sorry about the long update time had a bad brain block and couldn't write what i wanted to write

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After I swore the orcs grabbed there weapons and made there way to my hill. I pulled my swords out of my arms and then jumped down. I landed on my feet surrounded by orcs. My blades where each a meter and a half long (5 feet) so just a bit longer then I am tall. They were pure black and katana shaped. The orcs stopped when they saw my tails come up and above my head like a scorpions. Neither one of us moved for several minutes. And then one pushed through. He was about 7 feet tall had bulging muscles and wielded an axe about the same length as one of my katanas.

“RAAAAAAAAAA”

and then he charged and tried to bring his axe down onto my head. I brought my blade up to block and when the axe impacted against my blade it was simply cut against my blade and the piece that should have hit my head was blocked by my armoured tail. With my other blade I swiped sideways cutting him cleanly in half. His top half fell off and his guts poured out onto the forest floor. The orcs when they saw this started roaring and charged me. I swung my sword time after time killing orc after orc. Before I knew it I had cut down the last orc. As I stood their with my swords facing down. I hadn't been paying attention to the noise but it was a laughter so loud it shook the nearby trees and bushes. I turn around and see a huge pile of orc corpses. Behind the pile of corpses are my 6 minions. I look down at myself and not a speak of blood is to be seen on my armour.

“YAY master brought us dinner, and tomorrows breakfast and lunch!!!”

My mind blanks. I sit down on a log that the orcs had been siting on. The urkai start grabbing some orc pieces and starting to gather firewood to cook the orc meet. As the fire starts the laughter and giggling finally stops. I then step a couple feet out of the camp and summon more three urkai. They run over to the horribly smelling meat and join in on the meal. I grab some water out my ring of storage and a sleeping bag and lay down a couple of feet away from camp. Sleep finds me easily and I wake up late in the morning the next day. The urkai are still sitting around the fire eating away at the orcs flesh. The remaining amount is just a couple of arms and leg. However something feels off. It feels like someone is lurking in the woods. I again walk off a few feet away and summon one more urkai. He sees me, smells the remainder of the food and runs over to his new friends. I walk farther into the woods and come into a clearing. I don't enter it but I can see over a thousand orcs walking down a path. It would seem that my laughter yesterday attracted them as they are constantly looking into the forest behind and around themselves them. I move back into the forest and head back to the camp when I arrive almost all the food was been eaten.

“you guys still hungry?”

They all look at me funny. And then gobble down all the remaining orc flesh.

“yup ready to move out master?” (Ben)

“waiting on you now be quite this time.”

we move slowly back to the path and as we arrive the last of them are walking by. We wait about a minute and then I tell them the plan.

“I am going to pick them off one at a time and you guys will eat on the move okay?”

they nod in unison. Since they are ahead I pick up a stone and move to be within sight of them. When I see them I throw the stone crushing the nearest orcs head. I then retreat into the woods. The nearby orcs look down at their now dead comrade and stop. To my surprise they grab all of his good equipment and leave his body behind. It seems they left quite happy as they hurried back to the the rest of the orc group. It would seem that they are rather cold and unfeeling. I keep pace with them and the urkai drag the corpse into the woods. I don't think killing another one that way would be a good idea. They march for about an hour and then they stop and appear to set up camp. I see a couple go off into the bushes most likely to relive themselves so I follow them. They all split off from each other and I creep up behind one of them. I can tell he is going to the washroom from the stream he is creating so I pull out my blade. I then swing and cut him right in half. Much to my Horror I realize that my sword is laughing like a hyena. I run back towards my urkai and forget to sheath my blade of laughter. Before I know it I am being followed by a large number of orcs with a laughing blade. The blade laughs louder and louder with each step I take as it swings up and down as I run. I look behind me. I then run for a long time without turning around.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

I look behind myself and see a couple of orcs who are out of breath and I realize that I had left my ring of gravity at the castle. Seeing as they are exhausted I turn around and quickly start cutting them down. It seems I only got 50 of them. I hear some rustling in the bushes in the bush. I quickly hide behind a nearby thick tree.

“I wonder where God went off to I can smell his scent...”

“you have to remember to call him master he gets mad when you call him God how many times do we have to tell you?”

“ya ya ya I know. Hey look more food!”

do I smell that bad that they can smell me? Well I haven't taken a shower in 5 days... oh well I'll take one when I get back to the city. I walk out into the clearing. And see all 10 of my loyal servants.

“so why did you guys walk off the path?”

“well.. um you know because um”(ben)

“spit it out God doesn't have all day to listen”

“because we heard your laughter so we followed it”(ben)

“it's good your free thinking like that, I might make you a commander of a legion one day”

his eyes are sparkling “ really God?”

“if you keep up the good work then yes now eat quickly”

They start eating the orcs raw and I sit down for a nice little nap. I wake up with a new plan.

“okay guys you listening?”

“yes master” (Ben)

“we are going to follow them to their camp”

“Master I have a question” (Jack)

“yes?”

“why did you run earlier?”(Jack)

I pause and don't say anything. Why did I run? I could have easily slaughtered all of them.

“you idiot can't you tell?” (Ben)

“tell what?”(Jack)

“he didn't kill them all because otherwise we would be stuck on the path for days! If we stayed their that long more orcs would be bound to cross and we would never be able to keep up with the amount of food!”(Ben)

“It all makes sense now! He didn't kill them all because we are incompetent eaters! I guess that means we need to learn to eat faster!” (Jack)

“yes we will become the fastest eaters in the world so we don't slow down GOD!!!!”(Ben)

I look at them and get up walking back to the path. I think my minions think to highly of me, making up lies to make me look even better. Sigh* we arrive back at the path and the orcs have moved on. We follow the path and easily catch up. We follow them for the next three days and then we arrive at a hill. Once the orcs go over it we follow expecting for them to be at least a ten minutes walk away. When we go over the hill we see a giant orc encampment. I have never been good with estimation and I would say that their was at least 50 000 orcs milling around the giant camp. Their were no walls. Just tents. We had not moved an inch and then I looked down. A small creature that reminded me of what my urkai used to look like. He spoke

“@#$#%#”

to my surprise Jack on my left responded

“@#$$%#$@#%”

I look at him and ask

“what did he say Jack?”