I woke up under a puddle of limbs and panicked.

No no no.

It took me a few seconds to remember last night, and that these people were next to me voluntarily. That helped me relax. I hadn’t even realized that my mana was already channeling to attack. It had been so long since I’d actually had contact with another person. Even though the Professor wasn’t affected by my aura, I still never felt comfortable trying to give him a hug or anything. That just wasn’t the kind of relationship we had.

Nymia and Corbin, though. I couldn’t explain why, but they just felt safe. Especially Nymia. It was a surprisingly good night’s rest, especially considering the day that I had. I pretended to be asleep so I didn’t have to get out from under the puddle. But Nymia woke before too long, so we all started getting ready to reach the city

Nymia and Corbin were practicing their magic as we moved at a faster pace. Nymia was still struggling. I caught myself before I cast something rude.

Maybe I need to change my approach with her. Maybe instead of trying to cram years of study into her head, I could try to work with the foundation she already has.

Hey Nymia, maybe we should try a different approach. How about focusing on the ambient sound and trying to control it on an elemental level?

Nymia thought about it. Her arm stumps moved up, and she scowled a little as she put them back down. She did that a lot. I knew our situations were very different, but there was a kind of kinship in meeting someone who struggled with missing a part of themselves. I wanted to help her find the magic to reclaim some part of herself.

“I’ll give it a try!” Nymia declared, looking cheerful and confident.

I couldn’t imagine how she was so upbeat all the time. She lost her hands only a couple months ago, but she was the most driven person I’d ever met. I hadn’t had a voice my whole life, and I still felt like crawling under a rock and never coming out. I had spent so much of my life doing just that.

I had avoided duties at the church by hiding myself away in the church library. I loved my goddess, but I just couldn’t deal with the people. Their kind of worship just wasn’t for me. The idea of family didn’t really exist in Dulva; everything was much more communal. It was just as normal to make out with your neighbor as it was to borrow spices. Kids were raised by the whole community, and no one really knew who was whose parent. I could understand the appeal of that kind of free and open love, but it went against my nature. I needed more security and firm grounding, and no one in Dulva seemed to really understand that.

I hadn’t been able to cast when I was younger, so communicating took a lot of time and energy for both parties to figure out my charades and pantomimes. It often just didn’t feel worthwhile to try to put that effort in with every single person I came across. It was easier to just sit and read. To surround myself in a world of text where there was no communication barrier. It was a world of magic and mystery and wonders not yet seen.

When I first unlocked, Amorica–or ‘Amy’ as she now liked to be called–gave me a blessing. She never really explained why beyond finding me interesting. But the church leadership took it as a sign that I was chosen to lead them and the country. They didn’t believe me when I said she was just amused by watching me; the church elders started dragging me to every social function to teach me what was needed of a church leader. I knew about the aura, but it never really affected anything. Demons, succubi especially, were lustful by nature. There were kids my age that wanted to make out and what not, but I just continued to ignore and avoid them best I could.

The day my Tutorial ended, I left. I didn’t tell anyone, but none of the guards tried to stop me, either. It wasn’t like I was a prisoner or anything, but I felt guilty letting them down. I couldn’t be the person they wanted me to be. I left a note for the Mother Supreme. She had always been so kind and understanding, even if she did force me along the path to the church.

I joined a caravan heading to the next city and joined the Guild there. My casting was incredibly shaky with words, but it was slowly getting better. But it was still hard to deal with people. I was trying to deal with a rowdy client when I met Riley.

He was a human with a face and smile that looked like it came straight out of one of my books. He came up and put himself between me and the client and calmed him down for me.

Then he turned around to face me.

“I’ve seen you around and we could use a good caster in our party. What do you say?” He extended his hand to me and gave me the brightest smile.

I couldn’t nod fast enough.

He introduced me to his party. His brother, Zeke was a smaller, scrappy looking kid with a bow. His girlfriend, Myra—of course he had a girlfriend— was a cute mermaid with a spear.

I was with them for a year. It was the happiest time of my life. It just happened to end with the absolute worst moment of my life.

“—Bea?”

I startled back to focus as Nymia called out to me.

Sorry, I was distracted.

“You okay? You kinda shrink into yourself when you’re nervous.”

Oh. How much attention had she been paying to me?

Just remembering some stuff. I’m– the words wouldn’t form.

Right, honesty aura.

I will be fine with time.

She gave me this stare, like she was seeing right through me. I don’t know how she did it. It didn’t even feel uncomfortable. It felt like being truly seen, and I melted when she looked at me like that.

No, stop it! Not again.

Nymia frowned. She stopped in front of me and nodded to Corbin to keep going. “I thought I told you that you don’t have to hold yourself back like that.” She leaned in closer, practically standing right under me. “I would love to snatch both of you up when you two are finally ready.” She gave me this enormous grin.

I shivered. This woman. She was nearly a meter shorter than me, but it felt like she was looming over me. I didn’t hate it. I looked up and saw Corby ahead, peeking back at us. He shrugged at me. I got the sense he had abandoned any idea of trying to control the chaos that was his partner. I suspected he even enjoyed it a little. It was clear as day he was head over heels for her. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t done anything about it. Nymia was clearly waiting for him to be ready.

But if I really don’t have to just move aside to make way for Corbin, then…

As we resumed our march to Freshna, Nymia changed topics, like nothing had happened at all. “I was thinking about your mobility problems. Since you’re a mage, I don’t think an ordinary running skill would be much help to you. So what if you tried to propel yourself with magic. Like mini explosions to launch you?”

I blinked in confusion. You want me to blow myself up. On purpose?

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“Just a tiny bit! The more you do it, the more the System will help you. Allie once said that the System likes to help you help yourself. So when you explode yourself to go faster, the System should learn how to help you explode yourself better.”

She spoke with a confidence that seemed entirely unwarranted by her crazy ass plan. Still, I was the one that had asked them to help train me. And after what I had seen during the undead attack, Nymia was the leading expert I knew in the field of running away from murderous things.

I still couldn’t get her offer out of my head, so I tried to run with Corbin the rest of the way.

“I didn’t hear what Nym said, but I know it rattled you. My advice would be to just roll with it. Nym can be an unstoppable force of nature, but she won’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do.”

I nodded hesitantly.

She also wants me to start launching myself with explosions.

Corbin cackled. “That sounds like a certified Nym idea if I’ve ever heard one. But it’s worth at least trying, right?”

We spent the rest of the run talking about books. Corbin was always so much fun to talk to, but I always got the feeling he was holding back. He’d get this look like he was chastising himself for having fun and withdraw a little. I didn’t even notice he was doing it at first. He had that same look when he was helping Nymia, who was looking back at us occasionally with a smile that was equal parts endearing and frightening.

We made our way through the gates and straight to the Guild.

Nymia and Corbin ran up to the receptionist’s desk, while I took my spot hiding in the back of the room.

Davie came out of the back room. He scowled at me before turning his attention to the other two. The professor had explained the circumstances to him and sent letters to the higher-ups, but Davie was not convinced I was anything but a poison to the Guild

“Did you find anything?” He asked.

“Too much something.” Corbin explained our findings. Nymia appeared to be daydreaming about something.

Davie grimaced as Corbin finished his report. “Well, that’s much worse than I was expecting, but at least we have the info. I’ll begin coordinating with the city guard and mobilizing our adventurers. We have Two A ranks stationed here, but one of them is on a case and can’t be reached. Anyways, thank you. Can you afford to wait on reimbursement until after the crisis passes?”

“Yup,” Nymia said. “Sorry we couldn’t find the team you had sent out.”

“If we don’t find them after we deal with the horde, I’ll officially list them as DOC; they’re families will get their pay. The Guild takes care of our own,” Davie said solemnly. He turned to me, “some of us take that vow more seriously than others.”

I shrank down in the corner.

I’m so sorry.

The horrors of that day replayed in my mind over and over. Being attacked by Myra, Zeke’s hysterics after killing her, the crazed look in his eye as he tried to attack me. Riley had gone to scout ahead and came back to a scene of carnage. Myra had an arrow through her chest and Zeke was still smoldering. I could never get that smell out of my head.

I was barely able to keep myself together as I explained what had happened to Riley. The look on his face still haunted me. He looked like he was about to beat me me to death, but instead just let out a whisper.

“I’ll kill you if I ever see you again.” That whisper was filled with such raw hate.

“She’s my friend who saved both our lives, so maybe shut the fuck up and thank her for her service instead of being a dick?” Nymia glared at the man.

I stared dumbfounded. Nymia was scolding a Guild receptionist. Not only were they A Ranks, but they were also the highest authorities in the Guild outside of the Council at Guild HQ and the S-Ranks. I grew more terrified as I realized she could be torching her career with this outburst.

“What my partner here means to say is that Beakim provided invaluable assistance on this case that saved our lives and allowed us to safely pass our report along, so she may be deserving of some praise rather than scorn.”

Corbin was clearly upset as well, but he was at least more diplomatic than Nymia. Tears welled in my eyes.

I don’t deserve this much kindness.

Davie grunted. “Fair enough. Thank you for your assistance, Beakim.”

Shocked, it took me a few seconds to process before I bowed to express my gratitude.

“Now, you lot best go. Train up because we’re gonna need you at your best when the time comes.”

When we left the Guild, Nymia immediately turned to me. “Permission to nuzzle?”

I weakly nodded and two bodies crashed into me, filling me with their warmth and kindness. There was something so immense about the gratitude I felt to the people who listened to me explain the worst things I’d ever done and to know that they cared for me and believed in me despite that. I still couldn’t fathom why they showed me such compassion and support when they had only just met me, but I was learning that no amount of arguing would ever convince either of them that I wasn’t worth it.

We went back to the Professor’s house. I explained the situation to him, and Corbin and Nymia left to set up camp and start training, leaving me to catch up with the Professor.

“So how was your return to the world of adventure?”

It was fun! I didn’t try to hide my beaming smile.

“Delightful. Have you given any consideration to returning to that life?”

But Professor, what about you?

“I will be quite alright, child. This old man was taking care of himself long before you arrived. Young birds such as yourself are meant to fly freely, not be chained to a roost to care for their elders. Promise me you will at least think about it.”

Of course. Shall I put on some tea?

I talked to the professor for some time and then cleaned up. As I put books away in the library, I realized that I had read every single book in here. It occurred to me that I’d been here twice as long as I’d been out in the world adventuring.

I had never set out to be an adventurer. It was just the easiest path out of Dulva. But I did love exploring and honing my magic. I loved spending time with Nymia and Corbin. And if I was being honest, I loved blowing monsters up.

Am I really ready to try this again?

Name: Beakim

Age: 23

Species: Succubus Lv. 38

Class 1: Arcane Mage Lv. 28

Class 2: Researcher Lv. 10

Stats:

Strength: 126

Dexterity: 126

Vitality: 125

Perception: 131

Intelligence: 420

Mana: 325

Willpower: 134

Free points remaining: 0

Class 1 Skills

* Arcane magic Lv. 28

* Arcane Resistance Lv. 28

* Mana Sense Lv. 28

* Delicate Spell Weave Lv. 28

* Magic Conduit Lv. 28

Class 2 Skills

* Book Nerd Lv. 10

* Book Sense Lv. 10

* Speed Reader Lv. 10

* Experimenter Lv. 10

* Avid caster Lv. 10

General Skills

* Magic Adept Lv 38

* Stealth Lv 38

* Socially Competent Lv 38

* Calligraphy Lv 38

* Running Lv 4

Species Skills

* Burn!

* Love Me Tinder

* Demonic Mark

* Beauty Standards

* Don’t Put that Out