Chapter 25

Log. 2587.k

The baby I helped bring into the world is already starting to crawl. She is so small and fragile! How can such a small child survive in this world? The young man wanted to send me a photo by the Cloud, but I prefer not to download files from there, so he described her for me. Better not save it. I don't want to cause any problems.

Séra and Resha didn’t bother looking around for too long, especially after they found handfuls of berries. Their stomachs had other priorities and didn’t mind being loud in their demands. They sat and ate, paying attention to every sound in the woods; once they were finished, Resha deemed the place safe, and blew their whistle as loud as they could by the cave entrance.

— Now we wait.

— Can they whistle back? — Séra asked.

— I don’t know, I didn’t ask Misha. — Resha shrugged. — But maybe they can make some noise too? Or whistle with their mouths? I don’t know. Let’s wait a bit, then we may think of something else.

Resha shrugged, and sat on the ground near the entrance of the tunnel. Séra didn’t know what to do, so she sat by their side and waited.

— So, you and Ganen. You’re a couple, yeah?

— Yah. We’ve been together for a little while now. — Séra smiled, but her eyes were filled with worry.

— I’ve had a few flings before, but nothing serious, though I might start looking for it now. — Resha tried to laugh her worry away. Now that Finnian and Nika were dead… — Mrs. Soña keeping asking when she’ll get new grandchildren.

— Oi, I don’t think I could endure the pressure! — Séra laughed along, ignorant of Resha’s fears; she had never thought about children. — I think I’m a bit afraid, eh. My family was sort of… uhm, sorta crazy.

— What do you mean?

— I don’t remember much, but… well, I remember my father was not very… patient. — Her words were paused, as if she had to analyse each of them before speaking. — I’m afraid I might turn up like him.

— But you’re so fun and relaxed!

— I am now, but I, uhm, I’ve done some bad stuff back then. Me and Ganen were in danger, and I… I killed a guy.

Resha stared at her as if she had said “I ate cake”. They had just killed five people some hours ago, while fighting for the guinea pigs — and also their life.

— Ya look so chill about it. — Séra rested her head on her knees.

— Sometimes we have no choice, but violence. I admit I like a good fight, I practise everyday, me and… Finnian. We used to practise. — They sighed. — Unfortunately, just like life happens, death also does.

— I don’t wanna hurt the people I love, ya know? I’m afraid I might… lose control.

— Have you ever lost it? — Resha was interested.

— When we were attacked. The guy was about to hurt Ganen, and I snapped.

— That sounds reasonable, actually. It was a fight or flight thing.

— Yah, but then I dreamt that I… that I hurt Ganen.

— Dreams are nothing but the left-over goo our heads make with the stuff that we think and do through during the day. Nothing to worry about.

— Eh, I don’t know. But at least I told ya, so now it ain’t gonna happen. — Séra tried a smile.

— Yeah! Gotta be positive, or else things take a creepy turn. — Resha got up, and held their whistle. — Imma call them again, if they don’t answer in a while, we can go back, I guess.

— Sounds like a plan. — Séra stretched her legs and tried to touch her toes, without any success. — So, while we wait…?

— We should make camp. — Resha stated. — Maybe try to find out where we are, so we can get in contact with Jasin.

Séra had forgotten about Jasin. The lad must have been quite worried all this time.

Resha took a deep breath, and whistled a second time. Séra even closed her ears with her hands, so loud the sound was. As soon as they stopped, Séra got up and started gathering wood; it was dark and a fire would be nice. Resha followed into her steps and started resting some fallen branches on one another, in order to make them a roof.

— One way of finding Jasin is climbing a tree. — Séra let her words float in the air for a while. — A tall one.

— We can ask Gayo once they're here. He's better at it than me, and if you fall, I won't know what to do.

— Ya make a good point. — Séra dropped some twigs on the floor and stared at them. — Ya got a lighter or something?

— Or something. — Resha tossed a small box of matches towards Séra. — Try not to use too many.

Séra nodded, and stared at her small pile of wood. She didn't want to use any.

Misha and Ganen heard the whistle, and even though it was faint and echoey, Misha could understand the simple message: follow me. She translated it to Gayo and Ganen, and both opened a smile: Resha and Séra were fine.

Ganen looked at their bags; it would be difficult to carry all of those for too long, so maybe they should leave some behind. However, Misha noted, they would never come back to get the rest. And Gayo reminded them of how much that could be of use if a plague ever hit the Farms; if it had survived that long, it could survive a little longer.

— There must be a smart way of doing this. — Ganen mumbled.

That was an extraordinary place for parts — if it wasn’t for all the blood and murdering, she would even consider coming back — and it wasn’t small, so Ganen wondered how the people who first lived in such a place moved things around. Maybe they could find a cart somewhere.

After explaining her deliberations, Misha and Gayo exchanged a few words in silence, and the lad shrugged.

— I think if we’re gonna look for something, we should set a time limit. — Misha was contemplative. — I think none of us wants to stay here any more than we need.

— I think that’s sensible. — Ganen agreed. — As long as you don’t expect me to carry much. — She pointed at her hurt arm. She didn’t want to get her stitches off again.

— Fair enough. One hour? — Misha asked.

— Sounds good.

— Then let’s look for something with wheels.

Ganen walked back to the explosives room. The things in there were dangerous, but so numerous, it had to be moved carefully, but in large quantity, so probably the old humans didn’t move it by hand. It made sense keeping a cart nearby.

Misha decided to look near the rations, as they weren’t light, and moving few by few would have been too slow. Gayo pointed to the large box-like thing, with a horizontal pipe on top. “It has wheels”, he said. His sister told him to go look for something useful, to what he complained, argued there could be something over there.

“And after all, I’ll just take a quick look.”

As the only child, Ganen didn’t really get that sibling relationship, but she thought it was a little funny. She couldn’t help but think of her mother. She had left the city almost three years ago, and had no idea when she would return.

Ganen had thought she was in peace with the idea of not being recognised by her mother when they saw each other again. She was wrong. The woman looked at the explosives on the walls, it was impossible not questioning herself how she got there. Why she left.

— It is worth it! — she whispered. — Because… maybe then… I can fix it. Just gotta get out of here first.

She took a deep breath, and started to look around.

Log. 2484.l

I researched further. It seems The Great Government is indeed involved, but not in the deletion of memories, they’re covering it all up, just as I suspected! We must get our memories out of the Cloud! It seems everything starts there! And when your memories are erased, it's too late.

Koira and Qena arrived together at the University, and Ana was pleased to see both of them. But there was something different about their aura, a certain je ne c'est quoi. Maybe it was the smile on Koira’s face, the lack of bags under her eyes, or how Qena seemed more touchy with her than usual. The Chief Engineer grinned; they had talked, alright.

— So, what brings you both into my small kingdom of knowledge? — Ana chuckled.

— Qena had a brilliant idea. — Koira explained.

— I did! And we thought you’d like it too. May we come into your kingdom? — Qena played along with a curtsey.

— Of course! — Ana laughed; those two were indeed in a good mood. — Come on, let’s go to my lab.

— Oh, I’m not staying long, though. — Koira said as they walked. — I want to check on Tovu once he’s out of surgery.

Ana was still surprised the Sun devotee had agreed to the prosthetics, she thought he would never do it.

Once Qena started explaining about the energy control panel, though, all other distractions disappeared. Ana agreed the panel should be opened, but she said it might be better if Koira didn't do it alone: she wanted to help — and study it. She was the Chief Engineer, afterall. It would be bad if she lost the opportunity to learn how something that important worked.

As they were planning on how to do it, Koira's comms asked if she was listening. She excused herself and answered it. After a few moments, she came back and announced Tovu was out of surgery, and back to his room.

— So I'll go now, the physician said waking up to a friendly face would be good for him. — Koira explained.

— Make sure he doesn't freak out. — Ana answered and winked. — Soon you two will be the beauty and beast.

— What? — Koira stopped and turned back to Ana. — Ya just invented that, right?

— Nope. One of my students was in the hospital last week. It's the recent gossip. — Ana laughed; Qena, on the contrary, didn't seem very happy.

— And that's all it is. — Qena added, jealousy painting her words. — Koira has nothing with that guy.

— No one does. — Koira ended the subject. — And it wouldn't matter if I did. It's no one's business. Now, if ya girls will excuse me.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Koira suggested they met in her house later that day, to discuss Qena's idea; she just asked them to comm first, check if she was home, then she left, waving goodbye. She knew it would still take some time to attach the prosthetic, but she was excited nonetheless.

— Koira! Wait! — Qena was running after her. — Damn you, woman. I’ll drive you there!

— Oh. Oh yah, ya have a car. I forgot.

— I noticed. — She made an angry face, but not for long. — Come on, I’ll leave you there and come back here, okay? Or do you want me to wait?

— No, ya can come back. I think it might take a little long, and there are always some tests once he’s awake, I wanna be there for him. — Koira sounded serious out of the blue. — They said the first time he woke up was rather bad. I don’t want him to… associate things.

— And that’s why people say you like your creations more than people. — Qena let out a nervous laugh.

Koira chuckled. They weren’t entirely wrong about that.

By car, the hospital was but a few minutes away. Koira thanked Qena, and reminded her to comm before going to her house. She crossed the building in haste and only stopped once the room was in front of her. She took a deep breath and opened the door in silence; she didn’t want to spook him.

Tovu was once more awaking from deep sleep in a strange habitat, surrounded by dangerous metallic nightmares, the enemies of his soul. All she wanted to do was observe him, study him, even. She could learn so much.

In the most careful of silences, she tip-toed to the chair, and lowered her body until she was sitting. Not a sound. Her leg started shaking. Koira was anxious. She started fidgeting with her thumbs, but it wasn’t entertaining enough. She glanced at the bedside-table, and noticed some of his books.

Maybe a good story could take her mind out of it.

Scheduling the surgery was the worst part. There were many exams he had to go through before the physicians gave them their okay, and every day, Koira was afraid of the man saying he didn’t want to do it anymore. She had put so much work into his prosthetics, anyone else would be so happy to have them. But Tovu didn’t want them.

All the effort, the labour she had put into convincing him, changing his mind, all could be taken by the wind in a moment of fear. And even now, so close to achieving her goals, she was certain it would be in vain. She looked at him; maybe, in the future, she could make him eyes that could actually see! This would be a miracle, alright.

She got close to his ear and thought of whispering something about having eyes again, but she stopped. That would be mean, she couldn’t manipulate him like that. Maybe she did love her machines more than people, but she wouldn’t do risk deceiving him in the name of her craft. Machines were too hated already.

She rested her head on her hand, and closed her eyes. Her fingertips touched the dots on the paper, and a picture slowly came to life in her brains. She should stop thinking too much.

Tovu’s mind was clouded. He could feel the storm coming in, the pain almost breaking the shield of painkillers. That was a long, dreamless sleep, lost in darkness, his mind in silence for the second time in his life. It was strange. Comforting somehow. Like swimming in honey. That was a good thought.

He tried to open his eyes and panicked for a second. Then he remembered. He had none. Tovu had wished those past few months had been but a bad dream. He heard the sound of a page turning. It was impossible knowing who was there for something so common, and the fog in his mind wasn’t helping. He decided to wait.

Koira looked at him, thought she had seen him move with the corner of her eye. Maybe she was wrong. But she was also impatient. He could be having a nightmare, then it would be good to wake him up. She put the book aside and lowered her face:

— Oi, Tovu, are ya awake?

He chuckled with some effort; he was glad it was her.

— Sort of. — he mumbled. — My head is… honey.

— I’m sorry? — She started to worry whether the surgeons performed the right operation.

— Thick. Like honey.

— Oh, okay. It’s fine. — Then maybe it was just the anaesthetics. — Just sleep some more, it’ll pass.

— No, I’m… I’m fine. I was… asleep for so long. And… — He didn’t want to sound like an addict, but there was nothing he could do. — Could you… a nurse?

— Yah, of course. Ya in pain?

— Yes… — The pain was contained at the moment, but it would reach him soon, he knew it. — And there is… something wrong… My arm is… is wet.

Koira let out a what? and went around the bed. Tovu’s arm was in a puddle of blood and something else. He must have moved back then and hurt himself with the IV needle. It sounded worse than it really was.

— Ahn, this might hurt, but trust me, I know what I’m doing.

The needle had escaped his arm — “So the something was the IV fluid!” Koira thought — and gotten stuck into his forearm, like a safety pin. That explained the blood.

She took the needle out with utmost care, then put a small sticky bandage on it. Once with the needle in hand, she checked the IV bag and tube, it wasn’t leaking from anywhere else. She got a new needle from the nurses’ drawer, and slid it into his vein. Koira attached the IV tube and smiled, proud of herself.

— It barely hurt. — Tovu mumbled.

— It’s the anaesthetics. Though I do have practise.

— But you’re not a… a nurse. Nor a physician.

— Nope, but I’ve been taught. Sometimes, when I’m testing something on the patients, the needles come off. Especially children, since they get too excited. — Her smile could be heard. — Sometimes I’m alone, so I asked them to teach me, so I wouldn’t have to call someone all the time.

— I see. — Tovu said, feeling a bit calmer. — They must really trust you, then.

— Of course they do. — She smiled.

He heard her sitting again, the sound of pages, and something heavy being put closer to him.

— Do you know… what it looks like?

— It what?

— My arm and… my legs. — He wasn’t sure if his brain was still slow, or if he was too nervous and scared to ask. Maybe both.

— Oh! Well, I don’t know, ‘cause I haven’t seen them. They are bandaged. But I’ve seen similar procedures, so I can describe what they’ll probably look like.

— I suppose that’s, uhm, better than not knowing.

— Your limbs will end on a metal ban-bracelet. Like those thick bracelets some of the priests wear, ya know?

— Yes, I know. — He liked when she tried to make things easier for him, even though he noticed it most of the time.

— But instead of dark wood, it’ll be silver metal. Nothing that’ll make ya evil or a Machine-lover.

— That’s good to know. — He smiled with the corner of his mouth. — Sounds quite simple.

— It is. Oh! And I'll go get the nurse, almost forgot! — She chuckled. — Do ya need anything else?

— No, just, ahn… — Her steps were getting further, Tovu heard the door being opened. — Well, uhm, thank you.

— Don't ya worry ‘bout it.

— I mean it. You have every reason to hate me, yet… you help me. That's all you've done since I arrived. So… thank you.

— You're blushing. — She sounded amused.

— I'm not. — Tovu mumbled as he hid his face.

Koira laughed a bit before she left the room, and Tovu once again waited in silence. It was difficult to wonder what was in her mind when he couldn’t see her expression. It was almost unfair. Tone of voice was generally enough for him to grasp one's feelings, but Koira was different.

Koira was always happy, her words seldom sounded sad or worried — at least when talking to him — and that was so wonderful. Something deep inside questioned if she talked like this to him alone, and that made the man feel rather special. However, he kept telling himself it wasn't true.

Maybe she sounded happy because she needed to convince him everything was fine, the prosthetics were good, the surgery was simple, etc etc, but he kind of wanted to be special for her. Tovu would never admit it, though, or ask her. He would rather not know.

“She's happy because I accepted her machines, that’s all”, he would tell himself. And though most of him believed it, a little part wanted him to be wrong. Tovu knew quite well what feeling was slowly growing within him, but he had scissors in hand, ready to nip it if it got too big. It would be too embarrassing to be rejected, and he was sure no one would accept him. He was a murderer, afterall.

Koira and Krig, the nurse, interrupted his inner discussion, and Krig was happy to see Tovu awake. He checked some numbers on his file, then got surprised with the blood on the sheets, but there was nothing he could do to clean at that moment. They couldn't move Tovu yet, so the nurse decided to ignore it; he could change the sheets while the doctor performed the postoperative exams.

Krig offered Tovu some water and light biscuits, then warned him not too eat too much or too fast, or he could throw up, since it had been a while since his last meal. Once the nurse acknowledged things were as good as they would get, he said he would get a physician.

Tovu kept silent while Krig was walking out, and was relieved Koira didn’t mention his blushing again — he wouldn’t know how to explain it. Soon the physician arrived and Koira was glad Tovu couldn’t see a thing: the man brought a datapad, some cables, and testing plates along, which would have been rather scary for the Sand man.

— Koira, could you take the books from the nightstand? I want to set this up where I can reach all of his limbs without moving him too much. After that, Tovu, I can give you some painkillers.

— Thank you. — the patient answered. — It’s not hurting too much yet, but I know it will soon. — He tried to laugh of his own disgrace, but he failed.

Tovu felt Koira holding his hand, she whispered it would be finished in a bit, then they could walk around, if the doctor allowed.

The man put the datapad on the nightstand, and after connecting the cables, he held Tovu’s left arm and started to take the bandages off. Koira silenced a small scream of surprise; skin around the metal band was bruised and swollen, which was expected — she just had never seen a wound so fresh before.

— You might feel something like a shock, but that’s normal. If it hurts more than bothers, please tell me. — the doctor explained.

Once Tovu nodded, the man connected the cable to one of the testing plates, then attached the plate to metal band on Tovu’s arm. He squeezed Koira’s hand when the electricity ran through his arm; it was more terrifying than anything else. He swallowed hard and tried to distract himself.

On the datapad, the doctor checked if the nerves were in the right places. He sent some signals — small shocks — to test how well the body was responding to the base; if the body didn’t recognise the signals, Tovu would need to go through surgery yet again.

With a successful smile, the doctor watched as a graph showed good reception from the nerves. Because Tovu was covered in frostburn scars, the man was afraid they could interfere with the signal or how his body reacted to the foreign object, but it seems it was working well enough.

— Can you tense your arm muscles for me? I know it might hurt, but we need to test it as soon as possible.

Tovu nodded, gathered some courage, and tensed his arm. It felt like his muscles were on fire for a second, then the physician told him to relax.

He detached it from the arm, and walked to the legs. Tovu felt the blanket being lift up, and the bandages being removed. It hurt when a piece of dried blood was ripped from his skin, but he pretended not to care. He didn’t want to worry anyone — especially Koira — and if there was anything wrong, the doctor would notice.

Once again, he felt shocks running within his legs, and bit his lip to avoid any groans. It wasn’t hurting. Not too much. However, the doctor noticed.

— Tovu, is the sensation close to a needle piercing your skin, or worse?

— Ah… It’s a bit worse. Sorry. — He was embarrassed fo feeling so weak.

— Nothing to be sorry about. I’ll lower the frequency, tell me when it feels less painful than a needle.

That was difficult to measure for the man, so he focused on the pain and felt it going away little by little.

— It’s better now. Thank you.

— That’s good. Now tense your leg, please.

That took him a little longer, once he knew how much it would hurt. Koira whispered once again he was doing good, and he could take his time, and the man wondered how much she really worried about him. “Or maybe she just worries about her creations”, he added. It was better to think like that, or he could blush again.

Once both legs were tested and the doctor made some adjustments, he informed Tovu his legs were a bit too swollen, so it would be better if kept them raised for sometime.

— I’ll ask Krig to prepare the stirrups, so you can rest them higher. It’s not the most comfortable position, and you’ll have to be on your back for a few days, but I think… — He looked at the man’s legs, touched the wound with the tip of his fingers. — Maybe two or three days, depending on how your body responds to the meds.

— Okay. It’s not a problem, I’m used to not having comfort.

— That sounds kind of sad, Tovu. — Then the doctor looked at Koira, then back to his patient. — Could I talk to you in private for a little while, Tovu?

— I can leave. — Koira got up, but Tovu didn’t let go of her hand.

— I’d prefer if you stayed, if that’s not a problem. — the patient whimpered.

— Well, if you so prefer. I see you have improved a lot since you first woke up. — The doctor started. — I would have suggested this first, if I thought there was a chance of you accepting it, but I think now is a better time. I think it would do you much good if you started talking to a therapist.

— What? Why? — Tovu wasn’t following it.

— Because we have noticed you don’t, how can I put this, you can’t picture a future for yourself. I don’t need to know the reason, maybe it was the cryo-chamber accident, maybe it’s because this city and everything here is so different from what you’ve always known, whatever the reason is, we don’t want you to get into an even deeper depression. I think a therapist could help you take the weight off your shoulders and start anew. What do you say?

— I… I don’t know. I know my mind is troubled, but there’s much I simply can’t talk about. — He didn’t like the idea.

— Well, sleep on it, you don’t have to answer me now. I just think it’s important for you to socialise with more people, give a chance to the Underground City, okay? And remember, you’re not a prisoner here. You can leave anytime you want. — The doctor saved the tests in a folder on his datapad, and started to gather his things.

— Okay. I’ll… I’ll think about it.

— Therapy can be quite good, you know? — Koira added. — I did it for sometime when I first arrived. It helps you understand yourself better.

— She’s right. By the way — The doctor looked at Koira. —, you’re one of the people who should go back, miss.

She averted her eyes as if she could avoid the scolding.

The doctor said his goodbyes, and reiterated he would ask Krig to bring the meds; comfort might have not been much present in Tovu’s previous life, but there was nothing wrong in having it now.