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Reincarnated as a [Yelp Reviewer]
Coincidence? Probably. Unless...

Coincidence? Probably. Unless...

My nap was rudely interrupted by some weirdo in poofy robes and a dunce cap. He snidely introduced himself as a Royal Mage in Training. I called him a royal idiot who woke me up from a well deserved nap and ended up magicked into silence while he led me to the 'testing room'.

One, very rude. These wizards are pricks.

Two, do they kidnap people often enough to have a designated room for testing their strengths? Maybe that's why there are so many Amber Alerts...

Do white middle aged men and Japanese school boys qualifiy for that?

Nevermind, not important.

On the way there, I met up with the guy I recognized as the [Gungho Warrior] and one of the Japanese school boys who had spiky hair dyed a vibrant bright red. The former went by Thomas and the kid went full chuuni, calling himself the 'Immovable Hunter'. Thomas straight up punched him in the face out of nowhere.

When the chuuni fell down, I couldn't help but mention that he wasn't so immovable after all. He then introduced himself as Tanaka. Well, that was after the royal dirt bag magicked his jaw back into shape.

Is it a sign that all of our names start with T? Maybe. Maybe not.

Anyway, I was curious about Thomas' stats since he broke the kid's jaw with no effort at all. He showed me willingly.

Name: Thomas Barkley Class: Gungho Warrior (1) Health: 100/100 Mana: 2/2 ATTRIBUTES FORTITUDE: 10 REFLEX: 6 WILL: 2 AP: 0 SKILLS Wild Holler Oorah Happy Axe SP: 0 Health Regen: 5 point/m Mana Regen: 0.5 point/h

Wild Holler (Active) - Novice I Triggering this skill increases generation of threat by +5 for 1 minute - 1 MP. CD: 5 minutes Oorah (Active) - Novice I Increases party Fortitude by +1 for 1 minute - 1 MP. CD: 50 seconds. Happy Axe (Passive) - Novice I Improves profiency with battle axe handling. Current proficiency: 10%

Of course, I was like, 'hey, how come his stats are higher than mine' and the Royal PIMA said some dumb stuff about how the system reflects your potential when you first join it. So then I was like, 'then how come all of our skills start at level one' and he got all flustered and said some more BS. When I called him out on it, he magicked me into silence again and made us keep walking.

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Tanaka insisted he show me his stat screen as well to 'prove his immeasurable talent'.

Name: Tanaka Maeda Class: Sky Priest (1) Health: 30/30 Mana: 10/10 ATTRIBUTES FORTITUDE: 3 REFLEX: 2 WILL: 10 AP: 0 SKILLS Soft Breeze Wind Blade In Light SP: 0 Health Regen: 1.5 point/m Mana Regen: 2.5 point/h

Soft Breeze (Active) - Novice I Summons a cool breeze that restores 1 point of health over 10 seconds - 5 MP. CD: 30 seconds Wind Blade (Active) - Novice I Conjures a blade of wind. Damage is WILL*LVL/2. 2 MP. CD: 5 seconds. In Light (Passive) +5 to regeneration when in sunlight.

Oh. Poor kid was putting up a front. I was tempted to reassure him that his low stats didn't mean anything but then I looked at him.

Spiky red hair to accentuate his smug, all-important face. His puffed out scrawny chest peeking through the three open buttons on his uniform shirt.

This prick, who couldn't be more than 15 years of age, made me irrationally angry. He didn't deserve my sympathy.

And, as if Thomas was reading my mind, he pointed at his stat screen and said, 'Scrub.'

The kid didn't cry but, as we walked to the testing room, I thought I heard him sniffle.

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Rating: 3 out of 5 stars. Thomas was a riot and making fun of children is always a great past time. But this wizard prick is trying to censor me for calling out this system's BS and I'm not having it.

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