"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self."

― Kahlil G.

She heard it first. The echoes of fun and laughter.

And yet, the vision that greeted her when she opened her eyes was a dark and dreary avenue in the dead of a night. Foggy tendrils of smoke curled around her ankles, pervading the cobblestone pavement in a heavy mist.

She began searching in every direction, following the signs of life she heard seconds before. But the streets were empty. Devoid of people and life.

Graystone buildings lined up the avenue boasting tall levels of height and grandiose of architecture design. It looked almost gothic. Except, the statues weren't featured in a grotesque body horror of human & animal as seen in its usual design. Instead, the black marble statues that featured in every greystone building down the avenue were a perfect blend of humanity and flowers. The design made it look like the statue was about to be swallowed whole by the enormity of stone flowers.

A burst of muffled laughter caught her attention away from the statue. From outside, she peered in the frozen windows. There was a roaring fireplace burning inside and the more she peered in the colder the air seemed to wrap around her.

She stifled a gasp, retreating backwards into the empty pavement.

Near her, a deep booming voice reverberated in a loud pulsing wave from above. "You have shown me the measure of both your skill and your dedication" he said, the familiar voice cutting through her like a knife. On instinct, her spine stiffened, shoulders curling inward, gazing upwards at the sky.

Her breath returned when she realized the disembodied voice came from a vision in the sky. It was her father. For a moment, she had thought it might have been someone else. Someone older, someone knowing, someone who really knew how to turn her inside out.

Rover appeared in the vision at the night sky, preening under their father's praise. He was sitting at the head of a dining table, a long feast of festive food laid out in front of him. "I haven't eaten that much in years. Nor have I talked so much, either. Hell, I would have ended world hunger if I gave out a feast like this." he let out a belly laugh. "It was too much, paps."

Their mother hugged him, wearing glittering jewelry and freshly-styled hair that shone brighter than a star. "Nonsense, you deserve it. And more. We should do a dinner like this again tomrrow. Celebrate your safe return home once more."

Their father wore a patient smile "Never did I think that you would actually manage to succeed this spectacularly."

"Yeah," he shrugged a shoulder, reaching for a bowl of mashed potatoes. "No thanks to that lazy prick of a sister."

All of them laughed.

"Typical River." Rover said distractedly, smothering a sauce of gravy over his potatoes.

Their mother tapped his shoulder in a pat, fondness showing in her features. "I don't know why we ever trust her to do anything."

Rover's brows lowered, his gaze dissatisfied at his full plate. "Ungrateful bitch, we're basically doing her favors by giving her tons of job. Better start cutting the bitch's pay in half, right, mas?"

Both her parents shared a moment of stunned silence with their mother quickly recovering, "Of course. Sure. You know best." she said in a rush.

Their father cleared his throat. "I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to search your way through an unknown jungle."

"Yeah. Stroke of luck. We found that hunter's cabin."

"Do tell that story again." their mother said just as the vision started to blur in a dizzying motion.

Then in the sky, a log cabin appeared, seating in the heart of a familiar forest. She recognized the trees, the sky, and the dirty nimbus clouds that always hung over the Ylein mountains.

From inside the cabin, she can hear Rover's voice and his friends in a heated argument. She wanted to see how they were doing, if they were doing okay or feeling starved. She worried over how many days she had been gone since the last time they saw each other. But the vision offered an outside perspective and it refused to peer inside.

Suddenly, the forest started catching fire and the nimbus clouds had pervaded the sky with darkness, shadowing the forest in an aura of gloom. Sounds of wild animals began howling in distress, their cacophony blending into one giant glaring noise in her ears.

The furious debate inside the log cabin continued without a hitch, their passionate emotions intensifying by seconds, making them oblivious to the disaster going on outside. She needed to go there and warn them.

"Rover!" she called to him from outside, standing alone in an empty dreary street.

"Rover!"

She woke up to an iron grip bracing around her arm, sweat dotting her forehead. She must have fallen asleep on the red cushioned sofa after she cleaned up Crow's worktables.

The day's long weary hours came crashing down on her. She remembered. Crow, the obsessive fool, had worked himself to the edge from dropping dead on the ground. She had to push and drag him away to his bedroom which Na'reem had offered. After tucking him in his woolen bed that was lavished in adorning heavy draperies that hung over bedposts, she continued his work. It was easy enough, she understood the principles around chemistry preparation but the calculation table on the drawing board was a little hard to understand, she had to ask Sul'ahvi for help. The future oracle prided himself in excelling as a baker, and he understood the calculation table as formulas for measurement.

She remembered even further that Sul'ahvi was there helping her clean up, then after that, she took a seat on the sofa and she was out like a light. Rubbing her eyes from sleep, "Sul'ah—"

"It's me."

At the sound of his voice, she jerked away from his grip as she leaned back. "Bla'keh? How did you get in here?"

He whispered low in his throat. "My translation has come to fruition. I came as soon as I could."

"Wha—" rubbing her eyes harder with the palm of her hands, she pushed up to sit. A red blanket she was sure that hadn't been there before was pooling around her hips as she was sitting up.

"Me'ren has been helping out, filling the blanks in the translation. You were right. It had double meanings." he said, pushing her blanket off completely to the side, jerking her forward to stand on her feet, then wrapping a long red coat-jacket that fell past her ankles. "We don't have much time. We gotta go now." He grabbed her by the arm, forcing her to follow his pace.

Where would they go? She thought.

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She struggled to push words off her mouth. However, what came out was a dry and scratchy voice from sleeping. "I gotta get my backpa—"

His tone brooked no argument. "Don't worry about it. I've got you covered."

"Is someone in danger?"

"Yes."

"Don't we tell them we're heading out?"

"Listen to me." he blocked to a stop, grabbing her full attention. "This is our only chance before utter devastation. He's going to make a move tonight, and once it's done, the ensuing war will be irreparable. No amount of silly songs can fix it. Now get a move on," he nudged forward, eating up large strides that had her struggling to keep up. "It's prophesized that the beast of a snow prince awakens today, and you get to calm him down before he starts making bad decisions. Like a thousand-year war."

He grunted in frustration and before she knew it, his shoulder gave a solid thrust against her stomach, lifting her up with a solid arm bracing across her thighs. The sudden lift-off giving her a momentary lapse of speech as she found herself hanging upside down.

When she found her voice, they were already on the elevator flying at a faster speed than last time. "Put me down. I'll follow you, ok? Just put me down."

"Not a chance. You're too weak. We won't be getting there in time with your puny legs."

"My legs aren't puny. They're normal for a girl my height. You, tribespeople, are just freakishly tall."

He scoffed.

"If I'm so weak as you believe, then how will a weak girl like me, pray tell, should win in a fight with what you call a beast?"

"Then, use your strength." he spat, sounding impatient.

"Fucker, I know my damned strengths. It involves diplomacy and gustatory arts in the culinary sense." she nearly shrieked, tamping down her panic. "None of which are going to help me win in a beast fight. Do I even get a weapon?"

"I told you, didn't I? I just told you to calm him down."

"Bla'keh." she said, taking a deep breath. "Can you just tell— start telling me how to win. And I'll do my best to do it. But, before going in blind, I will want to know how to protect myself if our best bets are off. I can't go on pure conjecture alone. It's a damned prophesy, not rocket science!"

He slammed a fist down the side of a moving elevator wall. "Enough talk."

Affronted, she started "I am—"

Another rattling punch landed on the wall, shuddering the moving elevator.

"YOU'RE GOING TO KI—"

He packed a powerful punch that broke through layers, and with the most calm and deadliest tone she has ever heard, he said. "Our deaths here will be a small mercy compared to what is to come. We do not want another thousand-year war, River. Accept your fate. Save the tribes from falling into another descending chaos of endless pain and suffering. What I've see— what Me'ren has seen; the cost of war is beyond anything you can imagine. Fix this. If you truly want to save the children you've granted refuge then you fix this. By fixing the world, you fix the future of these children."

Heart nearly leaping out of her chest, the burning question was at the tip of her tongue but she feared his reaction and his volatile mood.

"How?" she croaked, being careful to lower her tone since he agitates easy. When he didn't answer right away, she tried reaching out in mental-speak to no avail because Aidan and Crow were already too far away.

How could they have gotten that far?

These tribespeople move fast almost like lightning speed. She had to remember that. Aside from being obnoxiously tall, they seemed human. Hating herself for always forgetting that tiny tidbit, she gritted her jaw until it ached. She was human. And they were not. She had to stop putting her trust in them freely. She had to stop getting friendly with them because the fact of the matter was: she will never be and had never been a part of their world.

A sense of loneliness hit her, so hard that she almost gasped as her eyes filled with tears. After the crowded day she has had, the separation felt like a cut off.

With even more force, she gave focus on pushing a connection to the princes through mental-speak. But it was like crying out for help in an empty world.

She whispered, putting urgency in her tone. "I can't go alone, Bla'keh. The rescue, the singing, and the antidote. Those achievements were made possible because I had the children, the oracles, and the princes with me."

The elevators grounded to a stop. Pushing the doors open, he trudged through the snow-covered ground with ease. He watched the night-filled stars for a brief moment and changed direction into a treeline where the winter shrubberies grew wild and the dead trees looked more ancient and imposing.

"Bla'keh" she pleaded. "I can't go alone. I can't go alone. Please, you have to help me. The princes, I need them."

"Don't you understand, River?" he grunted when he almost tripped from an exposed root off the ground. "Brumcia's beloved, it was you all along. The shaman elder before me and the shaman before him, all this time we thought it was the sun prince who was beloved. It was a fact of the matter that I had long accepted when it was taught to me, but I always held my suspicion to myself. If you truly look at him, truly look at the sun prince, you would think how can a beloved be so cursed? Our sun prince is talented, for sure. He plays his part well. Easy smiles and caring nature, he is the pride of the tribe. But it never suited him, you see. Because what really defined the sun prince in every waking moment is the pain that follows him. It is his curse. Pain makes him a better hunter, a better survivor. And it stays with him for all time, even as he was only a child. His parents play the ignorant twats as they are, believing their child as Brumcia's beloved, but no, he is as cursed as the other princes. It's not him whose beloved, it's you."

She wiped a palm across a tear-stained cheek, "You.. you care about him."

"Of course. Any member of the sun tribe would."

"Not as much as you do. Is that why you hated me in the first place? You thought I would drag your prince to a path of more pain?"

His back stiffened then he became determined to rush forward in his path. "You cannot have the princes with you. The moon is at its full complete light which means the snow prince is at his most volatile power. If he ever saw them, he'd kill them on sight."

Finally, they emerged on the other side of the treeline and into a wide clearing where a peaceful lake was right across them. Bla'keh set her down, and immediately retreated deep into the shadows of the trees.

"Wait, Bla'keh." she called to him, her hand resting against a tree. She couldn't walk through like he did because the shrubberies were enormous and lush with sharp twigs poking out like thorns. "Bla'keh!"

He stopped, not even bothering to turn and face her.

"I don't.." she said, unsure if he was listening. "It was never my attention to cause pain or even bother anyone."

"It is not about intention." he spat.

"Oh, but it is." she said, her fingers curling against the bark of the tree. "It is about intention." Sighing, she continued. "Even so, you did the right thing. No one should be in danger right now. They have had enough pain to last for a lifetime. So whatever happens, don't have any regrets, ok? I know you can be hard on yourself, otherwise, you wouldn't be so passionate about prophesies and protecting your tribe. I'm only an outsider, so my life barely has any value to this world, right?"

"Do you trust so little of my words? I told you that you are Brumcia's beloved. The gods won't ever put you in real danger, you are far too precious to them."

"Well," she shuddered a sigh. "Past experiences have told me otherwise. If what you said worked on me, then I would have finished therapy a year ago. But I'm not.. I'm still—" broken. How can she ever hope to fix anything if she isn't herself fixed at all? "I just don't see how I'm suitable to fix anything."

Bla'keh moved ever so slightly that shadows fell over his face as he twisted, making his darkened silhouette the only thing she can see. "You make it sound like you were chosen. You were not. The gods didn't make the choice. The gods are as they are by their nature. Natura Brumcia spins ever so wildly in her chaos as she always does. Nothing changes that. When the tension is too great to bear, however, it attracts someone like you. We don't know exactly what it is that pulls you to this world. We merely know that is the effect of Brumcia's madness. The cause is undefinable and too great to comprehend."

She looked back to the lake then turned forward to him, "Tell me how to fix it."

A breath of a moment passed before he said, "Surrender. To the snow prince. Brumcia's beloved must surrender. It says so in the prophecy."

Her lips went numb. "I'll do my best." she said weakly but he was already gone.

She turned around to see a dark lake, calm and fluid, with no layer of ice on its surface in spite of the downright chill in the air. Stepping close to its watery shores, she tried to make sense of what Bla'keh meant when he said, you won't ever be in real danger.

Because that was easier said than done.

Yes, she liked to play games and make fun but that was only because her crowded company made it easy to forget her own doubts and worries. Now that she was on her own in the middle of unknown mountains, stranded in this clearing, the doubts and fears came circling back to her.

Terror gripped her hard on the guts. Glancing back over her shoulder, she debated going back the way she came from and risk having her eyes getting poked or gouged out by enormous prickly thickets.

The sense of loss she felt earlier was now encompassing. And it combined with her fear of being in the toxic snow mountains. No words can ever put her at ease. Not even from Bla'keh or Dr. Malia. The mountains, no matter what form or universe, are the nexus of her greatest demons. It was only by her therapist's advice that she sought out to conquer the Ylein mountain as a way of validating and getting over her past trauma. And River had thought that she was finally getting past her demons by being licensed to be an expert guide on Ylein mountain trails but somehow those childhood demons found a way to crash into her, especially now that she was alone.

You won't ever be in real danger.

The thought gave her a sad smile. If she truly were beloved, she thought looking down on her arms, remembering the way it felt when her bones had been crushed from a fall off the steep cliffs of Ylein mountains. Then she wouldn't have been well acquainted with a variety of demons and trauma.

Being beloved meant cherished, and now she felt more alone and abandoned than ever. Just like that time, in the past, a long long time ago. The very thought was triggering, opening an old wound that felt brand-new. And the pain stole her breath away. Her parents, her grandfather, and Rover were testament to the undeniable truth that she knew all her life. And the strong, undeniable truth was that— she is the opposite of beloved.

Rivers of tears fell past her cheeks, both her knees sinking to the shores of the cold lake. Shoulders curling inwards with both hands covering her torn face, wishing, just wishing that what she felt right now didn't hurt as much as the first time she was abandoned in the mountains.

But it did.

And the realization set her off sobbing because years of therapy might have come undone in this very moment.