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Prince ⦽f Madness

 Chapter_5://Empty_Nebula

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After that revelation, I couldn't focuse on anything else but Elyan's health. He was extremly subtle about it, but I guessed he was pretending he wasn't dying.

I tried being sympathetic with him, but each day proved to be a challenge.

I sighed heavily when I saw what that butt-hole did. He took one of my notebooks and wrote little poems. Not only that, he doodled over important notes and on all the blank spaces, so I didn’t have space to write any of my notes.

He was bored and it was irritating when he complained about it. So, I gave him cheap crayons and markers to entertain him. I will say one thing, the little fuck has talent.

“Josie! Did you do the assignment?” A guy whose name I had to learn to insult him directly, Darrell, went up to me because he was too incompetent to finish his assignment. The only butt-hole allowed to mooch off me is apparently the god of stars and dreams, all because he actually saved my life. Then again, his shenanigans proved to be useful...

Darrell took my notebook despite my disapproval and read through. I yanked my notes back and said, “no, you are lazy. And my name is Josiah, not Josie.”

“When you need to copy from me I am so not gonna let you.”

“You would be doing me a favor. The day I start copying from you I would be as brain dead as you.” I set my notebook on the table and continued to read from my textbook.

“At this rate you will die a virgin. No girl wants to sleep with someone so hostile!” he says that and I just stare at him thinking: “Elyan is in love with me and finds any excuse for contact. That is the complete opposite of what I want.”

“I wish that were the case…” That came out from my heart and involuntarily. He stared at me wide eyed and screamed, “you are not a virgin!?” I slammed my head on the desk. “Dude! I didn't think you would be the type to fuck up a chick!”

“Why are you in the military again…?”

“Dude! Who is it?!”

“I never said I had sex.”

“Yes, you did!” Darrell's insisting and annoying screams brought the attention of the other classmates.

“Can you keep your damn voice down!?” I shouted.

“Tell me!! Wait…” He stared at me with those dumb goldfish, orange eyes when the proverbial light bulb in his head clicked on. And then it hit me when I saw him grip my notebook a little too hard. I never saw him take the notebook again, which somewhat startled me.

He read through the poems and girly proses cringing. What was worse, he read them out loud. Elyan’s shenanigans sometimes backfire so badly I end up with the short end of the stick.

“‘My fire locks glow dim,

and my green eyes fade,

I took flight to the moon and back

the nostalgia pooled in my heart.

I am the God of Stars and Dreams.

God; such a heavy name

I am an insignificant nobody.

What gives me a validation is my enigmatic flame

and once in the black and cold void it’s fair game.’”

I never really took the time to read and analyze but hearing Darrell narrate Elyan’s deep thoughts for an entire class made me realize Elyan had a lot of dark demons eating at him. I guess dying really breaks a soul.

“It was the chick who wrote this garbage wasn't??” That ticked me off. Elyan used weird proses and words but they are a manifestation of speaking his mind. It made sense to him. I really didn't like how insensitive Darrell was and this is coming from the biggest asshole in history.

“You wanna say it again, fuckface?” I scowled at Darrell.

“So it is!? Who is she? What class is she in?” That was the sort of behavior, and out of context interrogation that prove fatal for the military.

“Can you stop it?”

“No! I must know!” I honestly didn’t understand why he was so interested in my sex life, but it was goddamn annoying. “If only you were this enthusiastic about your work…”

“Come on! Tell me!! What is she like? You can't be into sappy women. Does she suck you good?”

“Even if I did had sex, I wouldn't share my sexcapades to a nosy degenerate.”

“I will find out!” he threatened. I obviously snapped. “And do what? What are you gonna do? Spread it?” I hissed at him with the heaviest tones my throat could produce.

“Hey now… I was just--”

“Get it through your thick skull, you fucking twat: I dislike you. I don't want you as a fucking friend. I rather not even see you at all. Leave me the fuck alone. If everyone knows I am a fat prick, don't poke at me expecting me to be nice.”

“Geeze… You are no fun at all…” Darrell tossed the notebook on the floor and went back to his table. I picked it up and stared at Darrell as he walked.

He reminded me of a cockroach, annoying as hell and hard to get rid off.

I opened the notebook to find a clean page again but I couldn't help but read some poems and most of them had the keywords, unworthy, lonely, and heartbroken.

The first thing I did before going back home was to pick up my monthly rations and do some personal groceries with my monthly allowance. Upon setting foot in my apartment there was a desolate silence. I checked every single corner of my apartment and Elyan was nowhere to be found. I checked the laundry room in the basement of the building and he wasn’t there either. I went back to my apartment hoping he was back and no; he wasn’t. He must have been out in space, maybe he tried to find his sister. That asshole didn’t even leave a fucking note or bother to take his goddamn medicine.

I just rested on my couch waiting for that asshole to get home. Normally, I would read and recap the day's lesson from my notebook but looking through them and seeing some of the sappy things Elyan wrote and doodled were slightly unnerving, if I actually read them properly. He drew himself a lot as a child with a white mermaid showing true emotions, he even added his little nieces in a few pages. 

He drew cartoon versions and comics of us. Elyan dedicated pages with proses and extremly detailed sketches of me doing mundane tasks. The one sketch that got me was of me cooking rice. It was so detailed it was almost like a Polaroid. But the one that got my heart to skip a beat was the day we kissed on the beach.

Elyan also drew himself with a King's crown, sitting on a throne over a glass lake. Very detailed and precise despite how cartoony and curvy his lines were.

In one page, Elyan depicted himself in agony covered in tar, surrounded by angels. However, these were depicted in a more realistic tone and they obviously mocked him. I set my notebook aside; the imagery was too much for me and I really couldn't bare to see him in pain no matter how much of a douche bag Elyan is.

I couldn't focus at all. I had a lot on my mind and my anxiety was festering slowly. I was mostly angry, why the fuck was I given an emotion enema if it’s not fucking working?

I walked out the balcony, gritting my teeth as anger boiled in my core. The little shit left the apartment without telling me. His health was declining day by day, there was no guarantee what sort of things he was exposing himself to once he reached space. I feared the worst but even then I couldn't do anything but wait. So I stood there, waiting for him to come back.

I woke up the next day and Elyan was gone. I walked to the balcony with a deep sinking feeling in my heart, and from the outskirts I could see the panic and terror. A monster had been taken down. “Elyan…” I whispered unconsciously.

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Because of that monster, the city was in a crisis, therefore; we had practice in the morning to help around the hospital. I was scared for Elyan, apparently a demon in our custody escaped, but was later apprehended and terminated on scene.

No, it wasn't Elyan. If it were, I wouldn't be telling you this story because I would be dead too.

Civilians were involved in this crisis. Normally, Prism doesn’t accept outsiders unless they were exposed to monster or demons. Most of them died on the scene and those who survived the siege were taken into the facility and over 97.7% of the victims died.

There was one in particular we just needed to save. This case was sad and just heartbreaking. A patient with no soul is attached to a machine and their loved ones just begged us to keep them hooked in the chances they come back. She felt pain even when you slightly touch her. Basically, she was in constant pain and stuck in an irreversible coma.

Honestly, I was mortified. No one really understands what really happens during a vegetated state, but the only image I get is the dream I get when I hibernate in the pod; dead, but I also stuck in my own body, feeling everything.

Darrell just needed to give his opinion because he always wanted to be the hero, and said, “we have to try and save this patient. It is only Ethical.” Everyone pretty much agreed with him. The doctor in front of us asked, “who else believes otherwise?” I raised my hand and spoke when instructed to. “I give my condolences to the family, but I think that if the patient has no chance of recovery we should do what is best for the patient. To my understanding she is in great pain judging by charts provided. We should pull the plug.”

“What?! Are you insane? The chart also says the patient could recover!” Darrell protested.

“You should read it again, It never said she will recover. The damage to the brain is permanent.”

“How can you be heartless?!”

“I am not heartless, I am also thinking about the patient. The patient shouldn't be forced to stay on this Earth just because the family wants them to. That, in my opinion, is also cruel and heartless…”

“And if it were someone you cared about, like your girlfriend, for instance, wouldn't you do whatever you could to help them live?!”

Darrell was making this a stupid issue, and it was irritating me rather than make me feel bad.

I tightened my hands into a fist and swallowed thickly before I answered carefully. “I am programmed to act in their best interest.”

“Don’t we have enough technological advances to help save her?!”

“Darrell, I doubt her family can afford any experimental treatments.”

“Well then, enough of this ethical nonsense…” The doctor stopped us from going further. I honestly wouldn't try so hard if it was pointless.

They took my advice, and they unplugged her. I felt better knowing she wasn't suffering, but I felt guilty thinking there could have been a possibility of her waking up.

After we made sure our patients were stable, we clocked out, and I went home, not after I stole a few supplies for Elyan. To my sheer dumb luck I got caught in a storm.

I got in my apartment and first thing I did was check if Elyan was home. I check the bathroom, the study, his bedroom, the basement, nothing. The only evidence I had were his drawings on paper, his medical equipment and the chocolate foil wrappers I never bothered to pick up.

I got back into the apartment and Elyan had just arrived himself, wearing a different attire, it was literal medieval armor covered in blood, which was slowly washed away with the storm. I quickly slammed the door open and stood in front him. It relieved me when I spotted no wounds.

He smiled softly and leaned in to kiss my cheek, but I grabbed his wrist with a trembling hand and asked him, “where the hell did you go?” Elyan didn't seem phased. He was used to my behavior which was not okay.

“A monster threatened to enter your planet. So I vanquished it,” he answered.

“What?” I stared at him, not a single word register into my mind.

“It came from the void. It is not as bad as the last one but It was an epic I wouldn't dare mock--”

“Are you fucking aware you are sick?!”

“M-my love…”

“I can’t believe you left without telling me you would fight a monster! If you put any strain in your heart, you could collapse and die out there!” He took a step back before I continued to yell at him. “Do you not understand how worried I was?! The second they gave me the alert I was preparing to bury your body myself!”

“B-but my love, I have a duty to protect humanity--?”

“Fuck humanity!”

“Josiah, I swore as a god--”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Elyan! You are not a god!” I shouted at him. “You are like the hunters, a man with superhuman strength! Don't you fucking understand that?! A god doesn't have heart failure!” that last scream echoed far and wide and silenced Elyan, freezing him in his spot. I then just realized what I said to him. His lips quivered trying to contain his giggle. “I’m sorry…” he whispered so softly I almost missed it. He looked down at the wet floor to avoid my angry stare. “Y-you are right…” he admitted to me, it sounded like he himself was doubting his own existence and potential. “How could a god like myself save the world when I can’t help myself…” his body shook and his laugh was kept under shivering gasps.

“Elyan...” was all I could say. I was ashamed of what I said and how I exploded. I watched as he covered his face with his armor clad hands. Elyan never liked to be spectated at his most vulnerable moment, not even with me and he seems to trust me the most.

“Elyan…” I sighed. “Come inside… Let's give you a warm shower. I rather you don't catch a cold.” I guided him inside and he fell into his knees with loud clunks and a heavy thud. “Jesus fucking Christ…” That honestly scared me, but Elyan kept sinking into the ground as his laughter grew. He was having a mental breakdown, for me as a nurse, that translated to: he is straining his heart. What put me in panic mode was when he stopped laughing and clutched his chest whining quietly. I turned him over ripping off his armor and hooked him to his machines to stabilize him. “A-Andromeda… vhik lah-...” he sang softly. “Elyan, relax.” I wanted to tell him to shut up, but this was a better alternative.

I sedated him, it was frightening to see him stare at me with that sweet smile he always wore even after he closed his eyes, just like my patient earlier that day. I felt unnerved and paranoid throughout the rest of the night.

Things were tense between us. Everytime I asked Elyan about anything he wouldn’t answer me or if he did, he would give vague answers. What was worse, he stopped eating or caring about anything all together. He only stared out the window singing very quietly when he thought I wasn't around. He even held in coughs when he heard me near by.

Day by day I would approach him with conversation to ease his nerves.

“It’s getting rather cold,” I said, staring at the withering trees and plant life. Don’t you get cold with what you’re wearing?” Elyan shrugged. He rather stare at the wires hooked from his body to a machine. He hates it. “I think you should bundle up,” I said holding a pair of long pants and buttoned pajamas for him. Elyan ignored me and just stared down at the IV needle on his arm. He had a soft a very faint smile almost as if the deteriorating redhead had a broken soul. The only thing he said to me in a hush was, “does it really matter…?”

I tried to convince him to eat.

“Elyan, what do you feel like eating?” I asked looking at my options in the cabinet.

My patient was sitting on his bed holding his knees to his chest. He was currently hooked up to an oxygen machine because his lungs randomly gave up on him. “I am not hungry.” He answered, it may not be the answer I wanted to hear, but he was talking to me again. Something in me just felt whole again after hearing him speak. “This is the fifth time you skipped a meal, you need to eat.” I walked up to him with a handful of grapes. “Here, why don’t you try these?” I suggested. Elyan looked at them curiously before he tried one. For some reason I felt tense watching him savor the flavor. After he swallowed, he smiled a little brighter and said, “they taste sweet…”

“Do you want more?” I asked.

“Maybe a few…” He ate all the grapes, in case you're wondering. I didn't mind at all. I got him more grapes and incorporated them into different dishes. His favorite being oatmeal sweetened with grapes and blueberries. Elyan didn’t eat much of it, two to three spoonfuls at a time was generous. Each day he ate more till he managed to finish the entire bowl.

“Josiah,” I heard Elyan peeking his head behind the door shyly. “Yeah?” I answered immediately. “Do you have any spare paper and pencils?” Elyan asked as he walked in. I stood up to find what he wanted. After gathering the block of paper and crayon box I catch Elyan reading from my book. He looked lost and confused.

“What is a… Mioh...c-cardee--”

“Myocardium, is the heart tissue.” Elyan seemed more lost, so I set aside the crayons and the block of paper and took the book to find the diagram to explain better. “The cardiac muscle is one of the three major types of muscle, the others being skeletal and smooth muscle. It is an involuntary, striated muscle that is found in the walls of the heart. This muscle tissue is known as myocardium, and forms a thick middle layer between the outer layer of the heart wall— the epicardium —and the inner layer— the endocardium.”

“When it said tissue I just…”

“Saw tissue paper? Yeah it will happen.”

“This seems complicated…”

“I won't lie this is eighty percent medical jargon which is annoying as hell”

“Why do you read this then?”

“Because if I want to be a full-time nurse I need to know about this. You should learn about it too.”

“I should…?”

“Yeah, you have a heart disease and if you understand it better, you will manage it.” I took the book under my arm and walked out the study. Elyan followed me. “Why in the bedroom?” he asked.

“Because it's more comfortable this way.” I sat on the edge of the bed and opened up the book to where I had marked it.

Elyan giggled. “You are correct.” he sat down on the bed close to me. I set the book on our laps so he could read along with me. “Go ahead,” I said and Elyan read aloud the entire chapter with some difficulties. After some time of repeating the words and me correcting him he was able to pronounce them better.

It was getting late. We read a few more together till he finally was too tired to continue. “The first implantable pacemaker was used in 1958. Arne Larsson, who received the pacemaker, the first implantable pacemaker was used in 1958--”

“You read the same sentence twice,” I pointed out. “I am fine…” Elyan whispered and slowly buried his face in the back of my neck. “Elyan, you are tired, we can continue some other time.” I closed the book and pushed him off me gently to go sleep on the couch, however, Elyan snaked his arms around my torso and clung to me. “Don't leave…” he whispered lightly. I stood still in deep contemplation till I set the book on the floor and pushed Elyan off me, “did you remember to take your medicine…?” I asked as I stood up from the bed. “Yes…” Elyan said. I hummed lightly and claimed my side of the bed. I closed my eyes, and I felt Elyan’s unrelenting stare. “Josiah…” he whispered. I hummed in acknowledgement. “I-is it all right if I held on to you…?” he hesitated. I suspected he needed an anchor to keep his anxiety at bay and in check. “Sure,” I answered and immediately, he clung to me burying his face in the crook of my neck. For a while, I heard his uneven breathing pattern, then I heard a light chuckle and felt wetness on my shirt. I am not the best at this so I just awkwardly held him. I didn't even knew how to ask why he was crying, but I am sure it was because of what I said.

“Elyan, I’m sorry…” I said above a whisper. Elyan spoke in his weird language, and since he was “crying” you couldn't understand any of it. I just let him vent. I didn't sleep that night knowing full well I am the cause of what he is going through. The only reason he is holding me is because holding yourself is never enough, sometimes you needed someone else's heat to warm up the cold space inside the chest cavity.

“Elyan… We can try the pod--” I felt Elyan tense up and he shouted, “n-no…! Josiah, please! Anything but that!”

“You are seriously not well… The pod can help identify the issue and fix you…”

“No! please! I swear I will be okay but don’t punish me for leaving! I will do whatever you--” He coughed up a storm. “We can discuss this another time…” I dropped the topic. I rather not make him feel worse.