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Reincarnated as a Hoe
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Chapter I: A Filthy Hoe & An Old Man
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James had been in a coma for what felt like an eternity. For over twenty years, he had existed in a liminal space between life and death. But every now and then he could hear his family speak of his unfortunate demise.
“Damn that pastor Tyrone…”
“Please don’t speak of his name. It does us no good to be upset about it. We’ll get our justice soon enough in the courts.”
“No! After hearing what that man did to our son, I can’t stand it!”
“I know babe, but-”
“To think he bent my son over the alter… I’d kill him right now if he weren’t in chains!”
“Hush now, we don’t know that. All we know is that he hit him over the head and-”
James mentally sighed, “I wish they’d stop talking and let me sleep. My mind is all so, fuzzy. Just let me sleep...”
And on that one fateful day, his consciousness finally slipped, and he awoke anew. His vision cleared after twenty long years of having been sealed. And before him was an unfamiliar world. He could hardly believe it; he felt alive again!
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"Oh, thank the heavens!" Charley exclaimed, his voice filled with joy as he surveyed his surroundings.
But as he took in the sights, his elation began to wane. He wasn't in a hospital room or a cozy home; he was surrounded by vast fields of green, stretching as far as the eye could see.
"Where am I?" James wondered aloud. "What's going on?"
Before he could process his situation further, a voice interrupted his thoughts. "Woah, it seems Molly enchanted another one of my tools again, ha," said an old wrinkly man with wrinkles upon wrinkles.
Charley struggled to move, but he managed to take a closer look at the man and screamed, "Ahh! Who in the hell are you?!"
The old farmer chuckled, "Well, I am Johny Cocks, and that woman over there in the fields, is my wife, Mary Balls. You are here at home my friend, so please don’t shout."
Confusion gnawed away at James. "Home?! What do you mean?"
It was then that he noticed his surroundings more clearly. He was not dreaming of lying in a hospital bed. He was really lying on the ground, and his body felt different–sturdy, wooden, and strangely flat.
Panic set in as James' new reality set in. He had been reincarnated as damn a farming instrument.
James murmured, “Well, at least I’m not the variety that runs around town seeking men like Mr.Cocks here.”
Johny soon cleared his groggy throat and introduced himself. He went on to explain that he was an elderly farmer who had been tilling the kingdom’s lands for decades. James listened intently in disbelief, struggling to come to terms with his bizarre new existence, at which Johny described in detail. All that talk in the end about monsters, adventuring, and demon lords really left his head spinning.
“Ah, well that’s enough story time. We have a field to till now!”, and then suddenly Johny started slamming James into the ground.
James cried out loud and tried to stop himself from hoeing, but the old man just kept plowing.
James yelled, “Hey old man! I didn’t consent to all this hard work!”
*Mummm* *Hummmm* *Hum* *Humm* Hummm* *Hummmmm* *Hummmmmm*
James complained but the old man just kept going at it whilst humming to some tune. In that moment of disregard, he couldn't shake the feeling that he had drawn the short end of the stick of his new life, even though he was a fairly long stick in a sense.
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