The Queen is a bi-polar bitch.

But , she was also tight, multi-orgasmic, and, has never tried holding her breath before orgasm.

Right as I felt her back start to arch, I covered her mouth and nose with one hand, while thrusting harder. She thrashed under me and tried to call out for help through her mouth. I watched her panicked eyes with a smile.

She tried to pry my hands off for the face for the first ten seconds before the tingling feeling spreading out from her stomach, intensified.

Her prying stopped as she lost control of her body. I counted out thirty seconds as I held my own breath and felt my own dick expand as it exploded inside of royalty.

After her eyes rolled up into her skull at the count of twenty-eight, I released my grip on her nose. Her mouth was making a high pitched wailing as her whole body started to constrict.

Her shaking legs moved her ankles off my shoulders to around my back. Her arms wrapped around me tightly as I leaned over her, still hard. I started thrusting again into her spasming body.

Erotic Asphyxiation. Powerful stuff.

An hour later our panting bodies lay side by side. I onto turned my side to face her. I felt the bed making small shakes as she continued to tremor in aftershocks of her last big O.

“Again, next week?” I inquired.

“Now.” was the shaky reply.

I was still in my early teens... No problem!

Insatiable bitch!

666 666 666

Cersei told Joffrey that I was too high ranked a noble to become his sworn shield. He threw a fit of epic proportions I had heard. I was sad to miss it, but, I had to sit vigil in the Sept of the Red Keep. Ser Jamie had done the knighting ceremony this morning. I had gotten what I wanted.

I have to sit all day and night, in this silly seven sided room and pretend to pray to these stupid made up idols.

Father, Mother, Warrior, Smith, Crone, Maiden, and, Stranger.

So fucking boring.

I used the opportunity to plan out the possible futures ahead of me. I racked my mind to remember everything I remembered from the books of G.R.R.M. Some things about the plot I have forgotten. Specific battles and such were mostly forgotten. I remember the plot though.

Zombie army that can only be killed by fire, within the next four years, at the most. I'm not really sure what year Jon Arryn gets poisoned by his wife to set shit off, but, I think it will be within the next two or so, based on Joffrey's age.

A lot of war and people dying.

Dragons.

More war.

All of it is bad news. I really don't see any way sitting in this chapel for a knighting is going to change any on that. Especially one dedicated to false gods.

False Gods...

Religion in my old world was something I made fun off. I had the Idea that every black-hole was it's own new universe. Atheistic to the core.

Look at those monkeys worshiping that lie on a stick...

I hadn't even considered what magic I had seen here as proof of divinity. I considered it like I considered Harry Potter style magic. Say some words and *poof*.

I looked at the seven small states before me and pondered on what the magic would be like here.

Ex-Maester Qyburn makes a headless monster out of Clegane after his poisoning.

Strange shit.

Warlocks of Quarth.

They could be in many places at once. They could either create vividly realistic complete sensory mimicking hallucinations, or warp time and space. Addicted to a drink called Shade of the Evening, that supposedly smelled horrid until you put it in your mouth. When in your mouth, it was said to taste like everything you have ever tasted and more.

Led by long dead wrinkly blue men... Defeated by a little girl and a newborn dragon.

Straight up creepy mother fuckers.

The Assassins of the House of Black and White.

Can create illusions and are good with potions and poisons. A cult of bad-asses that make you go through a long and strange initiation, involving blindness.

They worship the god of death, Chaos Marine Style... By Killing.

And the last one... The Red Priests.

They can raise the dead. Long dead and recent dead alike. Over and over. Weird shadow and fire magic. Give 'birth' to shadow assassins. They come from the Shadow Lands in far east Essos. The Shadow Lands were where Daenery's dragon eggs came from.

Dragon eggs...

I could use some dragon eggs.

666 666 666

I watched as my chest of gold was loaded onto the ship. I didn't own the ship. I had bought passage to Tyrosh for a few gold dragons from the captain. My sword and armor, as always, I wore. I sold my horse and Saddle. I had four years supply of Blood of the Dragon in another trunk, already loaded. I threw my Lannister cloak down at my.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

All it ever gave me was fucking trouble.

Four thousand gold for the Blood of the Dragon. About all I had managed to stash from the last few tax seasons.

Cersei had almost begged me to stay when she heard I had booked passage. She offered me Hollys Stokeworth's hand in marriage to raise my rank to a Lord of the Crownlands. I told her yes a few hours ago and was rushing my way the fuck out of the city.

Never tell that bitch no, to her face. It will always end badly.

I'm not marrying a girl with Down's Syndrome.

I had come to King's Landing a month ago and fucked the queen a half a hundred times since. She is a fine piece of ass, but, I am way younger and her cousin. No future there. Even if I was older and not her cousin... Women get old when its just sex.

Not one ounce of kinky rested within her. She won't even agree to role-play. All she wanted was boring vanilla sex. All the fucking time.

Fuck that shit.

The ship soon left the city heading south, once out of Black-water Bay.

I felt relieved to be off the continent of Westeros. Truly, this last month was the longest I had ever been in this world, without killing anyone. It felt good to not have to fight or kill almost every day.

All the sex and relaxation made me feel almost like a new man. I had no one I considered family. No attachments to anyone. I can go as far as my money and Dragonslayer will take me. I can be anything I want to be. Do, anything I want to do. Go, anywhere I feel like, whenever I feel like.

Freedom! True freedom.

666 666 666

I woke in my cabin on the ship, a fortnight into the voyage. A scream on deck.

“Pirates!” I jumped with a start. Adrenaline started it's thing.

Dragonslayer and I ran to the cabin door and up the large trade cog's stairs. I was expecting a fight on deck and instead saw a little speck in the distance. The crew were working like normal. The captain was at the raised platform on the back of the ship with a Myrish eye pointed at the 'Pirate' ship a long way away.

I guess it is pretty difficult to get surprised on the ocean.

“Whats with the pirate yell if they are way the fuck out there, Varo?” I called up to the blue haired Tyroshi captain.

“They have been getting closer for an hour.” He called back down without looking away.

I liked the guy. We had chatted many times over the past couple of weeks. He told me about life as a sailor.(very unpleasant) I told him about the Wights and White-walkers of the north that would be walking across the bottom of the ocean in a few years.(Skagos for example)

He didn't believe me, but then again, who the hell would? He thought I was a crazy paranoid rich noble, with a good imagination.

I thought he was a sad, pathetic dreamer with a lust for adventure. He had two families. One in wife and two sons in Tyrosh. Another wife in King's Landing, with one son and two daughters.

Neither knew about the other.

Which is why I liked the guy. Anyone with balls like that has my vote! Imagine what one would do to him is she found out. Especially the Tyroshi one...

“How do you know its a pirate?” I called up again as I stared to make my way up the stairs to the command deck of the ship.

What made him so sure of pirates?

“Kraken on black sails. A Greyjoy is captain on that ship. Its gaining on us.” He yelled an answer, still looking through the long brass monocular.

What?

“Can I see?” I asked behind him. He handed it over to me.

I looked through the eye.

It looked like a long-ship of the viking age. Long, low to the water. Two masts with two large black sails. I could make out a white Kraken on both of the black sails.

I handed the eyeglass back numbly.

Only five adult Greyjoys live.

Balon, who stays in Pyke.

Aeron, the high priest of the Iron-born religion.

Victarion, Commander of the Iron fleet and would never have just one ship.

Asha, daughter of Balon, raids fishing villages.

The last one was banished... earlier this year.

'Anyone but that blue lipped fuck'

I looked at the ship I was on and the crew on it. Not one man in plate armor. Only a few had boiled leather, like the captain. Only three had swords. A dozen bows. Every man of the two dozen or so on board at least had knifes. A couple whaling spears.

This is a merchant ship going through generally safe waters. Pirates stay around the step-stones to avoid Stannis' powerful fleet.

Being a man from the west coast, I had seen many a ironborn ship. That one was one of the largest.

The average longship holds around a hundred men.

This one though...

I looked over at the sweating Varo.

“We're Fucked.”