Chapter 1: Where’s my bed?
Mike awoke and felt himself lying down on something decidedly harder than his Loom and Leaf Ultra-Premium Memory Foam Mattress™, so he opened his eyes; only to come face to face with a water droplet trembling from a sharp point. He looked at it quizzically, before doing what any sane person would do in the same situation.
He turned onto his shoulder and promptly started snoring.
The droplet decided it had had enough of hanging about and decided to plop onto Mike’s face.
"FUCK! Can't a man get some sleep"
He opened his eyes and rubbed them, looked around, and then tried to ignore reality. He would’ve gotten away with it too if another drop of water hadn’t joined the first on his face.
Mike decided the hard brick floor wasn't too great on his back, so he pushed himself off it and stood up and took another look around while pinching himself. His eyes watered with pain, but his surroundings refused to change, no bed, no 50" Samsung QLED 8KHD™ display, and no bedroom.
He was now standing in the middle of an underground cave.
“WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!”
It was about the size of a small budget theatre hall that gave you half-full popcorn boxes and always had gum stuck on the chairs. It had torches casting a flickering light on the rocky walls and its cavernous ceiling was filled with some wickedly sharp stalactites?... stalagmites? He never did remember which was which.
Anyways they looked extremely sharp giving the whole place an ominous vibe. He was one loud shout away from Mike-kebab.
Don't wanna stand below one for sure.
Still staring upwards, he scooted to a position not filled with dangerous rock needles and felt a soft fluffy feeling from his shoulder as he came upon a semi-circular gateway shrouded in cottony smoke.
The giant blinking green arrow above it read EXIT.
He moved back.
Nope, not going into that. No way green arrow you don't fool me.
Turning around Mike looked around the cave once more, "What the hell? Where am I?"
A translucent blue screen like the ones from those new VR games popped up in front of him with a *ding*
Welcome to Karlsdark Dungeon.
Floor 5 - 3 Safe Zone
Am I dreaming again?
He slapped himself hard.
Nope...also
"OUCH!!!"
Massaging his jaw, he looked around to find himself in the exact same place.
"Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.”
"Toto?!"
"TOTO!!!"
Oh, wait I don't have a dog.
Mike calmed himself.
Deep breaths, you can handle this. Remember what Robin Sharma always said… actually what did he say...
Slowly waving his hand through the screen, he realized it was somehow only reflected in his vision. He also realized it had just answered his question, which begged the question — where the fuck was he?
Was he in one of those new VR games? But those didn't read minds, at least not the ones he’d heard of. Though you never could tell with Zukercerg, Mike always thought he was an alien-controlled robot here to take over
He thought back to yesterday, he’d been to that underground casino in Las Vegas. Then he gathered up all that cash in his bag and stuffed it in a safe before going to sleep. He tapped his chin thoughtfully...
"Hey, is this about yesterday? Is the don still angry he lost to me at poker? I'll give you all the money back if you let me out."
Nothing but his echoes repeating the question back at him.
Not the Corleone's then. He figured it was a long shot since they weren't the most tech-savvy criminals around. They still used flip phones, not trusting Google to track their location after a couple of their operations were busted. They never did grasp how signal monitoring worked.
Besides he'd never even heard of a VR game with this kind of realism, this had to be some kind of CIA brain experiment.
Welp, no pain in trying.
“Is it the CIA then? Please don't put any more wires into my head. I swear I didn't take anything from Area 51, no gold coins at all. Is this about the little grey dude? I'll tell you where to find him if you let me out.”
Nothing
Mike tried to remember if he'd signed any agreements or forms recently. He did subscribe to that excellent monthly meat box recently, but he was pretty sure it was bad business to trap your customers in a VR Simulation where they had no way of eating your meat. Besides no one who made bacon that good or steak that tender could be bad right?
Changing tact, he resorted to the most fearsome weapon in any American's arsenal.
“I will sue your asses if you don't let me out right now. Is this even legal? I'm a citizen of the United States. You can't do this to me, I'll call my lawyer.”
No reply.
Mike narrowed his eyes.
Could it be…
I was hit…
BY A TRUCK!!!
But how did it get past the stairs...Who cares, I can have my own harem now!!!
He spoke into the air hopping and clapping his hands.
"Moshi Moshi? Is it God-sama?” Mike retched in his mouth at that but bravely soldiered on despite wanting to bash his head into the wall, “Have you transported me to some new dimension? Do I have to kill the demon king? But I'm not in high school anymore. Can I have my cat-girl harem now?"
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He looked around once more.
Nada
No half-naked catgirls salivating over his toned and athletic body. The only sound was condensation dripping down the giant rock needles echoing through the cave.
He looked up at the spikes in the ceiling, “Kill me now please.”
After a while of waiting for his impending doom and nothing happening, he started hyperventilating, “Okay Mike, be cool. You got this; this isn’t the first time you’ve woken up in a strange place.”
Mike took deep breaths
“GODDAMMIT, WHERE’S MY TUTORIAL??? WHERE’S MY BARELY CLOTHED GODDESS THAT FALLS IN LOVE WITH MY CHARMING PERSONALITY ON FIRST SIGHT. THIS IS A SCAM!!!”
Devolving into incoherence, he rolled on the floor flinging his arms and legs about while throwing a tantrum. After a good half an hour of weeping and begging to be let out, Mike stopped and lay there looking up at the ceiling of the cave.
A cold wind blew through the cave despite having no visible openings, causing Mike to shudder in his Batman pajamas. Well, at least he looked badass wherever he was.
The blue screen just floated there, visibly transparent and infinitely infuriating. Mike gave in, he stood up once more and shook himself, relaxing his muscles.
He knew what happened next.
He readied his body.
He squinted at the screen.
He cracked his fingers.
All the muscles in his body tensed as he shouted out loud the... 'Word'.
“STATUS!!!”
A new blue screen popped up layered over the initial one.
Status
Name: Michael Scott
Race: Human -???
Class: N/A
Personal Attribute: N/A
Level: 0
Experience Points (EXP): 0/100
Vital Statistics
Health Points (HP)
60.00
Mana Points (MP)
56.50
Stamina Points (SP)
60.00
Attributes
Strength
6.00
Constitution
6.00
Intelligence
5.00
Wisdom
6.00
Dexterity
6.00
Agility
7.00
Hidden Attributes
Luck
105.00
[???]
???
[???]
???
[???]
???
Available points: 0
Titles
Dimension Traveler (Legendary)
10% Increased resistance to soul and spatial magic.
Stranger in a Strange Land (Uncommon)
5% Accelerated growth for the first 10 levels.
Lucky Soul (Legendary)
100 Luck. Unlock hidden attribute Luck.
Resistance
Soul
10%
Space
10%
Mike shot up from the floor and pumped his fist. “Yes! Finally, something I can work with”
“Mana points so there is magic here, Double Nice!”
He extended his arms outwards and scrunched up his face.
“FIREBALL!
…
“Kamehameha?
…
“Shoryuken?”
...
“Well, I sure hope no one’s watching this.”
Giving up on his premature dreams of being a mage, he peered closer at the new screen and examined the rest.
“Well, I always knew I was lucky, wow 100 points, is that like twenty times the average?
And the ladies do say I have good endurance but intelligence 5? Come on! That's just rude.
“What does [Human -???] mean? What are the rest of the hidden stats? Hello, blue screen? System?”
…
“Just great.”
Mike threw his hands into the air, "Very helpful. Thanks whoever put me here."
“Go back to the Main Menu.”
A couple of blinking icons caught his eye. The first was in the shape of a t-shirt and the other an unrolled parchment. He figured the t-shirt was probably his inventory and the other one was obviously the quest tab, wonder who decided on the shapes?
Mike shrugged and spoke aloud
“Open inventory.”
Inventory
* Coin of Fortuna
* Printed Cotton Loungewear - Shirt
* Printed Cotton Loungewear - Pants
* Comfortable Cotton Boxer Shorts
“Coin of Fortuna? That thing I got from Area…I mean I picked up from the ground that one time near the desert?”
Mike looked around the cave suspiciously before retrieving the coin from around his neck and studying it. The coin fit in his palm nicely, the ridged edge was comfortable to hold and it had a die embossed on one side and a set of scales on the other. It was unchanged from the moment he had retrieved it from its pedestal, in Area...
They might be monitoring my thoughts. Are you? ARE YOU?!
He squinted suspiciously at the ceiling for a while before relaxing when nothing happened. He studied the coin and rubbed a thumb across its warm unblemished surface.
“Are you the reason I’m here?"
He thought it glimmered a bit brighter but with no more mysterious shininess forthcoming he chalked it up to the flickering light. and Mike clicked on the blinking icon.
Divine Artifact.
Gold coin containing the blessing of Nox Fortuna. Tips probability in favor of the wielder.
Bind?
He did feel substantially luckier once he’d started wearing it.
“Hrmm, more luck sounds good. What could possibly go wrong?”
Mike pressed the button.
He collapsed onto the floor writhing and curled into a shrimp. A white-hot pain shot through Mike's body without warning, it felt like every nerve ending in his body was being burnt, with an extra helping of electricity frying his brain. He started screaming himself hoarse, the sound echoing in the cave sounding like a cacophony of tortured roosters.
After a full minute, the searing pain running through his entire body stopped. Mike lay gasping in a pool of his own sweat, his Batman pajamas completely drenched. A blue screen appeared in front of his blurry eyes, Mike rubbed the tears and snot from his face and examined it.
Soul Bind Complete
You are now able to assign free points to the Luck attribute. You have been blessed by Nox Fortuna, fortune literally favors you. Good Luck... but you probably won't need it.
He was less than pleased with the notification, “Huff huff not again. Never again. Fuck you System and fuck you Go... don't smite me please, I didn't mean it. ”
Not keeping this voyeur enabling device around me.
He tried to rip the coin from his throat but when it reached the end of its tether it just stopped. He pulled it over his head, but it refused to come out from under his jaw like it was stuck to a ring below his head.
Mike refused to give up, pulling this way and that, trying to rip the leather string on which the coin hung. But all he got for his efforts were red welts around his hands. Surprisingly his neck remained unharmed. Panting from the exertion he screamed at the screen, but all that came out was a resigned whimper, "Fuck you limey blue bastard of a screen."
As always, the blue screen remained inscrutable. Mike raised his hand to swipe away the screen when he thought of something unusually brilliant.
What if?
'Main Menu'
The blue screen shifted back to the main menu displaying the other icons.
Wow, it responds to mental commands too. Wait...
Mike frantically felt around his neck and head for any implants or microchips. After a complete inspection from the neck up, he shrugged and decided to roll with it.
He mentally pressed the blinking sheets icon and it brought up another screen with Quests in bold written on the top and what a surprise—another screen popped up.
Main Quest: Beginners Journey
Survive the dungeon and make your way to the surface.
Rewards:
???
Sub Quest - I
Exit the Safe Zone and explore the surrounding area.
Rewards:
Unlock Mapping Function in Interface
Bag of Holding
5 x Bread
“That's helpful…Well I was feeling a bit peckish.”
He dismissed all the screens and looked towards the exit. The green arrow was still blinking suspiciously above it. The smoke covering the exit looked anything but inviting.
“Well, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”
Mike strode forth with determined steps, his Batman pajamas swishing about his ankles, and plunged into the smoky depths of the unknown.