{Match results: loss}
{Total deaths: 25}
{Enemy minions slain: 1}
{Total Xp gained: 0.6}
{Total Gold gained: 0.6}
{Progress to next level: 0.6/10}
{Reputation gained: 1}
Exhausting.
That was the only word I could call that experience. After my first death, I respawned back at the gate from before, along with my fellow newly revived comrades. From there, we would return to the battlefield only to be quickly smashed apart by Freya.
Not even Beowulf stood a chance, as there were a couple of times he had to come to walk back from the resurrection crystal with us.
Long story short, it was a complete and utter loss.
The only good takeaway was that I had gotten much more used to dying. (If you can even call that a 'good' thing)
After the match, I was met with a wall of information on how many enemies I killed, gold gained, etc., which leads us to right now.
Instead of respawning on the battlefield, I was now in a large black room.
It was full of minions. There were easily a thousand in this one lengthy room. Unlike the match, however, they were of all kinds of colours—blue, black, grey, yellow, etc. I even saw a red minion, and it seemed that I no longer had an unrelenting hatred toward them. They also no longer had weapons in hand. Looking down, I noticed my colour was, funnily enough, blue still.
The only problem I had was figuring out where I was.
The minions were all moving around with endless chattering, but I couldn't see anything over their heads (After all, we are all the same height), and looking straight up caused me to stare at the black roof. Unsure of where to go and not wishing to leave the pocket of space, I decided against throwing myself into the endless rush of minions. Instead, I just stood there and waited, watching all kinds of minions walk by. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for, whether I wanted the crowd to clear up or that someone would notice my perplexed minion look and would explain something, anything, to me.
Now that I think about it, I was taking this surprisingly well.
Maybe it still needs to set in properly, but there could be a chance that being a minion isn't that bad..... nope being a minion is terrible.
My mind wandered for a while as I watched the crowd keep moving along, slowly but surely getting smaller and smaller.
To my surprise, as I waited, I heard someone yell out,
"Hey, Newbie! I was looking for ya!"
I turned to look, seeing a blue minion. Unfortunately, I had no clue who this minion was. After all, other than colour, we all look the same.
The minion stopped in front of me before speaking,
"Confusing ain't it all?" The minion spoke.
"Yeah...... it is... Paul, right?" I guessed.
"Minions don't have names." The minion responded.
"....."
"....."
"......"
"Don't worry about it too much, Newbie. You'll learn to differentiate between minions soon. We might not have names, but we all have nicknames we've given ourselves." The blue minion spoke.
"Sorry, it's all just a lot very quickly. What's your nickname then?" I responded.
"Paul." The minion responded.
"So exactly what I-"
"Yes"
"........"
".........."
"So then, Paul. I'm sorry to ask, but do I know you somehow?" I responded.
"Yes, I was the minion that explained everything to you, the minion that you hit in the head what your sword-"
"Sorry," I interjected.
"Happens, I was also the minion that saved you before being blasted in the head by magic, which I'll admit was my fault for not paying attention. Anyway, I thought you might need help with the whole minion society thing." He spoke.
"Is that what this is?" I asked.
"Kinda, this building is the post-match lobby. Here is where you can watch the match replay and a couple of other things. It will be easier if I just show you; follow me." He spoke before turning around and walking into the crowd.
I followed close behind, careful not to lose him. I worried that if I did, I would be lost forever in an endless sea of minions.
Surprisingly, we quickly exited the crowd and went down a large ramp. At the bottom of the ramp were ten different screens, each focused on a new hero. To my surprise, Beowulf was not as handsome as I remembered, and Freya was much more attractive than I remembered.
"You're probably wondering why the Heros look so different to you now," Paul spoke.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"It was written on your face, Newbie," Paul responded.
Did a Minion's face ever even change?
"When you're in a match, the System makes it so that you look more favourable towards allies and much more negatively towards enemies," Paul spoke.
"What is the System?" I asked.
"The System is what runs the game and Minion society. It's also what lets you see your stats." Paul responded.
"Stats?" I asked.
"Oh right, sorry it's been a while since I was a newbie. In your head, say stats and think of a blue elephant." Paul spoke.
"Why a blue elephant," I asked.
"Just do it, bro," Paul responded.
Not wanting to go back and forth, I trusted him. With a blue elephant in mind, I said in my head-
'Stats'
--------------------
{Race: Minion}
{Level: 0}
{Xp: 0.6/10}
{HP: 1/1}
{STR: 0.3}
{DEX: 0.25}
{ATK SPD: 0.5}
{DEFENSE: 0}
{AGILITY: 0.1}
{MAGIC: 0.2}
{Gold: 0.6}
If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
{Reputation: 1}
---------------------
"Woah," I couldn't help but mutter.
"It's pretty cool, huh," Paul responded.
"But why are the numbers so low?" I asked.
"Cuz, we're minions," Paul responded.
It makes sense. Minions aren't exactly known for their strength, even so, decimal points? Am I really that weak?
"Don't worry about it too much. You'll get stronger eventually," Paul responded.
I looked at him doubtfully, but it didn't translate well to my minion's face. Not wanting to dwell on my depressing stats, I tried to change the conversation.
"How come I needed to think of a blue elephant?" I asked.
"It didn't have to be a blue elephant; it could be anything. You have to focus on one thing and say stats out loud in your head. It's just there to ensure your stats don't appear every time you think or say the word stats." Paul responded.
Once he finished, I directed my attention back to the TVs. I tried to find myself on Beowulf's screen, but I couldn't tell the difference between any of the minions, so I quickly moved on.
Next to the screen, I noticed a larger vertical screen.
"That's the scoreboard. It keeps track of the Hero's stats from the match." Paul spoke.
It was split into two sides: on the left was listed under the blue team, and on the right was the red team. I looked on the blue side until I saw Beowulf's name.
{Beowulf - Kills: 0 - Deaths: 14 - Assists - 0 - Cs: 111}
and the opposite of his was Freya's.
{Freya - Kills: 30 - Deaths: 0 - Assists - 11 - Cs: 228}
"What does Cs mean?" I asked.
"It correlates to how many minions the hero killed; try not to think about it," Paul spoke.
I couldn't help but feel frustrated. Are we minions just a statistic?
Paul cut my anger short as he spoke.
"Anyways, let me explain how the lanes work," Paul spoke, bringing my attention back to the ten screens.
"As you know, there are ten Heros in a single match and five lanes. The outer two lanes are called duo lanes as two Heros will go that lane; the same is true with the middle lane. Then finally the two lanes in between are called the solo lanes, and only one Hero goes to those lanes. Now, then, the last two Heros don't go to a lane at all. They instead go into the fog of war."
"Fog of war?" I interjected.
"It's the black fog that you saw. If we minions go into it, we start rapidly losing Reputation." Paul spoke.
"Reputation?" I asked.
I remembered that at the end of the match, I had gained some and saw something about that on the stats page.
"I'll explain in a second. Let me finish my explanation from before," Paul spoke, waiting for me to listen again before continuing,
"So, the two Heros who don't go to a lane are called Hunters. They kill monsters instead of minions for gold and XP. Then, once they get strong enough, they will help out their allies and kill boss monsters, but you don't need to worry about that for now. For reputation, it's used to put minions and heroes into matches. The more you follow the rules, the more you gain per match, and the more Reputation you have, the less likely you will get into a match with a captain that won't go to battle." Paul spoke.
Terrible memories of that {Bleep} minion that threatened me with that hammer came to mind...... I can't even curse in my own head?
"That's a lot to take in, so I'll stop explaining now. You probably don't have a place to stay, so why don't you come to my place for the night? I can explain more there." Paul spoke.
It took little convincing for me to agree; after all, he seemed nice, and if I didn't stay with him, where would I stay the night? With that, we walked back up the ramp we had just come from and entered the crowd again.
After five minutes of walking, we exited the crowd and seemed to be outside the building. The building was taller than the surrounding area, so I got a good look at it. As far as the eye could see, there were buildings with streets full of minions. What stood out the most was the large black box buildings with a ramp with minions walking down. From what I could see, there were twenty, all vastly spread out. I assumed they were also post-match lobbies like the one we just left. All I could do was stand speechless.
"Welcome to Minion society, population: ten trillion; follow me, and we'll take the train to my place. I wanna get home before my son's done school," Paul spoke.
My attention quickly turned to Paul as I asked,
"You have a kid?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"How does a Minion even have a kid? Can we even have s-"
"I'm not talking about this," Paul spoke, cutting me off.
After a ten-minute train ride and a five-minute walk, we arrived at a rougher-looking neighborhood.
Few minions were around, but all the houses were significantly smaller, seeming more like one-room apartments with holes in almost every roof. Some houses didn't even have doors. I tried not to bring it up to Paul, but it seemed as if he could read my mind,
"The houses here are intentionally built like this by the system. Rent is only two gold a month, and there is zero crime in minion society, so that's not a worry," Paul spoke.
"It's fine; I just appreciate you helping me out this much," I responded.
"All good. I'm just doing what I wished someone had done for me," Paul responded.
"How long have you been a minion?" I asked.
"Around forty years," Paul said.
The thought of that made me dread.
"Is there no way out?" I asked.
"Not back to the real world, but if you're asking about no longer being a minion, then yes, there is," Paul spoke.
There was hope for me after all.
"Focus on the blue elephant again and say promotion," Paul spoke.
Without thinking about it, I thought of the blue elephant and said, ' Promotion'.
----------------------
{Current class: Melee Minion
- Reputation: 1
- Level: 0
- Gold: 0.6}
{Eligible class changes: Mage Minion, Bow Minion}
{Cannon Minion Requirements:
- Reputation: 100
- Level: 30
- Gold: 500
Requirements met: 0/3}
{Commander Minion Requirements:
- Reputation: 500
- Level: 90
- Gold: 1000
Requirements met: 0/3}
{Mighty Minion Requirements:
- Reputation: 1000
- Level: 180
- Gold: 10 000
Requirements met: 0/3}
{Hero awakening Requirements:
- ????
Requirements met: ?/?}
--------------------------------
"You can become a Hero?" I nearly yelled.
"Yeah, but I wouldn't hope too much," Paul spoke.
"How come?" I responded.
"There are over ten trillion minions, and can you guess how many heroes there are?" Paul asked.
"A billion?" I guessed.
"One hundred and sixteen," Paul spoke.
That's it? Maybe there is no escape from being a minion; no, I need to think positively. It means that one hundred sixteen people managed to become heroes, so why can't I?
For the moment, I turned my attention to the minion upgrades, specifically the cannon minion. It seemed far away but, at the same time, somehow manageable.
"Paul, how come you're not even a cannon minion? Is it that hard to become one?" I asked.
"We're here," Paul spoke, ignoring my question.
The house was slightly larger than the surrounding houses and from the front. The house was mostly made of dark brown wood and had a window on either side of the door with a porch at the front and a ramp leading up to the door. It had no glaring issues other than the wooden ramp-up, which looked unstable.
Speaking of ramps, I asked Paul.
"How come there aren't any staircases in minion society?" I asked.
"Because Minions can't jump." He responded.
That can't be true, right? I tried to bend my knees to prepare for my highest jump, but I immediately came into a problem: I don't have knees.
"Nice try," Paul chuckled before walking up the ramp and opening the door.
I tried to brush off the whole jumping thing and the fact that I had no clue how I was walking or about the horrifying thought of what would happen if I fell over.
I followed him inside soon after my mini-worry session.
To our left was a bathroom door, and everything else in the house was a living room with a play area full of kid toys and a giant TV on the wall.
At first, I wondered why there was no sitting furniture before remembering we don't have knees. He showed me around the house, although it was quick and unsurprising as I could see everything from the front door. Quite soon after finishing, the bathroom door opened, and to my surprise, a minion walked out.
The minion was yellow.
"You were already done with your match today, babe?" Paul spoke.
"Yeah, the enemy team surrendered. Anyway, I didn't realize you were bringing guests, honey."
"I tried to tell you over Minion Messenger, but you weren't responding. Newbie, this is my wife, Charlotte. Charlotte, this is a noob I met today. I thought he could stay until he gets on his feet and learns the ropes." Paul responded.
"That's fine; Richie will be excited having another minion in the house; it's been a while since you brought a noob home," Charlotte spoke.
"Thank you so much for letting me stay. Is this not the first time you guys have brought beginners home?" I asked.
"Nope, we try to help out as much as we can. After all, it's a lot to take in as a new Minion, especially with no help." Charlotte responded.
"That's very kind of you two. Also, before I forget, what's Minion Messenger?" I asked.
"Oh, right. Think of a blue elephant and say 'Minion Media' in your head."
At this point, I had gotten pretty used to it and followed his instructions,
'Minion Media'
{Choose a username}
"It's telling me to choose a username," I spoke.
"Just say in your head whatever you want people on Minion media to address you as," Paul responded.
It only took me a moment to decide on a username, as it was the first thing that came to mind.
'NotAMinion'
{Would you like that to be your username?}
'Yes'
{Opening Minion Media...}
After a few seconds, a new screen popped up.
----------------------------------
{Welcome NotAMinion!}
{CHOOSE AN OPTION}
{Minion Messenger}
{Minion Mania}
{Minion Market}
{Minion Meeters}
{Other}
---------------------------------
"Whoa, what are all of these options?" I asked.
"We can go through them all later, but Minion Messenger is how we communicate when we are far away; of course, you can't open up Minion Media when in a match, but- ah, you'll figure it out; if not, I'll explain it later. You must be tired. Get some rest. We can review this and any other questions after tomorrow's match." Paul spoke.
"Thanks for all of the help, Paul and Charlotte too," I spoke.
We continued talking for a while until I noticed that I was getting sleepy.
"Do minions sleep?" I asked.
"Ah yes, you just have to think of a-" Paul spoke.
"Blue elephant and say sleep in your head, right?" I asked.
"Yeah, you're getting it now," Paul spoke.
"Please just find a place in the living room and rest. We can introduce you to Richie tomorrow," Charlotte said.
"Sorry for the trouble, but do you guys have a bed I could use?" I asked.
"Oh, we don't use beds in Minion Society; we just sleep standing up," Charlotte said.
With a sigh, I found a place in the corner where I wouldn't be a bother and tried to close my eyes (Not that you can as a minion).
Despite all of the chaos that happened today, I had a goal to work towards. Become a Hero and get out of this minion body. With that, I said to myself.
'Sleep'