There were few things more annoying in the world than knowing you were insane — knowing the things you saw and heard were mere figments of your imagination — and yet remaining unable to keep your fiction separated from reality.

“Can we eat them?” the static voice spoke with the innocent curiosity of a child as it watched the two other passengers that shared the trolley with Nix.

She didn’t respond. The two were already sending subtle glances her way — whether because of her sickly look, or the fancy robe that was clearly out of place, it was hard to tell — but there was no need to give them another reason to stare.

The safe, corruption-free central district disappeared through the glass as they accelerated away from their third stop. The rattle of their ride grew less intense as they travelled beyond the safe zone. It also sped up.

Should K’tan learn how far out she’d already gone, he would have a fit.

Nix grinned.

Back when she was truly fifteen, she’d been terrified of the man’s outbursts when he discovered the other kids sneaking out. She’d never wanted to see that anger directed towards her.

Now, she relished in the idea of making him mad. So great was her regret that she’d spent the life before her confinement striving to be acknowledged by the person who would betray her. Too long had she tried to be the perfect child for K’tan.

She was going to stay out and enjoy herself until she was dragged back to her Ward by the first cultist that actually cared enough to do so. And when she got back, she would relish K’tan’s anger.

It might be a little against her goal of going unnoticed, but Nix didn’t care. If she wasn’t willing to live her life and enjoy the little moments, then why did she return? At some point, hiding in a hole might be the only option she had left, but until then, she wanted to live the life she’d missed, and do everything to make sure her future wouldn’t reoccur.

With her naming ceremony out of the way, Nix had the whole day ahead of her. She intended to explore where she’d once been too afraid, then later barred. It was nothing concrete, but she had the whole of Coral open to her now. It was a feeling of freedom she’d never felt, even when she was this age originally.

There was no point coming back if she wasn’t going to experience the things she’d always wanted to. No more would she linger in her isolated room while all the others of her ward broke the rules.

She used to live by K’tan’s rules. Every minute of every day. She’d been the only one truly faithful. Yet, when the time came for K’tan to return that faith, he’d punished her in a way the others couldn’t imagine. She’d lived by his rules, and gained nothing for it.

Not anymore.

The trolley slid to a stop, and Nix felt the gaze of the pair across from her. She looked up, but they didn’t avert. Their eyes grew dangerously intense. Sweat slid down her back as their frowns deepened. When the doors of the trolley squeaked, Nix was up in an instant and slid through the doors just as they shut.

She spun on the two, who continued to stare at her as the trolley slowly pulled them down the road that seemed to twist unnaturally the further she looked. Involuntarily, she shivered.

Her imaginary eye bobbed down the road towards her, having been carried along by the trolley as it tried to slide through the window.

Would have been nice if it got trapped. She thought. If I kill my demons, does that get rid of them? Or will my insanity only get worse because I acknowledged them?

She wasn’t sure she wanted to test that theory. All things considered, an eye that just asked dumb questions was better than one that spent all day trying to terrify her.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Well, this seemed to be the furthest she could go before cultists began asking questions.

The streets were just as bright here as around the rearing wards, but corruption had begun. A bakery’s welcome sign seemed to grow each time she stepped away. The crystal statue of a tree twisted just a bit too much whenever it was in her peripheral. And while the plated alloy brickwork of the footpath remained intact, there were places where the patterns seemed to spiral in impossible shapes.

Nix didn’t look. That was what everyone was told to do: the less you gazed at the corruption, the less it would affect you. The little eyeball that floated around her everywhere was already enough insanity.

It grew worse elsewhere. Many places on Coral were completely off-limits, and while the topside was less affected than anywhere else, it still had regions that only the strongest harbinger dared explore.

Nix was excited to get out and about and go beyond where she was allowed, but she knew there was a limit. Coral was not a safe place to wander. Between the twisted landscape, the spawn, and the cultists themselves, one always had to be careful. There wasn’t much to worry about this close to the safe zone, but almost everything became unforgiving further out — people included.

At almost every corner, there was an entrance into the depths. The city was vast on the surface, and only grew more dense and convoluted within the heart of the platform.

Now that she was here, Nix didn’t know what to do. The street wasn’t particularly busy, but she still felt uncomfortable around other people. It would be best if she found a store to buy a new dress; something other than a traditional hood, or the baggy pants she’d been forced into. Oh how she yearned to show off her completely natural hair and legs while she could. That option wouldn’t remain for long.

But… as much as she desired to get out of this gown that was clearly overdressing for walking around the streets, it was not something she wanted to tackle immediately. Especially when it meant talking to someone.

So she ended up walking.

She didn’t know where she was walking, didn’t have any destination, and trekked slowly enough to take in the — relatively mundane — sights. The area she was in was only slightly outside the safe zone. Shops and stalls here were no different than those closer to the rearing wards. The ones she remembered spending much of her free time window shopping before everything had happened.

The Ward’s allowance wasn’t enough to actually let her buy much. And it wasn’t the clothes themselves she liked. No, it was the dream of her better future. A dream where she wasn’t cursed, or isolated, or sacrificed; but wealthy, powerful, and hale. Back then, it hadn’t been an impossibly distant future. It was something she’d considered reasonably possible. Just a couple years away.

Nix would strangle her old self for her foolishness if she ever… oh, right. I did go back in time.

Foregoing any actual self-harm, she walked along the windows of all the fine clothes, jewellery, and ritual supply shops. None of them inspired that same dream she once had. She didn’t care for the fancy cloaks, blood-diamond broaches, or tomes on sacrificial runes and pentagrams.

In fact, that last one only turned her stomach.

Hopes and dreams for the future were all well and good, but they would never become reality if she remained as passive as she once was. But where did she start? Even her second additive wasn’t helpful to her; she didn’t think it was possible — or a wise decision — to evolve three curses without tempering them with another name first.

So, without any actual benefits enriching her, what could she do? “how am I supposed to improve, when my body’s as weak as this?”

Nix chewed her lip. The action was surprisingly calming, now that her teeth didn’t slide through flesh in an instant. If there was one thing she could compliment the Bodytwisters on, it was how good they were at regrowing lips.

“If you do not like your body, then discard it.”

The only reason she didn’t jump from the sudden voice, was because she’d been staring at the floating eyeball in the glass’s reflection. It hovered frighteningly close to her ear, yet if not for the mirror, she would not have noticed it.

Holding her breath and counting to three, she turned and ignored the creature. Even as she tried to ignore its words, she couldn’t resist the idle consideration; What it would be like to slip out of her own body, and experience another’s perspective for the day?

As the orb bobbed behind her in a hurried attempt to catch up, Nix cast aside the thought of her future. Even in her previous life, it had been months before she’d caved and told K’tan. She still had time. Not forever, but today she could sacrifice to something fun.

She was finally free, and she wanted to do something she never had before.

The little eyeball floated before her face, so she waved the creature away. Doing so, her eyes rose between the gap in buildings to the Still Tower.

It was the tallest building in this part of the city. Isolated from the rest, it was a mass of alloy beams that criss-crossed upwards like a spear striking at the sky. As far as Nix knew, it had no purpose. Some ancient structure that had been left alone because the effort to tear it down would be too great. Also, people rarely even went close to it.

She’d overheard some of her ward-mates had climbed it. They’d, of course, been discovered. K’tan’s rage that day had been horrible and terrifying to the young Nix.

Perfect.