“You are aware that the Goddess grants me the ability to see your soul, right?” the paladin asked the career criminal.

“Sure, of course, why the Hells wouldn’t she… Gods!” Arne leaned away from Garrett where he stood at the railing when the paladin turned towards him, eyes glowing a pure, uniform gold and calmly looked him over.

“I can literally see the filth of your actions wafting off your soul. And there is no doubt whatsoever that you are an evil human being, so that part is not even remotely up for discussion,” Garrett said conversationally and blinked the golden light away.

Arne narrowed his eyes. “I have to tell you this… as a friendly gesture, you understand. I’ve been to a lot of orgies where naturally I've seen some ugly, ugly body parts, and I've had far too much to do with hideous otherworldly tentacle spider death crabs lately, so I'm close to being an expert in the field of disturbing visual impressions. And that eye-thing you just did, I would definitely categorise under ‘unsettling and should never happen in public’.”

“I’m sure you would.” Garrett almost smiled, and there was a tiny bit of a smile line forming at the corners of his unreasonably blue eyes. “Thank you for the information.”

“So, to get back to the discussion. Regardless of whether you consider me evil or not–“

“As I said, it’s an objective fact, not an opinion.”

“You are interrupting with irrelevant information to stall, because this discussion is really all about the gods wanting us to kiss their ass and pay their bills in return for… what? What exactly?”

“Guidance,” Garrett said calmly.

“Guidance? That’s it? As if you can't guide yourself. We’ve had conversations and been to an orgy together, I know for a fact that you are perfectly functional in all regards,” Arne stated. “Also, you didn’t protest about the ‘kiss their ass and pay their bills’ thing, did you notice that?” he added with a smirk.

“…No,” the paladin began, two small lines appearing between his brows. “I… would personally not have put it that way, but there’s some truth to your statement. However, strangely, it seems you are missing the bigger picture.”

“Well, enlighten me, then, Garrett! Ruin my day with the wisdom of the goddess.” Arne turned around, leaning his back on the railing so he could see the deck while they talked. Dia marched past, as she had done about a million times now, six days into their two-week journey to Rasheed, trudging back and forth the length of the ship, snarling like an animal if someone got in her way.

Garrett next to him turned as well. Arne surmised that Garrett was exactly as bored of the long journey as he was and that their endless discussions that moved nobody anywhere was as needed a distraction to the paladin as it was to him.

“I could,” Garrett began, “as a private person, be a good and decent person, of course. And many people who aren’t guided by deities absolutely are good and decent. But I could never hope to do good on a scale bigger than small and local. Barely bigger than what I can see and reach as one small person in a large world. The goddess’s guidance allows many people to band together and fight for justice and good on a much grander scale. Alone, I could never hope to be strong enough to, say, fight a lich murdering innocents or make any kind of dent in the evil you are trying to recruit the order into fighting. If indeed you are truthful, then that guidance is exactly why you chose to contact the Chapter in the first place. Guidance happens when you answer to a higher power.”

“Fair point.” Arne nodded to himself. “We did choose to make you work for it because the threat is far too big for us three. You’re right.”

“We?” Garrett asked wryly, eyebrow raised.

“We?”

“You said ‘we chose’.” The paladin looked at Dia walking past again, hands clenching and unclenching. She wasn’t quite muttering to herself, but it was pretty obvious she was close. “A really quick, rudimentary survey of you three reveals that it was definitely you who chose. Not her or the very disturbing person below decks.”

“Oh!” Arne exclaimed. “Tell me, did you look at all of us? With the creepy golden eyes? Without our consent?”

“Yes. Yes, I did, Arne. Why do you ask?”

“Brother! Consent is important!” Arne stated loudly and saw Dia freeze in her tracks opposite to them for a few seconds before she continued her mad pacing, a tic pulling her face. “Also, which one of us is worst?”

“Are you serious?” the paladin asked in not-quite-disbelief.

“Oh, yes! Which one of us has the filthiest soul?”

“That must stay between a criminal and their paladin, I'm afraid.”

“What? Why? That’s not fair!”

“Because I have no guarantee you won't all make a horrific, ill-conceived competition of it, which would make my poor judgement the reason a lot of people potentially died,” Sir Garrett explained calmly.

“Fine…” Arne sighed. “And on that note, I’d thank you to never speak ill of my activities, criminal and otherwise, again, because I do indeed understand the bigger picture and the value of cooperation. Having people to do your bidding is both good and healthy and allows for many kinds of charities and bigger projects that benefits everyone.”

“Everyone, in your case except for the victims,” Garrett countered smoothly.

“I'm sure the lich from your previous example would say the same when a horde of rampaging paladins begins mowing down its carefully recycled soldiers. And sometimes you just have to accept that life is a give and take. Yes, some people have to let go of their potentially ill-gotten gains to support my network…” he said, and for a second felt the loss of the network so keenly that he turned his head and coughed softly, giving himself a small pause before pressing on, “but my network did good things too. Street urchins could always get a free meal, they would tell us if any brothels or other businesses appeared that used children and my organization would take care of it, and any street child could always come to us if they were sick.”

“Free of any charge or obligation, I'm sure,” Garrett said, not quite bothering to hide the sarcasm.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“Yes! Free of any charge or obligation!” Arne snapped. “It’s vulnerable being a child that nobody wants. If they supplied me with information on occasion, then it was a kindness they did me, not a requirement. And don’t you dare say anything different. I took those in who had talent and made sure they could take care of themselves and weren’t molested by anyone anywhere.”

“Look, sometimes… accepting the lesser of two evils can be unavoidable, but it’s not something to strive for,” Garrett said and leaned a little closer to the railing when Dia stomped past them again, her gaze locked on the horizon as she moved. “I'm not saying it couldn’t be construed as kind to take in a child and teach them a trade, but a dishonest trade will just put them on the path of injustice, and it won't do them any good in the long run. Besides, can you honestly say it didn’t eventually benefit you to have trained your own people from childhood?”

“Ohhh,” Arne exclaimed. “You want to talk about benefits? Selfishness? Is that it?”

“Yes, let’s do that. Please, let me hear your opinion on selfishness,” Garrett nodded.

“Alright. It’s the sole motivator for every single thing people do. The prospect of gain. It’s the only thing that ever moves us to go anywhere or do anything. Everyone. Ah, don’t give me that look, I'm talking about you too. You might be a high and mighty paladin of high and mighty Justice, but let’s say you sacrifice your life to save a box full of orphaned and adorable little elf babies. You might say you do it because ‘it’s the right thing to do’ but you most certainly only did it because you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you let them die. And that is selfish. It has nothing to do with the box of orphans; it has everything to do with you, your pride and what you can live with.”

Garrett looked at him for a long time, puzzled and almost sad. “Arne… you… you live in a mental world where selflessness cannot exist? Who hurt you that badly? I'm sorry if this comes across as less than tactful, but… I have seen you naked. I’ve seen your scars. Is it possible that you are make a sweeping statement based on a personal pain, however awful it must have been?”

“What… What does that mean? A sweeping statement based on a personal pain?” Arne asked, happily faking the incredulousness. Finally, they were getting somewhere new. There was meat on this for at least a couple of days’ worth of revisiting and they could build on this. “I'm not assuming that things are bad everywhere because some things were bad for me. Look, in the end, all you have to understand is that crime exists. It always has. It always will. The reasons, personal or not, are irrelevant. So, if you have to have crime, isn’t it better to have organised, ‘just’ crime rather than chaotic, destructive crime that serves no purpose other than to enrich one or two people? Organized crime at least can pick people up and make them less miserable, and why it happens really doesn’t matter.”

“Just crime?” Garrett asked blankly.

“Yes. Just crime.”

A laughter made its way to the paladin’s lips. It seemed like it had waited a while to be free. “Alright, in the interest of us not punching each other while having to work together, I will consider the merits of just crime. I’m sure you will tell me how it comes about.”

“I will happily teach you,” Arne confirmed. “You mentioned the lesser of two evils, but maybe you of all people should consider the greater good? If the lesser evil is always chosen, there is per definition less evil. And doesn’t that serve the greater good? An organisation that needs to keep itself alive and safe will be prone to choosing the lesser evil to keep itself in business.”

“I did mention the lesser of two evils, but as something not worth striving for.”

“For you. Yes. For mighty paladin, Sir Garrett of the Order of the Paladins of Justice, then by all means, strive for the greater good. But you are missing the point. Right now, I'm desperately outnumbered and helpless, fighting a greater evil and so very eager to weaponize the paladins of greater good. You could do the same in return. Instead of browbeating anything not good, weaponize and understand it. Know that some people were not fat, smiling, happy children with wholesome parents who wanted the best for them. And use it to your advantage.”

“That’s…”

“Pragmatic? Realistic? Honest?” Arne suggested.

“Cold and heart-breaking.”

“Pragmatic. Realistic. Honest.”

Garrett gave him a long stare he couldn’t really interpret.

Arne shrugged. “I guess I will just concentrate on making some sweeping statements based on my personal pain. …I bet you were a fat child,” he said as an afterthought. “Cute and dimpled with golden curls and a little wooden sword and beaming parents who loved you and were so proud of you.”

“More or less,” Garrett confirmed.

They stared at each other sternly for a moment. Then Garrett barked a laugh and Arne laughed too.

“Alright,” Arne said. “I guess I had all that too, for a little while.”

Garrett gave him a sideways glance. “Ah.”

“If you say anything about personal pain, I will do my very best to lob you overboard, is that clear?” Arne smiled.

“Clear as your aura,” the paladin confirmed.

Arne rolled his eyes. “You don’t think I could?”

“Oh, I think you would do your very best, certainly. And in a way, that would be an honour for me, wouldn’t it?”

Arne narrowed his eyes. “Aha! There we are. Finally. Come on, paladin! Be mean. Be as acerbic and condescending of my choices and situation as you can be. It’s what I've been expecting from you all this time. So far, you’ve actually been a little bit of a disappointment.”

“I’m not saying this to be mean. It’s just an obvious observation that you seem more comfortable attacking from the shadows than committing yourself to a head-on assault.”

“Saying it isn’t mean does not magically make it not mean. And you seem to whittle your opponent down beforehand with small petty jabs to cover the large, heavy emotional manipulation. You are doing exactly what I would do with someone I patiently wanted control over. I just don’t try to fool myself about my motivations.”

“Whittle my opponent down? But we are not opponents, are we? You only threatened to throw me overboard in a perfectly friendly manner, am I right?”

“Yes, you are, Sir Garrett of Justice. You are right. But trust me, I'm rethinking that strategy.” Arne smiled. “…Are you a light sleeper?”

“In present company? Oh, yes.”

Arne grinned. This felt like winning but he hoped Garrett wouldn’t let him. If he did, the remaining week’s journey would be desperately dull. “You know…” he mused. “After what happened at the orgy, I’m actually gratified to know I'm keeping you up at night.”

“Your voices sicken me! Can you just go. Below. And fuck! So you could maybe. Shut. Up!” Dia suddenly shouted. She was stomping over to them, drawing everyone’s attention. “I can hear you everywhere I go on this damned, forsaken ship where everyone is too sucking important to kill for some reason I can't actually understand but I'm containing both myself AND funny, funny, funny Chuckles all the fucking time and your voices are making me want to peel my skin off and roll around in salt just to have something else to think about.” Her voice and extremely strained smile had been growing all the way through her tirade until she ended in a scream, panting and looking more than a little insane with a smiling grimace drawn on her face.

Arne’s eyes flickered quickly to the paladin who looked at Dia, caught somewhere between weirded out and deeply unsettled.

“Go below and fuck?” Arne asked. “You think that’s a solution? Get the tension over with? You think this,” he indicated himself and Garrett, “would be a quiet two-person orgy? We would just annoy you even more. Besides, it’s really not up to you.”

Dia gave an incoherent scream. “Shut up! I can and will kill everyone onboard and strand us.”

“No, you won't. And if you kill everyone, there will be no us to strand. Just you and your unfortunate thoughts.”

“That’s an us!” Dia shouted, wide-eyed and mad.

Garrett looked at him, Arne noticed. It seemed evaluating and almost a little amused.

“What?” Arne asked.

“You have a contentious relationship with most people, don’t you? Even your friends?”

Arne barely managed to grab Dia and haul her screaming and hissing towards the stairs to below deck when she jumped at the paladin, seemingly to claw his eyes out.

“We are not friends,” she howled. “How dare you say that you little light-magic justice-turd. I'll suck your life out and use it to inflate that crate of elf babies until they explode and scatter baby elf goo all over your precious justice chapterhouse and–“

“Toog!” Arne shouted over Dia’s screams, trying to get control of her as she wiggled and fought in his arms until he managed to get her lithe frame thrown over his shoulders and bump her head on the door jamb as he carried her below deck. “Toog! I could really use a sedative here!”