So I was just minding my own business one day until a huge eighteen wheeler crashed through my bedroom wall and killed me. I was on the fifth floor of my apartment, but logic need not apply?
I 'woke up' with eleven other douchebags who were way too nonchalant about the whole experience. One weirdo was grinning like a maniac but was trying to be edgy about it. The only reason I didn't puke was because one of these wizard dudes mind magicked me into a not-puking-because-I-just-died-and-was-brought-back-to-life state.
Mixed feelings about that.
Anyway, some old guy with a fancy crown stood up from his fancy throne and started talking about how we were the summoned heroes of the realm I-forgot-its-name and how we're supposed to fight I-forgot-his-name and bring honor and glory and blah blah blah.
I was super pissed off about the kidnapping and subsequent forced enlisment into this dude's army, but then the wizards mind magicked me into not being pissed off about it. Getting less mixed feelings about these guys tbh.
The wizards passed around this white crystal ball thing to scan our souls or whatever. The douchebags - did I mention that they were all either white, probably American, middle-aged men or Japanese school boys? Weird and disturbingly specific category of people. How did I end up here, anyway? I'm nowhere near those descriptions...
Wait, getting off topic. The douchebags all had these super basic classes like [Realmwalker], [Knight of the Heavens], and [Gungho Warrior]. Their stats were either super low or over 9000.
And then they got to me.
Name: Tyjah White Class: Yelp Reviewer (1) Health: 50/50 Mana: 7/7 ATTRIBUTES FORTITUDE: 5(+1) REFLEX: 4 WILL: 7 AP: 0 SKILLS Biting Words Thick Skin Critical Eye SP: 0 Health Regen: 2.5 point/m Mana Regen: 1.75 point/h
Biting Words (Active) - Novice I
(On Self/Party) Applies 5 piercing damage to attacks.
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(On Target) 10% chance to apply Vulnerable debuff for 30 seconds. - 2 MP. CD: 15s
Thick Skin (Passive) - Novice I A permanent boost of +1 Fortitude. Passively resists all negative affects by 5%. Critical Eye (Active) - Novice I
Provides basic details for an observed target. 0.5 MP. CD: 1s
I couldn't help but think, 'Damn...Even [Gungo Warrior] sounds better than this.'
The wizards seemed confused while the douchebags were a mix between scornful, apathetic, and pitying. The douchebags.
After they figured out our classes (see: our use in this crappy kingdom's army), we were all shuffled to these nicely furnished rooms. Mine was pastel pink and had a bouncy princess bed.
Lovely.
We were told to wait and rest until we were called up. The door was, of course, locked because why not.
All in all, I give this experience a 1 star. Everything was pretty basic, but my class had enough of a WTF factor to at least boost it to a star. I expect better continuing on, though.