"Aaaahhh~ how boring. What kind of hell or heaven is this?"
I looked at the black void surrounding my body, feeling rather uninterested as my body seemed to swim in this bizarre place. A world of black where the only thing that seems to glow is my own body, which is apparently unharmed and uninjured.
Ah, you want to hear my story? And how I got here? Who knows, all what I know is that I am currently here after my death. That isn't really informative, isn't it? Okay then, I guess I need to start from the start?
In the beginning, there was darkness, and then out of literally nowhere, an explosion occured and created the universe and/or whatever dimensional heierarchy you care about, multiverse, and all. Oh, I am already talking to myself. Well, I have nothing else to do, really, so I just has to continue.
Anyways, skip to a billions of years later, I, Kasumi Ai, a closet otaku and a plant-loving japanese woman who is/was nothing but a cog in the machine all things considered, despite being a skilled light novel writer, died. I say "skilled," but it isn't that hard to write an isekai story since most of them are the freaking same, just with different names and faces, and of course, I didn't bother deviating from the mainstream, at least not as much. Now, why did I do that? Because it's easy money of course. One of my series got an anime and manga adaptation, so that was a nice amount of cash. Otakus really love that kind of junk food. I personally liked the fact that I can put a bunch of plant monsters as well! There was at least a couple of named ones every arc! Even if they died just as easily as fodders if they were guys and thrown into the harem if they were girls.
Oh, my death? Well, it was after I wrote a hentai light novel (under a different pen name, of course. Don't wanna get otakus trying to literally murder me just for the crime of writing a story where ladies and the protagonist actually aren't virgins and actually have sex, thus ruining their fantasies of self-inserting as the faceless protag), and while successful, down the road an asshole with a lot of money found out about that and tried to blackmail me into marrying him after he called himself to my house, and he also was intruding, uninvited, while I was enjoying my free time to take care of my small garden of plants, and he also threatened to ruin them just because.
So I had bound him to a chair and forced him to watch a bunch of horror movies (Kuchisake-onna is best waifu in the history of horror movies along with Teke-Teke!) on a loop along with reading terrible fanfictions like My Immortal, all while I put a bunch of awesome songs from my favourite bands to be on full blast. In hindsight, I wasn't in my best mental faculties when I did that, and now I blame the burnout from writing along with the few times I had to drink, and the fact that he ruined one of the few rare moments where I can enjoy my plants, combined with the sudden bout of depression over having my pen name's identity discovered.
And well, I got killed by the police on his payroll after he escaped, shot by guns. And thus ends my ultimately pointless life as a cog in the machine of the otaku-addicted industry of anime, manga, and light novels, in japan. I would probably be forgotten in a couple of years, definitely. Man, that's depressing, even with the strange lack of interest that this black place seems to induce.
Wait, you're still here? Geez, and I thought I had no life, literally. So, I died, and then I found myself in this... whatever this place is. I don't know how long I was stranded here, but honestly it's gotten boring. Was I here for days or eons? I had lost track completely.
Well, time to imagine something for the Nth time here. I would have tried reciting flower names, but I'd rather do that late-
And then, there was another being... A goddess...
Or, at least I think she is one...? She was eating a hamburger and seemed rather happy. She didn't even bother looking at me. Also, wearing a school uniform is... okay, just ignore that. Let's focus on what's important!
Mentally slapping myself to get on the track, I raised my arm in a 'hello' gesture.
"... Hi..." Damn it. I wanted to put more enthusiasm than that of a dying kitten into it!
No matter, since she had finally looked at me. Why is her face reddening?
"O-oh!" rapidly cleanin the mess that was her hair and remains of her meal, she had finally looked regal as her smile literally glowed. At least, I think she wanted to look regal, since she looked more like a guy who only was obsessed with selling his book then suddenly finding himself talking with another human being over anything other than his book.
She coughed, taking a long breath. "W-welcome!"
Well, now that smile is way better and more confident. I find myself smiling back just a bit. Still, I'm not sure what she is yet. Is she really a goddess? Maybe, but she could as well be a figment of my imagination... But just in case, read my mind and tell me something ridiculous not even my hallucination will not accept or even dare to think of!
"Hey! I have to tell you that I am real!" the supposedly-real goddess pouts, and I find myself nodding. This might be one strong hallucination, but might as well treat it as real just in case. This might throw me into an isekai encounter if it was real, and if not, I just hallucinate something else later.
"Also, Edogawa Conan can put Hajun behind the bars." she said casually, and immediately, I felt myself snorting from the sheer absurdity of that statement, before I just laughed my butt off.
"Wh- what?? C-Conan? H-Hajun? Bwahahaha! Okay, that was the funniest thing I heard so far!" Man, it was so hard to breathe! This, this woman is actually real! Even I couldn't think of something even more ridiculous!
Slowly, my laughter became subdued as I finally straightened my body, looking at her as the actually-real goddess looked with amusement.
"Well, good to see that you decided to treat it as real." she smiled as two chairs, one behind each of us, spawned out of nothing, and she sat on hers. "Also, you know that you can just speak here, you know? No need to have me read your mind."
"Yeah. I can manage." I said as I sat on my chair, "So, what am I here for? Reincarnation? Oblivion? Having my soul purified to be reborn into Earth once more?"
"Well, reincarnation is more like it." the goddess stated, her body composed as her clothes transformed into what people call a divine dress. "As you know, this scenario you're in just reeks of an isekai plot, correct, miss Isekai-story-writer?"
I can feel your smugness, you know that, right? "Yes. I frankly expected that probability. So, how does that work exactly? Do I choose my destination, or do I get it with the luck of draw? Or do you choose the world? Would I be reborn as a human? Can I get a cheat?" the questions flew out of my mouth rapidly, wondering just how this would unfold. I was admittedly rather interested at the very least, my boredom no longer existing.
Hm, was it due to the goddess and her at least looking nice, or just due to the subject? Seeing her murmuring with a blush reminded me that she had literally appeared wearing a school uniform and eating a burger.
"O-one question at a time please." she took a breath, "sorry. I'm rather new in this whole isekai shenanigans. Most of the other gods are the ones who usually take care of that. At least, it was, until an idiot threw a girl into a High School DxD reality as a demi-goddess as the daughter of Aphrodite... let's just say he was so tempted with her he immediately threw away his godly power after she literally brainwashed him with her breasts after she became almost the strongest being in that reality... and united herself with the power of breasts..." she looked at me so awkwardly, while I was sure my jaw had dropped to my leg.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
What. The. Hell.
"I- I have so many questions! How? Why? Just- how!?" I yell. Turns out that yes, she was serious, despite her looking so hesitant to believe it herself.
"Just, let us finish this conversation, please?" she wants to do anything but to talk about that... bout of stupidity. Okay, I agree with her. J-just give me a moment to calm down.
"So, about your destination, well, sorry but the higher ups want to have more transmigrators and reincarnators to a cultivation world. Particularly, women. A lot of people who get thrown to these dimensions are guys, and well... yin-yang and all that..." the goddess looked rather apologetic.
"Damn it!" Needless to say, I wasn't exactly happy about being thown into a world where most the population can't comprenend anything but face-slapping and defying the heaven or becoming it, Zamasu-style, or whatever.
There goes my idea of reincarnating in DxD as Ophis if possible, so that I can just sleep inside a black hole for all of eternity. How tragic.
Next, I was tasked to spin a wheel to determine the world I will be reincarnated into, or at least, a version of it, and I got... Long Live Summons!
Wasn't that novel about a guy being thrown into a cultivation world due to some old man, and most cultivators had a magical book that they can use to make contracts with monsters along with getting a Guardian Beast or something? I forgot the plot long ago, honestly, not to mention that I stopped reading after 600 or so chapters. Something about Innates and what not? Ugh, hopefully I won't have to deal with idiots wanting to make a contract with me or something. I dutifully ignored the fact that I might have raised a red flag even before my reincarnation.
"And as for being reborn as a human, spin this wheel." she tells me as a large wheel appears, and I see the options I have... uh, this isn't right?
"Why are there many plant-like monsters written on the wheel?" I asked, and she just sheepishly looked at me.
"Well, you loved plants a lot, so it was decided that you may get a higher chance to reincarnate as a plant monster, or more accurately, a Plant-type Beast." she quoted, reminding me of what world I am supposed to be reborn into.
Now, that's just unfair. Well, not the chance to be reborn as a plant beast that will eat humans alive, I get that part since I know my mentality will change, since that's what that kind of deal entails. It is some kind of a physiological mechanism that all beasts, at least the meat-eating ones have since otherwise it would be impossible to survive.
What I'm annoyed about is this bizarre "you like plants so you have higher chance of becoming a plant monster" thing. Isn't that like turning me into a single trait? If I liked food the most, would I reincarnate as a hamburger or a pickle by that reasoning? What kind of logic is that?
Anyways, my mental rant which got me a shrug from the goddess aside, I spun the wheel.
I mentally prayed to the goddess that I wouldn't be reborn as something as lame as a monkey, or something as stupid... and I got my wish granted! Sort-of.
"Oh, a Thorny Alraune!" the goddess smiled, apparently excited. I can't blame her, since I was as well.
An Alraune, a monster with the lower body of a giant flower/plant and the upper body of a human. That was what I know about it, and how it generally was like in most stories that had them appear in.
It might be different than usual since in most xianxia stories, names are important, so a Thorny Alraune must be either a variant of a normal Alraune, assuming it exists in that reality in the first place. Or maybe it is related to that Thorny Flower beast?
"So, what does it mean?" I asked, just in case, waiting in anticipation.
The goddess, apparently enjoying the chance to show off her knowledge from her momentary blush, spoke.
"Well, it's as you thought, it's related to the Thorny Flower, in the sense it's an 'upgraded' version of it. Though arguably not by much, all things considered." she stated, "A Thorny Alraune has the usual abilities of a Thorny Flower, but it also has many of the typical alraune skillset. Such as generating poisons, aphrodisiacs, and nectars like honey, which can heal and restore stamina if desired."
Okay, that is awesome! I can feel that this would help a lot as long as I have some time to practice on how to use and create them.
"But most importantly, Thorny Alraunes have the ability to generate or create any fruits or flowers that they have eaten. Wether it was a normal plant or a plant-type beast, along with their characteristics. So, if you ate a plant with fire-resistance proprieties, you gain that resistance, though it might not be as powerful as the original plant's resistance if you consume only one of the stronger plants. Also, this ability is only for plants. You can't eat a tiger then gain claws or start creating an army of them."
"Hah, makes sense." if an Alraune can become a rip-off Rimuru, then that would be way too ridiculous. The goddess continued her exposition.
"They also can use thorny vines in their attacks as well, but you must have expected that, correct?" I just nod. Yes, that was as I thought.
"Well, I'd like to tell you everything, but I believe that this is enough initial knowledge about your new race. Just so you know, Thorny Alraunes are born as Normal-rank Level 1 Beast."
I sighed at that. Of course, I would still be reincarnated as a weak plant beast. Well, most plant beasts are weak at the start, so I guess that's alright.
"So, I will be reincarnated now?" I asked, only for her to shake her head.
"You forgot something."
I blinked at that. There's something else?
"Your 'cheat,' won't you want one? I am sure I need to at least try and give you a couple of cheats before sending you. Though it really depends on how 'strong' each cheat you desire. Just remember that some things cannot be granted to you though."
I was shocked. I honestly forgot about that particular subject.
So, I started thinking. What cheats can I wish for? I can't wish for immortality, omnipotence or the likes, she very much told me just with her look. I also can't wish to be born as a Holy/Mythical Beast, since that would make me skip the whole "evolving" deal, as much as I'd like that.
Hm, oh right! There was that Barbarian Cow whose look can destroy souls. Better protect myself against that.
"I want protection against soul attacks if that was possible, and maybe throw a healing ability while at it?"
"Okay, I can give it, but not a full protection though. Instead, you will gain the ability to survive an instant soul-destroying attack with your soul not completely erased even with your level or rank being a bit lower than the attacker. Though if you got hit again with that kind of attack you will most likely die." she answered me, and I simply nodded. That was how I thought it would be.
"And about your healing wish, Thorny Alraunes already have healing abilities from their nectars, but in your case, it would just be more potent for your level. Truthfully, you would probably get that potent healing skill when you increase your power, so I won't really count it as a 'cheat' if I was honest."
"Thanks for that gift then." I was honestly happy with this generosity, and I bowed to show my gratitude. And now, all what remains is my next cheat-like ability, which I thought about, and I decided what I'd like the most, even if I had to... ugh... unlock the memories of my chunibyou days.
"I'd like to be able to cultivate if it was possible." I stated my request. Frankly, I wasn't sure why, but most monsters in xianxia and wuxia stories (or at least, the stories I read) can't really cultivate, at least in the sense of learning a cultivation technique like the 'Heavenly Breaker Fist' or 'Demonic Inferno Blaze' and such. They mostly just eat the cores of other monsters, or eat other entities, mindless monsters, or humanoid beings alike.
Supposedly, because such beasts don't have enough sapience or sophonce in their brains, which makes no sense to me since for whatever reason, cultivators people whose basic ability to reason can only manifest in making death threats, lusting over 'jade beauties' and spouting idioms to deify themselves can cultivate even if their intelligence reaches the negative values. To be fair, it is probably due to the chinese mythology being rather humanocentric, but it still is rather annoying from an in-universe viewpoint.
I can probably make a whole rant about it, but I'll spare myself and the nice goddess from my ramblings.
Returning back to my talk with the goddess, she only looked amused. No doubt reading my mind and thinking of what technique I had created in my 'Dies Irae fanfiction' phase of my life.
"Natura Aeterna Nirvana. Translated as 'Eternal Nature of Nirvana' in latin. Your OC's Taikyoku ability in your fanfic, made uniquely to suit your love for plants and flora in general, the creation of a world where only plants can exist, and you even made it contain many stages like a cultivation technique!" she spoke, thoroughly enjoying herself as I felt myself blush slightly.
Sue me! I was at the height of my otaku-ism at that period! I mean, how can I not fall in love with Fate and Dies Irae, and who cares what else back then! I thought they were the coolest!
"I'm not judging you. Just commenting on your actions." she just waved her hand, "I accept this 'cheat ability' of your choosing. Honestly, it's better than I expected. Most guys who choose a cultivation world to reincarnate into, usually just ask for the ability to use all the existing techniques."
Which is why they only got one wish along with many downsides they only noticed after being reborn, I presume? I assume it isn't a good idea to just shove a technique that can only be used by demons and try to practice it with a human body, or a sex-specific cultivation technique being practiced when one's body is from a different sex.
Yeah, I can see why some of them genderswap. Sacrifice everything for the sake of power, indeed.
With that, being told that I would spawn in a forest of the Soaring Dragon Continent, I was engulfed by light, transmigrated to my new life.