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Chapter II: Mischief in the Tool Shed
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After a long day of stirring up dirt and mingling with the wildflowers, James was put away inside of a crooked old tool shed. He laid propped up in the corner, too tired to complain or stir up conversation with the John as he parted.
“Hey, look at the new guy! He looks a bit worse for ware.”
“He probably got ran through pretty good by John, ehhem, through the field I mean.”
James tossed between the corner walls and called out, “Who’s there? And don’t screw around with me!”
Polly stood up on an adjacent shelf and said, “Oh, that’ll be hard for me, as I do enjoy a good screwing.”
James smacked his paddle on the shelf to get a closer look and said, “Oh, that makes sense now. You had my mind wandering there for a second. You’re a screwdriver, I see…”
“And you’re a dirty hoe,” stated Polly.
“...”
James rolled himself against the wall and backed into the corner out of misery. And whilst in his corner, he was struggling to come to terms with his new life and body. All he wanted to do in the moment was stew in his own mind, and eventually, everything became background noise until…
*Creeeeak* *Thump*
“Woah! Who’s moving me?! Don’t let me fall!” cried James.
*Plop* *Thud*
James now tossed and turned inside a divet and yelled, “Get me out of here!”
“Isn’t nice to have something inside of you there, Mike?” asked Polly.
“It brings me so much joy! No one ever puts anything inside me anymore,” replied Mike.
James eventually calmed down and said, “Mike… You’re a wheelbarrow aren’t you?”
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“I sure am, and a very old one at that. Our feeble John stored me away in here to rot, and the only time I get used is when Mrs. Balls wishes to garden,” said Mike.
“....”
Mike couldn’t help but break the silence again, so he asked, “What seems to be on the mind, my friend?”
“Wow, thanks for asking, I don’t know… How about everything?! Let’s start with the fact that I do not understand this body, this world, and much less my fate as an enslaved farm tool,” said James.
Polly somersaulted from the shelf onto Mike’s handle and said, “Your questions are confusing. What’s wrong with being a tool? Don’t you like getting used? Surely you like getting put to work like a good hoe?”
James flailed around in the sopping load and said, “Not particularly! This life seems pretty bleak to what I envisioned in my afterlife. My gospels certainly didn’t speak of anything like this. I must be in hell or purgatory….”
“It sounds like you had a past life or something,” said Mike.
James mentally exhaled and said, “Yes, and even though it wasn’t much better than this, at least I saw hope.”
Polly’s handle leaned in directed at James, and she said, “That’s wild. We didn’t have the luxury of a past life. For me, I just happen to come to be while John was screwing me. Have you checked your status? Maybe that will help you understand yourself?”
“My status?” asked James
Status
Name: James A. Roundbottom
Level: 5
Health: 99
Mana: >9000
Race: Superior Hoe
Statistics:
Stamina: 71
Seduction: 34
Suction: 69
Getting lucky: 87
Mental: -1
Feats:
Molly’s Blessing
Taker of men
Everlasting strokes
& Devourer of old man juices
“Lord help me, for I have been forsaken,” said James.
Mike rolled around the shed with James and asked, “How bad can it be? Nothing in there brought you any hope or joy?”
James stumbled over his words before he spoke and said, “I’m not sure, but it appears as if someone has played a horrible prank on me. I do not even wish to utter the things on my status.”
Polly l peered at James and said, “I know how to feel. When I came to be in this world. My stat in screwing buttholes holes was only level one, but one day it-”
Please, for the love of God, I do not wish to know,” interjected James.
Mike strolled back to their original corner near the door and said, “I think what Polly was trying to say is that you shouldn’t give up hope and that you should make the best of what you have going on.”
“You know what, for farm tools, you guys are pretty kind, kinder than some people. I think you guys, I mean tools, are alright. I would be ashamed if my past self acted this way. And Hm, tomorrow I think I’ll put my best foot forward, I mean handle, blade, bah, you know what I’m saying.”
Oh by the way, what is all this wet stuff around me? Can you dump me already?” asked James.
“That’s manure, my good pal. It’s also my favorite thing to be filled with. Oh boy, do I love being filled up to the brim with feces, mhmm.”
“Get me out of here now!” exclaimed James.
Mike gently emptied James and said, “See, now rest your mind. I bet you have a big day tomorrow,” as he followed up by pushing him up vertically in the corner.
Polly and Mike then retreated into the darkness of the shed and away from the moonlight of the door cracks. Apparently, even farm tools needed rest, and that left James the hoe disheveled and covered in feces, wondering how much hope there would be in the next sunrise.
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