The next day, after all my household duties were done, I went to my study. Since Tony would be away, I decided to do some of my social calls. That night, I would finally have the chance to see what Marja knew about the threat against Ma. So I wrote a letter:

Vig,

I need to meet a friend outside your bar. 7 tonight. — J

I sent that note with Pearson in a stack of my usual mail — answering letters, requesting information, and the like. I also asked him to get the carriage for me.

I detested social calls. Hours of sitting in one stifling parlor after another, repeating the same banalities with women who hated me. I had my flask with me, though, and after each call, I celebrated its end with a good stiff swig. When I approached Honor at the last call on the list, he said, "Spadros Manor?"

"The Kerr house, if you please." Since I was out, it seemed a good opportunity to visit Joe to see if he even remembered our prior meeting.

Honor nodded. "Yes, mum."

I shook my flask, which had been full of bourbon, but it hardly sloshed. Only a bit remained. No matter: Josie would surely have something to drink there.

I would be proper as any upper, and I would set Joe straight. I couldn't allow Joe to believe we had any future together.

The maid ushered me to the Kerrs' parlor, directing me to a battered armchair which faced away from the door.

I pointed to the sofa, where I might see Joe and Josie enter. "I'd rather sit here."

"They were specific, mum. Miss Josie said it was a surprise."

I sighed. "Very well."

I wanted to see Joe for as long as I could. All my other visits today had been of the fifteen minute variety; if I lingered too long here it might arouse suspicion.

But if they had set a surprise for me ...

I heard the door open behind me, and close, then Josie pushed Joe around the sofa in his chair. Joe smiled his glorious smile when he saw me. "Hi, Jacqui."

The bandage on Joe's head was gone; a red patch at his hairline remained. He had a cast on his arm, and his thigh was now in a cast as well. Josie pushed his chair between my armchair and the sofa, so Joe faced me, yet sat to my left. We almost touched. Josie sat on the other sofa, to my right.

"I hope you both are well?"

"Very well," Josie said. "And you?"

Joe sat so close I could smell his scent, feel his warmth. It took all I had in me not to reach out and touch him. "Very well indeed."

Josie smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."

Joe said, "Josie, would you play for us?"

"I would love to." She rose, going to the piano, and once she sat behind it, the top of her golden curls was all I could see.

It was then I noted that the sofa was unusually far from the table, with plenty of room to wheel Joe near me. So this had been their plan all along.

Josie began to play a soft tune.

Joe said, "How are you, really?"

I smiled, feeling quite warm. "I'm well. How do you feel?"

"I feel well. The doctor says I'm making good progress. I should be out of this chair soon."

Relief washed over me. "I'm so grateful."

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

"Josie told me of your work. Are you in danger?"

It seemed I was always in danger, but to say so would only worry him. "I only take simple cases; in this one, I'm more of a debt collector than anything else."

"Ah," Joe said, leaning back. "It seems so menial for you."

Josie played much better than I did."It's a bit more complex than I made it seem, of course. But I don't want you to worry."

He gazed at me with those beautiful eyes. "Josie also told me of your fears. I'm not ashamed of anything I said when last we were alone."

Oh, dear. "You remember?"

"I meant every word." He leaned over and kissed me.

I don't know how long we kissed. I don't know what Josie played. But when our lips parted I felt breathless, dizzy. I whispered, "How can this possibly be?"

"We were meant for each other." His lips brushed mine, then our foreheads touched. "I only think of having you in my arms."

The thought of what might happen to Joe if someone walked in right now frightened me. "If anyone should learn of this —"

Joe brought his good hand to my cheek. "Josie loves you as much as I. She would never betray us. No one else shall ever know." He pulled me close, kissed my forehead; my hand lay on his chest. "This place can be our haven, if you wish it."

I wanted Joe more than anything in the world. But how could I betray Tony's trust and come here under false pretenses? How could I put Joe in this kind of danger?

Joe's fingers dropped to mine. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I stroked his fingers with my thumb, wanting desperately to kiss them.

I had to be strong. I had to set Joe straight. "Tony's a good man. We've been together many years now. He loves me."

"Josie tells it different. You're unwilling. He violates you every night."

"It's not like that." The carpet had a hole in it near the table leg. "He thinks I go willingly." Joe's eyes, normally green, were amber in this light. "Roy Spadros threatened to kill me if I revealed I was forced to marry. Tony doesn't know."

"His father has you trapped."

I moved my hand to the arm of my chair. "It's more than that. I ... to do this ... it would be horrible. I love Tony as a brother. He relies on me. He ... he bares his heart to me. He's a good man, but not a strong one. If he learned of this, it ... it would destroy him."

"Why do you care?"

"I've known him since I was twelve. I care about him. He's a good man, doing the best he can in a terrible situation."

Joe shook his head. "He's a murderer many times over. He killed Ottilie, and Poignee, and Treysa — our friends. He shot them in the head and dumped them in the Pot. Or don't you remember? I don't understand. Why are you defending him?"

"I don't defend what he does. He's in the Family. He has to do things which you or I would shudder at. But he hates it. He wants to take me and leave here. He stood up to his father for me, which no one in this city ever dared do."

Joe didn't speak for some time. "So he defies his father. He takes you and leaves Bridges. And then what? Is he going to suddenly not become a murderer? Are you going to stay with a man, sleep with a man, who you feel for only as a brother? Live a lie for the rest of your life?" He paused. "Why?"

I hadn't thought that far.

"You used to think for yourself, Jacqui. Have these people turned you into one of their puppets?"

Had they? The thought shocked me.

I didn't care what Tony had done. He surely had never pulled the trigger on anyone, with the exception of Duck. I couldn't see him even ordering someone's death without the fear of his father and men driving him. But Joe was right; even if Tony and I left Bridges tonight, our marriage was doomed.

"I know we can never be together," Joe said, "but I thought — maybe, if you wanted, we could have some moments here." Joe's shoulders slumped. "I thought perhaps you still loved me."

My heart tore in two. Crying out, I took hold of his beloved face and kissed him again and again. "I do, I do ... oh, gods, how could I not? You're everything to me." I began to weep. "You're the only thing that's kept me alive through all this."

His face lit up. "You love me." He held my hand to his chest, eyes closed. "All this pain has been worth it."

It was as if he spoke my exact thoughts. I leaned over to touch his soft, soft hair, his beautiful face. I whispered, "I'll tell you a secret. Every night, I love you. You're in my arms, you're inside me. I kiss your lips; I pull you to me."

He peered into my eyes. "Truly?"

At that, I felt sad. "If only it were. But in my heart we've been together these past three years." I told him then what Ma told me to do, how I searched inside myself during that terrible wedding night, and how I found him there.

Joe kissed my forehead. "Then tonight, I'll seek you as well."

When I left Joe's I felt light as a bird. He loved me.

I could visit when I liked. And Joe could come visit me. It wasn't much, and we might never have anything else, but for now, it was enough.

On the way home, I reached for the brass speaking tube. "Stop by Dame Anastasia's, please."

"Yes, mum." The driver's voice sounded tinny.

Why didn't Anastasia tell me what she was doing? Didn't she trust me? Perhaps she thought I might disapprove of her liaison with Frank. Which was interesting. If he knew we were friends, calling me over to her house would have been the perfect way for him to capture me, without having to kidnap David at all.

What was Frank really doing? I needed to talk with Anastasia to see if he had given her any clues as to his plans. But Dame Anastasia wasn't home, so I left my calling card.

It was very strange; she had never not been "at home" when I stopped by before.

***

That night, I told Pearson I felt fatigued. I would be retiring early, so there was no need to make dinner for me.

After Amelia helped me undress, she left. I put on my disguise of widow's brown, with the shoes, hat, and thick veil I only used while on cases. Then I slipped out of the house and past the guards. It took a while to find a taxi-carriage, but soon I was on my way to Vig's bar.

Vig Vikenti always greeted me loudly. So I didn't go in the front door, rather around to his side entrance, raising my veil when I opened the door. His mother gave me a glance and nodded as she stirred her pot in the lamplight. It smelled of frying meat. "Vig say you come here. Bad luck, woman wear brown." She herself wore brown, but I learned not to try to understand the logic of the old. "Go to Vig's room."

I patted her shoulder as I passed.

The hall past her was lit golden by a gas lamp far down the hall. Halfway down the hall on the left, the window blind was pulled down. Slits of blue-white light spilled onto the wall from the electric street lamp outside. Doors lined the right; Vig's room lay at the end of the hall.

When I got to the blind, the door just past it opened. A dark figure came around to face me, the slits of light shining on his face. I stared at the man in horror.

"Blitz Spadros. What the hell are you doing here?"