‘Excuse me, you need to wake up.’ I twitched into consciousness, waking the little girl in the process which seemed to make her grumpy. I mumbled out a yes before looking around me to see that a classmate of mine was standing behind me. Hanazawa-san. Was she in the art club? I was pretty much a ghost member so I wasn’t sure. What did it matter thought? She was just another person. It was time for me to leave. I locked my eyes forwards and walked towards the door. Just as I was about to pull the handle, Hanazawa-san spoke. ‘It’s locked.’ I froze for a second due to her far from gentle voice but decided to pull the door handle anyways. It really was locked. I turned around and looked at Hanazawa-san. Her outline was shining in the moonlight. Her hair was pretty short for a girl I thought. Most girls at school had long silky hair but not Hanazawa-san. Medium length with bangs, not so neat, black colour like everyone else's. Her eyes weren't that flashy either. No makeup, just natural, mysterious eyes. Her uniform jacket was unbuttoned and her shirt wasn’t tucked under her skirt either. She seemed to be straight forwards but not strict. I would say aloof yet serious. Expressionless but not plain…

Our eyes met for a moment before she asked me about all the sketches in my hand. I cautiously told her I had come to the arts room at sunset and felt like drawing. She looked at me for a second and then she looked down on my hand holding all the sketches. ‘Can I see them?’ I knew she would just call them weird and regret talking to me since she was just as ignorant as the next person. I had no emotion towards weak people like Hanazawa-san. Still, showing her what I drew, being in the same room... Too close, really. But, I had nowhere to run so I awkwardly walked over and put the sketches on the table next to Hanazawa-san. She grabbed them and sat down by the table before giving me a look. Her eyes were like two black pearls and much more intense than before. It felt like there was some sort of brimming curiosity within them. She looked at me like she knew something. Or that there was something she was trying to find out. I didn’t have much more time to think about it before she snapped away and started to look through my sketches. I felt surprisingly nervous as I watched her flip through the bunch. Thought, she only looked at every sheet for a few seconds before turning it away. I couldn’t help but to feel like she wasn’t just giving the sketches a look, rather it felt like she was searching through them. She discarded various sketches depicting things I thought would seem really strange to her. Like huge wolves that were longer than busses, walking trees and demon-like shadow creatures. Why wasn’t she reacting to them? Walking trees were surely not a common thing. Maybe she wouldn’t react to them because they were on paper and not physically in front of her. That would explain why mysterious creatures were accepted in religion.

During my inner debates I noticed that Hanazawa-san were giving some pictures more attention as she neared the end. She looked at those longer and put them in a separate bunch. She finally got to the last sketch. It was the last one I drew. A portrait of the little girl as she slept in my lap. Hanazawa-san looked at it considerably longer than the others. Suddenly she rose from her chair and looked at me with the sketch in hand. ‘This little girl, where did you see her?’ Hanazawa-san looked very serious but I couldn’t manage to find an answer. See her? She knew that I had seen the things I had drawn? She didn’t assume they were weird fantasies? Should I just tell her directly how I see things? The questions piled up quickly, hindering me from working out a good answer. I didn’t have to answer however. Hanazawa-san continued. ‘There is something about you right? I can feel it. Every time you enter the classroom the air around me changes, and this girl… I’ve seen her before…’ Hanazawa-san was staring me right in the eyes. She was brimming with seriousness and curiosity. She seemed excited but also worried. What did she mean with if there was something about me and that she felt it?

Anyways, maybe she could help me learn more about the little girl since she claimed to have seen her as well. Should I tell her I can see her all the time and she follows me around? Since the little girl was in the room right now I assumed that Hanazawa-san couldn’t see her as well as I could. Maybe I should try to hold the little girl in front of Hanazawa-san so that she might be able to feel something. I looked around me and found the girl playing with a brush under the table. Hanazawa-san looked at me strange, waiting for me to answer. She followed me with her eyes as I leaned down and grabbed the little girl under her arms. I lifted her up on the table and sat quiet for a moment. ‘She’s right here, on the table.’ Hanazawa-san’s eyes lit up. ‘Really?’ I said yes and followed with that she had been following me around and that I could see her all the time. Hanazawa-san looked at me like I was a miracle. ‘So she is sitting right here in front of me, right now?’ I nodded and said she had been playing under the table all along. Hanazawa-san got quiet, seemingly trying to focus. I asked if she could see her in anyway, she couldn’t. She mentioned that she could vaguely feel something in front of her but nothing physical. I was curious about the time where she could see her and asked. She said that she had seen the little girl when she was in elementary school and it stuck with her making her look for the little girl ever since. She also said that there was a teacher at the elementary school that gave of the same feeling I did.

Hanazawa-san felt peculiar and somehow different. It was nice to talk to her, however, soon a teacher found us and chased us out, it was late after all. I generated some pretty weird reactions from both the teacher and Hanazawa-san when I treaded out into the snow without any shoes. I told them I had left them at home, along with my coat. The teacher gave me a pair of old indoor shoes, otherwise he would probably get in trouble. Then I found myself at the top of the hill, in front of the school with Hanazawa-san on a quiet winter evening. It was peaceful and calm. A slight breeze gently swayed the trees that were heavy with snow. With the moonlight reflecting of the white snow it almost seemed like everything was covered in glitter. It almost made me feel like drawing again, but, I had other matters to think about. I needed to go home, to father. Just thinking about him made me feel hateful. The sinister urges were rising from my depths as I imagined how he would look at me when I opened the front door. I started to walk down the hill with decisive steps. Reaching deeper into myself for every second my fathers pathetic face entered my mind. How could he be so weak? He had always told me what I needed to know but it all turned out to be selfish wishes from a weak man. He was the worst. I was convinced that it was people like him who carried out the acts of ignorance I had read about in the news. To think that he was trying to make himself seem the opposite to them. Foul. Disgusting. Weak!

My fists were shaking as I stormed down the hill. I felt like destroying him. Completely crushing him into bits. He didn’t even deserve life. I continued at a rapid pace towards my home. The little girl was trotting indifferently behind me. I couldn’t even muster a thought about her. I only focused on walking down the sidewalk until I would reach home. Then, came a road crossing, which I failed to acknowledge. I noticed the lights but it was too late for myself to do anything. Luckily Hanazawa-san was there. She had followed me and managed to get to me right on time, pulling me back. I found myself laying on the snow covered ground and before I knew it, the driver of the car had come to bow and apologize and helped me up along with Hanazawa-san. It served as a bit of an awakening. The snow was just now suddenly cold again. My whole body started to ache, like I had been completely frozen. The little girl was right there when I looked down, she smiled and hugged my leg. It didn’t really make me any warmer but at least it was reassuring. I probably needed warmth more than reassurance thought since I could feel my legs going numb. Hanazawa-san was there to help me and escorted me to a nearby cafe.

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I sat down by the window in the small cafe whilst Hanazawa-san ordered tea. I looked outside at the traffic and the people in suits. Were they all really that blind? This many people and still such ignorance was accepted as the norm. It started to feel a little lonely. I quickly came to my senses however. I should feel happy and confident being probably the strongest person around. I smirked for myself and looked at all the people in suits like they were ants. ‘What are you smiling for?’ Hanazawa-san put two cups of tea on the table before sitting down. When I looked at her she did not become an ant. She felt different. Maybe she was actually not human? Or maybe she was some kind of hybrid, being able to act like a human but it was only me who could see her true form. There was certainly a lot of possibilities since I myself still didn’t know everything. I was only the one capable of learning. That was why I was superior.

I suddenly noticed Hanazawa-san looking at me with questioning eyes. ‘What are you thinking about when you’re like that?’ I was a little confused and said. ‘Like what?’ Hanazawa-san sighed. ‘When you get all absent like that, you could’ve died earlier.’ Again, I didn’t know how to answer Hanazawa-san. Her voice was sharp and cut away all my senses. I looked down, avoiding her eyes but Hanazawa-san seemed to know how her words affected me. ‘Tell me. What’s going on inside your head? How are you able to see that girl?’ Hanazawa-san felt so intense. Even though I couldn’t see her eyes, I felt them burn a mark on me, like lasers. I endured the straining tension for a couple of silent minutes before I had enough. ‘You would never understand!’ I looked back at Hanazawa-san, right in her laser eyes. She looked stern but then she let out a snicker. ‘Is that so? Am I to weak or something?’ Hanazawa-san chuckled. Her face contained a surprising amount of expressions and emotions. It really irked me. ‘Yeah, you’re weak, just like everyone else! You’re all living in ignorance! It’s only me… It’s just me who’s strong...’ Hanazawa-san had stopped laughing. She looked at me like I was a foolish child. ‘Ah, so I’m weak, like everyone else… How do I become like you then? How do I become strong like you?’ Hanazawa-san looked at me with gentle eyes. It irked me even more. She made it seem like I was just a misunderstood child and she was an all-knowing adult. ‘It’s impossible for people like you…’ I contained myself in order to not look even more childish. ‘I see… Anyways, can you make it home by yourself or do I need to help you?’ At first the question felt humiliating but that was all dwarfed when I remembered the upcoming ordeal known to me as walking home to a certain someone. ‘No, it’s fine.’ I really didn’t need Hanazawa-san on my heels as well. It was simple anyways. I just needed to walk home and go to my room as usual.

‘Actually, I should leave now.’ I rose from my seat and walked to the exit. Hanazawa-san didn’t say anything, she just looked at me as I left. I pushed the door open and was immediately engulfed by the freezing air. My face already started to hurt just after leaving the cafe. It wasn’t pleasant but I told myself that someone like me should be able to endure far worse. With that in mind I tried to make my resolve and push myself all the way home. The cold became bearable rather quickly so I decided to give it my all. I was on a steady course straight home where I would see my father. Or so I thought. Why was I getting motivated to go home to my father? Was it because Hanazawa-san? Was I meant to do this? I looked around me, seeking the little girl like she was the answer. She wasn’t around. I took a few steps back and looked around but I couldn’t see her. It felt strange. She had only been with me for a short time but I felt such attachment and for her to suddenly disappear? It didn’t feel good. It actually made me anxious. The strength I had mustered to see my father was withering like old papyrus in a sandstorm. It quickly became crippling. What would I do now? I had lost all my momentum like a derailed drain. I stumbled around as I started to feel the cold creep back into my body. I leaned against a wall and met they eyes of concerned passer-by’s. One of them tried to offer me help. The humiliation I felt from Hanazawa-san was nothing compared to this. I slapped away the persons hand and gave them a stern decline. I happily watched on as people around me started to avoid me. That’s right, none of them should dare get close to me. They were nothing but ants.

I stumbled along the sidewalk. It felt like I was towering above all the people around me. I didn’t know where I was heading but I knew for sure that home wasn’t it. Maybe I was unconsciously looking for the little girl. Though, it seemed like she had abandoned me, like father had. Maybe it hadn’t sunk in yet but it didn’t make me angry, just sad… and lonely. My chest felt heavy as I made my way along the city streets towards nowhere. I just kept on going for probably hours. The cold was slowly weaving itself into every cell in my body. It was painful but in my blank mind I felt like it was pain I deserved. Even if it was freezing coldness it still felt nice that there was at least something within me. What did it matter if I was the strongest around when no one could acknowledge it? I started to think of the cold as my friend but then I realized how much my only friend was looking down on me. It just made me irritated. I sighed for myself. I was now on some random street I didn’t know the name of, freezing to death in the middle of the night whilst quarrelling with said cold who is also my only friend. What a tragic state. I almost envied the ants in costumes. They were at least happy, I thought. Then I realized that the one I really should envy was Hanazawa-san. She wasn’t an ant and yet she seemed happy somehow… actually, she seemed strong. Strong? Wasn’t I the strongest? I stopped walking and stood still for a moment, staring into a lamppost. I seemed to have thought of another person as strong for just a moment. It really annoyed me. One more thing to upset my nerves. Great. Really really great. Everything was just so great, wasn’t it? Actually the greatest moment of them all was happening. I turned my head like a rusty and very frozen tank turret to the side where there was a big window. It really looked like one of them cafe windows, they were often big. Maybe it was a cafe. I laughed to myself thinking it was maybe the same cafe from earlier. Wouldn’t that just be super great. What would be even more super duper great was if someone, I don’t know, maybe a high school girl with shorter black hair, curios black eyes, medium length, sloppy uniform and a little girl with big ruby eyes sitting on her shoulder would be on the other side of that window reading some book about fox spirits. Yeah, that would be extremely great.

How strange it was. In the blink of an eye I felt completely different, still freezing thought. I did right to hurry into that cafe.