1
The Kents let Lex stay home from school for a few days after the scarecrow incident. The day he came home from the hospital, he was tired from the hypothermia treatments and sore from the way his arms had been wrenched behind his back, and as embarrassed as he would have been to admit it, he really appreciated the Kents' doting comfort.
He thought he'd get through it, until a friend called to tell him that Mercy was breaking up with him for standing her up at the Homecoming dance. Lex didn't know what to say to that; he thanked his friend for calling and hung up. It wasn't as if Lex could tell Mercy he'd been strung up by the football team. She'd just break up with him for being a loser—better to lose her this way. He just really wished he didn't have to lose her at all.
The worst part was that he couldn't complain about it in front of the Kents, which meant he couldn't count on them for comfort. He'd never actually told them about Mercy. Clark knew—kind of—but Lex didn't want to talk to his seven-year-old brother about getting his heart broken. He knew he could go to his little brother for general comfort and reassurance if he needed it, but right now, Clark was at school, and Lex had had as much of Martha's comfort as his pride could take.
So when Lex was sure Jonathan was busy with outdoor chores, he picked up a couple of sugar cubes and slipped into the barn to see Onyx.
Onyx responded immediately to Lex's presence, as she always did, coming right up to the stall door and reaching toward him with her head. As soon as Lex was close enough, she reached her nose down and sniffed at his pocket and nudged at his hand.
"Here, girl," he said, taking the sugar cubes out of his pocket and holding his hand flat.
She licked up the sugar, then nuzzled the top of his head.
"There you go." He patted her neck, then he opened the stall door and joined her inside. Her head turned toward the brush he usually used on her, but he didn't pick it up. Instead, he wrapped his around her neck and rested his head in her mane. "At least you still like me."
Onyx gently leaned into his embrace.
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2
Lex stormed into the barn.
"I was only twenty minutes late!" he muttered under his breath. He grabbed a pitch fork and began to muck out the stalls. He usually took the task slowly and carefully, so as not to startle the animals or pull a muscle, but today he worked hard and fast, until sweat began to drip down the back of his neck.
Most of the horses left in the barn backed away from him. Onyx was the exception. She drew closer, flinching slightly with his jerkier motions, until he finally threw down the pitchfork.
He threw himself onto her side. "They grounded me for two whole weeks, Onyx. Extra chores, too."
He wasn't going to make it to Steve's party. He'd said he would be there, and now he wouldn't be. That was social suicide. He'd spent the whole year since the scarecrow incident fighting to regain social status and fit in, and now he was going to blow that with a single bad move.
And the Kents didn't even care. Jonathan had seemed almost happy when Lex had mentioned the party. They were so mean.
Of course, they hadn't said it in a mean way, and they had warned him he'd be grounded if he missed curfew, and Martha had been really worried last night . . .
"I mean . . . I didn't call them, I guess, and okay, they were worried about me . . . but two weeks! For twenty minutes!"
It just wasn't fair. Lex almost considered sneaking out for Steve's party, and he even had a plan halfway formed in his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Jonathan would find out, Lex was absolutely certain of that. And aside from grounding Lex until he was eighteen and forcing him to do chores until his arms and legs fell off, Jonathan would be so, so disappointed, and he'd make Lex listen while he told him all about how disappointed he was. And Martha would be worried and maybe crying—she'd been close by the time he'd gotten home the night before.
"Arrgh . . . I can't even be upset with them. They've been so nice to me, and . . . ugh, I messed up everything . . ."
To Lex's horror, his eyes began to sting. Onyx gently nudged the side of his head with her nose and exhaled.
It hit him then that there was no way to get out of the grounding, and no way to earn their trust back. He sank down onto a chair beside her and dissolved into tears.
Onyx took the couple of steps that separated them and reached down with her head to gently nuzzle the side of his. She stayed there until he was able to calm himself down and wipe his tears away.
"I'll be okay, girl," he whispered, and he kissed her between the eyes.
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3
For days after Lionel's death, Martha couldn't leave Lex alone for more than a few minutes at a time. She had assumed he would need time alone to grieve. Based on the bits she had gleaned from his stories, he had certainly needed time alone when Lillian passed. But when she left him alone for an hour one afternoon, she came back to find he had torn through the skin around his own fingernails and his fingers were dripping blood. Her seventeen-year-old son needed more supervision than her nine-year-old.
Lex blamed himself for Lionel's death. That much was obvious. Martha didn't completely understand why, though she suspected it had something to do with the last visit they'd had—which Lex still wouldn't talk about. He alternated between dead silence, hysterics, fits of rage, long episodes of deep self-deprecation, and once or twice, hallucinations. He also had night terrors so bad that she made him sleep on the couch in the living room, and she slept on the arm chair beside him. It was a role she'd had to play a few times when his father was first imprisoned, but she had hoped those days were behind them.
She sewed and read in his bedroom while he read or studied at his desk, she had him help her in the kitchen (though she kept the knives away from him), and she worked in the living room while he lay on the couch. From time to time she passed him off to Clark, who would try and fail to play with him or make conversation, or to Jonathan, who was quick with a word of wisdom—admittedly, often cliché and trite, given the circumstances—that fell upon deaf ears.
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By the end of the week, they were all starting to fall behind on farm work and everything else. Lex's teachers were understanding; the farm, not so much. Martha needed to help Jonathan with farm work, and Clark needed to focus on school work—he couldn't help catch up, and they couldn't expect him to make up for the work Lex wasn't doing, even with his powers. One morning, after waking up from another restless night on the armchair, Martha took Lex out to the barn with her so that she could get some chores done.
As soon as they reached the barn, she walked Lex over to Onyx, who came right over to Lex and nudged him repeatedly—not in the hands or pockets, as though she were looking for treats, but in the face, head, and shoulders. Lex stood, taking it without responding, without so much as reaching up to pat the horse's neck.
Martha let go of Lex's hand and stroked Onyx's mane. "Take care of my boy for a minute, okay, girl?"
Onyx paid her no attention. She was absorbed in checking on Lex, whose eyes had filled with tears.
Martha gave her son a quick kiss on the cheek as she passed him—he was taller than she was, now—and went to pick up a pitchfork to clean out the other stalls.
When she returned to the stall, she found Lex curled up on a pile of hay in the corner. Onyx lay beside him; his face was buried in the underside of her neck. Martha smiled and took a step toward him, but Onyx huffed at her, a warning to stay back. Martha nodded and returned to her work.
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4
Lex knew Jonathan would be a great person to talk to, about how to ask out the girl he liked. The trouble was, he'd never actually told the Kents he liked her. Or that she existed at all. He couldn't bear the thought of telling them she'd rejected him. And he fully expected she would.
Coming up with the speech to ask her out was proving to be a challenge; he found himself getting up and pacing and muttering the words under his breath every time he tried to plan it.
He had his own apartment, but he also had a roommate, since he still didn't want anyone to know about his money. Duncan was great, but he was also pretty focused. Lex didn't want to bother him by pacing around the apartment. Lex also couldn't use his room back at the Kent house. Clark's super hearing was a pretty big inconvenience.
So he spent some time in the barn when no one else was in there. There, he paced and muttered to his heart's content.
"Anastasia . . . I—we've been talking for a few months now, I was just thinking, maybe sometime, do you wanna . . . ugh, no . . . Look, I really like you, and—no. Stupid." Lex went over to Onyx's stall and tapped his forehead against the wood. "Stupid, stupid."
A soft, wet roughness pressed into the top of his head.
"Augh!" Lex jumped back and wiped away Onyx's saliva. "Onyx, that's gross."
She just stared at him, looking concerned.
Sighing, he opened the stall door and came inside to pat her neck. "Hey there, girl."
Onyx leaned into him a little.
"Guess you've never had to deal with this sort of thing. I've, ah, set the bar pretty high for myself, in terms of . . . eloquence. But this is giving me grief."
She nudged his hand.
He laughed and took out a sugar cube from his pocket, holding it out to her with a flat hand. "Hm. Wonder if she likes horses."
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5
Anastasia wasn't much for horses, as it turned out—but Martha Nicole was.
She loved all of the animals, but she ran straight over to Onyx every time they were in the barn, and she snuck her more sugar cubes than she was supposed to be allowed to have. At home, she read picture books about horses and drew pictures of them as best as she could, and, when she started preschool, she picked out a backpack and lunch box covered in horses as well. She begged Lex at least once a week from the time she turned three to let her ride Onyx on her own. He was happy to put his daughter on his back while he rode on the saddle, or to put her in front of him while he rode bare back, but she was his first kid, and he was hesitant to let her ride by herself.
Lex talked with his dad, who had been around horses for longer than Lex had been alive. He seemed to think it would be okay, as long as she wore a helmet, but even with Jonathan Kent's seal of approval, Lex made his baby wait until she was four.
On the day he'd agreed to it, Nicole released herself from her booster seat almost before the car had come to a stop, and she bounded away toward the farm. Lex had to run to catch up with her.
"Hi Onnist! I'm gonna ride you today, okay?"
Lex made himself smile against the worried tightening in his throat. "It's Onyx, Nicole."
"Onnits."
"Onyx." He emphasized the x.
"Onnisk."
Nikki was so young. So tiny. The saddle would be up at twice her height. "Um, Nikki, are you sure you want—"
"Daddy, you said."
"I did, and I'll keep my word if you're sure. You know that. It's just, I'm happy to sit with you."
"I'm not three anymore."
"I know, but . . . I know you love horses, but they can be a little scary, too."
"Onnist isn't scary. She's the prettiest, nicest-est horsie ever."
Lex swallowed hard and looked up at Onyx.
Moving very slowly, Onyx moved her head down to nudge Nicole's dirty blond braids. "Good girl," Nicole said, patting Onyx's nose.
Lex took a deep breath. Nicole could handle this. More importantly, Onyx could.
Onyx remained very, very still as Lex saddled her up and put on Nicole's helmet, and even stiller as he lifted Nicole onto her, remaining close beside her in case his daughter started to lose her balance.
As soon as she was up, Nicole's face lit up in a bright grin. "Daddy, look at me!"
"I'm looking, sweetheart."
Onyx took a couple of very, very slow steps toward the edge of the barn. "I'm on a horse!" Nicole squealed.
"I see you, baby." Lex's throat choked up. He kept one hand on Nicole's knee as they walked, though he knew he didn't need to. He'd never seen Onyx walk so slowly or so smoothly in his entire life.
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+1
Onyx was tired. So, so tired.
It was the way she usually felt after a long ride, but it had been awhile since anyone had ridden her. Time was she'd only laid down for a couple of hours a night, but one morning, she didn't have the strength to pull herself back up to stand, and she'd been lying down ever since.
Her human—the one they called Lex—came to stay with her for a couple of days, and he barely left her side. These days, Lex didn't come around as often as he used to when he was younger. He'd gotten so much taller since she'd first met him, but his head was always smooth. None of the other humans Onyx knew were like that.
"Hey there, girl." Lex's voice cracked as he sat down on the floor of the barn beside her after taking a quick trip back to the house. "Got something for you."
He held out a sugar cube, but Onyx didn't have the strength to lift her head to take it from him.
"Ah. Sorry." He held it right up to her mouth.
She licked it up happily. She wished she could nuzzle his head like she used to, but she just couldn't muster up the strength.
Lex picked up her brush and swept circles in her side. Her eyes closed halfway. She always loved it when he did that.
"There you go," he said after a few minutes. "Sorry I can't get to the other side of you. I could get Clark in here to roll you over, but I don't want to leave you. Dad says—" His eyes became shiny.
Her human was sad. He needed her comfort. But she couldn't lift her head more than a couple of inches off the ground.
"Ah. Here." He lay down beside her so that her nose was right at the top of his head, and she nuzzled it gently.
"Anastasia called. Nikki sends her love. She wanted to be here, but, ah, she's only nine," he whispered.
Nikki was Lex's tiny human—the one he protected, so Onyx had always been very careful with her.
"She cried when I told her . . . well, she's going to miss you. Maybe even more than I will." He was quiet for a few moments, then he sniffed and spoke again. "Mom thinks we'll see each other again, you and me. I dunno if that's true. But if an animal ever deserved heaven . . ."
Onyx didn't understand what he was saying. But she didn't need to understand him. She just liked his voice.
"I love you, girl." He shifted a little closer to her and put his hand on her neck. "You were good to us."
His hand was nice and warm. Her muscles relaxed, her eyes fell closed, and she went to sleep.