He felt awkward over this.

Should he move away? It's just that, he doesn't feel open enough to cuddle or something. He felt more nervous if anything.

He tried to pry away the hand wrapping him first and make some distance.

Shao Ai is awakened by it and opened his eyes. He met the gaze of the person he likes. He leaned closer and closed his eyes back.

Wu Hai felt his emotions rising again as his heart beats faster and faster. It feels nice and warm like this, and its really... stimulating. Shao Ai felt something touching his stomach. He smiled a little and move his hands.

Wu Hai stops any thoughts again and just let everything pass. He can't think anymore as his focus is on something else entirely.

...

"I am washing up...". He embarrassedly get out of out bed to clean himself, and the mess. Shao Ai felt its still unreal. He felt happy, really happy. While Wu Hai is still in a daze in the bath.

Not to mention he lost control in the middle of it too. He had to admit he never felt better going all out like an animal at some point, forgetting everything indulging in pleasure. And then he enjoyed it just now…

He's really crazy...

That's not just anyone... That's Shao Ai... That's his friend... What had he done.

He scolded himself in his mind before removing his thoughts.

He washed up fast and went out.

Shao Ai is still lying in bed, motionless. Shao Ai mind is in a daze, filled with disbelief. Feeling as if everything is a dream. But the sore on his back is proof it wasn't a dream. He squealed in his heart, feeling it's so unbelievable. Wu Hai... He muttered in his heart, remembering everything he did to him. His heart beats remembering things as his cheek flushed red.

Not to mention he lost control in the middle of it too. He had to admit he never felt better going all out like an animal at some point, forgetting everything indulging in pleasure. And then he enjoyed it just now…

He's really crazy...

That's not just anyone... That's Shao Ai... That's his friend... What had he done.

He scolded himself in his mind before removing his thoughts.

He washed up fast and went out.

Shao Ai is still lying in bed, motionless. Shao Ai mind is in a daze, filled with disbelief. Feeling as if everything is a dream. But the sore on his back is proof it wasn't a dream. He squealed in his heart, feeling it's so unbelievable. Wu Hai... He muttered in his heart, remembering everything he did to him. His heart beats remembering things as his cheek flushed red.

But he really should be gentler... He complained in his heart, but he still felt really happy. He is the happiest person alive. He almost blurted he loved him if he didn't control himself properly back then.

But then... He does like him. He likes him a lot. He likes him so much.

He held his chest, feeling his heart beating. His chest is filled with that feeling for Wu Hai. His liking to him now has no barricade, no hesitation.

His heart is really open to him now.

Noticing Wu Hai had done washing up he too crawled out of bed.

Oh no... He's embarrassed that he's naked. He bent over to pick up the towel on the floor that Wu Hai threw away.

Wu Hai watches his bottom from afar, quickly turning his head aside while covering his face with one hand.

He's really crazy. His desire welled up again.

Wu Hai looked at the walls and the floors as Shao Ai went to wash up. He sat down on the bed, in a daze.

Soon enough they both went to get lunch. It’s really awkward between both of them, neither would look at each other’s eyes. It's Shao Ai who spoke first, suggesting to get lunch. Wu Hai just nods and walk alongside him.

It's too awkward really.

Afterwards they went to walk around the market. Shao Ai went to buy some more food here and there. He really likes to eat doesn't he.

Shao Ai passed on the fruit laced with sugar on a stick while averting his eyes.

The day passed quickly with zero conversation. And nothing happens at night too. Shao Ai feel a bit hesitant since Wu Hai had been avoiding him and he felt the distance.

Wu Hai slept sideway, turning his back to Shao Ai. Maybe… its just a one time things? Shao Ai thought. He doesn’t know what Wu Hai thinks.

Shao Ai place his hand on his back, wishing for a respond. But Wu Hai didn’t move. Is he asleep?

Wu Hai didn’t sleep. He felt his touch on his back. And he feels guilty. He just… can’t do this… And so he pretends to sleep. Shao Ai does not want to overthink and believed he’s asleep. He too try to sleep as well.

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The next morning comes. It's time to leave the capital city.

They would travel on different roads so, they would part ways at this moment.

"Wu Hai...". Wu Hai look over Shao Ai who had done packing his things.

He looked nervous at this moment, and Wu Hai too felt heavy in his heart preparing for the words that Shao Ai would say. He does not want to hold back anything anymore.

"I... I like you...".

Shao Ai had his heart racing so much at this moment. He wanted to hear his reply, and wants to know he felt for him.

He can't even look at Wu Hai saying this. He feels so nervous, and afraid.

Wu Hai is not sure how to reply. He does not want to put too much meaning about what had happened.

But now...

Wu Hai did like him, but, he just, don't feel that it's enough to accept the confession or reply to his feelings or be in a relationship.

"Shao Ai...".

Wu Hai took a deep breath. He's afraid what he would feel really.

"Sorry".

Shao Ai is still processing the word.

After 3 second, Wu Hai continued.

"I, only see you as a friend".

"I just get carried over...".

Shao Ai was heartbroken hearing the reply. Although, he had imagined different scenario, and its one of them, but still…

“I… see… its okay…”. Shao Ai felt really heartbroken. He thought, he had been one with him, and that they could be together.

He felt so heartbroken that, a tear accidentally fell from one of his eyes.

Wu Hai felt guilty seeing the tear. He felt like the worst scum on the planet. He never thought, he never thought it would hurt him this much. Why did you cry? Do you really like me so much?

He is not sure how to describe it. It's not really a mistake. And it's just that he indulged in his desire. He doesn’t regret it at all actually, and he admits its the best thing he ever felt. But he's not ready to commit or anything.

But now… he realises it’s selfish of him.

Shao Ai already anticipates that it's possible it doesn't mean as deep as he wished it to be. But still... He wished Wu Hai liked him back and that wish is shattered.

However, he knows he can't force things...

"It's alright...". Shao Ai said it again. More to console himself really.

Shao Ai looked at Wu Hai and forced a little smile on him.

"Can we, remain friends...?".

Shao Ai had a fear in his heart that after this Wu Hai might stay away from him, or even treat him differently. He had to ask this.

"Hey... We are friends alright".

Wu Hai answered that to reassure him. It seems that Shao Ai is afraid he would stay away from him or something, he thought. He's not that unreasonable. Although, he still felt awkward with him but there’s no reason to unfriend him. He will always be his friend, he thought.

"Sorry...". Shao Ai muttered.

Wu Hai is startled. He doesn't understand where that comes from. If anything, its him who should apologise. He felt even more guilty for this.

"It's okay". He replies that automatically as he doesn’t know how to reply to it.

But he's not sure what Shao Ai is sorry for.

There's a shadow in his heart. And his insecurity also comes from it. He felt like he might have troubled Wu Hai over his feelings. And that it's him that somewhat seduces him and initiates things then. Perhaps it never meant anything. It’s just him that, likes him…

They both check out of the hotel and went to the stage station.

Wu Hai noticed Shao Ai seems down. His eyes are looking at the ground as they walk.

He felt guilty if he has to be honest.

But he's just, not ready to accept such heavy feelings.

He felt solemn seeing him down like this.

As they are about to depart, Wu Hai says his goodbye.

"See you later, Shao Ai".

Shao Ai give him a little a smile.

"See you later. Bye".

He waved a little as he enters the carriage. He looks at Wu Hai going farther and farther away as his carriage move.

His heavy heart can't bear it anymore.

His eyes went teary and let out a few tears. He wiped it quickly, emptying his thoughts and just stared at the road.

He felt depressed really. It’s as if, he was happy and everything went down the drain right after. I liked him, I liked him a lot…

As if the heaven hears the cry, the weather coincidentally becomes cloudy as rain fell.

The sound of rain is soothing to his mind, and the smell of grass after the rain also helps him sleep off the heavy feelings. It's as if heaven wanted to ease things for him.

Wu Hai watched the cloudy sky while he travels with the merchant carriage. He took on a job protecting it meanwhile.

The journey is smooth for both of them as they reached their respective home. Wu Hai reached the dragon flame sect, greeted by the elders and seniors.

Wu Hai thought about Shao Ai. Right... Their distance is really far from each other. There's like hundreds of kilometers distance from each other. And their paths are different.

And if he thinks about it, they seldom meet. It's not easy to stay with him.

He shook his thoughts away. He starts to cultivate and practice techniques to return his body to his peak.

As for Shao Ai, he sluggishly opened the door to his home and went to sleep out of depression.

It just, it felt heavy really. He remembers that night. He wished he could stay with him. He missed him really. He wished he is here with him. He wished he could be in his embrace again.

But he can't be with him.

Days passed.

In the evening, he took a walk in the palace garden. It's open to the residence when the Emperor wasn't strolling.

He looked at various flowers and herbs, sniffing them.

He remembers sniffing him... He had his face flushed red and felt embarrassed at his behaviour. It's so embarrassing, he thought.

He smiled a little, remembering things. He could at least, keep the good memories and cherish them. But he gets depressed after remembering that, he can’t be with him.

After days, the heavy feelings get lighter, and soon his holiday ends and he continue his learning as a doctor and also occasionally attends meeting with other scholars.

His busy schedule distracts him from his sadness. And over time, it does get easier.

...

Few months flew by. Through automatic cultivation Shao Ai had broken through to Peak Core formation.

Shao Ai wonders how Wu Hai is doing. He sent a letter, asking how he's doing. In the middle of writing, he felt anxious if Wu Hai will feel annoyed at him. If, he should not ask how he’s doing. He don’t know what’s right, remembering him letting a tear out from his rejection makes him feel afraid really.

Receiving the letter, Wu Hai analyze the words and sees its really just as friends. He replied it as a friend would, saying everything is as usual. He also adds something about his sect evaluated as a high sect and they recruited a lot of new disciples now.

Shao Ai feels glad to see the reply. At least, he felt that Wu Hai is still treating him like a friend. But at times he still remembers that night and recalled things. He can only keep it in his heart.

Wu Hai too, keep remembering it. In fact, every time he was pent up, he can only remember Shao Ai. Everything, each of him, kissing his soft lips, being one with him. How can he forget? At the same time, he felt immense guilt each time he remembers. It’s as if he is lusting over him all this time, and yet he had rejected him already.

What is wrong with him? Wu Hai thought to himself.

Time flew by for both of them. Their lives no longer intersect as they both have their own path. Shao Ai also realized this fact later. That, it's difficult to be with him even if Wu Hai likes him back.

At one point, Shao Ai decides to bury his feelings, along with the memories.

...