Chapter 17

Red had begged to see his injured Pokemon but the nurse manning the Cerulean City Pokemon Center was having none of it. He waited around in the lobby for days on end, barely eating and having even less sleep. The only times he got any shut eye were when Red laid down on the cushioned chairs in the waiting room. Every time he closed his eyes the battle flashed through his mind. He couldn't even call them nightmares, only vivid memories of the horrific violence he not only witnessed but caused.

Kurer was dead, Selven might be dead and Cinder was in critical condition. He worried for the safety of them both but even worse was how Cinder felt about him. What could he say to make up for his violent actions? He let Kurer die, killed Misty's Starmie practically on purpose and sacrificed Selven. The way Cinder looked at him...it was with murderous intent.

He remembered how the Fire and Dragon-type swiped at him with his claws, trying to at least draw blood. His first Pokemon and only real friend was so far gone that he was willing to kill Red. That was what filled Red's nighttime terrors more than anything. He could handle the memories of dead Pokemon filling his mind forever but the idea of losing Cinder...it made him want to die.

It wasn't until his fourth day staying at the Pokemon Center did the nurse finally walk into the lobby and addressed Red. He ran up to the woman in the white and pink uniform, his eyes pleading with her. She sighed.

"You may come in and see your Pokemon," she said. "The surgery was messy but they'll make a full-"

"How's Cinder?!" Red shouted. "How's Cinder?! Is he okay?! Does he need rehabilitation?! Does he?!"

The nurse sighed, shaking her head. She gestured for him to follow as she led him behind the counter. She opened the door for him to step into the back room of the Pokemon Center where trainers' Pokemon stayed overnight to recover. Laying in beds were his two gravely injured Ivysaur and Charizard.

Half of Selven's body was wrapped in bandages while his flower stem was now sticking up vertically as the half of the plant that had been torn away had been partially regrown. It wasn't entirely healed as one could see greenish-yellow sap on the inside of the stem as the brown exterior of the plant had yet to fully grow over that portion. The half of the Ivysaur's pink bud that had been torn away was now starting to regrow with petals that were smaller than the ones that still remained. The two fronds he'd lost were growing back from the stubs they were. The small, fern-like leaves were now bright green like newly grown spring buds. The two new fronds were not half as long as the one Selven had not lost but looked healthy enough.

Cinder looked far better as well. His arms had splints around them while the portion of his body between his legs and arms was completely wrapped in a cast. His mangled right wing was so enveloped in bandages none of it could be seen. Red also felt he could tell there was something like a splint within the bandages that was helping Cinder's wing grow back into shape. His tail flame that was puny at this point was put inside what Red recognized as a globe of heat proof glass. Selven looked so exhausted that when Red entered the room he barely looked at him while Cinder only glared back at him.

"Guys!" he said as he rushed to the beds they laid on. "I'm-I'm so...so, so sorry."

"No you aren't," the Charizard said rather plainly.

"I'm okay…" Selven said, his eyes acting a little weird as he couldn't appear to see straight. "For my first battle with a gym leader...it felt kind of exciting...until I became a smear on the wall."

Red rushed over to stand at the bedside of his first Pokemon, placing his hands on the stomach of his Charizard. Cinder tried to motion to get him off but he was still too injured and too wrapped in bandages to move properly. He settled for looking on at Red with intense anger. The nurse approached Red to the side, looking at him rather mournfully.

"I'm sorry for your Electabuzz," the nurse said. "There was nothing we could do for her. Your two other Pokemon...they were on the brink of death but managed to make a recovery. They'll be fully healed in two to three weeks. Your Charizard's going to have to rest from flying for a while even after regrowing its broken bones. Your Ivysaur's health will progress faster once his plant fully regenerates as Grass Pokemon are very dependent on the sunlight their botanical body parts take in. Also, apparently the Gyarados struck him at a weird angle and now his eyes seem to not work correctly. We expect them to function normally but we don't know when exactly."

Red pressed down on Cinder, practically begging him to pay attention to him. The Charizard could only give an intense glare before turning away. Red began tearing up, hating what he'd put his Pokemon through.

"Cinder, please…" he said. "I'll...I'll never battle again. I'll-"

"Yes you will," Cinder said.

"N-No I-" Red said.

"You're obsessed with proving to everybody that you can be like your father," Cinder said. "Or whatever. You just want to prove you're good. If you hated them all, why not just leave them all behind and never return? It's not like you're required by law to go back home or something?"

"I-I-" he said, that never truly being something Red considered.

"When we went on this little excursion, I agreed to fight for you because I thought I could take the brunt of the damage in these fights," Cinder said. "I thought once I became this strong, you'd be proud of me to abandon the gym challenge and live a normal life. I thought it'd prove to yourself you weren't worthless. I knew that you weren't the same person I befriended all that time ago but I had hoped I'd...I'd bring it back somehow by...fighting for you. Guess I was wrong. It was a stupid to think that."

Red's eyes began filling with tears, squinting and shaking his head in defiance.

"Cinder…" he said. "Cinder...I…"

"You what?!" Cinder asked.

The nurse stumbled back, clearly afraid of an angered Charizard.

"You're sorry that you let three of your Pokemon die and outright killed Misty's Starmie?!" he shouted. "She was so angry with you that she was gunning to kill Selven and hoping to do the same to anyone else you sent out! Why didn't you recall Selven after Starmie was defeated?! You didn't have to kill it to win, just let it go! So why?! To satiate your own bloodlust?!"

"I-I-I-" Red sobbed. "I thought she was tricking mmmmeee-"

"Well I hope that you were prepared to kill her beloved Pokemon for that!" Cinder shouted. "You...you've caused so, SO much destruction in the last nine months we've been doing this...intent on destroying everything in your path just for the chance to rub it into some grade school bullies who wouldn't care about you either way?! Or were you trying to rub it into Blue?! He has such an ego it'd only drive him further crazy! Or trying to impress Green enough that you could sweep her off her feet?! She's too kind a soul to fall for such a dumb trick! Trying to win over your father?! He cares so little about you he never spent so much as six months with you in your entire life! I spent more time with you than Lance ever did!"

"I-I'm SORRY!" Red shouted. "What more do you want me to say?!"

"I wanted you to never be this way!" Cinder shouted. "I never wanted you to turn out the way you did! You're not Red! You're more like Blue! That little moron was jealous of you because he had no dad and your dad was Lance! Lance the Dragon Master! You never caught onto the fact he wanted to beat you so bad because he wanted to meet Lance and have him as a father figure?! I should have been chosen by Green! She at least was gentle enough to be an actual friend to her Pokemon! You treat everyone else like they're slaves!"

"Not you!" Red said.

His intense glare turned into an expression of dull, apathetic loathing.

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"The Red I knew would have never done that," he said. "To anyone. You're not Red. You're someone else. Someone I would have never wanted to be friends with."

The trainer held his hand up to Cinder's face, wishing for the Charizard to turn around to greet him, only to find him turning away.

"Go," he said. "Get away. Or I'll get violent."

"Cinder-" Red whimpered.

"I said go!" Cinder said as he breathed fire.

Everyone in the room jumped at the sight, the nurse scurrying against the wall behind her. Selven apparently saw, gasping at the sight. Red ran out the room, his vision blurred.

I want to die. Was his only thought. I want to die. I want to die.

He stumbled his way through the lobby, wishing that his life would end. He wanted it all to end. Red didn't want a glorious death, merely a quiet and soft one. He was so out of sorts that he didn't notice he walked into someone until they grunted in discomfort.

"Nice greeting," a woman's voice said.

He looked up to see Misty glaring down at him, now in blue jeans shorts and a yellow shirt. Red backed away, aware of the woman's anger for killing her Starmie. However, Misty's expression had returned to one of stoic displeasure like at the beginning of their match rather than true rage. He breathed a short sigh of relief.

"What do you want?" Red asked.

She sighed heavily, obviously trying to calm herself.

"To reward you for tying with me," Misty stated.

She reached into the pocket of her shorts and held a blue, teardrop gym badge in front of him.

"The Cascade badge," she said. "Is yours but under one condition."

"Wh-wha-?" he asked.

"You have to immediately join the Kanto military," she said. "Like, come with us now."

"But-but-" he asked. "Why?"

"You're…" Misty said. "Victory, to put it lightly is one of the somewhat rare events of a...a draw. Usually, when challengers win against a gym leader, however rare that may be, we don't recruit them immediately. After all...they may be strong but it could have been a fluke. Or their team could have just been specifically designed to take down our's. You see...we want to see how many of the eight gym leaders in Kanto they can defeat in order to test their true strength. Their rank is determined by how many gym leaders they've defeated."

"I know that," Red said. "But why do you want me after I only almost defeated you?"

"Because you're in dire need of instruction," Misty said. "You're dangerously in the middle between being a local trainer and a military trainer. Most people who gave me such a hard time would firmly be in the territory of military grade expertise but you battle more like a local trainer, one with less finesse and careful reading of the situation. Local trainers aren't very considerate of battle strategy or precisive thinking so they rely merely on type advantage or brute force."

"But I beat you…" Red said.

"Yeah, because you're Pokemon were strong," she said. "Anyone can win with strong Pokemon. A master trainer can turn the tide against a stronger opponent with good battle sense and an intelligent mind. Your Pokemon's strength is that of a military trainer's but you...you're not much better than when you faced Brock."

Red frowned upon hearing that.

"You…" he said. "You saw that fight?"

"It's our job to know about the trainers who challenge us," Misty answered. "Of course I saw you lose. And from a surface level examination I could tell you were about as good as a local trainer. And in the months since then your battle sense has barely improved. Normally, we let trainers who defeat us continue on in their pursuit of power because we know that they're on the right track to becoming a better trainer. After they hit a wall where they can't win anymore gym badges, us military trainers will recruit them and put them in the rank they belong in. You...you make rookie mistakes and freeze up in tense situations."

Misty shook her head.

"You knew you were no match for Brock," Misty said. "So instead of improving yourself as a trainer, you only sought to improve your Pokemon's. Which is good, but only under the guide of a good trainer. Face it, if your Charmeleon hadn't evolved than Gyarados would have torn to pieces whatever else you'd sent out. Usually, after training to the point your Pokemon are as strong as they are, the trainer usually get a better head on their shoulders. But you...there seems to be something preventing you from getting that brain."

Red sighed, his spirit crushed. Not only had he lost Cinder's friendship and only ended the battle in a draw but now she confirmed he was only being recruited into the military because he was so bad at training. Not because he was so good.

"Skill is different then strength," Misty stated. "And you have little better skill than a trainer only meant to drive the wilds out of the area. So...you're what we call a borderline trainer. A trainer whose Pokemon we don't want to lose for the sake of their power but under the yoke of a brainless user. You could potentially die or get one of your Pokemon killed in the wild, you're so bad off, and we'd lose your Pokemon's strength. So...come with us. I can't force you...it's your choice. We don't want to have a soldier there who won't put in his best effort. And if you join us, you'll get the prize money for beating me. But only if you join since you're not required to get it since it was a draw."

Red looked down, sighing. This was half of what he sought. He wanted the fame and recognition of a military trainer rather than actually becoming one. Red hated battling after all. However, if he had not lost Cinder's friendship he might have jumped at the opportunity. Being known as a military trainer was still a major accomplishment and would certainly shut up a lot of his critics at Pallet Town, even Blue possibly showing him some respect. But after what happened with Cinder…

"Misty," he said.

"What?" Misty asked.

"Why aren't you mad anymore?" Red asked.

She sighed, obviously still feeling the after effects of her Starmie's death.

"Because," Misty said. "Even though Starmie was my favorite Pokemon...I can't let that affect me. I'm a professional...and professionals can't get mad when someone breaks their favorite toy."

Red was shocked at hearing her say that. He knew that most people treated Pokemon that way and it was not only accepted, but encouraged. After all, if one started treating Pokemon like they were sentient creatures then the entire world's economy and military would treat their usage by humans as rights abuses and destroy the world's economy. Can’t use slaves effectively if you’re afraid to treat them as slaves. However, knowing how angry she got at Red for killing her Starmie when he clearly didn't need to and how Cinder berated Red for his treatment of Pokemon, her words felt like a punch to the gut.

"Yes," she said, clearly trying to resist crying. "I got...angry at you for...killing who I thought was my friend but...but I got over that and cooled down afterward. You see Red...when you fight alongside your comrades for years on end...you can't help but form bonds with them you can't anyone else. We're frowned on for even...even nicknaming them. And...and...and Pokemon are the same. Us military trainers are routinely taught to separate our emotions from our Pokemon but…"

She wiped the tears that stung her eyes, resuming her stoic expression.

"But my Starmie was the one Pokemon I couldn't do that with," Misty said. "My Starmie wasn't...wasn't even the Pokemon I was close to. My Starmie was my best friend."

Misty had calmed herself at that point.

"I'll no doubt be reprimanded for letting my emotions get the better of me," Misty said. "I did something I should not have...but...but I'll be restored to my position and catch another Pokemon to replace Starmie with."

It was just as Red thought. Misty loved her Starmie. Possibly with all her heart. But she was repressing it because Pokemon were forbidden to care for. All for the convenience of modern society. Red glared at her, his hands balling into fists as he shook in anger.

She's just like me. He thought. Cinder's criticism of me is just the same as her own faults. So...so I killed the loving, kind person I used to be in order to pursue power. I was once not like her. I defied societal convention for the sake of justice and love. For the good of my friends. And I became just as selfish as Misty is being right now. I may be evil...but so is she.

"You're a traitor," Red said.

Misty was struck by his words.

"Ex-excuse me?" she said.

"You're a traitor," he said. "Not to your nation...but to your Pokemon. You would gladly hang me from the gallows if I'd killed one of your comrades in battle...but for killing your best friend, who just so happened to be a Pokemon...you'll promote me."

He glared at her.

"You have abandoned the memory of your Starmie because you're afraid!" Red shouted. "Afraid of being looked down upon! Starmie was your friend...you're best! And you trample Starmie's memory like it's nothing! Why...why are you so afraid?!"

Misty glared at him again.

"I was trying to be professional," she said. "In the face of my grief I chose to acknowledge your strength as-"

"Acknowledge my strength?!" Red shouted. "How about you acknowledge your friend's death before you do that! I hate you! I hate you all! You all…"

He looked down in anger.

"You turned me into what I am," Red said. "Your philosophy of seeing Pokemon as nothing but tools of battle...it infected me. Infected me and turned me into one of you. Like a plague. I don't want to be one of you! I don't want to be a military trainer anymore than I wanted to be a blood driven monster, so intent on pursuing strength I treat others as mere prey to satiate my appetite!"

Misty looked indignant, glaring down at him.

"Then fine!" she said as she stowed the Cascade Badge back into her pocket. "Reject my offer! Go die in the wilderness with the rest of your lot! You probably wouldn't make a good soldier anyways...not much of a thinker if you can't even win with such strong Pokemon!"

He shrugged, her rejection barely fazing him.

"And you can forget about the money too!" she shouted. "You won't get it if all you're going to do is waste it living for yourself!"

"I'd rather live for myself than live to exploit and oppress the very beings who mean so much to you," Red said. "I hope you never grow as close to a Pokemon as you did to Starmie. I'd never want a Pokemon of mine to know what it's like becoming my friend only to be trampled upon."

The gym leader was clearly shocked at his words. She was no longer angry, merely stunned at the verbal retort he'd given her. Red walked past her, brushing past her shoulder as he walked outside the Pokemon Center. He looked up into the sky for the first time in days, noticing the sun had set to die the sky orange.

"I quit the gym challenge," he said to no one. "You hear?! I quit the gym challenge!"