“Mama?” Ciel turned around with a raised eyebrow. “Why did…you stop?”

“O-oh, it’s nothing.” Rayza chuckled nervously and went back to combing. “Just admiring your hair. It’s so pretty.”

“...it is?” Ciel curiously twirled a few strands around her finger. “Why?”

Oh, if only you knew, you sweet child, Rayza thought, sighing. “It’s so soft to the touch, even though we haven’t taken care of it once. And…” Realising she was fast-tracking her way into more questions that inevitably led into the dreaded ‘Am I normal?’, Rayza paused briefly. “Yeah. You’ve got some soft and sturdy hair.” After running her hand through her own brittle strands, she grimaced. “Probably from your father.”

“Hm.” Ciel stared at her reflection in the water, then looked back at her. “Is that…good?”

“Wha…of course it is!” Oops. A little loud, that was.

“Why?”

Rayza awkwardly tried to laugh off her outburst. “Pretty hair makes you pretty. And being pretty has many advantages.”

“Advantages…like what?”

“Oh, you know. People like pretty people, so they usually get more help.” She smiled as she thought back to how she met Ionyr and tricked the butcher. “Also, if you like a boy, it’s easier to make him fall for you. Your father can attest to both of those things.”

Rayza giggled as more fond memories came flooding in. This was oddly refreshing. How long had it been that she could act like a little girl again? To talk about girly things? With all their adventures, there was rarely the time or people around for her to let it out.

“Fall…for me?” Ciel stood up and climbed onto the well’s edge. “Like…this?” She then let herself drop into the water.

“No!” Rayza laughed, pulling her out of the well and sitting her back on the bench. “No, by the Four, no. I meant it more in a figurative sense. Like falling in love.”

“In love?” Ciel asked as Rayza combed her wet hair. “Mama, what is love?”

“Love is…well…” Rayza paused, mulling it over for a moment. Was she qualified to talk about this anymore? “Love is…when you’re willing to give up everything for someone.”

No, that was too basic, love was far more complex than that…oh crap, did she say that out loud? Ciel was giving her a puzzled look. Yeah, she probably did.

“As in, you can’t imagine life without that person, so you do everything you can for them.” Rayza added hastily, with a heavy heart. Big talk, coming from her.

“Hm.” Ciel sat still for a moment, in deep thought. She then turned around and reached for the comb.

“Oh, you want to try it too?” Rayza handed it to her, happy that Ciel didn’t see the nervous wreck her mother was hiding under her smile. “Go for it.”

Ciel inspected the comb from all angles, eventually standing up and grabbing a handful of Rayza’s blonde hair. With sloppy technique, she tried combing through the rough, brittle strands, causing it to get caught on the knots. The sudden pain made Rayza let out a hiss, and Ciel stopped immediately.

“Mama…okay?”

“Y-yeah.” Wincing as she pulled the comb out, Rayza gave her a weary smile. “Wasn’t expecting you to just jam it in there.”

Ciel lowered her gaze. “Can’t…comb yet. What ‘everything’...can I do for Mama?”

“Oh…” Rayza froze. “Oh Ciel…thank you.” She couldn’t let her daughter be discouraged - she wouldn’t. Pulling Ciel into a hug, she gave her a peck on the forehead and took the comb from her. “Here, let me teach you.”

Rayza showed Ciel how to use the comb properly, making sure that there were no errant knots in her hair before giving it back. After filling the bucket with water, she soaped her hair

“You have to clean the hair with soap first, to make sure there’s no dirt in it.” She said, sitting back down in front of Ciel, her back turned. “It also makes the strands smooth and makes combing it easier. Go on, give it a go.”

Following her instructions, Ciel slowly and tenderly combed her blonde hair. A few strands did end up in the comb, but the small stings were worth it. Rayza hid her winces well enough to not hinder her daughter’s focus.

All things considered…this was the first step in making Ciel feel love, in a way. Though, then again, wasn’t she just expressing the idea of love that Rayza had taught her? ‘Give up everything for someone.’ Pretty one-dimensional view of love, all things considered. But it was a start. Baby steps, right?

Her eyes closed, Rayza began to enjoy the sensation of the comb moving through her hair. The movements were clumsy at first, but quickly became more refined. It felt like her hair was healing from months of wear and tear. She really had to take better care of it, she thought as she twirled a few strands around her finger.

“Mama?” A small voice interrupted her musing.

“Yes, dear?” Rayza replied, looking back over her shoulder.

“Why do I want a boy…to fall in love?”

Uh oh. Danger zone. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not her baby. Not now, not ever. Too soon. Way too soon.

“Erm…reasons.” She sputtered, before burying her face in her palm. Great job, Rayza. Fantastic, even.

“Oh.” Ciel said blankly. “Okay.”

Huh. That worked?

“But…”

Damn it.

“Why…need another boy to fall in love? Papa moves mountains…for me.”

“Yes.” She hoped that was true. “Yes, he would. But…” She paused and shook her head before turning around and hugging Ciel. “Nevermind. You’ll learn when you get older. For now, let’s get out of the bath.”

Ciel tilted her head. “But…not finished cleaning.”

“What do you mean?” Rayza raised an eyebrow as her daughter reached for the bar of soap and headed for the well.

Ciel proceeded to take a large bite out of the fruity soap and dunk her head underwater.

“Ciel! Stop eating the soap!” Rayza ran over, pulling her head out of the well and taking the soap from her.

“But….” Ciel said, bubbles foaming up from her stomach. “How do I clean…inside?”

Rayza groaned and put the soap aside. “You know, for how smart you are, sometimes…” She shook her head. “Well, now we really do have to clean your insides. Can’t have people seeing you like this.”

“Like what?” Ciel tilted her head, a bit of foam dripping off her chin and falling to the ground.

“That.” Rayza ran her thumb and across her daughter’s lip and showed her the foam she wiped off. “You’re not clean until we’ve gotten rid of every last bit of soap.”

“But doesn’t soap make you clean?”

“Well…yes.” Rayza groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. “But until you wash off the soap, it hasn’t done its job. You’re not clean until we’ve washed it all away.”

“Hm.” Ciel opened her mouth and gathered some bubbles in her hand. She watched as they slowly shrunk and disappeared. “Cleaning…complicated.”

“Oh, my dear daughter.” Rayza patted Ciel’s head. “We’re still on the easy part. Just wait till we get to emotions. Apparently, not even I have figured those out yet. How will I ever teach you…?” Rayza sighed and filled the bucket with fresh water.

“Don’t worry, Ciel. You’ll get used to it, like I did. Look, I’ll show you how to clean your mouth.” She paused, then smiled as she lightly pinched Ciel’s cheek. “But please don’t eat the soap next time.”

----------------------------------------

After making sure that every last bit of foam had been washed out, Rayza took Ciel and quickly got the both of them dressed in their borrowed sleeping gowns. As thrilled as she was to see her baby in the cute new outfit, she was in a hurry to get back to their room. For one, to avoid any stray customers that might head in.

And two, she needed to speak with Linberg again. Her hunch…Rayza had to know if she was right.

While heading back to their room, she noted that there was still no one behind the counter. Weird. Linberg’s son never took this long on his errands. Where was he? Just another thing to ask their hostess, she supposed.

Knocking on the door to their room, she briefly waited for Ionyr’s response. But none came. She opened it, and found the room empty. Seriously? He wasn’t back either? Who could she leave Ciel with while she spoke with Linberg? It’s not like she could just leave her alone.

Or…could she? There was no one she could trust to watch over her, really. And their room was as cut off from the outside as could be. So, reasonably…Ciel should be safe here. Still, she felt unsure about it. An intense fear of leaving her baby alone, out of her sight.

Should she just wait for Ionyr to be done? He wouldn’t be gone for that long, right? But this uneasiness she felt…she needed answers now.

Perhaps this was the step she had to take. This intense attachment, if she was right, was what caused her marriage to deteriorate in the first place. And the only way to start fixing it…was to talk to Linberg. She seemed to know what was going on.

Rayza led Ciel over to their bed, unbearably nervous, then lifted her onto the edge and kneeled down.

“Ciel, Mama needs to go out for a bit. Can you wait here for me?” Ciel nodded. “Don’t leave the room.” She nodded again. “If someone besides me or Papa comes in, scream, and I’ll come running.” Another nod. “And…”

Rayza sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. There was nothing else she could tell her, really - nothing that could ease the fear any more than this. She just had to take the leap. Right then. She opened her eyes, smiling. “Stay safe, dear.”

“Okay.”

“Right. Okay.” Rayza stood up and headed out the door. Before she closed it, she looked back one last time. Ciel was still on the bed, idly swinging her legs, staring back at her. She closed the door slowly, the uneasiness rising. The lock clicked into place as she shut the door. Rayza let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She felt like she was stepping on air - better hurry. “Let’s go.”

Rayza quickly made her way into the reception area, where Linberg was sweeping the floor. She gave her a short sideways glance before going back to cleaning.

“Hey.” Rayza said awkwardly. “Can we talk?”

“I don’t know.” Linberg turned to face her with an unpleasant expression. “Can we?”

Yeah…should’ve expected that. Better not beat around the bush.

“About those things you said. I thought about it…and you may be right.” Rayza bit her lip. “I need some advice.”

“Oh, really?” Linberg leaned on the broom and raised an eyebrow. “I think you’ll manage just fine without.”

“Look, I-” Rayza paused, and Linberg took the opportunity to go back to sweeping. After inhaling deeply and swallowing her pride, she cast her gaze to the floor. “I’m sorry.”

“Hm? What’s that?” The old lady turned around, placing her hand behind her ear. “I didn’t quite hear that, dear.”

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

“I said I’m sorry.” Rayza said through grit teeth.

“One more time. My ears aren’t what they used to be.” Linberg wasn’t even trying to hide her cheeky grin.

“Fuck off.”

“Oh, if that’s so…” Linberg went back to cleaning.

“I said I’m sorry, okay!? Stop it with these games!”

“Ah, there she is. The Rayza I know and love.” Linberg laughed and walked over, pinching Rayza’s cheek. “You’re adorable.”

“Knock it off.” Rayza grumpily pulled away the old woman’s hand. “Can you help me now?”

“Of course.” Linberg leaned the broom against the wall and beckoned her behind the counter. “Come, I’ve prepared some tea for us. Wouldn’t want any prying eyes or ears for this, right?” She gave Rayza a wink.

“Yeah.” Rayza nodded. “Thank you.”

“No need.” Linberg said, leading her to the kitchen. “As I said before, you are one of my best customers. Like a daughter to me, really.”

“Thank you.” Rayza quietly said as she took a seat. Her heart fluttered slightly at those words, she had to admit.

“It’s a shame.” Thankfully, Linberg was too busy pouring their porcelain cups with tea to notice. Or tactful enough to act like she didn’t hear. “You and my son are the same age. Would’ve made for a great daughter-in-law. Oh well.” The lady handed her a cup before sipping on her own. “I guess Ionyr is a good second choice.”

“About that.” Rayza idly stirred her tea to cool it off. “Where is he? I haven’t seen him all day.”

“He’s left on a pilgrimage to the north.” Linberg said solemnly. “There was nothing left for him here, he said. Was time to leave the nest and forge his own path.” Sighing, she leaned back in her chair. “And here I wanted to have him inherit the inn as well.” She sighed. “Had to hire some outside help because of it.”

“I see.” Rayza stared at the steam rising from her cup. “Pilgrimage, huh…? Heh, just like ‘Firemane’s great knight’.”

“Yes, exactly like that. I don't care much for that mocking tone, dear.” Linberg glared.

“Ah. Sorry.” Right. To the people of the north, the pilgrimage is truly a sacred thing. She tended to forget that when most people she spoke with held nothing but contempt for the Ashen Order and its ways. “You miss him, don’t you?”

Linberg nodded, casting her gaze out the window and toward the night sky. “I wonder how he’s doing. His ship should be leaving port right about now.” She gripped the cup tightly. “He’s not the first, and won’t be the last to make this journey. Yet, I can’t help but worry.”

“I feel you.” Rayza nodded upon seeing Linberg’s raised eyebrow. “Really, I do. I’m worried sick about Ciel, and she’s just sitting in a room down the hall.” She chuckled dryly. “Pathetic, isn’t it?”

Linberg laughed and set down her cup. “Oh dear, you remind me of myself. During my son’s youngest years, I was ever the worrywart. Whenever he was out of my sight, I was left with a knot in my stomach. Just like my husband always…” She paused, before continuing in a less jovial tone. “My husband always told me to let go a little. Let the kid explore and grow on his own.”

Rayza listened intently, sipping on her tea. Come to think of it, Linberg had never told her what happened to her husband. Looking out the window with sorrow-filled eyes, Linberg let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry.” Rayza said, breaking the silence. “I know it’s not my place to ask, but...”

“No, no, it’s alright.” The old lady smiled, glowing with regretful nostalgia. “I think now would be a good time for you to hear it.” After sipping on her tea, she turned back to Rayza and continued with a longing, wistful tone. “My husband and I had…problems when it came to raising our son. When imagining our dream life together, our visions differed. Or maybe…” She idly tapped her cup on the table, thinking. “Maybe there were no differences, but we simply weren’t able to live our shared vision properly.”

“Sounds familiar.” Rayza thought back to their argument in the forest.

“We began having small squabbles, misunderstandings. Over time they grew larger and larger, until the differences became too big to ignore, and we had a big fight.” Linberg lowered her gaze. “I didn’t know it back then…at that moment, I lost him forever.”

A long, uncomfortable silence filled the room. Rayza fidgeted in her seat.

“Lost…?” She asked awkwardly, trailing off on a note of uncertainty.

“After that fight, he lost the light in his eyes. He stopped trying to raise our son with me, and left it entirely to me.” She sighed. “From that day onward, my…our sweet child soured our marriage. He became a reason for us to renounce our shared passion.” After a brief, pensive pause, she shook her head.

“No, an excuse. We used him as an excuse - ‘for his sake’, we stopped pursuing each other, loving each other. First our nights became cold, then the house, then finally our hearts.” She gulped down the last bit of tea in her cup. “And that’s how our marriage died. Not with a bang, but with a small sputter of a flame, extinguished by an errant gust. He rode that gust out of town, leaving to chase another dream.”

Rayza sat staring at her tea, absorbing and mulling over Linberg’s story. It hit horrifically close to home. Almost beat for beat, she made the same mistakes as the older lady. “Are you saying…he’ll leave me?” She asked quietly. “I rejected his advances too…”

“Dear.” Linberg reached over and took her hand. “If he made an advance, that means there is still a spark left. It will take effort, but you can reignite it. After all,” she smiled, “that idiot is head over heels for you.”

“But…that was so long ago. A month, almost.” Rayza nervously traced the edge of the cup with her index finger. “Do you think there’s still a chance?”

“I don’t know. Only he can answer that.” She nodded toward the door, left slightly ajar. “Go now.”

“I…I will.” Rayza stood up and walked to the door with strong, determined steps. She flung it open, but hesitated before stepping through. “Say, Linberg.” Glancing over her shoulder, she found the hardy old woman looking back. “About that thing I said yesterday…”

“I often asked myself the same question.” Linberg poured herself another cup of tea. “I made my son lose his father. I wanted to keep him close, locked in his nest. Almost forced him down a life path he didn’t want to go down. All because of my own worries that I couldn’t let go of.” Smiling, she opened one of the jars on the table and stirred some honey into her drink.

“Your fierce protectiveness…your overwhelming worries…they’re proof, Rayza. You sre a real mother.”

“...thank you.” Rayza said, choking slightly as she held back a tear.

“Now, go to your husband..” Linberg shooed her away. “Learn from my story and save your marriage.”

“I will.” Rayza stepped through the door with renewed resolve. “Thank you, Linberg.”

“He’s probably done with his bath by now.” She thought, walking around the counter and heading toward their room. As she approached the bend in the hallway, the sound of footsteps reached her ears. “Perfect timing.”

“Hey, Io-” She said, rounding the corner.

“Eep!”

Hm, Ionyr looked a little different than usual. Kind of girly, actually. Long, well-kept hair. Cutesy voice. Young. Nice curves. Yeah, no. This wasn’t Ionyr.

“Who’re you?” Rayza asked. “Never seen you here before.”

“I-I’m Hilda.” She said, giving a quick bow. “Linberg hired me to fill in for her son.”

“Huh.” True, Linberg did mention that. Honestly, good practice to hire this one. Probably brought all the boys to the yard…though there weren’t any here right now, surprisingly.

“W-what about you, miss? Are you a guest…?” Hilda asked timidly.

Rayza nodded. “Yeah. Looking for my husband.”

“Your husband…?” Hilda's eyes widened. “A-are you talking about Ionyr?”

“Yes. Seen him anywhere?”

“I-I believe he’s still bathing.” Hilda gave another bow. “If you’ll excuse me…”

“One moment.” Rayza placed a hand on the girl's shoulder. “You seem awfully sweaty there, Hilda. Why is that?”

She quickly wiped away some of the cold sweat gathering on her forehead. “O-oh, I just got done cleaning the women's bath. That's why.”

“You don't say.” Rayza gave her another glare, causing Hilda to uncomfortably fidget. Maybe she was being overly harsh on the poor girl. A little shifty and timid, but that might just be her age. Rayza sighed and let go. “Alright, go on.”

Hilda smiled nervously before hurrying past her. Something off about that one. Though, Rayza had to admit, she was a little biased. Cute, curvy and perfectly maintained hair - that girl was almost obnoxiously feminine, in many ways that she struggled to be.

It did poke at her pride as a woman. Just a little.

A set of footsteps, this one far heavier, shook her from her thoughts. Ah, finally. The man of her dreams, the one she’d been waiting for.

“There you are.” Rayza said, turning to face him. “Been waiting for you.”

“You have…?” Ionyr mumbled, staggering down the hallway in his borrowed night robe. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Something was off about him. He was avoiding eye contact with her still, and he was incredibly sweaty and looked flushed.

“Are you alright?” Rayza approached him, but he backed away. Concerned, she stepped closer. “What's wrong?”

“N-nothing.” He took another step back, uneasily glancing back at the bath entrance before shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m fine…” He trailed off, before raising an eyebrow. “Hold on, where's Ciel? Who’d you leave her with?”

“No, please.” Rayza insisted, grabbing his hand before he could back away again. “Tell me if you're okay.”

He looked into her eyes, for the first in a long time. She saw doubt in them, guilt, shame…and fear. Eventually, they softened, and he stepped into her arms and wrapped his around her.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Ionyr patted her back. “Just…got a lot on my mind.”

“Do you want to…” Rayza stopped and shook her head. “No, we should talk about it. And we will.”

“What about Ciel?” His voice cracked a little. “I don't think she should hear this.”

“I'll find a way.” She pulled away and smiled proudly. “I've already been away from her for a while now.”

Ionyr laughed dryly. “Well, that's good to hear. Let's talk tomorrow, then. Want to clear my head a little, first”

“Tomorrow. No more secrets, alright?” Rayza pressed her lips to his cheek and nestled her head into his neck. “I'm sure you need a gentle breeze to blow your worries away.” As she whispered into his ear, she could feel his heartbeat quickening and the hair on the back of his neck bristle.

“You have no idea…” He mumbled, hugging her tightly. “Thanks, Rayza.”

“No problem.” She remained still, letting him enjoy this long overdue moment of closeness. “Come on.” Scratching the back of his head, she loosened her grip. “Let's go to bed. Ciel is waiting.”

“Yes, let's.” Ionyr replied as he pulled out of their hug, and she finally saw him smile again - maybe not as brightly as he used to, but it was genuine at the least. Of that, she was certain. They headed back to their room, and Rayza paused as she stared at the doorknob.

Would Ciel be there?

After taking a deep breath, she yanked the door open, and Ciel…

Rayza sighed in relief. She was still there, thank the Four. Idly dangling her feet, and moving her mouth in odd ways, as if she were struggling to pronounce a complicated word.

“Hey Ciel.” Rayza sat by her and smiled. “Thanks for waiting.”

Ciel closed her mouth and stared at Rayza briefly, then at Ionyr. She tilted her head and hopped off the bed, approaching Ionyr with a curious expression. He fidgeted slightly as she stood before him and looked him in the eye.

“Everything alright?” He asked, laughing nervously.

Ciel shook her head, then made a step forward, tentatively holding up a hand, then grabbing onto his shirt. “Papa…” She said, her voice monotone as ever, looking up at him. “Don’t leave.”

Rayza clasped a hand over her mouth. Did…did Ciel hear everything? Damn these thin walls! This was exactly why she didn’t want her to know! Rayza’s mistakes and burdens were hers, and hers alone - now Ciel had to bear that load as well.

The image of her father, drunk and broken, appeared before her eyes, as well as Linberg, sad and alone in her big, empty home. Shaking her head frantically, Rayza stood up. No, she thought, never. Never would she make those same mistakes. She refused to.

“Don’t worry.” Ionyr said, his eyes and voice softening as he ruffled Ciel’s hair. “I’m not going anywhere.” He glanced at Rayza, smiling. “Why would I? I’ve got everything I need…” He trailed off, his eyes vacant.

“Really?” Ciel asked, looking at him, and he gave an absent-minded nod in response. “Mama?” She turned to Rayza.

“Yes, really.” Rayza positioned herself between them, then stood up on her tiptoes and pecked Ionyr on the cheek. “I’ll make sure of it.” She added, turning her back to her daughter to hide her seductive smile from her. Ionyr’s eyes widened when he saw it, and she could swear she saw a hint of red on his cheeks.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

“!” Ciel suddenly raised her arms, looking intently at Ionyr.

“Want me to pick you up?” He asked, causing her to nod. With a genuine chuckle, he bent down and heaved her up. “Well? What now, princess?”

Ciel opened and closed her mouth a few more times before nodding and pressing her lips against his cheek. After pulling away, she nodded, seemingly satisfied. “So…this sound…”

“Wait, wha-” Ionyr’s mouth hung agape as he struggled to comprehend.

“That’s a kiss, Ciel.” Rayza ignored Ionyr and lovingly ruffled her daughter’s hair. She wanted to squeal so badly, but she didn’t want to interrupt the moment.

“Kiss?” Ciel looked at her curiously.

“I feel like we skipped a few steps here…” Ionyr tried to interject.

Rayza nodded at Ciel’s question. “You only give someone a kiss when they mean everything to you.”

“Hm.” Ciel replied, her voice monotone. “So…a kiss…is to show love?”

“Mind filling me in?”

“Exactly.” Rayza was getting a good kick out of this - she couldn’t help but giggle at Ionyr’s confounded expression.

“Lots of kisses…mean lots of love?” She looked at Ionyr, and his demeanour shifted instantly.

“...yes.” He said, his voice quiet. Glancing at Rayza, he nodded, slowly at first, then more surely. “Yes, exactly.”

Rayza felt a pang of guilt as an uncomfortable silence filled the room. It was true - she hadn’t given him enough kisses as of late. It was time for her to make up for that lost time.

“I suggest we head to bed.”

“Yes, let’s.” Ionyr replied, bending over to let Ciel down, but she held on tightly to his shirt and shook her head.

“Wanna sleep with Papa?” Rayza asked, and she nodded. She looked at Ionyr, and he nodded along.

“Fine by me. I’ve been meaning to tell you some stories, anyway.” While his voice cracked and bended, she could tell that at least, the second half was true.

“Okay.” Rayza yawned, the exhaustion of the steam bath finally kicking in. “Then I’ll leave you to it. Because I am well and truly pooped.” She walked over to the bed and let herself fall onto the divinely soft covers. After all these months of travel, these mattresses were truly a godsend.

“Don’t wake me up unless it’s an emergency.” She said, voice muffled by the pillow.

“Yes, ma’am.” Ionyr replied, clearing his throat as he sat on the other bed. “Once upon a time…”

Rayza’s eyes fell shut before she knew it. Tomorrow, she thought as she drifted to sleep, this whole drama would blow over. Her dream, her perfect family would not be broken apart by her own mistake, she would make sure of that.

Unfortunately, she was in for a most rude awakening.