It was that time of night when even the nighttime scoundrels were heading for bed, when the nighttime scoundrels headed for bed at the tavern, all with their clothes torn and frayed from the battle, stinking of blood, sulphur and sweat.

Arne’s one sleeve was simply gone, the leather eaten by the acid, and his mask had also taken enough hits to be useless. Apparently, the magic that let him see through the dark, thick fabric didn’t protect it from acid stains. Who would have thought…

Arne had always fought with two blades ever since that first time he had to end a life. If one knife was good, two were surely better, his mind had reasoned. It seemed useless to him to go into a confrontation with a shield. If you wanted to be protected, you should have probably put your money on not ending up in an armed conflict in the first place.

All that was left of the sword which he had plunged into the secret, awful eye of the puckered flapper beast was the hilt. He had still brought it with him out of the Family’s house. The paladins had doubly shown him the value of not leaving anything personal behind to avoid becoming the victim of a magical scrying. And while he was completely sure the little tin donkey on a string amulet had worked and kept him invisible to the paladins, since he had literally been murdering the doorman of the Family in Estrin under their potential gaze, he didn’t know if the donkey ran out at some point or how that item actually worked.

He probably should have asked about that, but he hadn’t had the required experience to think about it back then. At least that had changed.

The town militia had been called by Toog’s shouting and Sir Garrett in all his mighty paladin of Justice-ness had gone out to meet them, refusing to hide himself and his actions. Dia and Arne had made their escape while everyone was focussed on the paladin. All three of them had reconvened by chance down a street towards the harbour complex and gone home towards the tavern in surprising silence.

All Arne wanted was a chance to get rid of the stinking clothes, preferably by fire, a wash and to stare at the perfectly unharmed skin of his arm that had been a hideous bubbling mess of blood, exposed bone and agony before Garrett healed him. Maybe a drink. Something strong.

The tavern came into view, and they went up the back stairs to the corridor where their rooms were, lit by a lonely night lantern. The first door was Arne’s and he stopped, leaning his forehead on the wood gratefully for a moment before checking that nobody had been there to pick the lock.

Toog stood still down the hall and Dia marched towards her own room.

“You’ve certainly gotten a lot done in the last couple of days, I’m not dissatisfied with your efforts,” came a warm feminine voice from behind him where the stairs were.

Arne spun around, not daring to breathe.

Her beauty was still almost overwhelming. This time, The Vampire was dressed in white trousers with pale lavender embroideries and a matching lavender silk blouse that left one delicate shoulder bare. Her dark, silken hair was a soft tumble of casual curls prettily framing her lovely face.

Arne took a deep breath, trying not to make it a sigh. It was hardly surprising that her grasp on timing had brought her here now, when they were all exhausted after the fight and thus more vulnerable.

“We are working. On. It!” Dia said through clenched teeth, turning around to stare furiously down the hall.

“Of course you are, I just complimented you on it,” The Vampire said calmly.

“‘I’m not dissatisfied’ is a compliment?” Toog asked, politely, but apparently sincerely puzzled.

“Alright, what do you want? Your Majesty,” Arne added as an afterthought.

The Vampire smiled prettily with her pale pink lips without showing her terrifying serrated teeth, as if she was genuinely enjoying the situation. “Well, Arne, be a dear and invite me in so we can have a short meeting. You have an important journey ahead of you and as your employer I am of course invested in your success. I have come to give you some advice and assistance that will make your trip to Uldran Underwaves a lot easier. I believe you asked for that in your last report, did you not?” She produced the letter he had sent just a few days ago, which should not have gotten to her until several weeks had passed, with a flourish of her hand, pulling it somehow from thin air. “We understand that Uldran Underwaves is beautiful this time of year and we are considering going there,” she read aloud. “Any information you could give us in advance would be appreciated.”

Arne stood still for a moment before finally picking himself up mentally. “Fine,” he said, unlocked his door and held it open for her as he stood aside. “Let’s have a meeting.”

She gave him a sweet smile and walked past him, seating herself on his bed daintily, shapely legs crossed, a small silken slipper-sandal dangling off her toes when she wiggled them in the air, slightly impatiently. She made a tiny, annoyed movement of her hand and all the candles in the room lit themselves.

Arne shared a quick, worried glance with the others as they filed into the room and took up positions near the door, forcing Arne to go farther into the room. Not that it mattered, he reasoned. If The Vampire wanted them dead, he had no doubt that would be the outcome regardless of their efforts and relative positions.

“So, you have made a deal with a devil, gotten otherworldly Imp assistance, fought and killed a Family monster and successfully conscripted the paladins of Justice to the cause…” The Vampire said.

Arne wondered if she would feel that getting the paladins engaged in the mess violated the demands she had set forth in the beginning regarding her anonymity, but honestly, if she did, tough tits! She would just have to get angry. It was what it was.

“Those are some interesting choices,” their ‘employer’ said. “Quite excellent.”

Arne kept waiting for her to say ‘but’. She was clearly aware of that, because she let the silence drag out while keeping his gaze captured. Finally, she just smiled.

“So, I understand that the Family is quite aware of your identities and have been keen to observe you and see what you would do with your information. However… now that you have put yourself firmly on their kill list by brutalising one of their otherworldly bodies, you very much need to disappear. So, Arne, let’s begin with you, shall we, handsome?”

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Before he could do anything to guard himself, the Queen of Arabesk had drawn a complicated symbol in the air in front of her which left odd, glowing traces. Then she pointed at Arne, who took a defensive step back. He expected pain, agony. But all he felt was an odd dip in his point of view and a slight dizziness. He stood still, eyes wide, every sense alert, gaze focussed on The Vampire on his bed. Then Dia began to laugh. It was a completely innocent sounding laugh, light and bubbly, and incredibly menacing when you knew the origin.

He looked up at her and there was something badly wrong with the angle of everything.

Then Toog began chuckling as well and Arne looked down himself. The floor was a lot closer than it should be. And his trousers were barely hanging on, the weapon belt with the only short sword left was at his feet and the acid burned leather jacket was close to being a blanket around him.

Panicked, he grabbed his belt to keep his garments up, but only succeeded in upsetting his outfit completely so the different parts fell off like a flower losing its petals. In the end, the shirt that had been quite tight fitting was the only thing left. The sleeve that had been burned off at the elbow was now roughly the right length.

He looked at his small, narrow hand and then stepped out of his far too big boots before looking up at the Queen, still sitting on his bed which now appeared bigger, somehow.

“You…” he blurted out, his voice small, light and squeaky. “You turned me into a fucking child, you sick little…” Horrified, he looked down at his tiny bare feet.

“Don’t worry, Arne. I’ll teach you how to braid your hair,” Toog said calmly while Arne staggered forward, his balance all askew. He was too close to the ground, his legs were the wrong length, his entire body had the wrong proportions. Stumbling, he supported himself on the bed and the Queen of Arabesk casually leaned over, lying on her stomach on the mattress.

She smiled sweetly, showing all her awful teeth, and booped his nose playfully with a finger before letting a lock of his …apparently long copper-red hair slide through her fingers. “Oh, Arne, nine years old suits you magnificently, you are just cute enough to eat…” she smiled.

“How the ever-living fuck do you suppose this makes anything easier!” he screamed at her in sudden fury, but the voice was shrill and childish and the booming seriousness he had gone for was entirely absent.

“Nobody will ever expect that the adorable little girl is actua–“

“You turned me into a girl!” Arne exclaimed, even more horrified, and grabbed at his groin under the shirt that covered him like a huge dress on his small frame. His personals felt wholly different in every way.

“You are right,” The Vampire said to the chorus of sniggers from Dia and Toog. “It was rather rude of me to leave you like this. You have nothing to wear! I will have something sent for you later on, sweet morsel. Now, do be a good girl and let me work,” she added and sat back up, looking at the others.

“Do me next,” Toog said with disturbing excitement. “Can you turn me into a dwarf?”

“Wonderful idea, but sadly dwarves are a touchy subject for me, personally, and I cannot seem to grasp that shape. I can, however, give you a choice of elf, half elf or human.”

Toog was about to reply when Arne burst out, “Why didn’t I get a godsdamned choice!”

“Hush, sweetie, the grownups are talking,” The Vampire said and waved a hand in Arne’s direction, and suddenly his narrow frame locked up and his voice vanished as he was held in place by an unseen force.

“Oh, I can do gnome as well, but I don’t suppose that would be the right choice for you?” The Vampire asked Toog who shivered involuntarily.

“I suppose a different kind of human will do, then. Maybe someone really tall, now that Arne the nine-year-old girl is all close to the ground,” Toog mused.

Arne registered Toog’s attempt to get on his nerves, but being held like this, long locks of straight copper hair visible in his peripheral vision, made him think of the twin girls the Queen had been eating, and even though he fought with all his might to combat the panic, the image of the young woman with her head twisted all the way around, held immobile by the same spell he was, gnawed at his soul.

“As you wish. Let’s go with a family look? I think that will be quite a diversion,” the Queen said thoughtfully and began weaving her magic in gestures and deliberate commands in a strange language. A blur surrounded Toog and in a moment the figure standing there was a tall, square jawed human man with short brown hair and a trim beard, broad shoulders fighting the previously baggy tunic.

“Hah!” Toog exclaimed in a deep voice and flexed, muscles bulging.

“Do be aware that your strength and other abilities are still what they have always been,” The Vampire cautioned.

“Even Baby Arne?” Dia asked sceptically, pointing to Arne’s still form, a fact which he could only see out of the corner of his eye.

“Yes, even him. The adorable little sweetheart there can still make herself useful assisting paladins in murdering Primordials, breaking in, punching and backstabbing people and …almost every other delightful activity he was previously prone to. I would suggest keeping her out of reach of any orgies, however, but I might just be a terrible spoilsport.” The Vampire shrugged.

Dia sighed. “Fine. I would like to be a man like that, then,” she said, pointing to either Toog or Arne, he wasn’t sure. “I might as well get some fun out of this.”

“Ah, sadly, with you there are certain limitations,” the Queen stated. “Debauchery, Justice, a devil and something older all have a more or less direct grip on you. There are limits to what I can do since I have to weave in between all of them. I can and will, however, remove all traces of your human ancestor. The elves who term themselves Khemmen have opened up diplomatic channels to the dwarves recently and they are enjoying a certain general amount of popularity and interest that might come in handy.”

Again, the casting followed, but Dia had moved out of Arne’s field of vision. “Hm,” he heard Dia say and could hear on her voice that the change was below her dignity to show an interest in. When she finally moved a bit, he saw that her golden-brown skin was now several tones darker, which contrasted with her long reddish golden braids. Her ears were a little longer and more pointed and her eyes were an even more intense green than normally. She briefly looked down at her hands and then shrugged, deeply disinterested.

“Very well, then there’s only the question of funds left,” The Vampire said and got to her feet. She did a little flourish with her hand and a sealed scroll materialised. “This is a letter of credit you can cash at any larger bank here so you can buy supplies here and in Uldran. I suggest exchanging it here since Uldran is difficult on several levels, economy included.” She handed the scroll to Dia. “Such a lovely little girl you have there,” she said, nodding at Arne. “I’m sure the little sweetheart will be able to move in a moment. You might want to give a thought as to why you are travelling to Uldran Underwaves. It’s quite an unusual destination for people who are not dwarves or edder.”

“What’s an edder?” Dia asked, voice heavy with indifference.

“I think they are spider people who live in the Maze beyond Uldran,” Toog said in exactly the same cadence as normal, only with a much deeper voice. “I’ve actually wanted to dissect one of them for a long while, but I never got around to going there.”

“Excellent, with that kind of enthusiasm, you will probably get far without being directly executed right out of customs,” the Queen said. “Now, as proof of my appreciation, I advise you to go to a magic store and procure a language trinket. The uldra are not willing to deal with people in their own city who do not speak their language, so you will have to stay on Handel Island above if you cannot communicate. Also, keep in mind that you are under the exact same terms and conditions as you have been above ground. Nobody hears about me and should one or two of you die, you bring the corpses to me. You still have no time to waste, and I will not tolerate any useless dawdling.” She turned to Arne. “And do keep sending me those delightful reports. They are the light of my nights, I assure you.” She smiled, blew him a kiss and left the room.