.

Just then a peal of moaning metal and a heavy thump shook the ground as Sal closed the greater doors. A fair number of the adventurers watched as one of the four foreigners, the older lady who had set everyone on edge with her comment earlier, shrieked at the thump. Whispers went around.

"Thank you, Sal!" The receptionist called out to the salaman who hissed in response: the greater doors could make the building a bit drafty, even if it was summer. Turning back to the sunburnt farmer, she spoke. "Ah, that's why Sal used the greater doors, isn't it?" The receptionist smiled a bit: it sounded like the Sal she knew, alright. Then she ran her eyes from the great reptile over to the foreigners. They narrowed. "Are you quite sure about this claim mister, erm..."

"Georgie."

"Yes, are you certain you want to make this claim, Mr. Georgie? I don't mean anything by it, but I do want to let you know that isekai claims cost the crown quite a lot and cases where fraudulent intent is demonst–."

"Georgie's an honest man." Sal broke in, clamping a hand on the farmer's shoulder. He'd made his way to the desk lightning-quick. "The claim and reward are all his, but I'll vouch for him in court if things come to that. Known this man over thirty seasons."

The receptionist looked up at the reptile familiarly and then mused over guild isekai claim procedure for a minute. A tinge of doubt: isekai claim procedure was designed for a single person. "There are four of them, Sal..."

"I know, Alicia, but I also know my friend isn't lying. We could have four isekai on our hands right here."

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

The receptionist shook a little bit, staring the salaman in his eyes: he was serious. She felt excitement rising inside her. The stuff of legends. "I-if we proceed, I will active an immediate-action scroll to request a mage dispatch for isekai testing. As the claimant, Mr. Georgie will be asked to stay at the guild until testing concludes. If the claim is determined valid, the claimant will receive a finder's fee, the exact amount as outlined in law...although there isn't quite a precedent for four isekai. If the claim is determined false, the claimant and false isekai may be subjected to additional questioning and penalty fees in an investigation. Room and board for all parties involved will be provided free of charge. Is this acceptable, Mr. Georgie?"

Georgie cracked a grin. "Free night at the Adventurer's Inn? You can be sure that's fine by me!" Georgie didn't give the possibility he was making a false claim a second–or a first–thought. "...But hold up, how long will I have to stay out here? Got a family to go back to, you know."

Alicia hummed as she bent down to find the obscure bits of paperwork the procedure needed. "Well, isekai claims are high priority...and for Sal, I'll mark this as a probable claim. A day, perhaps?" Sal was impressed to hear that. Getting from the capital to Malto-Erma in a night and day was no mean feat.

"Wellll, let's have some fun!" Georgie started to leave and Sal held up a clawed hand to stop him, keeping the farmer on a leash as he and Alicia showed the Altons to their rooms in the Adventurer's Inn.

"We're off to the guild's bar now! Rest up and feel free to join us if you have any questions, problems or just want to explore the town!"

"I'm talking to you, Hugh!" Georgie added as they left. Roseanne glared at her husband for it. Hugh sighed.

Alicia returned to her desk, Sal and Georgie kept going to the bar at the back of the guild.

____________________

"...Listen. My father is a diamond-elite-executive-class guest at Hilton, a super-platinum guest at Four Seasons, a lifetime-diamond-plus-ultra-honorary-ten-million-miler with United and I am a gold-studded-executive-royal-pilot-ambassador-analogue super-exclusive-chrome-credit-card wielding member with Lufthansa Air. Could we get a room upgrade?"

"No." Alicia said.

David moaned awfully. Why did everything go so badly for him? He only wanted to take a bath. Plus, is it just me or is the mood kind of hostile?

"It was worth a try, dear." Roseanne tsked at her son from behind. "Perhaps if you or your father had remembered to bring your membership cards."

David looked at his mother. "That was what my Persian wallet was for. Um, like, were you expecting me to put my money in the Parisian wallet?" He scoffed. "Exactly. And maybe I'd still have my membership cards if the revenue agents hadn't stolen it from me after your brother Richard ruined our family and taken our money."

"Sir," Alicia said, trying to ignore a crying Roseanne. "From what you said, it sounds like you are an accomplished adventurer." She paused to eye the son's spectacularly poor physique questioningly. "Even if I can't say I've heard of this super-exclusive-chrome-credit-card adventurer rank."

"It is exclusive." David said. I remember enough from...what was his name? David couldn't remember; Since he'd been reincarnated (neigh on six hours ago), David had been racking his brains for memories of that one summer in middle school he had spent playing videogames in the attic. The process was painful, but between the menus, guilds and fantasy creatures he was now confronted with, those memories seemed like a roadmap to his new reality. So he persevered through the searing memories of poor skincare routine and his friend-for-the summer's questionable fashion decisions. Character stat screens, magic powers, HP, skill trees, double click to launch an application...David frowned and concentrated on his gaming knowledge with all his might. "Quests!" He exclaimed. Those were what we spent all our time doing in the games!

"Erm, yes sir. That's just what I was thinking of." Alicia said cordially.

David's face lit up and then sunk as he remembered that quests involved fighting. Then his face turned to consternation. It became puzzled, changed to a thoughtful expression and finally burst into excitement. The receptionist was amused watching his face take her through his thought process. Roseanne finally calmed down to sniffled and cleared her throat, and David leaned in to talk quietly with Alicia.

But before he could get a word out, Roseanne rolled her eyes and shook her head disappointedly. "David, I came here for a room upgrade, not for you to flirt with the receptionist. Ahem. Ms. Receptionist, could you please tell us why there is no running water in our rooms? It's simply unacceptable."

"Oh!" Alicia was starting to get the feeling this family really were isekai or at least very foreign. "I'm sorry. I showed you the well just a bit ago, didn't I? As you may remember, if you've used up the complementary pail of water in your room you can draw more there, limit of ten buckets a day."

"Draw...buckets...of...water?" Roseanne's face contorted in disgust and it looked as if she was about to start crying again.

"Mom, mom! Don't worry, I'll bring some water up." David quickly tried to comfort his mother, although hearing her son say "I'll bring some water up" only sent shivers down her spine. "It'll be alright. Hang in there, pretend you're method acting for some movie set in the wilderness. Just don't use more water to soak your feet, alright?"

"David, this is a new low for you and you've already killed us all." She shook. "YOU'VE SENT US TO HELL!" Roseanne wailed. That got a few onlookers.

"Mom, mom...it'll be alright. Calm down. Deep breaths and sing a little. Listen, I've got to discuss something else–no, I'm not flirting. Yes, I'll be up in just a minute. I know it's muddy, but if you go to the right and then the left and zigzag..." With an unexpected burst of maturity, David comforted his mother and tried to send her back to the room she shared with Hugh.

"Fine. Just know that I will not be the one drawing water in Hell." She lurched out the ordinary door to the Adventurer's Guild, leaving for the Adventurer's Inn which was across the street. Maybe his father could deal with his mother.

Alicia appraised David and gave him an appreciative look–but not for the reason he expected. "I forgot to say, but those new pants look good on you. Not as...dark in some spots." David absolutely hated the pair of unfashionable, chafing canvas pants Georgie had picked and purchased for him.

David grimaced. "Like, why does everyone keep bringing that up? It was–." He cut himself off before he started talking about pissing his pants. "No, I see what you're trying to do. You may think you're good at this Alicia, but my sister is a thousand times better at baiting people then you are. Nice try." David paused to make sure he wasn't overheard, and then whispered. "Ok, let's be serious. I'm an isekai and I have access to a power I call menu. It lets me see my level and–."

"Um, sir, I believe everybody in the world can see the menu you're speaking of."

"Errr right. Just learning how things are around here. So like I was saying: how do I get skills?"

"...Sorry? Skills? I don't mean anything by it but are you saying that you don't know how to obtain skills?" Alicia was puzzled but then reconsidered: if they really were isekai, this level of ignorance made an odd kind of sense.

Before replying, David checked the room for eavesdroppers once more. A few people were looking at him and there was a suspicious looking woman standing within earshot, but that was probably ok. "Yes, yes, exactly. I have no skills and I'm level one." The black-haired boy almost looked proud saying it. "And right now I need running and warm water. Can I like, get a skill to let me take a bath?" Between the hay and, uh, other things, David was desperate. Who cares about throwing fireballs and stuff anyways? Running water is like, the ultimate power, he rationalized to himself.

"You're level one." Alicia repeated, just to make sure she heard the strange young man correctly. David nodded vigorously. David thought it was oddly hard for her to take in. "And, uh. You want to take a bath."

"A hot one." David confirmed and clarified.

"You could haul up water and heat it in the complementary tub." Alicia suggested.

"That's a lot of work." David shrugged. It really was. "Not exactly my style, you know? I want to snap my fingers and boom! A steaming bath."

"Um, so you're really level one?"

"Ok, ok, I get it!" David decided to switch tactics. Why was it so hard for her to believe he was level one? "I know I'm weak but I just want to get skills so that I can kill the demon king and get out of here!" He checked once more to make sure nobody was spying on this top-secret conversation: what if somebody found out how unprotected he, an invaluable isekai hero, was? There were several people were listening in, amused and drinking, but David figured they were probably ok. "...And I think a temperature-adjustable running water skill could help." He winked and confidently appended. "It's part of a plan."

Alicia was confused. As a guild receptionist she was trained to detect lies and this foreigner didn't appear to be lying. So was the boy some kind of isekai prodigy able to mask lies from her, or did he just really want to take a bath? And how could he possibly be level one? Maybe he was misreading the menu: she couldn't detect stupidity. Whatever the case, Alicia also wasn't sure why this boy was whispering and looking around; It was like he wanted to attract attention. Adventurers were drawn to secrets like moths to a flame, after all–that was just common sense. "So," she cleared her throat and, resolving to play along with whatever he had, spoke loudly. "Kill the demon king and take a bath, right?"

Eyes swiveled as it echoed across the room. David snapped his fingers. "Exactly."

Then a man in leather armor marched up to David and a couple of people chuckled in the background. He regarded the pasty, weak boy with his scarred visage. "Lad, you say you're level one?"

"Hmm?" David turned around and regarded the man's face. "Ew."

"No fighting." Alicia broke in, although she expected David had a plan for attracting so much attention. The scarred man sneered.

"I also hear you said you're killing the demon king?"

"Huh? Wh-? N-no." He glared at Alicia. "W-why'd you have to yell it?"

"You already were." She shrugged. "Thought I'd help."

"No, I was whispering!" He whispered, more afraid then angry.

The man nodded. "I don't bloody know how you're at level one, but I think this is an excellent opportunity. Not many people get to train to fight with every single level they've got. Sit down with us, lad." He brusquely gestured towards a mixed party of adventurers drinking at a splinter-ridden table.

"Well I..." David waffled and Alicia eyed the scarred man's adventurer tag, preparing to issue a guild order to leave David alone. No adventurer would risk disobeying one: it meant the end of their career and exposed them to guild retaliation for disobedience. One of the clauses signed when one became an adventurer. But a guild order might make David a target at the inn: she'd have to negotiate the local soldiers into protecting the four isekai candidates until the mages arrived.

David was conflicted, but he did want to improve. Why not? And even as Alicia began to open her mouth to issue the order, the Alton son blurted out. "Sure!"

The receptionist groaned internally. She didn't have grounds to issue a guild order in circumstances of consent without evidence of duress. And this could certainly not be considered duress. With a heave she pulled out a dictionary of a rulebook from her desk, frantically searching as David sat down at the party's table to see if isekai candidates were subject to any special laws she could use.

"So, ya say you're an isekai?" The man raised a scarred eyebrow.

"...You heard that?" David admitted unstrategically.