Life as a nomad was far less exciting than I would have anticipated. I’d expected to encounter lots of new stuff and to fall into an exhausted sleep every night from the long journey. But how could I get exhausted if I never even walked by myself, being carried around like luggage? And since Mom always stayed in some kind of cover, the ‘sights’ were very limited too.

Not that there would have been much to see anyways. After a few days, everything started to look more or less the same, a monotonous arid savannah desert. The only variety came from small pockets of vibrant green around bodies of water like the gully we ambushed the water gobbler in. But those were rare and usually, we didn’t go near them anyway because they attracted all kinds of predators. At least that was what Hiska had explained to the inquisitive Triga time and time again.

At first, I had been concerned about the lack of water we had access to until I suddenly realised that I hadn’t consciously drunk anything since I was born. Don’t get me wrong, I surely had taken in fluids while eating but I never once had really felt thirsty. Even when we spent the night in the gully, I never saw anyone just take a gulp of water.

How interesting.

Of course, this was one of the things I’d better not ask anyone about just yet, if I didn’t want to explain why I inquired about something as apparently ‘strange’ as drinking.

The journey not being exciting didn’t mean that it wasn’t stressful, however. On the contrary. I was amazed by how the adults could keep so focused all the freaking time. Skulking from cover to cover, always as quiet as possible, and vigilant beyond compare. Mom’s eyes were constantly moving along the horizon. Even when they found tracks, at least one of the adults always kept on lookout while following.

Conversations were still quite frequent. I supposed that was necessary to coordinate. But they were kept to the point and very quiet. Having a language that mainly consists of low hisses and growls that don’t carry very far, helped immensely. I wouldn’t go so far to conclude that this was by design, since we also had these high trills, but sounds like that could be avoided if you were careful with what you said.

The adults also seemed to have certain ‘positions’ and tasks in our little caravan that they cycled through at very irregular intervals. It seemed they mainly did that to prevent falling into a rut, since they stuck to one ‘main role’ each most of the time.

One took the lead, which was mostly my mother. Whenever Hiska or Sarka did so, mom had communicated a clear destination with them beforehand or we were following tracks of prey.

The one in the ‘middle’ - it wasn’t a single file line or anything - seemed to have the main lookout duty. That was mostly Hiska. This was also the position that seemed to be responsible for communications? But I could be wrong here since Hiska was as much of a chatterbox as her daughter when she had the opportunity. When mom or Sarka took this post, it was far quieter overall.

The last position seemed to mainly be busy with covering tracks we might have left behind. Mom didn’t take this one often so I wasn’t sure if there was much more to it that I just hadn’t noticed yet. I have to admit that I didn’t pay too much attention in those rare cases ever since I had found out something else.

Sensing my mana was quite a bit easier during the day in the sun than it was at night or in a dark cave!

I still hadn’t found any dedicated mana-sensing organ as the scalamander tongue had been. But the improvement didn’t have anything to do with boosted senses anyway. No, the mana itself was simply more active and rotated faster through my body. Which made it far easier to locate my mana channels. The volume also was still increasing steadily. I was pretty confident that I’d find at least one mana gland soon. So I mainly tried to concentrate on that task now whenever we were outside.

But it wasn’t easy. Not at all.

More than once we passed the remains of a carcass that looked suspiciously like a Lost One, a ‘Trark’ as I learned. Our anatomy was rather distinct from other lizards with the long arms, wide shoulders, and short snouts. So I had been reasonably sure I knew what they were even before I asked.

Mom had hesitated to answer the question but Hiska butted in as it had become customary in cases like these.

“You’re so bright, Griss!” she had gushed before turning to her daughter. “See that Triga? If you don’t stay quiet, we’ll all end up like that someday.” She pointed at the very incomplete skeletal remains with the tip of her tail.

“Why?” Triga had predictably asked, but much quieter this time and I was sure I heard a bit of trepidation in her hisses.

When Hiska went on to try and elaborate, Sarka remarked that explanations should probably wait until we were out of the area. “Something killed another Trark here, so we have to be more vigilant.”

I had thought it impossible to be even more cautious than we already had been, but mom agreed with her and the next half of a day or so had shown me otherwise. Insanely monotonous slow progress, but constantly fearing something terrible springing an ambush on us. Distant roars were not uncommon either. I never had imagined before that you could be constantly on edge and bored at the same time. It’s probably needless to say that I didn’t get much magic introspection and practice done that day.

Food was… Well, let’s say I had to get very used to that one. It turned out our species had a social stomach. I initially had wondered why the adults had devoured so much of the water gobbler that first night of nomad life that their bellies bulged out. I got my answer when we turned in for the second night without any fresh prey.

I already had expected to go without when the adults began to… em… ‘regurgitate’ supper for the kids. Even I found that gross. And I remembered eating many, many strange things from when I had been a scalamander. I honestly would have prefered any of the bugs we came across during the day’s journey to that… that.

Until I actually tried a bite, that was. Not in my wildest dreams had I imagined that vomit could be this tasty! I had no idea what happened to the meat in Mom’s stomach, what enzymes or some such were added to make it that way, but it was disturbingly delicious. Sweet and a bit tart at the same time with the consistency of sausage meat.

Notably, I also noticed a minuscule influx in my mana network whenever I ingested more of it.

Since we only moved during the day and hunkered down every night, we always had a lot of spare time after ‘making camp’. Surprisingly often, this was in an undeniably manually dug out cavity that fit our purposes far too well to be a mere coincidence.

“Caves like this one exist all over,” Mom explained to me when I asked about it. “We build them whenever we stay somewhere for more than a couple of days. Even if there are others like it close by.”

“Why?” Triga chirped from next to her mother after gulping down another helping of ‘minced meat’.

“So that we can flee to a different one when we are attacked during the night,” I answered without thinking.

Sarka gave me ‘the look’ again, Hiska was chuckling, and Mom was beaming at me. Triga tilted her cute little head and Kress… still hid behind her mother so I wasn’t sure if she reacted at all, to be honest.

“Was this one marked too?” I asked as I turned to look up into Mom’s face.

“Yes, it was.” She let go of the knife blade she was working on to stroke my back. “There should be another cave a little bit further along but we’ll only stay here for the night so we hopefully won’t need it.”

Always prepared for the worst. I thought, a bit saddened now.

While the adults primarily rested and conversed quietly at night, us kids, of course, were still full of energy. Having to keep still and quiet all day would make sure of that. Who’d have thought?

Thankfully, socialising with each other was no longer discouraged. I guessed there wasn’t another split of the group planned in the near future then. Good to know! So I played with the others the first couple of nights. Well, mostly Triga. Kress was very shy and had to be coaxed into doing anything at all aside from snuggling up to her mom and eating.

I soon learned that my physical development also seemed much farther along than that of my playmates. I was a day or three older than them but I doubted that was it. I wasn’t much bigger than they were or stronger. I actually thought that Triga would have been a bit stronger than me if she knew how to apply her muscles properly. But she didn’t yet. She just toddled around while I ran and dodged and dashed.

Walking on two legs was still too difficult for me, though. It seemed to require a lot of balance work with your tail I hadn’t quite figured out yet. So whenever I wanted to do something with my hands, I had to sit down for now.

Which I had ample opportunities to do, once Triga didn’t want to play with me anymore because she always lost. Could I have just let her win a game of catch now and then? Probably. But this way, she tried to coax Kress into playing more and I had time for other things like meditating and - once I finally decided to give up on that because it was much easier during the day - making better rope.

Hey, I might have managed to adjust the string harnesses to be more comfortable, but they still were pretty rough, itchy, and had quite a few kinks. So I spent most of one night right next to mom, dethorning vines and then systematically crushing them with a rock. Mom asked me what I was doing. I nonchalantly answered that I was making new rope. Which earned me a dismissive chuckle from Hiska. Next, I peeled off the bark from the more rigid core. When I eventually put the cores aside and started twisting the bark fibres, the three adults glanced towards me increasingly often. But soon enough I had my first twines and began to braid them together.

I might have made another mistake when I absentmindedly asked mom if she could remove the water from my finished products, but I didn’t notice any additional suspicious looks by then. I was far too excited about the results. I finally finished a project scalamander me had started and abandoned a whole lifetime ago! Obviously not comparable with the good rope I knew from my original life, but it was far softer, more supple, and sturdier than whatever we had here before. We still could use the discarded vine cores to tie stuff together with, of course, but my new rope was far superior.

“How did you do that?” Hiska wanted to know, instantly snapping me out of my supremely satisfied mood. “And don’t give me that bullshit about smaller hands again! How did you know how to do that?”

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Crap.

Sarka looked genuinely mesmerised by the rope Mom handed to her now to drain it of any more water.

Original me had lived through an apocalypse. Basic survival skills like that had been pretty standard knowledge back then. But could I tell them that? I honestly wanted to. Tell them why I was so different I mean, not necessarily about all the depressing stuff I had memories of. How would I be able to make them believe me, though? I didn’t want them to think I was crazy or insane or something.

“Well?” Hiska asked again. I noticed that I’ve only been staring wide-eyed at her instead of replying. The chance to just laugh it off was probably gone, right? Even Triga and Kress had stopped playing ‘catch the tail’ and watched what was happening. I gulped and glanced up at Mom who had been very quiet the whole time.

She… smiled at me?

“Don’t you think it is time you tell us, Griss?” She began to stroke me again. “You know things, you shouldn’t be able to know yet. You have ever since you hatched.” She leaned down to me. “And you learn things much faster than anyone I ever knew.”

An image flashed before my mind’s eye. I had been the mother and a quick-witted scalamander girl was in my position. She had told her mother that it was a secret back then and I had respected that.

I didn’t want to lie now though. Neither did I want to keep secrets. I just knew I’d be opening a huge can of worms if I was honest. Was I prepared for that? I eyed Hiska and Sarka across the low flames of the campfire.

Fire… That was it! What did I found a religion for if not exactly for stuff like that? We had simplified it for a reason! I just had to try and give them little pieces at a time.

My mind made up, I looked back up to mom and took a deep breath. “Do you remember what you taught me about the god of fire?” I asked, quietly and calmly.

That answer seemed to confuse her a bit since she was exchanging glances with the other adults before answering me. “Yes, baby, I do. But what does that have to do with you?”

“You were right about her other aspect,” I said. “Her name is Memory.”

“Her?” Hiska hissed quietly.

Sarka’s eyes flew wide open.

Mom seemed… taken aback. “What do you mean to tell us, Griss?” Was her voice shaking a little? “Why would you know something like that? Who are you?”

Oh! Oops. Not good! Should probably have lead with that.

“I’m Griss!” I hastily replied. “Always was, always will be. You’re my mother. Nothing will change that.”

Did she exhale in relief there or did I imagine that? Well, here goes nothing.

“I just got… memories… of living twice before… while I was still in my egg.” I looked into the fire again. “It was very confusing because everything was completely mixed together and took a long time to make sense of. I still haven’t looked through more than half of them. But I know that I lived before.” I paused for a moment. “Well, not me, my…” Hmm, that was a problem. I didn’t know if there was a word for ‘soul’. “The parts that make me, ‘me’. Not my body, but… my ‘self’? You know what I mean?” I looked up and around to see three lost and doubtful faces.

“No?” I asked again. Well, so much for keeping it simple. Good job, Griss, good job! “Nevermind. What’s important is that I remember certain things from lives other ‘me’s have lived.” I pointed at my new rope that Sarka was still clutching onto.

Everyone looked at it, even Sarka. Who instantly dropped it, apparently startled by finding it there.

“And I remember these things because Memory,” I pointed at the fire, “prevents me from forgetting everything whenever I die. Otherwise, I’d be just like everyone else.” I sighed.

Well, I’d still have stupid quests and had to do her bidding, probably. But I probably would be an eager little worker bee like the other three champions I had known. I wasn’t at all sure if I would have preferred that or not. Simply doing what I was told without worrying about future repercussions. But I definitely shouldn’t go into that right here and now. As I said. They didn’t need to know all the depressing stuff.

My mother finally seemed to have found her words again. “And why would the God of Fire-”

“He said it’s a ‘her’,” Hiska interrupted.

“And why would the Goddess of Fire do that for you?” Mom repeated undeterred.

“She kinda ‘claimed’ me?” I replied. “At the end of the first life, I have these memories of. She pretends to care about me and maybe she does? I don’t know. She isn’t very nice about it, though. And of course, she sends me tasks she wants done sometimes. But for that, I need to have access to my… what’s the word? The list with the properties I have and the stuff I can do? By the way. When should I expect to get access to that? I can’t wait to see what my magic… types are supposed to be. Magic seems to be much weaker than last time. But maybe that’s just because my body is so different from my memories.” Yeah, I was pretty sure I was rambling there a bit. I simply hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to somebody about that stuff before so it kind of just… wanted to come out all at once.

Mom shared glances with the others across the fire again. “Did one of you tell him about the profile?” At least I assumed she said ‘profile’ because it had the hiss for ‘list’ in it.

Both Hiska and Sarka growled denials. “Maybe he picked it up when we were talking about it with the others in the brood cave?” Hiska said.

Of course, she was sceptical. Sarka, on the other hand, had fervour in her eyes.

“You don’t believe me,” I stated. It wasn’t a question.

“It does sound pretty crazy,” Hiska said. “Are you sure, you didn’t just dream that up in your egg? You said yourself that you’re still puzzling it all together. Next, you want to tell us that Home is real and you’ll lead us there?” She laughed.

Nobody chimed in. Sarka still had that look and mom mustered me contemplatively. Kress and Triga just looked confused, probably unable to follow much - if anything - of what we were talking about. I looked back into Hiska’s eyes and held her gaze.

“You can’t be serious,” she ‘muttered’.

“I don’t know if Home still exists. I only know that the ‘guardians made of molten rock’ were friends of a previous me. I also knew the ‘guardians of vines and water’. I’m not sure yet if those were friends or enemies. I have conflicting memories there.”

Hiska turned to mom now. “Hessa, I will never go on another of those stupid searches again. You know that. If you hadn’t found me last time, I’d have died with the others. You promised not to drag me along on another one. You promised!”

“I didn’t intend to,” was all mom could get out before Hiska continued.

“Then why did you feed your little genius these lines, huh? I mean, come on! I thought you didn’t believe in those fairy tales either.” She still was remarkably quiet despite being obviously upset.

“I didn’t ‘feed’ Griss anything but meat, Hiska.” She pulled my rope from where Sarka had dropped it. “Do you honestly think I knew how to make this all along and just never did so I could set you up? I know you had this horrible experience, but not everyone is out to get you! I honestly thought you trusted me more than that by now.”

I didn’t know what they were referring to, but I had a pretty good guess and decided that it wasn’t important enough to ask about it now and derail the conversation.

“Don’t worry.” I raised my voice a tiny bit. “I wouldn’t know where to start looking anyway.” I noticed a flash of disappointment on Sarka’s face. “It’s all so different now from how it was in my memories. The land was filled with green lush plants and water. Absolutely everything was wet all the time. Bugs as big as us everywhere. Most of them edible. And there was so much magic that you could taste it in the air.”

“Magic in the air?” Hiska scoffed. “That’s stupid. Magic comes from within us. Not that you would know, you’re still too young to…”

I must have scowled something fierce to make her stop mid-sentence.

“Previous me invented a freaking language made from symbols of water she controlled with her mind before she ever had access to the magic in her own body. Magic is gathered within us, yes. But it comes from outside and gets transformed so we can control it easier.” I looked back into the fire. “I wish I could use it how I remember. Maybe then we wouldn’t need to run from all those monsters anymore.”

Nobody did reply.

When I looked up after a while, everyone was still staring at me. “What?” I asked.

“Prove it then,” Hiska said.

“Prove what?”

“That you know oh so much about magic, little one.” She smirked but actually seemed serious.

“Well, we have to wait until I’m ‘old enough’ to use it then, no?” I snapped. “You still haven’t answered me when I should expect to get access to my profile by the way.”

Mom snatched me up from the ground and placed me on her back again. “Don’t be that way, baby. You told us a lot of incredible things tonight. You should understand that, right?”

“But…!” I sighed. “Yes, mom,” I replied defeatedly and settled down onto her, securing myself to the string harness.

“How about you try to teach me in the meantime then?” she added.

“Oh yes! Me too!” Sarka chimed in. I’d never seen her being that enthusiastic about… anything really.

“You really want to waste your time on some kid's fantasy?” Hiska asked sceptically.

“You called him a genius yourself earlier,” Sarka bit back.

“I’m not though!” I called out.

Their heads snapped back towards me.

“... a genius, I mean. I’m not. I just… remember things. Lots of things. You know?” I might have sounded a tiny bit sheepish there.

Okay, maybe a lot.

I don’t know who chuckled first. But soon the whole cave was quietly laughing. I chimed in too and even Kress and Triga did, although I was certain they had no idea what everyone found so funny. Thank the almighty evolution our laughter was basically a low growl or we would’ve attracted all kinds of predators.

Eventually, everyone calmed down, though.

“So? Will you give it a try?” Mom asked me again.

Hell, why not? It surely wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“I guess I can give it a shot.”

And so I did.

From then on, during the day I tried to meditate focusing on my mana while ignoring the existential dread - inspired by my bleak surroundings and terrifying ‘background noises’ - as well as I could manage. And during the night I attempted to teach ambient energy theory to my mother and Sarka.

Well, officially to Hiska too but she didn’t seem to try very hard, probably just waiting for the day I finally gave up and admitted that I had been wrong. The hell I would!

The first problem was that I needed to learn their terminology. When I wrote down my own terms from last life by scratching the symbols into the earth, I had to learn that they had no concept of writing at all. How was that possible? I mean… They had to ‘read’ their profiles somehow, did they not? Mom’s fascination with my script nearly made up for Hiska’s infuriating giggles about my ‘baby drawings’. At this point, I thought her jabs were more of a coping mechanism than actually trying to discredit me. She’d seen the writing on the wall so to speak. And few people like it when one’s worldview gets challenged so fundamentally as I apparently did hers.

I didn’t try to jump straight to Ambient Energy Manipulation, of course. I’d only needed them to learn Absorption to have my claims validated. After that, it would have been completely delusional to doubt me, right?

I had to learn that their use of magic was very much instinctual. I had expected as much from scalamander-me’s experiences with mana-based magic. That made it hard for them to not subconsciously infuse a medium they wanted to control with their own mana.

At first, I tried to make them exhaust their mana pool of a specific affinity - usually earth or air - and then instructed them to try and pull more of said ‘element’ towards them. That didn’t result in any notable successes for a few nights.

Then I tried to let them practice infusing and reabsorbing their mana. Of what I remembered, the absorption process was relatively similar between Mana and Ambient Energy.

And finally, I told them to try and continue to ‘reabsorb’ even though there was no mana left in the medium.

It took quite a few nights. The initial enthusiasm was long gone. Hiska had all but given up pretending to even try at this point. Even I got a bit worried that the energy density might simply have fallen too low already while I was forcefully cuddled by Memory.

But eventually, I was rewarded with a happy cry. “I got it! I’ve got a new proficiency in my profile!”

To my surprise, it wasn’t Mom, but Sarka.

Everyone but me stared at her in disbelief.

I just smiled, probably looking pretty smug.

Now that I had my living proof of concept, it was time to start on the real fun stuff!