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Underwhelmed

Underwhelmed

Death. Horror. Pain. Those are all things I don’t experience, when Boreas is around. He’s like… the worst. People take him so seriously, but honestly? He’s a pretty horrible supervillain. Ice, impaling, snow… Honestly he made New York a winter wonderland 24/7. We were just used to it. I was, at least.

Crossing my arms, I observed him quietly as he stabbed another person. Eventually he’d see me, and just like every other time he’d freeze in place. He’d stare at me, confused. His ice would trail closer, but the moment I raised my eyebrows and walked away, he wouldn’t do anything. His ice would stop.

Boreas’ weakness is apparently annoyed, but unafraid people. Of course, if I tried walking any time before he saw me and we made eye contact, he would, in fact, attack me like normal.

Really if everyone just waited when they saw him, all staring at him, I was absolutely sure we’d all survive.

The only way he was a danger was if he killed me first. Before I had time to back into a wall, leaning against it, and stare at him with my arms crossed.

I started using it to just record him. I didn’t make it obvious, but I had a small 4k camera attached to my chest whenever I walked anywhere. It was like he was following me.

Wincing at the blood splatter of another shrieking, running civilian, I glance to the side with a scowl. The civilian gives me a wide-eyed look that slowly fades. My scowl eases, and I give them a concerned look. That was awfully… close. Turning, I look around for Boreas. Finding him, I blinked. Oh. He was already staring at me. I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

The moment the ice started trailing towards me, I rolled my eyes. Walking towards where I wanted to go, finally, I don’t expect the icy ground to suddenly become jagged, uneven ground. Managing to keep my footing, I continue as if nothing happened. Once more, the ice stops trailing after me the moment I set foot on the stone of the sidewalk, continuing on my way.

I huff out a breath of fog, stretching my arms up before relaxing with my hands behind my head as I walked, nodding to another confused Hero.

This one was hot, though, so I did finger-guns and winked, clicking my tongue at them. That didn’t ease their confusion, and the Hero remained still, just staring at me as I passed.

Oh! Right.

I pull out my phone, dialing the number of my manager.

“Hello?” A tired female voice asked.

“Yeah, Boreas attacked again, I might be a bit late.”

“You say that every time he attacks. No. No, unless you can give me solid proof that you were there, then you’re fired.”

“I don’t know, man,” I answered flatly, “Do you think he’s stalking me? Or do you think it’s a coincidence, and he thinks I’m stalking him?”

“E-excuse me, ma’am!” A deep, nice voice called, sounding unsure.

I turned, and I observed the ice slowly creeping towards me in a spike. Taking a few steps to the side, I look at the Hero. Behind him, barely visible with the constant fog of New York’s villain fighting with the summer months’ heat, was Boreas.

“You shouldn’t be here,” The Hero called.

I observed him for a long moment. Dark hair, glasses, a suit. Olive skin. Two guns, one black and the other silver. That, was Savant. He was pretty awesome. I’d met him when I was thirteen. He really, really liked me. It was too bad he met me when I was trying to be a vigilante, and thus had no idea who I actually was. I hadn’t spoken to him since I was, what, eighteen?

“Nah, it’s fine!” I called back, “I was here before he appeared. I’m leaving now! Also watch out!”

Savant immediately, without hesitation, ducked. The ice that had been about to impale him flew over his head, skittering on the ground towards me. Shrugging, I turned, still on the phone.

“Anyway,” I said as I continued on my way, “I’ve used the weird opportunity to gain clout online. I’ve gained over half a million subscribers in the past week, and that’s just unedited videos. If you want to check it out, I mean, I can tell you the details when I’m there.”

Hanging up without paying attention to whatever she’d been saying, I continued on my way. Whistling merrily, I turn the corner. Immediately breaking out into a sprint, I make it to my work in the next few minutes, gasping for air as I turn off my camera after saving the video and making sure it recorded.

The manager was waiting by the door, eyes wide. Brushing the snow off of me, I shook myself out. Nodding to her, I fiddled with the camera, quickly connecting it with the receptionist’s computer. Pulling out a USB, I take a moment to transfer the video. After that, I play it, and my manager, Lila? Lora? I didn’t know her name, grew pale.

“Oh my god,” My manager said, horror painting her face white as she watched a man get partially stabbed, only to start screaming excessively as ice slowly grew out of his body in small spikes until he collapsed.

“Mhm,” I said after a moment, “I know. I have to deal with this every damned time he attacks in the morning. In the afternoon’s he’s a bit nicer, just stabbing them through the heads and stuff—”

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“How are you alive?” The receptionist asked, eyes wide. They seemed out of breath, and their limbs shook. They looked a bit sick, and I slowly pushed a garbage bin towards them. They immediately picked it up even as my manager started hyperventilating.

“Guys, it’s fine, he’s not all that dangerous,” I said, watching as five people who had been hiding split up as they ran and got shish-kebabed, the ice twirling gracefully in the air. It left a spiked, bloody spiral leading up, like a sharpened spring.

“Boreas is the villain with the highest kill-count since World War 2!” The receptionist refuted loudly, making everyone else in the room look towards us.

“We’re just watching a video of Surviving Villainy, the YouTube channel. Boreas is killing a bunch of people, the hero hasn’t arrived yet in the video,” I explained, and they all glanced at each other. Walking over, they asked for the details, and I gave them. I watched gleefully as they all subscribed instantly after seeing a few seconds of the main video.

“Is there an uncensored version?” A dude wearing all black asked, and I nodded eagerly.

“There is. YouTube obviously doesn’t allow that sort of gore, so it’s a bit out of the way. If you go onto the descriptions of any of the videos, there’s a link. If you pay a bit of money per month you have the whole uncensored film uploaded for that month. I’ve heard rumors of there being highlights added to the channel, soon, too. It’s really cool,” I promoted shamelessly.

“Is there any villains aside from Boreas?” A woman with short cotton-candy blue hair asked, lips a cotton candy pink that honestly looked amazing on her.

“Yes, but they’re rare. The channel was created because the person kept running into the villains and surviving, hence the channel name. Be sure to like it while it lasts, because I know for a fact the person probably won’t survive much longer.”

If Boreas was finally chasing me with his ice, I’d die next time he appeared. It sucked, but I couldn’t just avoid him, he was everywhere. Even when I went to Manhattan. When I was visiting the Statue of Liberty far away from where he usually fought.

Maybe he was following me.

“Oh, what? It’s $25 per month! And if I want to watch previous months’ videos it’s $100. Is that even worth it? There’s only like ten videos a month.” The goth guy asked, and I shrugged, pausing the video on a oddly fierce image of Savant.

“I mean, look at how badass this looks. Not to mention that there’s already like seventy videos, and you don’t lose the past videos even if you stop the monthly subscription. The past ones and the present ones are a one time fee of $100, and if you want the next one’s it just continues as a $25 subscription. There’s also a Patreon that’s just there to help the cameraman get some armor or something to protect them better from the villains.”

The goth ignored my words as he stared at the still image. The hero held his silver gun out with a straight arm mid-fire, bullet barely leaving the gun on the still-image. A scowl was on his face as his glasses glinted, blood splattering into the shot. Shifting the monitor, I blinked, lips twitching when I saw him immediately pay for the whole catalog. Nice. That’s another $100 in bank.

“Hey, wait, I know that channel! Don’t they have another, smaller one that just talks about the statistics, how the powers could be better used, and all of that? The analytics of each hero and villain’s powers, how they could do it better, and how they were using them wrong?” A cheery tanned guy with light brown hair down to his shoulders asked as he glanced over.

I blinked, hesitating. That was my pet project. It was something I put a lot of effort into, and I didn’t promote it at all, simply because I didn’t want it to seem… Lesser, because of it. It was my baby, and the first channel I made that I actually put effort into. SV was only created a few months ago, really, but my baby has been years in the making. It only really started gaining more attention because of its’ connection to SV, which I hated.

“Er, yeah, I think so. It’s called Quantified Calculation,” I awkwardly said, “It’s not the greatest—”

“I will fight you on that,” The man interrupted with a scowl, hazel eyes boring into mine, “The channel is amazing. Quantify is the best person this world has. It doesn’t have a specific Patreon or a request tab, so I can’t request any theoretical fights and how they might turn out, but I’m hoping one day he’ll make videos like that.”

I frowned, thoughtful, ignoring the way my cheeks burned. Oh, I was Quantify? … I should scrap that “who is Quantify” video, then. But… calculating how fights would go? That… wasn’t a bad idea. It wasn’t the point of QC, but I didn’t mind doing it in my free time. It wouldn’t be too hard.

“Are you done promoting yourself?” The receptionist gasped out, retching before continuing, “You haven’t answered my question. How did you—?”

I sighed, rolling my eyes as I readjust the monitor, closing the video and taking my USB out, unplugging my camera, “Again. Boreas isn’t that dangerous. He’s sadistic, and cruel. He likes it when people run, scream, cry, beg, struggle. Looking annoyed while leaning against a building doesn’t really fit into his world-view. Of course, I’ve done it often enough that he’s getting used to me, which sucks, because that means I’ll probably not make it to work, next time he attacks, but whatever."

“B-wh-No that isn’t something to sound only mildly disappointed by!” My manager finally shrieked. I gave her a surprised look.

“I mean… What do you want me to do? Bring a gun to work? Like… I can’t really do anything,” I explained awkwardly, “It’s not like I intentionally seek villains out.”

“You’re Quantify?” The threatening fanboy said, eyes wide as excitement runs through him.

I felt my cheeks burn, “Ah, um, hey? Nice to meet you.”

“Oh that’s so lame,” The cotton-candy girl complained, “I thought you’d be a hot guy!”

I gave Cotton Candy an exasperated grin, “I have a lot of videos of hot guys. A lot of heroes and villains are pretty hot, and rarely ever women. The women are hot too, when I encounter them, though. If you’re into that.”

“So wait you see all of this in person?” Goth guy asked.

Looking at them all as suddenly everyone was talking to me at once, I slowly, carefully backed away, hands raised as they all hounded me. Eventually getting backed into a corner, I don’t notice the bloody, beat-up form of Savant slam into the area, gasping.

“Everyone evacuate!” A loud, deep shout cut through their pressured yelling, and I slowly sighed, turning my camera back on. Sneaking between the people, I grinned suavely at Savant.

“Hello again!”

Savant’s eyes snapped to me, and he suddenly looked even more tired, expression strained, “He’s after you, then.”

My lips twitch, before I duck my head and sigh. Glancing at the people, I grimace, “I guess that’s my channels gone, huh? Be right back guys, gotta be a martyr so y’all don’t get killed!”

Giving them all finger guns, I observe Savant, using my hands to bring his face up. He was gasping for air, blood dripping down his face. Tilting my head, I smiled gently, ruffling his hair before walking out of the building and looking around. A giant wave of ice was coming down the street from the right.

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word count: 2238

edited: no

corrections and comments: welcome

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