Skeleton

What the hell is wrong with humans. Sure I burnt down there harbor and destroyed there livehood. And maybe I killed a few dozen of them. But seriously there was a reward on my head from the port i had burnt down. Did those idiots not know they needed the gold for rebuilding. Plus a bunch of them will starve as they have would have no jobs. Use the gold to feed yourselves idiots.

I asked Elizabeth about the insane reward on my head and she informed me it was a tactic by the nobles. No one truly expected anyone to go for the gold. After all how could they prove it was me they killed. No the gold was just so that fools would rush to kill skeletons.

I was half tempted to put out a reward on the idiots that had put the gold on my head. The problem was I was a undead. People expected me to lie and one non payment and any reputation I had at all was gone. Well i guess I would let Lion know about a bounty I was putting out. Wanted the heads of good priests. I would have a couple of them assassinated and hopefully the rest would cave.

I had to hurry the good priests were smashed for now. But they would be recruiting. Word had reached us that the cost of the good priesthood class had dropped to 1 good points. That meant the gods of good wanted a bunch of priests capable of stopping the undead. As summon undead was my main strength i needed to act and fast.

I knew that Ronan was killing all the priests capable of smite undead or turn undead he could. Unfortunately the good Gods would be sending in more. So I really needed to expand my influence and fast. However there were a bunch of knights in the way. So they had to go.

Lion had not yet reported back on his findings but there were a bunch of local Lords i wanted rid of. I was getting ready and had the local militia training. The top five percent 40 or so were put on non stop training. Unfortunately Ronan had kept my ring and Todd. He was using Todds poisonous breath on his weapons. Still the forty troops I was training were coming along nicely. The whole i will whip you to death speech had gone down well. My new traits ensured the men believed me when i said move or die horrible.

From what i was being told Sara and my orcs and goblins were training quite hard as well. Ronan had planned to send stone to train them but he was in prison. Instead he sent a fanatic from what I heard even my teaching methods were nicer. Well my identity was quite high. I knew when my men were about to spit up blood. I also knew the real bad ones. Those were given special attention. They would be my assassins and Sargents in the future.

The rest of the militia 760 were being ruthlessly grilled for two hours a day. Those that had up to this point only used a crossbow were being trained to use a bow. They were all being shown how to form the shield wall. Not that they were going anywhere. There were goblins and orc in my employee. They would be sent in first. The militia would take control later.

My forty hand picked men were training with giant axes. One of them was giving me the stink eye. I would have responded but i could tell he was close to picking up his axe and attacking me. They all were half dead from my training. Still half dead was better than dead. If a couple die or go insane well I have more.

I had begun to convert Good priests where I could. Ronan had mentioned that if a good priest converted I gained dark points. I also gained dark points for having him become a dark priest. The priests tended to lose a few levels but so what. I gained a new follower and the good gods lost one.

Letter home from stone

I am in real trouble here a fat noble is complaining that I had him hog tied. He wants me dead but the daughters are worse. Those fat ladies are screaming for my head. Apparently the match makers are afraid to touch them. The rumors that they were so ugly not even the drunks would touch them have begun to spread.  So the odds of anyone agreeing to marry them has gone done. The guards told me that they tried to bribe them to poison me.

I think the guards took the nobles gold and decided not to poison me after all. I got Laura to describe what she would do to anyone who touched me. One guard fainted when Laura said she would have them turned into pigs and given to Ronan.

I heard the guards talking thinking what Ronan would do with a Pig. One of the guards asked turned into a male or female pig and the rest paled. Thats when one of the guards remembered Lauras cannibal description. They all got real quite as the thoughts of how the pig was roasted went threw there mind. I swear I think they thought that Laura meant to turn them into female pigs. Then leave them in a sty with a bunch of male pigs then have a pole inserted into them and finally have them cooked alive over a fire.

One of them mentioned how Laura was always starring at one of the younger ones. I think she likes him. That was when the younger one fainted in terror. If you could please ask Elizabeth for help. If she has any contacts i need a lawyer and a good one. The fat Lord who is unjustly bringing these heinous charges against me is unlikely to appear in open court.

After all according to rumor the thieves who accosted him did not even make any negative comments about his daughters. He will not want the fact there virtue is intact to come out in open court.

Written in invisible ink

i am running out of invisible ink. Bottom line those daughters of the fat lord stank of garlic and had well boils in places I never want to see a boil again. So blackmail the lord. If he drops the charges you will not hire anyone to mock his daughters. Oh i sent you a magic scroll with a transform a man into a pig get rid of it

Letter from captain of the guard

Sir Daniel,

                We have found invisible ink on one of the letters that Stone was sending out. I have left the letter out and will supply him with more invisible ink. Hopefully he will let something slip in one of his letters.

It is getting bad the men will not watch Laura anymore. She has been staring at the cuter ones and they are terrified out of there mind. Not that I blame them. She sits there playing with a few rag dolls Stone made for her. I swear i saw them dance yesterday. All by themselves the dolls got up and danced.

A lot of the men are having nightmare about her. Several refuse to look at her. I know it is only a effect of her titles but you only have low level guards down here. Worse yet the few clairvoyants we have working for us are screaming in there sleep about the coming darkness. You have got to do something about Laura and soon. Even I am having nightmares about her.

Also tell lord fat arse and his fat wife we will not be hanging Stone anytime soon. No one and i mean no one is going near Laura to play with her. If we do not keep her busy i am afraid she will start with the curses. She has already scared  three hardened men into staining there pants. There is a dark shadow after falling on the jail.

Skeleton

Descrator what kind of shocking name is that. Here i am looking over what i am told is a ransom note for Laura. I swear some humans have the weirdest ideas of what a letter should be i have ever seen.

Dear lord Descrator Rex, defiler of the church of light, Enemy of man and lord of death,

This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

Greeting from the council of light who by the light of  the heavens rule the fair city of  Ironheights. We have discovered that your evil has reached the heights so Great and sublime that even in this day the very air trembles in your presence. Our admiration for your glory and obvious superiority is as high as heaven.

Boredom skill learned

I read threw the letter until i felt i was about to bleed threw my non extant eyes. I mean common what is that i can not read it there is one word in there Honorificabilitudinitatibus. It was a actual word my identity skill showed it off Honorificabilitudinitatibus the state of being able to achieve honours.

I stopped reading the letter after the third page. I starred at Elizabeth time to get started. “Your the boss” I shook my head  “It means the lords want you to surrender so they send you a complicated letter. To confuse you enough that you will sign Carnsfort over for coppers. ”

I nodded Elizabeth gave me a look “So why follow him?”

one week later

I stood in what I assumed was privy or a shit hole. Somewhere the humans use to go to the toilet. It had been covered up after centuries of use and forgotten. Then some human had dug down and built a cellar assuming correctly no one would look anywhere near the foul smelling place for a hide out. They used to brew beer in the rat infested place. Then the local guards decided to put it back to its original use and had caught the beer makers. As the beer was called rats brew and was cheap the guards tended to drink it. For some reason having there beer brewed in a sewer with plague rats

occasionally falling into the beer and drowning upset the guards. The beer makers all had unfortunate accidents before they made it to there cells.  

It was almost perfect with all the recent guard deaths the place was deserted. The only problem the place had were the holes in the ceiling. Humans used two boards to sit when going to the toilet. Every couple of years or a mage would use a spell to rot the remaining substances. A few spells later the place was ready to be used again. So we moved in and had three giant worms delivered. The worms started to dig and I summoned a few skeletons minors to help clear out the dirt. I also cast a stink spell on the place. The worms would tunnel into the oubliette and I would free Laura and possible let my minions loose under the castle.

A disgusted Lion was standing near a pile of what looked like snot with two corks stuck up his nose. “This place stinks boss. I mean really stinks and that  stuff in the corner. I feel sick even looking at it. Oh and there are two mages upstairs setting up a rat ward we need the rats to keep people from filling this place up.” I nodded picked up a rat i had used charm on and rubbed it in the stuff in the corner. I looked up at the hole in the ceiling. Then I tossed the rat up into the air. I had hoped the rat would simply look like it jumped out of the hole. However it flew thirty or forty feet into the air and landed near the chanting mages with a splat. My super strength was just a little to much.

I heard screams and sensed the mages bending over and puking. A guard fell threw the opening in the roof and landed in a pile of left over shit. I bended over and snapped his neck. Then i turned to Lion I picked up another couple of rats and tossed them up the hole. I heard screaming as the rats landed on the mages and there guards.

In the end it turned out ok. Lion was hired to cover up the cesspit top He covered it up and fixed several of the local ones. Then he told the grateful city authorities he would leave rat poison in cesspit we were digging out for a month or so. The massive worms Ronan had told me to purchase began there work in earnest.

Worms are a fairly specialized breed of monster. A standard worm can eat threw twenty or thirty feet of soil a day. They do not cause noticeable vibrations so a standard spell will not pick them up. Apparently if you tried this with me summoning up skeleton miners the vibration wards on the castle might go off. Also they will not set off the detect undead type spells. With only a couple of skeletons working around the clock to move the dirt a standard detect undead spell would not work.

I could could also cast various spells on the worms speed and stamina spells.This would increase the pace of the worms many fold. As they chewed threw the rocks i wondered if all the secrecy was needed. After all there was no way those stupid nobles knew what i had planned.

Report to high council of Ironheights.

Something is up the oracles are all giving dire warning about this so called dark crusade. We have increased the strength and number of wards around Ironheights. Unfortunately as you know looking into the future has never been a perfect way to predict enemy movements. However in this case the omens and portents have all agree something is up. The forces of EVIL are planning something. What we do not know yet. However when it happens it will bee nasty and vicious. Extra security measures are being taken. For whatever good they will do.

The crusade of light is nearly ready. It will cost us our entire treasury but we will make back the gold with the sack of Carnsfort. In the long term if the crusade fails we will not pay. The enemy forces will be weakened and any dead crusaders need not be paid.

The crusade of light will be summoned in about a week. Teleport spells are being prepared to move the entire army close to the city. In one night our army will swell and we can launch a assault so fierce that we can throw back the dark crusade.

If the Crusade goes as planned we can use our new army to take local lords who have been weaken by the orcs. If the crusades fail the orcs will have at least been weakened. So at no risk to ourselves we will at a minimum weaken Ronan forces.

We can keep that stupid skeleton guessing with those letters we are sending it. I tried to read a paragraph yesterday. I am a educated man but could not read a single line. There is no way the skeleton is ready for our assault. I doubt it has 20 militia men worth the name. Once the main force of the crusade gets here we can toss Laura corpse into the nearest ditch. Then we roll over the skeleton. Before it knows what has happened it will be dead. Our only concern is that Ronan may have bolstered the defense of Carnsfort. He has proven adept at warfare

comments

Honorificabilitudinitatibus is a word. Biggest one i could find.

lord fat ass daughters are really pissed would half a chapter on this be a good idea?