When I was in high school, even though I'm not someone you could consider as 'the most popular kid', I was still somewhat well known. Not because I'm handsome, because I'm not. Its also not because I'm smart. From second year of High school to my senior year, I was always at the last class. A class full of stupid kids or problem children.

I've done many things that an ordinary high school kid wouldn't be able achieve. Thats the reason.

Remember the edgy kid that would always say, "rules are meant to be broken. We, the future generation, would someday make our own rules, that means, right now! Yes! Right now, we don't have to follow rules! Shout with me, Break the rules! Break! The! Rules!"

Yes, that was me. Every time I remember that, I cringe. Hard. To the point that I would bang my head to a wall for hours! Being a teenager was amazing. Even though I don't wanna admit, because teenagers are stupid, and I did some stupid things (a lot), i still think that my youth was well worth it.

Not just that though, I remember the Principal coming to my class just to talk to me. Then he started shouting like bitch so loud, that all rooms that has class on the same floor stopped the lecture. He kept shouting at me saying that I should stop spreading rumors, he even tried to punch me. If not for his wife, who's also a teacher, stopping him, that shit would have become even bigger news.

The rumors that he kept mentioning was, about the teachers who didn't receive their salaries. My high school was kinda fcked. Teachers didn't received their salaries. And when they did, it would be delayed for two-to-three months. It was not just a rumor, it actually happened. It was an open secret really. Some of the teachers even acknowledge those as the truth.

So what does that have to do with me?

The thing is, every time there was a new teacher in our high school, and that teacher was assigned to our class. The introduction would always be like this, the teacher would say something like, for us to get to know each other, you could ask me anything. And like a fcking stupid kid I was, I would ask, "do you have some kind of weird fetish for applying as a teacher in this high school?"

And the teacher would say something like, whats wrong with being a teacher? Then tell his/her ideals and good things about teaching the kids of future generations. All the kids in my class would smile listening to that. Ahh, another poor soul.

After that, the teacher would notice that the class was silent and smiling like fcking psychopaths. That was the moment when the teacher finally notice that something was wrong. At that moment, I, as the speaker, would finally start explaining. Of course the teacher wouldn't believe at first, then after a couple of months, that teacher would remember everything that I've said.

Who would have thought that a bitch of teacher appeared and started pointing fingers at me. When the Principal learned this, he immediately went to our class and decided to fuck us hard. It was not my fault, okay? Really! Delay of salaries was actually a common knowledge that the whole campus knew. I just said that to the teachers to warn them a little.

I think that principal was only venting his anger at me because it was convenient. I didn't get suspended, but I almost got expelled.

There are others as well, my second year was me getting repeatedly suspended for my stupidity.

Parties would always happen at night, but because me and some of my friends are bored, we decided to party midday. One of my friends has a girlfriend, and he said it was her birthday, so they decided to have a party. Only few actually attended though. It was like a secret party, and only few knew about it. Our group were all boys, the other group were all girls. Fcking perfect right?

Sadly, nothing really happened.

We got drunk, we played games, we talked a lot. The girls that I only know based on their faces because I always saw them in the hallways, became my friends. But nothing happened. After the party, my friend and her girlfriend entered a room, and weird noises was heard. All of us didn't bother though. The girls entered a separate room and whatever happened there, I don't know.

The boys stayed outside and continue doing shits. And also, that was actually the first time I tasted alcohol.

After that day, I wasn't able to go to school because at that time I felt like I was dying. Then when I went to school the next day, those who knew me looked at me weirdly. Later that day, I, together with the others at that party was called at the guidance office. One of the kids was actually kinda allergic to alcohol. His body turned red and he kept scratching his skin. When his mother saw him, looking like someone that was gang raped by mosquitoes, the mother immediately inquired what the fck happened in school. Then, after investigating, it was discovered that, he didn't go to school at that time. Later, it was discovered that there were groups of kids from two different classes was with the allergic kid.

Obviously I was one of those kids.

Because what happened was quite 'dangerous', all the kids involved was suspended for twenty days. And for some of us, because it was our first offense, the weekends would be included.

Since then, other things also happened, and I got suspended a couple more times.

At that time, to be honest, I feel like I was a main character in a movies for teens, or anime with a high school setting. My life was fun and exciting, simple but enjoyable. The only thing I was lacking at that time was a girlfriend.

That time I thought it would be really easy to get one, I mean, I was not that bad, alright?

My face, even though not considered as the most handsome one in the campus, I could proudly say I was a little bit above average. Eyes, nose, shape of the face--- overall, I look like bad boy type. Added to that is my asian skin but a little bit darker because of being expose to the sun, my tall and firm looking body-- even though I couldn't compare to models, I would still be considered not bad.

Some of my classmates would introduce me to some girls from lower year, saying something like, she's quite interested in you, want me to help you get to know each other? But I would just lightly laughed and decline. It continued like that until I met her. The one that would later be my girlfriend.

-----

Most High School in our country has a program or curriculum that requires (forces) the senior year students to learn military. This is called "Citizenship Advancement Training" or CAT for short. And every year, they would train the lower year everything they learned, and once that happened, those who finished the training would become officers when they reached their senior year. It means that, once those lower year finished the training, when they became senior, they would be the kings. They could command all of the senior year students at will, punishment them, treat them like a dogs, and they wont have any rights to refuse.

At that time, us from lower year received an invitation to be part of it. There, they would train us like a soldier, teach us to disassemble and assembling guns, marching exhibition, exercises, commands, and other things that involved military. That time, because my friends attended it, I also did. My friends was so hyped about handling real guns.

In our campus gymnasium, almost hundreds of students at the same batch as me was there. In front of us are the seniors wearing a military uniform. To be honest, when I saw that, I thought-- fck those looks cool.

After some introduction and orientation, the training begun.

The students were only allowed to attend their clubs or societies after class. So, we of CAT were also like that.

The training was almost everyday. And each day would discuss and teach us about everything that is considered as common knowledge in military. Demonstration, field training, some punishments if you didn't comply--- the training got harder and harder everyday. After a month, most of students already quit. Then after couple more months, a little bit more than twenty left. And in the end, only fifteen students managed to complete the training.

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To be honest, I thought of quitting a couple times, but because my friends are fcking doing it, I also continued. These fckers was so focused imagining of handling guns that they persevered to their utmost limit. Actually though, when we finally touched the guns, it was only about a month or two before the seniors graduated. It was unfair, I felt like I got cheated.

Anyway, in those trainings, I met my so called future girlfriend, Ronna.

I immediately noticed her during the marching training. It all started with me looking at her huge and soft looking ass. Every time we march I would always see her ass jiggle and sway in a most simple but erotic manner. After a couple of weeks, I fell in love with that beautiful ass.

As a teenager, a virgin at that, I couldn't help myself imagining the feeling of slapping that ass. Imagining of fcking her from behind while watching her ass jiggle with delight, became my fcking hobby. And so, most of the night, I'd jerk of while imagining enjoying that wonderful piece of art.

When the numbers of students trainees got fewer and fewer, those who remained became closer and closer. Of course, me and that ass-- I mean, the girl who owned that ass became closer as well. It started with some small talks, then greetings every time we met accidentally in the hallways, and then walking her to the bus stop after training.

After of couple of weeks of being together, I completely fell in love with her. Not just because of her ass, not because of beauty as well, it was just that, every time I'm with her, I feel relax and happy. Then after I told her my feelings, and after pursuing her for almost a month--- she finally said 'Yes'. And we became the most well known couple in our senior year.

Ronna was the simple and quiet type. Even though she was also beautiful, she was not famous. At least compared to her classmates who were considered as goddesses or the campus dreams, she was considered as average. She came from the first class. Also known as the Elites.

A class of kids with the highest grades in our year. That's them. But their grades was not the reason why this class was considered as famous. It was because of their population. Seventy-to-eighty-five percent of kids in this class was girls, and remaining fifteen percent were gays. Among the girls, more than sixty percent are considered as 'hot', sexy, cute, and beautiful. The remaining were average girls but with smart brains.

At that time, having a girlfriend from that class would consider you a god.

Anyway, Ronna and I entered the same university, but different courses. She wanted to become a teacher, and I was--- I didn't really have any plan at that time. So, out of boredom, I chose the engineering classes. From what I heard, the salaries of engineers are good, so I thought, 'maybe as long as I work hard, I'll become one?'.

Remembering this, I kinda feel stupid. No, I was fcking stupid!

Back to the topic, our relationship lasted for almost four years. Many things happened, there were ups and down, fights and arguments, but most of it, we enjoyed everything together. She was my first, and so I for her. We were happy, but, everything fell apart because of me.

-----

I couldn't adopt to the changes around me. At that time, I felt like I was still a High school and treated everything like a game. Slowly, my stupidity hit me in the face. I had to repeat most of the courses, the subjects that I couldn't fcking understand, the people I couldn't get along--- slowly I was becoming a loser. Then, I became a loner.

My view of things changed. My belief became corrupted. At that time I felt like everyone is looking and snickering at me. Looking down on me like I was the most disgusting shit they have ever seen. Social anxiety was slowly eating my life and swallowing my whole system.

I started talking less. And interacting with people became a challenge, a torture. So to lessen my pain and to avoid their stares, I decided to become invisible. I learned to erase my presence everywhere as long as its convenient. I started observing people around me so I would learn how to act like a normal person, and be able to interact with them without being awkward. But still, even with that, I couldn't erase this sickness.

One time, some of my friends in High school and I met. We talked to each other, and catch up to the times we haven't seen each other. Then I left for a little bit. When I came back I heard them laughing and insulting me behind my back. Listening to that, I had the urged to pick up a knife and massacre all of them!

After that, my social anxiety became worse, inferiority complex and depression conquered my mind and soul. The feeling of wanting to die became stronger and stronger. Added to that the pressure of achieving something, doing something amazing from my family--- I felt like the whole world was crushing me down. But even with all that, I still tried to attend my classes.

Seeing people smiling, laughing, enjoying their lives, made me feel sick. It made me feel like killing my self, or killing them then killing myself. I wanted everyone to die, to suffer--- I don't wanna be the only one. I hate this feeling.

At that time, I felt like my life was hanging on a thread. A single movement and I'll fall down to the eternal darkness. I don't wanna fall, I don't wanna break, I'll literally die if this thread was cut. I could only hope that everything would be fine.

But then, life is a shit. Once you started calming down, and started climbing up, life would step on you and force you to realize that your whole existence is nothing important.

"Lets break up." --- and this is how the thread that giving me hope, got cut.

------

Thinking it now, she was actually was there for me in my darkest time. She tried to support me. Took care of me. But, who would have thought she'd give up and say the most deadliest words I was hoping to never hear. I didn't know what kind of face she was making at that time, and to be honest I don't really care.

Maybe it was all my fault. No, it totally was.

I know she deserved better, I knew I was not good enough. But still, I couldn't help but feel mad and hate her for pushing me to that pit. Being alone in the darkness was scary.

"I don't wanna die, I wanna try harder, I wanna become a better. Maybe I could still make it."

In that darkness I tried to work harder and look for a light. I tried and tried, and tried harder, and even more harder. But couldn't do anything! My mind kept on telling me to die because I was useless! "Dying is your salvation, just kill yourself!" Repeatedly, over and over. But I tried to walk forward and not listen to those voices.

Attending my classes are killing me. I wanted to cry and shout, but I held it in. I was slowly dying inside and I didn't know how to fix that. What should I do? --- is something I would always ask myself.

A week after we broke up, I just got out of my class and decided to eat. While I was walking, I saw Ronna together with another man. They were snuggling each other and laughing like they're living the time of their lives.

Snap!

My world became darker, and slowly lose its colors. My faith for humanity was slowly going away.

That time, I felt like something broke inside me. My anger, sadness, hate, envy, frustrations, depression, and every dark feelings I have in me---- I couldn't feel them. Everything became simple. My mind and body moved on its own.

That night, I decided to die.

At midnight, inside of a forest in our university, I tied a rope in a tree and hanged myself. Everything after that was kinda blurry. I remember feeling the rope slowly tightening in my neck and slowly losing my breath. I also could feel my body struggling and trying to lessen the pain, but my feet just keeps dangling in air and not touching anything. Every move I make, the tighten rope in my neck. When I was about to lose it, the rope was cut. And I fell down. I remember losing my strength and passing out.

When I woke up, I was already in my room. I don't know how I got there and what happened. I even thought it was all just a dream. So I looked at the mirror and saw the mark on my neck. Signifying that me trying to kill myself actually happened.

After that, I stayed home and never got out. I avoided all the people who knows me and ignore those who don't. I became a shut in. And enjoyed the life of a lazy potato.

It took me years to recover my peaceful mind. And together with my discovery of cultivation, I managed to finally have a courage to go outside. But, I know something in me is not the same as before. And I proved that by not feeling anything when I killed people for the first time.

Outside appearance, I know I look normal. But inside, I'm already broken.

Well, I guess it doesn't really matter.

********

Agnes just finished consolidating her newly opened fourth meridian, when suddenly she received a phone call. Its about the guy who wanted to rent a room. Unwillingly, she stood up, fixed her clothes and took some keys. Then she looked at the mirror to see if she look, well, normal. After that, she went down to first floor's lobby.

There, she saw the old guard staring at the new guy full of suspicion. But the guy looked like he didn't notice, or maybe pretending like he didn't. The guy just kept looking around like a kid.

When the both of them noticed Agnes, both of them looked at her. The old guard nodded his head. While the guy observed her for couple of seconds, before a glint was seen in his eyes. He tried to hide it though by not showing any kind of emotion. But Agnes, with her enhance senses captured that brief moment. She didn't really care though.

After she unlocked her meridian when she was in college a couple years ago, her body changed from small and skinny girl, to a hot sexy lady. And from then on, even though she had an average face, men would always look at her like beasts that had seen a beautiful prey. All of them failed to attract her attention though.

When she got closer to the guy, she also observed him.

He's tall with a light brown skin (which quite pale for some reason), long and messy hair, with an awkward looking beard--- If not for his clean looking clothes, one would probably thought of him as a homeless person. Also, even though he's skinny and looks like he's suffering from malnutrition in the outside, hidden within those thick clothes is a well toned body. Packed with the most compressed and hardened muscles. From Agnes's further inspection using her spiritual sense, she confirmed that this guy is also like her. A cultivator.

But thats not what made Agnes observe him more. She was actually shocked and kinda happy to see him. All the buried complicated feelings in her heart started to again emerged. Remembering the feeling of longing every time he suddenly appears in her mind, her wish of meeting him again, and the urge to be with him all the time...

Even though its more than five years has passed, even though his face and aura are different from what she remembers. She knows and wont forget him easily. Looking at him, she instinctively called his name.

"... Gabriel."