By the time Nix reached the massive metal shutters of the Rearing Ward, her sweat had mixed with blood and left her gown smelling fierce. She’d been exhausted from both attempting to climb Still Tower, and the eventual fight she’d had with the amalgamation. The walk had been hard. Her legs felt like they would collapse beneath her at any moment. But she’d pushed forward.

All to see K’tan’s fury.

There hadn’t been anyone on the Trolley, thank the Eidolon Gods. As much as she was willing to show off her weakened, filthy visage to the overseers of the neighbouring wards to give K’tan trouble, she wasn’t willing to extend that to random strangers. After years of living in a pitiable state, Nix wanted to stand strong.

The vault like shutters before her were closed, as they almost always were. Each rearing ward was more of a bunker than a building. They held the weakest of all Coral, so the entire structures needed to be isolated from the rest of the orbital platform. Essentially, they were just big metal boxes that housed a thousand kids. And this was just one of many.

Each of the cults had a longstanding agreement — one of the rare few — to support and maintain these isolated environments for children to grow and learn. Before one’s thirteenth year, they weren’t even allowed to leave. And it was only after their naming day could they find somewhere else to live.

By seventeen… well, Nix didn’t know what happened; nobody stayed around that long. But that was usually when the dorms were cleaned out for the next generation.

Nix stepped forward, lifted the heavy knocker, and rammed it into the thick metal.

They had doorbell and PA systems on the inside, but considering corruption had a tendency filter through any form of information transfer, it was safest to rely on the primitive effectiveness of a physical door-knock.

“Nix! By the everseeing eye!” a voice came from a speaker overhead.

At least as a first line of defence. They needed to turn on the cameras and intercom if they didn’t want to open the shutters for every random knock, after all.

The grinding sound of the shutters scratched at Nix’s ears for the second time that day. Before they’d even opened fully, a lady was by her side with an arm around her shoulder as she gestured her inside. Startled by the touch, she flinched away slightly, but quickly tried to clamp down on the feeling.

She wanted to come here looking pitiful, not actually feel that way.

The woman pulled back a touch, noticed Nix’s reaction, but still led her inside. “What happened to you?” she asked, with a level of worry Nix had not been prepared to face.

This was Val’oura; Overseer of the current group of nine-year-olds, if Nix’s memory was right. The woman shouldn’t have let her in this easily. There needed to be questions asked to validate Nix was who she appeared to be. What if she’d been a skinwalker? Or any sort of monster possessing Nix’s body? She was put off balance that things had already derailed from what she expected, and Val’oura noticed.

It was clear she was being careful with Nix, as she put a hand on her back and led her to sit down in one of the couches of the foyer. Her fatigue and bloody gown only playing into her usual sickly appearance.

Nix intended for this to be an act, not for her to actually feel vulnerable in this state, but she’d remembered the other overseers and carers being far more detached, and it confounded her. When she’d come running back to the ward to hide in her corner room, they hadn’t cared to ask if she was okay… so why were they now? Had she changed something this drastically already?

“What’s going o— oh, damn. Did you go swimming in a cult’s blood vat?” Another of the overseers came over after hearing Val’oura’s commotion. Despite his words, Nix found even he was more worried than angry.

Well, now was the time to mislead them. If she could make them think this was somehow K’tan’s fault — or at least the fault of his neglect — then she could put a strain on that image he loved to make people think was truth.

“K’tan… he said I should go for a walk. I… I didn’t think there would be a monster…” Nix finally got a hold of her as she made herself sound feeble. She suddenly realised that she didn’t like this plan. Why had she chosen this path again? She was trying to separate her current and previous selves. Acting like the weak child her body still was rung home just how far she had to go despite such a long and eventful day.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

The things I do to get you mad. She thought. I really hope you appreciate my efforts.

Nix was already dedicated, so she wasn’t about to back down, even if it was a bit humiliating. Just the mention of her overseer being the one to advise her to go for a walk where she’d been attacked by some monster had been enough for the two before her to share a glance between themselves. It wasn’t even that much of a lie. He did give her permission to go wandering.

This is the last time I intentionally allow myself to be seen as pitiable. She declared to herself. It was a lifetime of being stuck in such a position, so she wanted to do her best to avoid repeating such days, even in act.

Val’oura had already sent a call through the internal comms network of the Rearing Ward, so it didn’t take long for K’tan to appear.

Striding out into the main foyer, the hard glares of both other overseers stop him in his tracks. The way his eyes flicker between Nix and his fellow carers is almost comical considering how easily it is for Nix to follow his trail of thought. He was quick to realise why they were glaring. His teeth grit as his face morphed into his best veneer of concern.

“Nix! What happened?” His acting was almost as good as Nix’s. Almost.

As he approached her side and lay his arm on her shoulder, she didn’t even bother to suppress the shiver of revulsion that passed through her. Though, she did put on a show of pretending to hide it again afterwards. She intentionally didn’t answer his question.

K’tan must have felt the eyes burning into his back, as he pushed Nix to rise. She did so, making sure it looked as half-hearted and unwilling as she could. He tried to hurry her along. She knew he was just trying to get them out of the other overseer’s eyes. Nix made sure her backward glance lasted just long enough to seem fearful and resigned, but not so much that she was pleading for help. She didn’t actually want the other overseers to act; only that they spread his questionable actions to the other adults of the Rearing Ward.

K’tan hated when the kids under his care went out during ritual hours. It was like a personal insult. He would hate every one of his colleagues thinking he was the one who encouraged such action.

As Nix turned back to follow K’tan, she spotted something shift in the darkness of the corridor that lead to her dorm. The man — that was still tightly gripping her shoulder — hadn’t seen, but Nix was pretty confident it was one of the kids.

The walk back to their ward took a few minutes, and the entire while, Nix could almost feel K’tan’s rage writhing beneath the surface. His fingers were digging into her bone painfully, and she didn’t even think he noticed.

When they were finally in their section of the ward — K’tan having shut the metal divider behind them — he couldn’t contain his screams. They were in the common room, so his screams would be muffled by the time they reached the dorm rooms, but everyone would know he was pissed.

Nix ducked her head to hide her grin. It felt… good to be able to manipulate the man how she wanted. Maybe it wasn’t to the degree of what he’d done to her, nor did she retain all that much control, but it was so much better to be the one with K’tan playing the palm of her hand than the other way around.

As he raged, a quieter voice somehow pierced through the volume. “You are going to kill him, yes?” little god asked, spinning around the man’s head like a predator circled prey. “Why do you wait?”

Of course. But I’m to weak to risk it. Not yet, she responded, realising too late that she was reacting to the imaginary beast again.

“…And what was that before, huh? Do you not trust me? Why would you react that way?” his frustration was leaking through his words, but Nix could hear the attempt to pull her back in line and his accusation present themselves together.

The clang of heavy divider opening cut his shouting short, and he immediately scowled. His hand landed on Nix’s shoulder again, and pushed her towards her room. “I’ll talk to you later. Now get to bed. You look exhausted.”

It was obvious he was trying to shoo her off before he had to deal with whoever had come, and Nix took the opportunity that was presented to her.

“No. I need a bath.”

His eyes widened, as if he didn’t believe Nix could say no to him. Honestly, the old her probably couldn’t.

“My assistants will be in there for the next while, you can go in the morning.”

“I don’t want my room to smell of blood and sweat.” Oh, this was just too fun.

His eyes narrowed fractionally, and if he had any less control over his expression, Nix was sure he’d click his tongue in annoyance.

“Of course,” he relented. “But don’t bother them when you go in. They might not be happy to have their time to relax stolen.” He then shooed her towards the women’s bath.

Nix was ever so tempted to wait around and see who had come. Was it Val’oura? Or had K’tan been waiting for someone? But… she’d already pushed him satisfyingly far tonight. Any more and he wouldn’t just leave her with a bit of scolding. It might be fun, but she still had to keep herself from standing out too much.

So, she head for the bath.

On her way, she glanced down at herself. Many of the people who worked in the rearing wards did so because they wanted to avoid the nature of cultism. They didn’t strive to climb the ranks, and many had a distaste for blood and death. Knowing that, and how the carers had avoided her, Nix was rather confident that by interrupting their after-shift relaxation time, they were almost certain to leave her alone.

Nix would have the bath entirely to herself.

So when she pushed past the moisture-trapping airlock, walked through the changing rooms, and out into the bathing hall proper, she was ready for every eye to turn her way. The half-dozen women in the warm pool sat shocked. They turned and talked amongst each other. And finally, they all rose from the bath together.

What Nix wasn’t prepared for, was for each of them to approach her, rather than try to leave.

“Nix, what happened? Are you hurt?”

“Let us help you take that off.”

Just like Val’oura, these women that spent much of Nix’s teenage years avoiding her, were suddenly showing a level of concern she couldn’t remember.

Was my isolation just a figment of my imagination?