Rating: meh

Tags: Comedy, Fantasy, probably some other stuff.

This one I will poke at in the future, most likely, I liked some of the concepts within.

Earth Mage Shenanigans

“Yo, how’s it goin’?”

“Syuryil kyumai?”

“I should have foreseen such a result.” The man looks down to the dirt covered ground with a wry smile.

“Hah, I got you! I guess I’ll just have to speak the royal common language.” The other man smiles as he pats the saddened man’s shoulder using his left hand.

The saddened man looks up at the other man and sees a bright smile on the old man’s face.

“Ah, you had me there for a second, I thought I had the wrong timeline for a second.” The man rubs his hands together, the slightly cold air was starting to get to him.

“Ah, anyways, welcome back Isaac. How was the journey this time?” The old man walks back towards an old wooden house that looks as if it could collapse at any moment.

“Same old, same old. I went to the future this time though.”

“Oh? That must have been interesting. You’ll have to tell me some time about it.” The old man gives a hearty laugh and opens the door, “Why not come in and stay for a while.”

“Ah, yeah. Pardon the intrusion.” I walk in to the house and remove my footwear. “Also, I’m sure you are well aware by this point, but I am not able to say much about the future for fear of changing the timeline completely.”

“Ah, was it that ‘True God’ you speak so highly of?” The old man moves to grab an iron kettle. “Would you like your usual?”

“Well, who else could stop me? Anyhow, she decided it was best to let time flow naturally without people like me getting in the way.” I sit down in a chair and put my feet on top of a stool, “And yeah, I’ll have my usual.”

“People like you? That’s the first slip up I think I’ve ever heard you make.” The old man smiles as he fills the iron kettle with water.

“It’s not like it’s a huge secret. There are several people like me who can traverse through time. However, the only two people who can beat me in a head on collision are the best air mage and the ‘True God’.”

“Aren’t you a little overpowered if that’s true? Also, isn’t earth supposed to be stronger than air?”

“Ah, about the weakness thing. When you train to a high enough level, your weakness will become your strength. Enough philosophical bullshit though, an air mage at my level can travel near the speed of light and maneuver any which direction they want while moving at such a ridiculous speed.”

“The mana cost?” The old man puts the iron kettle over a small fire he started with magic.

“Mana? Oh yeah, you low level folk have to worry about mana cost, I forgot.” I laugh as I wave my hand in front of my face, “Once you transcend, your mana becomes something else completely and all paths converge in to one point. There is then the stage after that, but I am not able to disclose it to someone with a mortal lifespan.”

“Boy, I helped birth you, yet you still hide these things from me?” The old man sighs as he watches the water heat up in the iron kettle.

“Yeah, you are my biological father. However, the reason I can’t tell you is much simpler than you can imagine. It is so you are not trying to overreach yourself. The only reason I am the way I am is because I was lucky.”

“Lucky my ass.” The old man sits down at a chair, tired of waiting for the water to boil.

“Well. I did manage to come across a method on my own that helped me skip the middle stage… but that is beside the point, you know? I am just a simple earth mage, and one of the few capable of time travel. The ‘True God’ is a good friend of mine now.”

“Hah… the ‘True God’ you speak of. I’ve never read anything about such an existence yet you say she is a close friend.”

“Yeah, I can even beat her in a fight every now and then. An existence that was born powerful like her advances much more slowly in power compared to someone like me that was born a mortal.”

“Wait… you can beat an existence with the name of ‘True God’? You have to be kidding me?”

“Well… although my methods are far from fair,” I reach my arms straight out in front of me with open palms an then make a groping motion, “She doesn’t really accept the results sometimes… one time I was held captive for nine years just because of a little messing around.”

“How can you get close without being killed?” The old man stands up and takes the boiling water off of the fire and extinguishes the flame.

“Oh, an earth mage on my level doesn’t have to worry about those things. I can teleport instantly and repeatedly. Also, we can be reborn from a single atom almost instantly. Even though the ‘True God’ can destroy atoms, she finds it difficult to destroy a lot in a small amount of time.”

“That’s so overpowered…” The old man shakes his head as he pours the boiling water into two porcelain cups. He then adds a small mesh bag with several leaves within it, turning the water a red color.

“Well, the downside to being able to traverse through time is that your memory and the others capable of the same feat are now shared.”

“Wow. That would be a huge hassle.” The old man places a cup on the small wooden table beside me.

“Thanks for the tea, old man. Ugh, and yeah, you don’t even know the half of it. I am the only male capable of time travel. You know how awkward it is for my memories to be shared with two other women?” I sigh as I take a small sip of the hot tea.

“Two? I thought you said several people knew time travel?”

“Ah, I lied.” I nod my head as I continue to sip from my tea.

“Wait… how much of what you have told me is the truth?” The old man solemnly looks into his cup.

“Who knows? You helped birth me.”

“Ah, just like me back in the day.” The old man laughs weakly as he slowly drinks his tea.

“So, how is Mother doing?”

“Ah, she got the nickname of ‘Un-aging Queen’ while you were gone this time.”

“Oh yeah, she was able to transcend before I left last time. It is hard to remember what happens when I leave for so long,” I let out a short sigh and take another sip of tea, “but I do make it a habit to stay for a year and then leave for a year… in this timeline.”

“So… I’ve been wondering this for a while. I’m not as young as I used to be and I’m nearing the age of two hundred. How old are you?”

“Don’t you know it’s rude to ask a young maiden her age?” I blush slightly as I look at the old man.

“You disgust me.” The old man narrows his eyes, then laughs. After a little while he asks again, “How old are you now?”

“I think I’m nearing… three hundred trillion? It’s hard to keep track.”

“Don’t lie. I know at your level you should have beyond a perfect memory.” The old man takes a loud sip of his tea to annoy me.

“Ugh, fine. Two hundred and ninety nine trillion, nine hundred and ninety nine billion, nine hundred and ninety nine million, two hundred and fifty six thousand, and… three hundred and fourteen. See, it’s a rather boring number.”

“My own child is so much older than me, it feels a little awkward.”

“Why don’t you just take the final step and become an immortal, old man? I can tell you are forcefully suppressing it.”

“Well… it’s a little awkward, but I don’t have the urge to live forever. I would like to die at some point.” The old man and I sit in an awkward silence.

I take a sip of tea and contemplate something I heard once, ‘Immortality is both a gift and a curse young one. Do not abuse it. You will live long enough to see those around you die. Long enough for you yourself to become both the hero and your own worst enemy. For some, it is better to stay mortal.’

“Old man.” I look towards the old man who was taking a sip of his tea. The old man sets his tea down and looks towards me, “You know. I still haven’t found a way to repay you for how much you helped me when I was younger.”

“Hm…” The old man looks out the window on the far side of the room. “Well. All I did is what any father should do. Care for their child. The only thing I can ask for is that my child be happy for his life.”

“Happy?” I give him a small smile.

“Yes. When you were young, you would always cry to yourself alone in your room. Outside in the forest. Wherever you thought you were alone. Both your mother and I knew about it.”

“Yeah…” I take sip of my tea, “Where is this story going?”

“I’m getting there.” The old man slowly stands up, “Your mother and I worried for ages. You would rarely talk to people your age, and when you did, it looked like you wanted to cry some more. You were always teased by everyone and your mother and I could do nothing about it no matter who we asked, we were peasants, what could we do?”

“Oh?”

“Then one day, on your tenth birthday… you went missing.” The old man refills his cup with hot water and puts in a new bag of tea, “You completely disappeared. Same with all of the children from the small town we lived in at the time.”

“Yeah, that was scary for me when I was younger. Half of the children were killed on night one. Well, it was the children who killed the other children. We were pit against each other in one on one death battles.”

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“Kill or be killed. Everyone knows the saying, and no one blames you for the loss of all of the other children. You just happened to beat all of the others.”

“Yeah.” I look down at the now empty cup of tea.

“Anyways, after you came back, soaked in the blood of hundreds if not thousands of people, your mother and I were so worried. Two years you were gone. Your mother entered depression and I was in no better condition. Anyways, after that dark period you came back, but you weren’t the same as you used to be. You never talked, you didn’t even make a single noise.”

“Well. In a place where making a noise got you killed, you learn to be quiet. Old habits die hard.”

“Then there was the fire mage incident. The rampant fire mage threatened to burn down the entire town if we didn’t present him with women and gold. We didn’t have enough gold, and we hid our women. The mage was so enraged he burnt down half of the village… before you came.”

“He pissed me off.”

“Well… you literally ripped his head off. You appeared from nowhere and tore off his head using strength unfitting of a fifteen year old.”

“Dash blink and a simple buff spell.”

“Unheard of from a regular peasant fifteen year old.”

“True enough.” I teleport my cup to the old man in front of the water, “Refill please.”

“Yeah sure.” The old man then puts some hot water and a new bag of tea in the cup, it then teleports back into my hand.

“Thanks. Ah, the reason I was able to use magic at such an age was because I was forced to become stronger during the time I was kidnapped, I just had no idea what the strength I found was.”

“So why an earth mage. Someone like you could have chosen an element, but why earth?”

“Ah, simple. What do you think of the elements?”

“Um… I use the fire element, it is a very unstable element. It represents rage and violence.”

“Close. The elements are just a means to an end. To represent order within the chaos. I chose the earth element because of the endless possibilities. Life, it is impossible for it to exist without the earth beneath your feet. Strength, the pressure at the core of a planet is many times larger than that near its surface. Gravity, Child’s play when speaking about earth. Hardness, relates yet again to the boundless pressure within a substance. Teleportation can again be explained by simple relocation of matter.”

“Well… I guess it is versatile if you think of it like that, but how did you train to be able to do things like that?”

“It’s a secret.” I smile wide enough to show the old man my teeth.

“Disgusting as usual. So, what plans do you have this time? Have any children yet?”

“Well…” I look at a watch on my hand and see that it is almost noon. “I am expecting someone soon.”

“You had a child!? I’m actually going to be a grandfather after all these years!?”

“Holy shit. Calm your tits, old man. My wife will be here soon.” I stand up and raise my arms in a calming motion.

“You should know my tits have never been calm!” The old man flexes and relaxes his pectoral muscles quickly and we both start laughing.

Suddenly a woman spears from nowhere and starts lifting me up by the neck.

“Did you think you could hide from me forever you bastard!?”

“Nice to see you again, miss ‘True God’.” I smile while I am being held up in the air by my neck.

“Isaac… is this…” The old man in the kitchen looks toward Isaac, who nods. Miss ‘True God’ then turns towards the old man with a gentle smile.

“Hello sir, my name is Jasmine.” She then bows slightly towards the old man while holding me in the air.

“Ah, you can just call me Old Man, everyone else does too. Nice to meet you Jasmine. I wasn’t told much about you over the years, but from what just transpired before you arrived… I think you two are in a close relationship, am I right?”

“Well…” Jasmine looks at me with an evil smile, “This bastard proposed to me five million years ago and then ran away.”

“It was embarrassing after all.” I blush slightly.

““Disgusting”” The old man and Jasmine say it in unison.

“It hurts when you both say it!” I smile weakly in response to the hatred being injected into me through their stares.

“Fine.” Jasmine sets me on the ground and dusts her hands off on her skin-tight red dress. “I’ll let your biological father bear witness to this.” Jasmine then gives me a quick kiss. “I accept your proposal.”

The old man and I start to clap.

“Oi, Isaac, why are you clapping?” The old man glares at me.

“I don’t know? Am I not allowed to clap because I was accepted? You should congratulate your new daughter in law.”

Jasmine smiles slightly as she looks towards the old man and the old man just smiles gently, unsure of how to deal with the situation.

“Well, I guess it is awkward for your daughter in law to be older than time itself.” I smile as I scratch my head.

“Hah, whatever. I guess my daughter in law is the ‘True God’. I wonder how your mother is going to react to this Isaac.” The old man sighs as he finally gets a chance to drink his now cooled down tea.

“Hm… let’s ask her?” I move my hands slightly and a middle aged woman appears beside the old man. “Yo, mother, it’s been a while.” I wave at my mother.

She was dressed in a royal gown with a glass of water in her hand.

“Oi, I was in the middle of a meeting. I wonder how many times you will do this to me Isaac. Two years ago you caused the same problem.”

“Oh well,” I just shrug my shoulders and offer her an apologetic expression. “At least this time I have good news, take it away old man!” I point both my hands at the old man.

“Ah… you see… this is Jasmine… the ‘True God’ Isaac speaks of occasionally.”

My mother bows down after looking at her, not daring to make eye contact.

“This humble woman is grateful to meet an existence such as yourself.” My mother keeps her eyes on the ground.

“And she is our daughter in law…” The old man quietly says.

My mother quickly moves to me and smacks the back of my head.

“You damned son! I was sure I raised you in a way to not trick you old man and any poor women on the streets!”

“Um…” Jasmine speaks up, “I really am the ‘True God’ you guys are thinking of… I think. I… was, the most powerful existence before this buffoon showed up.” She points to me. “However, he proposed to me five million years ago and I actually accepted today.”

“Wait… Isaac, you told me that she was more powerful than you…” The old man looks like he is about to cry.

“I lied again.” I just smile and shrug my shoulders.

“Well, here is the proposal anyways…” Jasmine waves her hands and a thin layer of water appears in the air, and a video plays on it.

The scenery was beautiful. White sand on the ground, a blue sun high in the sky, several bright moons on the horizon of the shot.

On one side was a woman wearing a skin tight red dress and flowing red hair, her frame resembling a small hourglass.

The other side had a man wearing loose jeans and a white t-shirt. His frame was skinny, but had extreme muscle definition.

The man then gets on one knee and opens a small case with a golden colored ring in it. A male voice, specifically mine, is transmitted from the screen.

‘Jasmine, I’ve loved you from the moment I met you nearly three hundred trillion years ago, will you marry me?’

‘Isaac…’

The man then disappears from the scene without a trace left behind. The woman’s eye twitches as she catches the falling box.

‘Damn you Isaac! The moment I find you I am going to make you mine forever!’

“And that’s how it happened.” I wave my hand and the screen disappears. “I ran as fast as I could from the embarrassment.”

I then receive a slap from both women in the room.

“I never raised my son to be such a wimp!” My mother scolds me while smiling.

“So, when’s the wedding and who is coming?” The old man asks from the back of the room.

“Oh would you look at the time! I have some… stuff and things I need to go take care of. Animals to water, plants to feed, you know, important stuff.” The man named Isaac then disappears from the room.

“Damn him! I just accepted his proposal and now he is running away again! Next time I’ll try out a new spell I created just to bind him.” The woman named Jasmine then disappears from the room.

“So…”

“Well…”

“You need a lift back to the castle?” The old man sighs

“Probably…” The mother of Isaac sighs as she starts to pour herself some hot water for tea.

“I think I might seriously consider becoming immortal at this rate. That damned son of ours is so finicky.”

“I don’t think he’d be our son if it was any other way.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” The old man sighs as he finishes his last cup of tea for a long time.