The next round of fights would be three days after the first round. The day after the first round of fights, Inaki had his day of training with Yan. It wasn’t a rock climbing day, and Inaki didn’t know whether he was happy about it or not. Running was easier than climbing mountains, but rock climbing was much more fun.

At the end of the day, Inaki fought Yan at an Iron level, and lost once again. Inaki didn’t know what to believe, since he had won his fight against Yenife—even though it was barely by the skin of his teeth—he was convinced that what Yan considered ‘Iron level’ was closer to Silver than it was to the base of Iron.

The next morning Inaki woke up excited to meet Yaz. The day of the first round of fights she hadn’t come to meet him, but that was understandable, she had probably been practicing for the tournament.

She did not show up. Instead, Nilun showed up with Inaki’s breakfast.

“Do you know what happened to Yaz,” Inaki asked, accepting the plate from him.

“I don’t know,” Nilun said. “Maybe she’s a little shaken up because she lost her Silver duel.”

“Maybe,” Inaki said. “You think you and I are going to get matched in the tournament?”

“If we do, I’ll kick your ass again,” Nilun said. The two of them laughed.

“Nice talking to you,” Inaki said, giving Nilun a handshake. Inaki ate his breakfast alone, for the first time in a long time of non-training days.

He had already finished the last book that Yaz had given him, and was going to talk to her about it, so he didn’t even have a book to read. And Yan had been pretty strict about no training on the rest days, that the rest days were for letting Inaki’s muscles cope with the training.

The weekly tavern outing wasn’t happening today either. Inaki had absolutely nothing to do that day. He just sat in his bed.

What if what Farrow said is true, Inaki thought.

“Why would anyone truly love you,” The disembodied voice in Inaki’s mind said. The man that Inaki used to be had moved to a more background role when it came to haunting him. Inaki didn’t know what to call this new voice, so Inaki decided that he would call this new voice his conscience. “You’re a horrible person. A failure.”

“A disappointment,” The man Inaki used to be chimed in.

Inaki sat there, with just his thoughts, and his own mind screaming at him. The voices in his head were now trying to pull him in opposite directions.

“When you were like me you weren’t used to losing fights, you didn’t care about childish things like romances, and gossip,” the man Inaki used to be said.

“You don’t deserve all your friends,” Inaki’s conscience said. “You are a horrible person.”

“You’ve grown soft,” the man Inaki used to be said. “You’ve become pathetic. You’re now regaining your skills and you still remain pathetic.”

But I have friends now, Inaki thought.

“Do they really care about you,” the man Inaki used to be whispered in his mind. “After Farrow kills you they won’t even show up to your funeral.”

That’s not true.

“After a small speech from Farrow, even Yaz has stopped meeting you. You’re even more pathetic than I thought if you’re going to let these petty things like other people come in the way of your progress,” The man Inaki used to be whispered.

“These people don’t care about you, not because you’re weak, but because you’re a bad person,” Inaki’s conscience said.

The two voices in Inaki’s head began having an argument. Inaki found himself stretched thin because of them.

Shut up, Inaki thought. Shut up.

They wouldn’t listen. They just kept talking. Each voice berated Inaki for opposite reasons. One screaming at him for being too soft, the other screaming at him for being too arrogant.

Inaki tried to go to sleep, but he couldn’t. The voices were becoming louder and louder. He felt like throwing up. He ran out of his room into the garden and vomited into the grass. But the sun blinded him. Every small sound began making him feel like pins and needles were being driven up his body. The sound of the crickets, the loud breeze, his own heart beat seemed deafeningly loud. But the loudest of all the sounds was the sound in Inaki’s head.

“You pushed Gonten away even though he loved you,” Inaki’s conscience said. “He cares about you way more than you ever cared about him.”

“Why should you have cared about him when he was a failure,” the man Inaki used to be screamed.

“Because Gonten is a good person,” Inaki’s conscience yelled.

Stop. Inaki was now lying on the grass, just a foot away from the pool of his own vomit. His head began exploding in pain.

No, Inaki said. It had been so long since he had had one of his fits. The sound of the two voices in his head became louder, his surroundings became brighter and brighter. Even with Inaki’s eyes shut it seemed like he was going to go blind. He pulled his tongue back so he wouldn’t bite it.

In an instant, everything went from being bright and loud to being quiet, as Inaki lost his consciousness.

Inaki woke up in his room. He was on his bed, and instead of the Urima herb solution, he had ointments on his head, and a cool ointment on his tongue—he had managed to bite into it anyway.

He opened his eyes and saw that as many people as could fit in the room were there. Trish, Nilun, Jonar, Yaraval, Yenovar, Yenife, Irouk and Yanop all stood in the room.

“What happened to you,” Nilun said, seeing that he was awake.

“I am sorry,” Inaki said. “I get these fits because of my injury sometimes.”

“It’s fine, we’ve called a monk, he’s on his way, for now, I put some ointments on your wounds,” Trish said.

“Thank you,” Inaki said. “Where’s Yaz?”

Everyone looked down.

“I get it,” Inaki said.

“Are you feeling better,” Jonar said.

“Yes,” Inaki said. “I’m fine. You guys don’t have to get worried about me.”

“Sorry,” Nilun said. “But we are worried. I came to deliver you your lunch, and found you fainted in a pool of your own vomit.”

“Just my fits,” Inaki said.

“Do you want one of us to stay here,” Yaraval asked.

“No, no,” Inaki said. “I don’t need you to waste your time, go train for the tournament.”

“Well because of you, we don’t have to,” Yenife said, pointing to her sister and herself.

Inaki smiled.

“But please,” Inaki said. “I’m fine, I just need some rest. You can go.”

Inaki bid them all farewell. Then Inaki went to sleep.

The next morning of training with Yan went as it usually did.

After training with Yan the day passed with Inaki trying to ignore the voices in his head once again. He ached to talk to Yaz about the book that he had been reading. He wanted another book to read that they could talk about later. Inaki picked up the book that Yaz had given him when they last met. He ruffled through its pages emptily.

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Inaki then tried to go to sleep, but the voices in his head did not allow him to sleep much. He woke up the next morning, and walked to the arena for the tournament. If he won his fight today against the Iron, then he would get his promotion. He just needed to win one more fight.

He sat down in the stadium, once again, Farrow picked a seat extremely close to Inaki. Inaki looked around for Yaz, and saw that she was sitting at the other end of the stadium. And she was wearing a hat.

That was the first time that Inaki had ever seen her covering her head. The wooden fights began. There were four fights in total in each category that day. Inaki’s fight was the third one.

“Inaki-son-Hassai Tomoka, Enid-son-Erik Gael,” The announcer called out.

Inaki stepped down to the raised platform that was the dueling arena. Inaki thought he could end this one quickly. He stood in the Bullstance, and leaped forward. Enid tried blocking, but weeks of training had made Inaki much faster than the Woodens. Enid just barely dodged, and struck at Inaki. Inaki danced through the spear thrusts and swings, and easily stepped forward and drove his sword into the man’s chest. He fell backwards coughing. Inaki slashed the man’s legs from under him, then he sat down, and with his hands he nudged him out of the arena.

“Winner, Inaki,” The announcer yelled. Inaki had certainly risen above the Wooden level. He just needed to win his next duel, and he would be an Iron, one step closer to being as good as Farrow.

Inaki sat back in his seat, and looked at Farrow. The two of them were obviously observing each other’s fighting styles. Inaki wasn’t trying to hide anything from him, but Inaki was sure that Farrow was purposely showing off. Farrow knew that there was no way that Inaki could catch up.

The Wooden fights were over. Farrows fight was the first Iron fight. Farrow fought one of the Irons that Inaki didn’t know. Just like Inaki’s fight against Enid, it lasted barely a few seconds. The next duel was between Trish and Nilun, so Inaki didn’t know who to cheer for.

The fight was surprisingly close, Nilun lost of course, but he lost on time, the score was 1-0. Nilun was getting much better and maybe in some time would be able to defeat Trish.

The next fight was between two Irons Inaki didn’t know. Which left only one fight. Between the last two competitors in the Iron category. Inaki looked to where Yaz was sitting.

Oh no. Inaki thought.

“Inaki-son-Hassai Tomoka, and Yaz-daughter-Yan Gael, step forward.”

Inaki felt like he was going to get one of his fits on the way walking to the stage. Yaz didn’t look as shaken up as him. She stepped on the arena and picked up her hat and threw it off her head.

“Begin,” Tarid said.

Inaki couldn’t move. His usual strategy of charging in and closing the distance as fast as he could was dashed into the dirt. Yaz rushed at Inaki, and struck at him. Inaki raised his sword and blocked, but that’s all he did, he didn’t counter attack.

He felt as if there was a stone in his throat, stopping him from speaking. But he spit it out and said, “Why have you been avoiding me.”

Inaki jumped to the side, avoiding being thrown out of the ring.

“I am sorry,” Yaz said,swinging her spear at him.

Inaki jumped back, he was doing the exact opposite of the strategy that Yan had told him. He was far away. Yaz was really good, and really fast. She hit Inaki on the chest, the shoulder and the stomach.

Inaki lost three points in succession. He looked up at Farrow who was sitting in the audience. He had a huge smile on his face. Inaki didn’t know what to do.

“Come on,” Yaz said, thrusting her spear forward. “We can talk later, fight me for now.”

“Why,” Inaki asked, blocking a strike. He jumped forward, closing the distance. He dodged a spear strike to the chest, and slid along the length of her spear. He slashed at her shoulder. She dodged.

Inaki felt tears flowing through his eyes.

“Of course, she doesn’t truly care about you,” Inaki’s conscience said. “You’re a horrible person.”

Inaki blocked another strike, and stepped forward he landed a swords strike to her arm, getting one point.

Yaz stood there silently, her spear flying at him.

“Why aren’t you answering me?” Inaki raised his sword and swatted away her spear. He advanced, and struck, but his sword went limp as it got close to Yaz. Yaz landed another strike to her chest.

“Farrow was right,” Yaz screamed.

“What,” Inaki said.

“He was right. I didn’t know what it was about you that made me want to go out with you,” Yaz said. Yaz slowed down, but Inaki felt his sword going limp in his hand.

Yaz hit him several times, as he just stood there, taking the hits.

“I am sorry,” Yaz said. “I just need time to think.”

“You’re going to let the man who is trying to kill me in a month decide this,” Inaki said. If he wasn’t committed to the fight before, he was now. Rage flowed through him. But he wasn’t angry at her. He was angry at himself. How could he have let himself think that anyone would care about him.

“You’re own mother doesn’t want anything to do you with you, why would anyone else,” Inaki’s conscience screamed at him. “You’re pathetic. You use your skill in the sword as a crutch to be a dysfunctional human being. You almost died without it. You will get your skill in the sword back, but you will remain as dysfunctional, as alone, as unloveable as you were before.”

Inaki landed a sword strike on Yaz’s shoulder. Inaki let out a barrage, leaving Yaz trying to defend.

“I just need time to think,” Yaz said.

Farrow was completely right about you. Inaki thought.

“You never cared about me,” Inaki said. “As we talked about those books, as we chatted about our weapons.”

Inaki a strike on her head. He didn’t know exactly how many points had gone, but he thought that they were tied.

“I don’t know,” Yaz said. “You don’t know what it’s like to be like me. Robbed of my beauty.”

“What are you saying,” Inaki said. “Have I ever made you doubt your beauty?”

Yaz landed a strike on Inaki’s shoulder. Inaki in turn landed a strike on her arm. The two of them seemed completely tied for points.

“That’s what I am saying, the only reason I was with you is because you didn’t,” Yaz said. “Everyone else did.”

“It has nothing to do with how much I’ve changed,” Inaki said.

“I don’t know,” Yaz said. “I just need time to think.”

“Time I don’t have because your brother is going to kill me,” Inaki yelled out. The two of them were no longer fighting, just standing there.

“I don’t know what to say anymore,” Inaki said. He stepped away and walked out of bounds. Ending the duel.

“Winner, Yaz,” The announcer yelled out.

“Inaki wait,” Yaz screamed. Inaki didn’t want to hear what she was going to say, his mind was already saying it. Somehow this incident had united both the voices in Inaki’s head. They were both laughing at him equally.

Inaki walked back to his little prison. He knew that Yaz was following him, but he didn’t care. His suspicions had been confirmed. He was unloveable. He wasn’t as useless, but he wasn’t a prodigy anymore either, just an average swordsman. He had nothing to offer.

He walked into his room and shut the garden door. He was able to lock the garden door, but there was no lock on the interior door—the one that Inaki had never used.

Soon Yaz came running in.

Inaki was sitting on his bed. He picked up the book that Yaz had given him, and then threw it back at her.

“Why are you here,” Inaki said. “What’s left to be said that you haven’t said yet.”

“I am sorry,” Yaz said.

“About what,” Inaki said.

“I don’t know how I feel. No one has ever liked me before,” Yaz said. She rubbed her hand over her bald head. “I’ve tried my best to not let it affect me but it does. Nobody wants to get married to the bald girl.”

“So wear a wig and fuck off,” Inaki said.

“Inaki,” Yaz said.

“What more do you want to say,” Inaki said.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have listened to Farrow, I’ve made up my mind now,” Yaz said.

“So now you’re just going to take back everything you said to me before, as if the past four days didn’t happen,” Inaki said.

“That’s right, it’s been only four days,” Yaz said.

“Four days is a lot when I only have a month left to live,” Inaki said.

“You’re really convinced that you’re going to lose to Farrow, aren’t you,” Yaz said.

“You saw him fight,” Inaki said. “I’m no match for him. But don’t you change the topic.”

“Farrow’s words got to my head, but I love talking to you about books, Okan’s hairy balls, I like chatting with you about anything. It’s just, Farrow was right, you are the first person to show me affection, but that’s not why I like you.”

“Then why do you like me,” Inaki said.

“Because I love the time I spend with you,” Yaz said. “I’m sorry, I’m very new to this whole romance thing.”

“I am also new to this,” Inaki said. “But I wouldn’t doubt how much I like you if my brother told me that the only reason I like you is because you’re the first woman I’ve had a long conversation with.”

“Can we agree to forget this mistake of mine?” Yaz said.

“No, how did you go from, ‘I need time’ to ‘I let Farrow misguide me’ so fast,” Inaki said.

“I don’t know,” Yaz said. “I’m just so new to all of this, and I don’t understand my own feelings.”

“Fine,” Inaki said. “Maybe we can help each other understand our feelings.”

Yaz sat down next to Inaki on his bed. Inaki held her hand and she held his. Inaki looked into her eyes.

“I’ve always put up this facade of being so confident,” Yaz said. “But it’s all a fake. I am sorry, Inaki, that I hid myself from you for so long.”

“It’s okay,” Inaki said. “But let us not let our insecurities come in the way again.”

“Yes,” Yaz said.

The two of them kissed, embracing each other for the first time.

“If she can withdraw now, she can withdraw later,” Inaki’s conscience said. “She will betray you.”