The cat thing followed me home.

I beg it to stab me while fugly isn't here but apparently the dumb thing doesn't speak English. Just like everybody in this god damn world!

It just waves its tusks around like some love sick puppy and cuddles up to me. I think fugly's hit to the head made it retarded.

It's sort of nice. In a warm and fluffy kind of way.

It really does look like a big puma. Fur as black as these peoples feet, dainty little paws with giant claws, slitted yellow eyes that look like they want to devour my soul and two large white tusks. Did I mention the giant teeth?

I had a kitty once.

I used to play games like throwing it into water and throwing it down the stairs so it could land on its feet.

It ran away and got hit by a car.

Now that you've had that delightful look into my life I bet you're wondering what else has happened in my exciting life in this new world.

Well I'm currently walking with yet another bucket towards the nearby lake.

Did you know these people drink the same water they take baths in. I kid you not. There are people taking baths and I'm taking the water only two steps away from them. Plus I can hardly hear because there's this huge waterfall right at the entrance.

It's big and pretty.

But I can't even enjoy it because there's always ten or so old dudes sitting underneath it with their privates waving about in the water. They don't even line up properly, they formed a triangle with some at the bottom, less in the middle and one at the top so no matter where I look someone's shriveled junk is flapping down at me like god almighty gave it free reign of the sky.

Weirdly they glow too. Not their junks, just the old dudes. Their whole bodies glow when they cross their legs and close their eyes underneath the waves of water. I think they want everyone look at them.

I suspect they're perverts.

Oh crap one of them is looking at me. The one at the top opened his eyes and I swear he has the longest eyelashes I've ever seen. I'm actually jealous right now. The guy can't even look good in old age but somehow he has lashes as long, thick and luscious as a pop star.

And now he's flying towards me.

I shit you not the man is walking on air like it's no big deal. It's a real king of the jungle type look he's got going on with his huge amount of hair and straight back. The cat is hiding behind my body like it was looking at it's long lost and incredibly pissed off mother.

Did I mention it started following me everywhere?

Well, I have no idea what this guy is saying to me. When did he put on clothes? More importantly, why are his clothes made out of silk when I was given some wool crap that's giving me scratches every time I walk. The guy is waving his hands around grandly like he's a priest preaching the best sermon he's ever given.

I'm just going to walk away.

Bad idea! The guy is hitting me over the head now with one of his enormous muscle hands. He's really beating into me. I just wanted to get some water. This is a hostile work environment. Well I'm not going to let it stand, if this guy wants to keep hitting me then I'm going to pull out my trump card. This guy wont know what hit him.

I cry like a little bitch.

All the people around me give me weird looks but don't even make a move to help me. This always worked when I used it on my parents. Damn muscle people wont even move to help a pretty girl out.

Hey! What did that guy just say!

“Gulgi”

That's what he just called me! I know that word because everyone keeps pointing to me and using it, even fugly uses it to call to me.

I think it means that I'm ugly. No, I definitely gave the look they're giving me to ugly people back in my world. I give it to these people every second of the day. They're calling me ugly.

How dare they call me ugly! My face is as oval shaped and pristine as a peach and my ass looks like two apples gave birth to a beautiful bubble filled with jiggling water. I won't take such an insult from these muscle chested, flat butt people!

“Gulgi, gulgi, gulgi!”

Meanwhile this guy is still bashing into me with his fists. I should probably mention I don't actually feel pain. It feels like a sort of pins and needles sensation wherever stuff like that happens. It made it really hard to walk during the first few days when the grass cuts and feet sores were everywhere. My poor feet. Also, this guy hits like a toddler. He's trying to make some sort of point while shouting but all I feel are tickles.

I'm feeling sleepy.

Oh crap, my visions going black. And I think I'm falling onto something it feels sort of warm and fluffy. Maybe it's the cat. Maybe I'm dead.

Finally.

I can hear people talking. Well, that means I'm not dead at least. Maybe next time. It's that weird language they're always speaking to each other, sort of sounds like Chinese. Maybe German. I'll be honest I don't know crap about languages except for English. But they sound angry now and they sound angry all the time.

I should just keep my eyes closed.

And that is the story of how I accidentally made a noise and got kicked into the air so high that I smashed into a wall and fell five meters head first into the concrete floor.

Wait, concrete?

These savages use mud and grass for their floors.

I'm definitely looking at concrete. And maybe some of my blood. Wait no, definitely my blood. More importantly there's a hot guy in front of me.

My god. This guy isn't ripped. He looks sort of normal. Actually he looks fit. Not wrestler fit but nice tanned guy goes to the gym fit. What a hunk. He even has an eight pack. I'm taking a second to take a mental picture of this guys abs. Definitely four sets of two. Man I would eat this guy up in a second if I wasn't a jumbled up bleeding mess on the floor.

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Pity his face looked like a smashed up watermelon. That's a no go for me.

Well I am clearly out of this guys league. I don't think he knows it because he's talking to me and waving his head around like there's an invisible tornado. At least he's smiling. Then again he did kick me straight into a wall.

So many pros and cons to measure.

There's a lot of books here. Don't get me wrong, I hate reading. But it's just so different from my normal place of crap and straw that I can't help but look at them with a tear in my eye. It all looks so much cleaner compared to fugly's house. And the blood on the floor actually adds a touch of colour to the place.

Oh my god, have I just lowered my standards? Too many trees and sticks are making my brain go crazy. Not to mention I stopped being able to cry like a week ago. How long have I even been here? I'd be able to concentrate if this guy would stop swinging his head around the place.

Eight Pack finally stopped talking.

Oh he's leaving now. What a nice guy. Maybe he can read my mind, that would be pretty cool.

I'm wrong.

He's coming back with a book in his hands. I'm no expert on books, but to me this looks like a pretty crappy one. It's covered in dust, the pages are yellow and I think some of them are actually made of grass since there's bits of it stuck in there. Plus the writing is all over the place, it's all crappy and squiggly. Somebody clearly sucked at doing his job.

Eight Pack isn't even trying to pull any moves on me. I mean I know I'm out of his league but he doesn't know that.

The words are in English!

No time for mashed up faces now people. The book this guy just handed me is written in English. Really crappy English. Oh, what does the title say?

'You're screwed. Part 1'

Well thanks Einstein, I already worked that part out. Does this guy think I'm stupid or something?

'If you're reading this you're screwed.'

That sentence alone took up three pages of paintbrush writing. I think this whole book is only a few sentences long.

'I'll make this short'

Said two pages of writing,

'This world is deadly to us, it has almost no edible food in the wild and the people can kill us with a flick of their fingers. Each village is lead by their strongest people regardless of background. I've seen a person they consider weak taking on and killing a giant elephant beast. We have no way of reaching up to them and competing with them. I've already been wounded too badly, and I've been plagued by disease since I arrived. I almost starved until I was given cooked meat. They have a word for people like us, “Gulgi”. It seems to be a term of respect. We are not part of their society but they will still house and give us jobs if we need them. Honour is a high priority in their society. If you disrespect any of them they have the right to kill you without a complaint.'

'Be warned'

'This world has something ours doesn't. Some sort of magic that makes everybody incredibly strong, with the power to kill people from up to a mile away with a flick of their fingers. I've seen villagers control rain and create fire out of nothing. They also seem to use martial arts as a way of increasing their power. They have many names for what they do but I call it “gathering spirit”. So far I haven't been able to gather spirit like they do but it may be the key to healing my ravaged body. The only way to get what you want in this world is through respect.'

A piece of paper floated to the ground after I turned the last page and I saw a diagram. It looked like a bunch of stick figures squatting to take a crap.

'Gathering spirit manual'

Well.

I looked at the expectant face Eight Pack was giving me and gave him a thumbs up. Then I threw the book onto the ground and smashed it with my fist. Magic and being screwed. Given a job and respect.

“I don't give a crap about any of that!”

I don't need any of that stuff. I just want to go home!

Eight Pack picked up the training manual and flicked off some of the blood that it had fallen into. He left the book on the floor. He had a fierce look in his eyes and passed it back to me.

Fine. I'll take your stupid paper.

That book may have been useless but at least I got one thing out of it. I took a look at the stick figures and saw that they were all doing things in different positions, there were no notes to go with it but one of the figures looked exactly like the position of the old farts sitting at the waterfall.

'Fugly was so strong because of this stuff right.'

I may have been incredibly pretty. May have been? I mean I am incredibly pretty.

But that doesn't mean I'm an idiot.

I'm going to learn this stuff and then I'm going to smack that old guys head until he blacks out. Then I'm going to smack fugly too. Then Eight Pack is going to smack me. And then I'll kick his face!

And that damn cat is going to stab me in the stomach and I die. We can all go home happy.

Wait.

I'll work out the fine details later.